Um- no.

The Concept is cute, but I hate to say it, the execution stinks.

I was real interested up until Nadoka confronted Kasumi.  Then I thought the
whole thing died quicker than a train wreck.  Way to quick.

Try to slow it down and space things out a little bit.  You can pull off
Nadoka's confrontation with Kasumi, but I think it would be better if Nadoka
would have asked her in private - not in front of everybody else. (actually,
I'm having troble just picturing Kasumi getting that involved - but that's
just me ;] ).  I like what Nadoka did to Ranma and Akane with the hypnotic
suggestion, but I still think that happened way to fast.

How about this - Nadoka sets down the families and starts to tell them
what's up.  They panic/get confused/go nuts (who wouldnt?) and then have
Nadoka give a little history of the art of M.A.L.M (add flavor to the
story).  She then announces that in addition to the one week grace period
they have to break off the engagement, they also have to sleep together to
prove their love.  

(let's hear it for American ovies' concept of love!!  *BPBPBPBPTBTBT*)

They don't really want to do it, so Nadoka drops the hypno suggestion, then
stops it.  She gives the reasons it worked, but then adds that for the
engagement to be true, their love making must come from their hearts and not
lust.  In other words, they have to come the decision to make out on their
own.  (this give them some time to deal with the situation - and add in a
little Ranma comedy value.  :}  )

(Can you imagine what type of hell you can do if Nabiki figures out what the
'code' word is!!!!)  

You have the basis of a very interesting story with the twins and the hidden
technique.  I have a feeling that Ranma and Ranko are going to be arguing
more than Ranma and Akane usually do - I'm looking forward to that.                                                                           

Try it again.  If you feel that you need to contract out the lemon parts, I
figure somebody will be willing to help (not me, not my area of writing
expertise.)

my $0.02.
AlberCrombie
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                 Ranmamaniac: SOS, CON, COR, LOR, OCS, OAA                 
                    cesnyd01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu                   
               URL: http://www.spd.louisville.edu/~cesnyd01/               
              AlberCrombie ---- The One And Only Space Gopher              
                                                                           
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