Fans of "Friend" and "Seinfeld" BEWARE!!!
Noah's new FF is in the works. It's about a man who believes he is Ranma
in the same way the man in Daun Jaun DeMarco believed he was Daun Jaun!!!
Here is the first draft of the first section:

				Ranma DeMarco
			       by Noah Bellamy

	     It is a near future, Ranma1/2 ended years ago. Briefly it
	was a part of popular culture. The original fans did not take to
	kindly to the hipsters who adopted and misinterpreted Ranma.

	     A man with a pig-tail, who is dressed chinese clothes is
	walking through the streets of Seattle. A group of hipsters is
	sitting in front of a building.

	Voice Over: I am Ranma Saotome, the greatest martial artist
	ever.

	Hipster 1: (Sarcasticly) Hey Ranma!!!

	Hipster 2: Hey man don't you know anything, Ranma's out
	everybody reads Ah My Goddess now!

		The pig-tailed man fades into the darkness.

	Voice Over: I have fought over 1000 foes. Tonight I have decided
	to end my life.

	     Cuts to the pig-tailed man on top of a building, the police
	are down below, along with a crowd of people and a psychiatrist.

	Psychiatrist: (To an officer) Well, I'd better go up there and try
	to talk him out of it.

	    The psychiatrist steps into the box attached to the crane.
	The crane lifts him to the top of the building. He steps out to
	talk to the pig-tailed man.

	Psychiatrist: Nice view.

	Pig-tailed man: Ya, it is. Hey, just how in the heck did you get
	here Dr. Tofu?

	Psychiatrist: Um I'm not... I mean... Well you know me I sure do
	get around.

	Pig-tailed man: You haven't changed a bit. Well I have some
	unfinished business. I Ranma Saotome of the Saotome school of
	Anything Goes Martial Arts do hereby end my life....

	Psychiatrist: WAIT!!! I'm here to talk you out of this!

	Pig-tailed man: Don't bother. There is nothing you can do to
	help me now after I've lost Akane.

	Psychiatrist: Just come with me, we'll talk about it.

		Cuts to a table with a bunch of Psychiatrist.

	Psychiatrist: Well I've done some research on this, apparently he
	believes he is Ranma Saotome, a manga and anime character. Of
	course a manga is a Japanese comic book, and anime is Japanese
	animation. He believes that I am Dr. Tofu another character from
	the manga and anime.

	Other psychiatrist: Well why did he want to kill himself?

	Psychiatrist: Apparently he believes he has lost Akane, Ranma's
	fiance. Although there is no mention of this in the manga or the
	anime, you see the manga, which was the last to end, ended years
	ago. Simply with Akane and Ranma admitting their love for each
	other, the curse was never cured.

	Other Psychiatrist: Curse?

	Psychiatrist: You see Ranma was under a curse, when ever he was
	splashed with cold water, he turned into a girl.

	Other Psychiatrist: So this man not only believes he is Ranma, but
	also believes he has lived the continuation of Ranma's life.

	Psychiatrist: Yes!

	     Cuts to the Psychiatrist office. The pig tailed-man is
	there.

	Psychiatrist: So you're Ranma Saotome.

	Pig-tailed man: Yes.

	Psychiatrist: There are a few things I want you to clear up for
	me.

	Pig-tailed man: Okay.

	Psychiatrist: Are you still under that curse.

	Pig-tailed man: No, I got rid of that.

	Psychiatrist: Tell me how.

	Pig-tailed man: Well three years ago, two days before my wedding
	day......

	      Flashes back to Ranma and Ryoga backpacking through
	China.

	Voice over (Pig-tailed man): Ryoga and I were in China, we were
	searching desparatly for the cure.

	Ranma: Come on Ryoga.

	Voice over (Psychiatrist): But I thought Ryoga was your enemy?

	Voice over (Pig-tailed man): He WAS my enemy, but that's another
	story. Now he was to be my best man.

	Ryoga: We've been walking for days, when are you going to learn
	to drive?

	Ranma: We can't get there by road anyway. Where's your sense of
	adventure?

	Ryoga: I hope she can help you.

	Ranma: She'd better be able to help you too, there's no way I'm
	sleeping with a pig!

	Ryoga: Why you! (Punches at Ranma)

	Ranma: I'm just kidding!

	Voice over (Pig-tailed man): So we searched though the
	mountainous regions of China, until we arrived at our
	destination. Shampoo was waiting there.

		Ranma an Ryoga are joined by Shampoo.

	Voice over (Psychiatrist): Was SHE still an enemy?

	Voice over (Pig-tailed man): No, after Colognes death we came to
	terms. In fact she was to be one of Akane's brides maids.

	Ranma: Well Shampoo, where is this friend of yours?

	Shampoo: She over there, in tent.

		Ranma looks to see a primitive tent made of animal skin,
	a small Chinese/Mongol woman walks out. She is oddly dressed in
	attire of Gypsy, Hindu, Voodoo, Mongol, and Chinese origins. The
	Derby hat also adds a nice touch.

	Woman: Dragon's tooth, and bane of squirrel, toss this curse from
	this boy! Damn, damn damn damn. Damn, damn, damn. Damn.

	Ryoga: What is it?

	Woman: I've been trying to get that to rhyme for centuries!

		The Woman produces a primitive cup.
	Woman: Here boy, drink up!

	Ranma: What was all that chanting for?

	Woman: I've always wanted to be in one of those movin' pictures.
	The witches in those are so damn classy!

	Ranma: Who's your idol?

	Woman: Jean Harlow.

	Ranma: Jean Harlow never played a witch.

	Woman: Not yet she hasn't.

	Ranma: But she's dead!!! She's been dead for more than 60 years!

	Woman: Not dead, hidin'. Hint hint.

	Ranma: LOOK, YOU CAN'T BE JEAN HARLOW! JEAN HARLOW WAS NOT ASIAN!
	AND SHE WOULD NOT BE OVER 300 YEARS OLD NOW, EVEN IF SHE WERE
	STILL ALIVE!!!

	Woman: How do YOU know. Them cameras is sneaky.

	Ranma: YA BUT... WAIT A MINUTE!!! I JUST WANT THE CURE!!! GIVE IT
	HERE!!!

	Woman: Give what here.

	Ranma: THE CURE!!!!!!!!

	Shampoo: Ranma I forgot tell you. She master of argument martial
	arts, you have to win to get cure.

	Ranma: ARGUMENT MARTIAL ARTS?!?!?

	Shampoo: She try keep Ranma off subject by arguing.

	Ranma: Okay, I want that cure.

	Woman: Okay.

	Ranma: Really!!!

	Woman: Yes, but you must answer a question.

	Ranma: Okay.

	Woman: What am I holding in my hand?

		Places her hand behind her back. Makes a fist.

	Ranma: Um um um....

	Woman: Oh you times up.

	Ranma: What was the answer?

	Woman: It doesn't matter.

	Ranma: What?

	Woman: I didn't say you had to get the RIGHT answer! Any answer
	would have done.

	Ranma: WHY YOU!!!!!

	Woman: Okay one more chance. We'll play a game of stump the
	band!!!!

	Ranma: WHAT!!!!!?????

	Woman: You remember the old Tonight Show with Johnny Carson?

	Ranma: No.

	Woman: Well, all you do is find a song my band doesn't know.

	Ranma: YOU'RE BAND?

	Woman: I'll give you three tries.

	Ranma: Okay where is this band.

	Woman: In the tent.

		A group of assorted musicians walks out of the tent.

	Bob Dylan: Howdy folks.

	Tim Rice: Hi guys. Don't hit me.

	Harmony Smurf: Yo.

	Steven Stills: Hi.

	Art Garfunkle: Hi my friends.

	Ranma: That bunch of goofballs is your band?

	Woman: There not that good but they know almost ever song
	recorded between them.

	Ranma: Okay my first try is: The Grape Ape Theme!

	The band plays the grape ape theme perfectly, with Bob on
	vocals!

	Ranma: Ummm, okay. Ah ha! The Theme from Cyborg 009!

	The band plays again flawlessly, with Bob on vocals again. Art
	sings some harmony.

	Ranma: I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!

	Bob Dylan: Hmmm, don't know that one. How about yoooooooo Steve.

	Steven Stills: Nope, Art?

	Art Garfunkle: Never heard of it. Harmony?

	Harmaony: No, Sure don't.

	Tim Rice: Neither do I.

	Bob Dylan: NO ONE ASKED YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

	Voice over (Pig-tailed man): And that's how I got rid of my
	curse.
		Cuts back to the present.
	Psychiatrist: I see. We will continue this discussion tomorrow.

Noah "Smurf Monkey" Bellamy