Ranma's Mexican Adventure part 1: A spring break fanfiction, an alternate time line, and a real cool story. Somewhere near the jsuyenko streams shampoo: will this make ranma upset, cologne? cologne: I have tried nearly all the tribe's magics on those of akane's family. this is the most extreme resort I have tried. shampoo: drowning a chinchilla you took from the tokyo zoo, you mean, to force the curse upon those who next swim in the pools? shampoo no think it wise, most pools have thousand-year old curses..... cologne: hour-old or thousand-year-old curses don't matter. it will make his family most upset to learn Tendo family not safe from curse that affect ranma to become girl. shampoo: what if pool cursed already? what if this very pool that make ranma girl? cologne: then i suppose when splashed with cold water, victim become girl and south american squirrel. shampoo: both at once, cologne? cologne: even better. cologne ties the squirrel to a rock and throws it in. it sinks. shampoo then bows her head, walks off and trips over a sign, written in chinese. shampoo: cologne, this *is* the spring of drowned girl! this is where ranma... cologne: now it also, *spring of drowned-squirrel-too.* both walk off solemnly to wait. mousse is not far off and joins them. shampoo: where mousse been? plan in works. mousse: taking a bath in the pond behind you. why? shampoo and cologne both look at mousse. both of them hiss. both nod to each other and pick up mousse and throw him in pond. mousse: what devilry is this? no! mousse falls back in the pond, and a high pitched squeak comes from the water as mousse sinks. cologne: mousse need new prescription for his eyeglasses. he *just* gave himself a *new* curse! shampoo watches as something crawls out of the water that looks like ranma-chan. shampoo: stupid! you curse self with myopia! mousse : unaware he's not a he right now) you can understand the speech of a duck? i am... (looking down at anthropomorphic form) oh, no! bwaaaa.... cologne: I right. this pond will make both a girl and a squirrel of one who swims in this stream. must be spring. This will be perfect, this water. mousse: But I don't want to be a gir-girl! ranma can deal with it, i can-can't! shampoo: shall we push him in stream-of-drowned-duck? cologne: NO. we give ranma real challenge. anyway, he... she... only way to get water without you becoming girl-squirrel too. mousse: Didn't you hear me? I.. cologne hands a bottle to mousse and shoves mousse in again. mousse crawls out with the bottle full. shampoo puts a stopper on the bottle as mousse falls down and starts to cry. cologne: mousse not take this well. shampoo: now what do we do with the water? cologne: give it to the tendos. shampoo: but who among the tendos would want to curse one of their own? cologne: *the least likely.* they carry mousse off, dropping weapons out of his/her sleeves as they drag him... at the tendo dojo, kasumi and akane are preparing food. akane is obviously not cooking very well, and kasumi is doing the best. ranma walks in. ranma:(cheerfully)**what smells so good** akane:it better be my.. cooking. i do not know why you hate my cooking! ranma:if i could keep it down it'd be good. akane:why don't you try loving kasumi? she can cook and she is cuter! kasumi:are you arguing? akane, ranma: no. kasumi:you two des....(stops in mid speech as she sees cologne in window, casting a spell then vanishing.) akane and ranma continue their argument. akane: at least try my latest dish. ranma: i'll die twice. once when it goes down, once when it goes up. akane: like you have anything to live for being a girl half the time! ranma: then i will die four times, then... ulp! akane puts a spoonful into ranma's open mouth. ranma swallows. ranma: this.. is... good! akane: you are an uncute liar. ranma: no, really! akane: I think shampoo has cursed your tounge. ranma: No, it hasn't, this tastes great! I don't even feel ill! akane: but.. but... (looks long at kasumi's own dish, elegantly prepared) akane: here, eat this and this will *curb* the cramps you're hiding. puts a forkful of food in ranma's mouth from kasumi's dish. Instantly ranma gets sick and throws up. ranma: goff... goff..... akane: heavens..... ranma: you.. you must have switched your cooking with kasumi's. akane: no, I've been cooking this all day, that *really* is kasumi's. ranma: that can't be! kasumi cooks so well and... akane: well, glad you actually like my cooking, finally. kasumi: waaaa.... ranma: but how could kasumi cook lousy? how could her cooking make me so sick? kasumi: ranma... you... don't like my cooking? ranma: kasumi? are you all right. kasumi: i'm fine. what's wrong with my cooking? ranma: it just made me.. sick... usually you cook well, but today akane seems to have figured out how to cook.. kasumi: you *like* akane's cooking more than mine? ranma: well.... kasumi turns around, and gets a look of annoyance usually reserved for akane. she turns around and looks at akane. then she screams. kasumi: AKANE NO BAKA! ranma and akane: wha... kasumi storms out. ranma: now that is unusal. akane: i've never seen her act that way before. ranma: you really didn't switch dishes, akane? akane: no. i have NOT. ranma: how odd. later that day, nabiki returns home. soun, genma and happosai are gathered in the living room. happosai: oh, another angel has come to me! soun: leave my daughter alone, master. she does not need that in her life. happosai: but i need to embrace her! soun: not today. nabiki: i have a surprise for all. the teacher of our school is in a mood to return to america and he has invited us to help him plan the trip. he says we're going to america with him! genma: (puts up sign saying (that's surprising!)) nabiki: and he's also invited some of our 'friends' along... ryoga, shampoo... he's heard much about them and wants them to come along. soun: must have been the annoyance they've been to his students. genma ((tell the dreaded cat cafe gang they *can't) come along) nabiki: I don't think I want to. The principal's in one of *his* moods... soun: well, I suppose a change of scenery would be nice.... genma (with sign that says (nabiki no baka)) soun: please, friend, just this once... I doubt becoming a panda in america will shock anybody. genma (yeah, sure.) happosai: did you say 'vacation', students? later that day, ryoga and genma, now human, discuss the trip. ryoga: where exactly is this america? genma: I'm not exactly sure, but it gave the principal madness... he's always been trying to cut my son's hair and he cut akane's hair. ryoga: yes, akane. I'd die for her, you know. kasumi looks in the room and growls silently. genma: I wish I'd have you met her. Ranma and akane *do not* get along with each other! ryoga: I am glad happosai wants to go on this trip. I'll teach that lecher to leave Akane alone. genma: what does happosai see in akane, anyway? ryoga: maybe more than he sees in nabiki or kasumi, your other daughters. genma: At least akane would be lucky with you, you don't seem to have a curse. ryoga: *um, yeah.* genma: so where is america, anyway? ryoga: let me have this map. ryoga looks over the map, and puts his finger down on mexico. ryoga: i believe this 'city' is where we will go. Miami. genma(unaware ryoga is pointing to mexico and alcupoloco) That doesn't say... um.. ryoga: I am sure in chinese 'alcupolco' means 'miami'. kasumi(rushing in): No, that's *NOT* america! I have taken geography, and I think you have the map upside down! genma: kasumi, we know what we are doing. ryoga: we both seem to have a good sense of direction. kasumi:NO you don't! that's clearly... oh, never mind. I have to talk to someone about akane. ranma likes her cooking over mine, called me uncute when I tried to talk to him about what he thinks of me, beat me at martial arts... kasumi walks out steamed.... ryoga: I rarely notice kasumi, but she doesn't act upset at all, does she? genma: She was raised to be a woman, not like Akane or Nabiki. Now, who among us calls the airport..... The cat cafe, a back room. shampoo: so when will this person come you cast your spell on? cologne: she will come soon. it was the simplest of spells... to free the mind from complacency and calm and make her more aware of the world. It needs only be effective for a while. She will come. And she will come confused because she is not used to being... uncute. suddenly, kasumi comes in. kasumi: what have you done? cologne: excuse me, kasumi? kasumi: you're making all my friends act very wierd! like they're insulting me! cologne: kasumi not have much of a life, does she? kasumi: what do you mean by 'life'? cologne: well, they have gotten strange ideas about you. Akane is giving you trouble, isn't she? she is under a spell most mysterious: her soul has been given the life you have had.... a sorceror named happosai gave her the spell. She now has your soul, kasumi.... and you have Akane's soul within you... kasumi: what do you mean by thinking I am AKANE? cologne: for three hundred years I have mastered magic and martial artistry and I know these things. And I do have the cure. (hands kasumi a bottle) kasumi: and what does this do? cologne: it breaks the spell and makes things return to normal. ranma will like your cooking and you will not think of him or akane as uncute. you must pour in her sleep the contents on akane's head, and then you will be restored. kasumi: you actually think I'm really got akane's ... soul... cologne: yes... I can see it now... kas... I mean, akane. you indeed are akane now, trapped in kasumi's body. how could I have *not* seen it! run, child, for at midnight you are trapped as kasumi, forever... kasumi:oh, um... okay.... I'd hate to be akane! I guess..... cologne watches kasumi run off. shampoo: are you sure this is going to work? cologne: i feel it. and besides, we are going to witness this tragedy together... we have been invited to join the tendos to their journey across the pacific. we can go and watch the chaos together. shampoo: but do you think mousse should go? he might be conspicuous and they w* won't* let him carry weapons on board. cologne: they won't let mousse on, but they will let *mousse-chan* on! Mousse, get in here. mousse comes in, female, looking a little like a squirrel, and dressed in one of shampoo's spare outfits. mousse: i have begun to hate the very leader of the tribe. why have you constantly kept me from hot water? cologne: i wish to give ranma a surprise. a crisis only him marrying shampoo will truly solve. mousse: you think he'd want me back from being this way? he'd just laugh... and then when ranma'd become female, SHE'D continue laughing. cologne: you will not be conspicuous this way. besides, in america, ranma will not know how to deal with two people looking like himself as a girl. mousse: what do you mean, cologne? cologne: akane will also be cursed double with the same curse you have, and he will not know whether he is facing himself... his girl... or you. mousse: interesting. but it's not very wise! shampoo starts laughing mousse: dearest shampoo.. stop... shampoo: shampoo never realize how funny mousse is with ranma's curse and with squirrel hair and ears at same time! hahaahhaahahah mousse: humorous, aren't you? At night, kasumi is in a dark room within the tendo's dojo/house. kasumi:(whispering) this will make things normal again. I hope for once the old one is not lying. kasumi opens the bottle over the head of the person sleeping in bed. there is much gulping and gasping as it splashes. kasumi:now I feel like me, suddenly. I have been cured! kasumi sneaks out of the room. a minute later the lights turn on. voice: what a strange dream. i dreamed i fell in one of ranma's stupid jsuyenko streams. i don't even know why i dreamed that! staggeringly, the person staggers to a mirror in her room after slipping on a nightgown. she looks in the mirror. Nabiki looks back, but with red hair and squirrel ears. Nabiki: "BWAAAAA! it wasn't a dream!" the end, part 1.