Once upon a time, not so long ago or so far away, there was an Emperor named
Garth (who was once a barbarian, but was now an Emperor) who was in charge of
a very large, very rowdy horde of warriors called, for lack of a better name,
The Pack.
 Oh, and a star-spanning Empire, also.

And he was unhappy (as normal) and said to his Mark 6 Indestructible Bioform
Secretary (a gift from his Empress, who was staying as far away from him as
possible ((as normal)) "Wench, take a memo!"

And it went something like this:

 TO: The Pack, Large rowdy horde of
 FROM: The Barbarian-in-Charge, The Gruesome and Unhappy
 SUBJECT: Resignation

 It has been seven years since I have assumed the Serpent Throne. In these
past seven years, we have done exceedingly well. We've charted vast new areas
of space and conquered many previously unconquerable planets. The ITP
(Imperial Total Product) is up again - that's seven record-breaking years in
a row - and the War Department informs me that our Pack is still growing.

 Never-the-less, I have decided to resign.

 Oh, I don't mind the work and it is gratifying to be mentioned in the same
breath as Our Departed Lord, Ophidian, so often. And the booty isn't bad. And
I don't even mind the mewling of lesser Lords and other unmentionables. Who
cares what whimps and losers say?

 What got to me, finally, was having my seventh anniversary completely
overlooked. Even savages know the awesome significance of the number seven to
Gods and Kings, and Emperors, like me - and yet no one around here so much as
sacrificed a rebel in my honor.

 Well, that does it. So long, ingrates. I quit.


A little while later, another memo circulated:

 TO: The Pack, Large rowdy horde of
 FROM: Barbarian-in-Charge, the Gruesome and Unhappy
 SUBJECT: Previous memo

 You will disregard it.


And almost immediately thereafter, another:

 TO: Department Heads, Sub-Chiefs and other ungrateful scum - That means you,
Magnolia
 FROM: Barbarian-in-Charge, The Gruesome, Unhappy and Angry
 SUBJECT: Execution

 Report to the Throne Room at dawn tomorrow for gory, pain-filled death.


Hasty meetings where called and much discussion ensued among the recipients
of the latter memo. Shortly before dawn, they sent a memo of their own:

 TO: The Whole Damn Pack
 FROM: Department Heads, Sub-Chiefs and Magnolia
 SUBJECT: Celebration

 You are all invited to a slightly belated anniversary celebration for our
beloved Emperor.
 Be there and have fun. Or else.

************************************************

Shannon