Dark Streamline A.D. Viz-ion Image Entertainment presents...

A "Not-Bloody-Likely" Production

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    ----------- THE GREAT ANIME CROSSOVER FROM HELL!!! -----------
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by Erin "He of the Screwy Mail Server" Mills
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With apologies to the creators of the characters herein
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Episode 3: Faith, Hope, Diamond, and Charity
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PRELIMINARY NOTES AND QUOTES:

Time: Two hours after the end of Episode 2 (approx. 7 AM)

"There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that Reality 
is a figment of the imagination." --The Criminologist, "The Rocky 
Horror Picture Show."

"If Reality is a figment of the imagination, then the Man in the 
Black Cloak was SEVERELY f**ked up in the head!" ---Aaron Miller, 
said in 1998.
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    Gally was waiting for them when they arrived.
    "This is a strange city," she said to Aaron Miller.
    "Not as strange as it's been lately," Ranma said. Aaron glared at 
him.
    "Let me make the introductions," said Aaron and proceeded to 
introduce Gally to Ranma Saotome, Akane Tendo, Ryoga Hibiki and Ukyou 
Kuonji.
    "Now that that's out of the way, I'm sure you have questions,"
    "Yes," said Gally. "Quite a few,"
    "Let's talk it over during breakfast," Ranma said.
    "Good idea," said Akane. "I'm sure I could help whip up 
something,"
    There were general sounds of polite protest.
    A-actually, Akane," Aaron stammered, "I was going to take every 
body to a little diner I always eat at, yeah, that's the ticket, 
yeah!"
    
    Meanwhile, across town, Lt. Chuck Mallory was investigating a 
crime scene. A junkie had been found suffering from multiple 
lacerations and contusions in an alley in Georgetown. The cuts 
corresponded to those on a severed head delivered to D.C.P.D. 
precinct 17 earlier that morning.
    "Lieutenant," said a young rookie, "We found something!"
    Mallory walked over to the alley wall where a red smear covered a 
section. Though blurry, the bloodstains seemed to create a crude 
sketch of the Washington Monument.
    Mallory frowned. 
    "Get me a car,"
    
    The Man in the Black Cloak inhaled. The time was almost near. He 
let his mind wander through all the possible worlds. He'd already 
brought the thief and the cop over. Now he needed to get 
reinforcements. His mind formed two images; One, a spaceship from the 
Santovascu Empire, an ugly thing that looked like a giant snail. And 
a fleet of ships that looked vaguely insect like, but then the Invid 
were a hive mind after all.
    The Man in the Black Cloak focused his mental energy, preparing 
to bring the two images to his relative location in Reality.
    Unfortunately, a small part of his mind wandered. 
    There was an enormous blue flash, and the ships appeared nearby. 
But the blue glow didn't stop. The Man in the Black Cloak searched 
the worlds with horror.
    He had ripped a gash in certain worlds, leading them to the real 
Earth. He saw two young girls in red outfits with stylized yin and 
yang symbols on their chests. He saw a group of young women in sailor 
outfits. He saw what was definitely a girl wearing a red mask, boots, 
gloves and *nothing else*! He saw another pair of young women, one 
with red hair, another with black, piloting a spaceship.
    And, worst of all, the bridge of a gigantic space fortress coming 
towards Earth on a meteor...
    It would, of course, take time for these persons to reach the 
real world. Combined with the skills of those he had already sent 
over, plus the aid of the American...
    The Man in the Black Cloak entered the blue glow, he didn't have 
a moment to lose.

    "So, here there is no Factory, no Hunter-Warriors, and no need 
for me to kill criminals, correct?" Gally asked, finishing her orange 
juice.
    "Exactly," said Akane. "But there is one more thing, right Aaron?"
Akane jabbed an elbow into Aaron's side.
    "Right," Aaron reached into his coat and passed over the "Battle 
Angel Alita" manga he'd been carrying.
    "I don't know how to tell you this, Gally, but-" Gally scanned 
the pages with interest.
    "-here, you don't actually exist," Aaron finished, waiting for 
the outburst. But no outburst was forthcoming. 
    "Gally?" The girl was hanging her head.
    "No wonder there aren't any other cyborgs here," she said 
quietly. Ukyou moved to comfort her.
    "No," said Gally. "Thank you, but I'll be fine,"
    "We shouldn't have a problem as long as you keep most of your 
body covered," Aaron said. "I'll just have to stretch my paycheck a 
littl--shit!"
    "What?" Ranma asked.
    "I'm late for work! Just a second," Aaron ran off to the back of 
the diner, leaving the fictional entities to look at each other in 
confusion.

    Mallory bounded up the steps to the precinct. Finally, he'd 
finally be able to nail that little punk Miller and all his crazy 
Asian friends.
    "Mallory!" came the voice from the Captain's office. 
    "Not now, Captain! I've got a lead on that head sent here this 
morning!"
    "Never mind that! It was a gang hit, get in here!"
    Mallory stopped cold. A GANG HIT?! He'd seen Miller and those 
crazy Japanese kids talking to the girl who brought the head in this 
morning at the Washington Monument, and the Captain was calling it a 
GANG HIT?!
    Mallory stalked over to the Captain's office.
    "What is it, sir?" he said bitterly.
    "We have a new problem," said the Captain. "According to this 
guy, a big international criminal is in town,"
    Mallory gave the newcomer the once over. A tall Japanese man with 
a cleft chin and long sideburns. He was dressed in a shabby brown 
suit with a red tie. The ensemble was completed with a matching brown 
trenchcoat and fedora. He stood up and offered his hand.
    "Zenigata, International Criminal Police Organization,"
    
    Aaron came back to the table, with a roll of money.
    "Can I trust you guys to go sightseeing in the nation's capital 
for a few hours without getting mixed up with Mallory or any other 
members of the DCPD?"
    The five at the table voiced affirmatively. Aaron sighed.
    "Good. Here's a hundred bucks each, have yourselves a good time, 
show Gally around. Don't get lost," This last remark was pointed at 
Ryoga, to which the other three "Ranma 1/2" characters laughed. Ryoga 
fumed.
    "I'm gonna tie your spleen in a knot..." he muttered.
    "I'll be back at the house around three. Enjoy D.C., and *please* 
try not to call attention to yourselves,"
    "No problem," said Ranma.
    "Good, have fun," Aaron paid the bill, and exited the diner, 
letting the five anime characters make their plans.

    Outside, Aaron tried to get a cab. 
    <Some Spring Break this is turning out to be,> he thought, <Two 
days in and I'm trying to keep five fictional characters out of 
Mallory's hands. *sigh* Bugs Bunny was right when he said "I shoulda 
stood in--"
    A car came zooming by at approximately 80 MPH, nearly taking 
Aaron's arm with it.
    "Sorry!" the driver yelled back in a slightly manic voice. Aaron 
stared at the rapidly receeding driver of the convertible.
    <Thin build, slightly manic voice, green sportcoat, long 
sideburns, vaguely simian in appearance--oh no, not him! Please, God, 
not HIM!>
    If the six police cars following the convertible at high speed 
weren't enough to seal his doubts, the sight of Mallory driving one 
car and the Japanese man leaning out the passenger side, holding on 
to his hat with one hand and yelling "Hold it, Lupin, you're under 
arrest! Pull over right now!" through a megaphone in his other hand, 
did.
    "Taxi!" Aaron yelled. He leaped into the cab that pulled up.
    "This going to sound really stupid," he said, "But follow those 
cars!"

    Lupin III leaned back in the driver's seat. Ah, on his way to a 
heist, Fujiko Mine by his side, Zenigata and the D.C. police in 
pursuit, and all before noon! This was turning out to be a great day.
    "Lupin," said Fujiko, the attractive brunette with the huge--er--
personality in the passenger seat.
    "Yes, Fujiko, my love?"     
    "Aren't you a little bit confused as to how we were in London not 
two hours ago and how we're now zooming through the streets of 
Washington D.C.?"
    "Not really," said Lupin, "It just means we can move up the 
Smithsonian heist now,"
    "Really?" Fujiko said, her voice becoming husky. Her arm slid 
across the space between them, her fingers playing with the lapel of 
his green sportsjacket.
    "You mean you'll get the Hope Diamond for me after all?" she 
said, sweetly. 
    "If I'm properly motivated. Heh-heh." Lupin replied, letcherously.
    "Oh, I'm sure I'll find ways for you to get me that diamond," 
Fujiko said, her other hand playing with the taser in her handbag...

    The Man in the Black Cloak looked at the man sitting across 
from him.
    "You can take on this many targets, correct?" he asked.
    "Yes," said the man.
    "I've deposited three million dollars in your account. I trust 
that will be sufficient,"
    "It will,"
    "More will be delivered once the job is finished. You can find 
them in Washington D.C. I trust you will be successful. There's 
really no one else that can deal with these dangerous people, 
especially the American."
    "I'll take the job,"
    The Man in the Black Cloak watched the tall Asian gentleman 
depart. When he was out of sight, he let his mind pull the strings of 
Reality that sent the gentleman to the real world, without his 
knowing, of course.
    "Ah, Mr. Miller, if you know anything about anime, you should 
know that Golgo 13 *always* gets his man--or persons as the case may 
be,"
    The Man in the Black Cloak began to laugh.
    
    
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Next time on "The Great Anime Crossover From Hell!!!"

    Ranma: Aaron's really in trouble! He's been arrested after 
foiling Lupin's heist! Needless to say, Mallory's delighted.
But not only that, some kind of spaceship has landed at the 
Washington Monument. Who are these strange crewmembers?
    (Insert shot of Rick Hunter, Lisa Hayes, Captain Gloval, Roy 
F**ker, and Minmei)
    And, even more importantly, who are these loons?
    (Insert shots of Devil Hunter Yohko and her apprentice Azusa, and 
the Sailor Moon characters)

Ranma: Next time on "The Great Anime Crossover From Hell!!!": "Hey! 
The Dead Have Rights Too, Ya Know!" 
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Brought to you by the letters D and Q and by
Erin Mills
Mill0622@badger.snow.edu
All DETAILED flames, comments, questions, incoherent ramblings and 
generous bribes accepted.