On Mon, 6 May 1996, Mike W. Loader wrote:

   Hmm. Moderately well-written in terms of grammar and dialogue. My
biggest problem was the fact that you described things we really didn't
need to see. Unless the plane trip figures prominantly in the story, or is
used as the platform for a joke, it shouldn't be described. "The flight
was long, dull, and grueling" would have served your purpose equally well.
Take a razor to the length.
   So far you seemed to have resisted the temptation of "Ranma and Me"
stories - setting yourself up as all-powerful or all-knowing. Although,
since there hasn't been any real interaction it's kinda hard to say. The
marital arts info on you and the others is a bad sign...steer clear of the
"Perfect-Otaku" syndrome.

Thanks for the criticism. I'm posting Part II in just a sec. The reason I 
wrote this story is because I do martial arts. Infact, that's the main 
reason I like Ranma. Thanks again!

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Good, noble, resourceful, ingenious, nimble-witted, stalwart, patient, 
wise, subtile, shrewd, illustrious, long suffering, great hearted, much 
enduring Jack Ji, son of his father, sacker of cities, Purple Axeman of 
South Eugene High School, anime and manga otaku, favorite of all.

	 jackji@efn.org - Jack Ji - http://www.efn.org/~jackji