Hi Jon!

Well, the premise is interesting but it's moving way too fast! Kinda get the
feeling that you've got certain parts you want to write and are hurrying
through the parts that get you to that point.

I feel that all the 'regular' cast members are accepting this way too calmly
and would like to have read Kasumi and Tofu's coming to terms with thier
attraction and up to the point of the 'tryst'.

The interaction between the 'mothers' and thier daughters is well done and I
hope to see more of it.

Again, I can just say, slow it way down and take your time. This has a lot of
potential and I'm looking forwards to see where you go with it.

Thanks for sharing it.

Shannon