Yee gods, I wrote this all in one sitting, so I hope I didn't forget
anything.
Yes, it is the long awaited Furinkan Summer #4. #4, version 1.0 got lost
with the disk it was on.
2.0 was accidentally deleted today in a unix screw up.
3.0-.4 was written today, in one sitting, in a frenzy of writing. I'll
need to attend to some of the continuing subplots, but here is the main
plot! Before I can lose it AGAIN!
Without further adieu...
[We see Akane asleep in her room. She starts awake.]
Akane: Ranma!
[She leaps out of bed and runs down the hallway to the Saotome family room.]
Akane: It was probably just a dream...just a horrible dream.
[She throws the door open and runs in. Nodoka is just about to chop off
Ranma and Genma's heads.]
Nodoka: Oh, hello, Akane-chan. Want to help?
[Akane screams and wakes up.]
Akane: Ranma!
[She leaps out of bed and runs down the hallway to the Saotome family room.]
Akane: It was probably just a dream, a horrible dream.
[She flings open the door to his room and sees Genma-panda rolling over
on Ranma, then rolling away, leaving him squashed flat on the floor.]
Akane: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
[Akane screams and wakes up.]
Akane: RANMA!
[She leaps out of bed and runs down the hallway to the Saotome family room.]
Akane: It was probably just a dream, a horrible dream.
[She flings open the door to his room and sees Ranma sleeping quietly on
his futon. ]
Akane: Whew. [She walks over and hugs Ranma as he sleeps.] I love you,
Ranma.
[The entire building explodes. Akane wakes up screaming.]
Akane: [breathing hard] RANMA!
[She gets up and runs down the hallway, then hesitates at the door.]
Akane: What if...oh god, I'm afraid to look...
[She hesitates, then hears moaning through the door.]
Akane: RANMA!
[She flings the door open, only to find Genma and Nodoka in a rather
embarrassing position. She slams the door shut and mega-blushes.]
Akane: Oh wait...Ranma was going to sleep on the roof tonight so they
could...[blushes more] They really do need to move out. Maybe I'd
better go check the roof.
[She goes to her room and clambers out the window to the roof. It is
cold, and she hugs herself against the cold. Ranma is snoozing in a
sleeping bag up here, and there is a tent here also, from which she can
hear Ryouga snoring.]
Akane: [pokes Ranma] Wake up, sleepyhead.
Ranma: [moans in his sleep] Ucchan...
Akane: [frowns] Ranma...
Ranma: [mumbles] No, Ucchan...don't use the Tacnuke until after Akane
gets out of the room...
Akane: [laughs] Ranma, wake up!
Ranma: [mumbles] Akane, no, put down the laser pistol... [fully wakes
up] Akane? What are you doing up here? They didn't wake you up
with....uh...you know?
Akane: I had four nightmares in a row...I feel like something terrible
is going to happen.
Ranma: [puts a hand on her shoulder. She shivers] Don't worry, Akane.
We only have two more finals. Besides, what could be any worse than the
things we've been through before? [blinks] Are you cold?
Akane: [shivers, moves closer to Ranma] Yeah.
Ranma: [glances down at his sleeping bag, looks up at Akane, blushes,
then gets out of the sleeping bag.] Here, get in this. You'll be warmer.
Akane: Why don't we just go down to my room?
Ranma: Good point.
[They duck down into Akane's room. She sits on the bed and pulls up the
covers; he perches in the windowsill.]
Ranma: At least you don't blow up the neighborhood when you have a bad
dream...
Akane: I'd have taken the whole house with me...actually, I dreamed it
exploded...the house, that is.
Ranma: [jumps down and hugs Akane] You'll be okay. We're all gonna
be all right. [leads her over to the window.] Look.
Akane: A falling star...
Ranma: Make a wish, Akane...-chan.
[She shuts her eyes, and thus doesn't actually see the rising mushroom
cloud as Tokyo gets nuked, but simply feels herself blasted to Ash.]
Akane: [waking up screaming again] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! RANMA!!!!!
[She breathes heavily, leaps out of bed, then pauses.]
Akane: I think I've had enough of that.
[She crawls back into bed and goes to sleep.]
*************************
Furinkan Summer 4, DRAFT EFFORT #3
<Please God, I want to finish this before I die...>
Graduation day!
Will Nabiki's Graduation Present be the Death of her?
"Summer Fields" (by John Biles)
Anger hides a loving heart;
Anger drives us far apart.
Only love can heal the pain,
For your smile brings the rain
That helps love's fields to grow.
Walk with me through summer fields
So we can help our hearts to heal.
Stride through grass and smell the air
Under the sun without a care.
I want to spend my time with you.
We hid our love behind our pride,
never letting anyone inside.
To end those lies must be our task;
Tear down the walls; Throw out the masks
We used to hide from love.
Walk with me through summer fields
So we can help our hearts to heal.
Stride through grass and smell the air
Under the sun without a care.
I want to spend my time with you.
Love does not end with "I Love You",
Not if what we said is true.
We have to strive to make it grow.
We have to let our feelings show
Else love will fade like dew.
*************************
[We see Ryouga wandering lost through a rocky, mountainous landscape.]
Ryouga: Maybe I should have gone left to get to the jewelry store.
[A head pops up out of the ground. It is bearded and wearing a horned
helmet.]
Head: You want jewelry?
Ryouga: Hai!
Head: Well, come on in to Unterbergschmuckladen Hall, home to me, King
Durin the greatest dwarven jeweler in Svartalfheim!
[The mountain cracks open and a door opens inward, revealing a vast
ornately carved hallway, big enough to drive a semi down.]
Ryouga: Wow...
***************************************************************************
[Ryouga is inside the great jewelry hall. The walls are lined with
cases, full of emeralds, rubies, diamonds, sapphires, rhinestones, cubic
zirconiums, topazes, fropazes, synthetic artificial diamond substitutes,
all set in gold, silver, white gold, platinum, copper, bronze, flubber,
tungsten, frozen mercury, ice, wood, and adobe. In addition, a huge
number of other items with inset jewels are scattered about.]
Ryouga: [trying to read a poorly labeled card in front of an ornately
jeweled rod with a huge crescent moon on one end, superimposed on a large
red heart] Magical...Heart... Moon...something...What's this last word?
Durin: Some cat ordered that and never picked it up. Rod. Last word is
rod. I'll sell it to you for only 100,000 yen.
Ryouga: Umm...I need something cheaper.
Durin: [leads him over to a series of ring cases] Check these out.
Ryouga: [reads a series of cards] Ring of Shooting Stars. Ring of the
Ram. Ring of Karaoke. Ring of Ringing. Ring of..hey, this one is
nothing but melted slag.
Durin: Last owner tossed it in a volcano.
Ryouga: [reading more cards] Wedding ring, pure white gold, 60,000
yen, previous owner defaulted on payments.
Durin: Yeah. I don't extend credit to evil gods anymore. Not after
that business with the troll gods...I should have known Lord Foul never
makes his payments on time.
Ryouga: [reads another card] Ring of Rulership. Must be soaked in the
blood of Odin to function.
Durin: Not one of my more successful projects...
Ryouga: [reads another card] Ring of Bringasmen. What's a Bringasmen?
Durin: The ring reproduces every night, making eight more rings. Also,
does invisibility, and if you wear it, you can hear grass grow.
Ryouga: Wow! How much?
Durin: For you...40,000 yen.
Ryouga: 20,000 and I'll teach you the stone breaking point.
Durin: Deal.
Ryouga: [thinking] What a steal! This ring is worth way more than
20,000 yen. I guess Nabiki must be rubbing off on me.
Durin: [thinking] What a steal! Finally rid of that bloody ring! I
guess those sacrifices to Loki finally paid off...
*******************************************************
[We see a tent in the middle of a howling wilderness. A voice booms out
something in German, and flames burn the tent to ash.]
Voice: [in German] Hey, no one is there! [pauses] Where'd he go?
[We see Ryouga walk into a cornfield.]
Ryouga: Hey, where'd my tent go?
*******************************************************
[We see Ryouga stumbling through the streets of Nerima.]
Ryouga: Almost home. Must...make...it...home. Still...have...
to...write...history final. Can't...get...lost.
[He is moving at a rate of about a foot per minute. Turtles are passing
him on the road. He looks incredibly strained.]
Kunou: Is something wrong, sensei?
Ryouga: Must...make...it...to...Dojo...Can't...get...lost...Must...
Kunou: Let me help you, sensei.
Ryouga: Thanks. [pauses, thinking] I need to get Kunou a graduation
present.
[Kunou guides Ryouga home.]
Ryouga: [thinking] Ahah! [hands Kunou one of the rings his new ring
spawned the previous night] Happy graduation, Kunou!
Kunou: Thank you. It's a beautiful ring.
Ryouga: [stumbles in the front door] Nabiki-chan, I'm home!
Kunou: How he can love that woman is beyond my wisdom...
***********************************************************************
[Ryouga stumbles into the living room. Akane and Ranma are busy sucking
face. They don't notice him.]
Ryouga: I ACTUALLY MADE IT! [faints]
Akane: [blinks] Ryouga-kun?
Ranma: Oh, he made it back from the Jewelry store in only two days.
There's an accomplishment. [spins a finger in the air]
Akane: Ranma, don't make fun of Ryouga-kun!
[Nabiki walks in.]
Nabiki: Hi, Ryouga! Did you get my present!
Ryouga: [mumbles] In my pocket.
[She kneels down and rifles through his pockets.]
Akane: Nabiki! [goes over] Are you okay, Ryouga?
Ryouga: I'm fine.
[Nabiki pulls out eight identical rings.]
Nabiki: Wow!! These are really nice...but they're all the same.
Ryouga: It's magical. One of them reproduces each night and makes eight
more. It also turns you invisible and lets you hear grass grow.
[Yen signs light up in Nabiki's eyes. She pulls Ryouga into a really big
kiss.]
Ranma: Well, there's the love that moves wallets...
Akane: Ranma! Don't be so cynical!
Ryouga: You're just jealous, Ranma.
Ranma: As if! C'mon, Akane, let's get out of here before she starts
selling his teeth...
[He drags Akane off.]
Akane: [as they go out of sight] Ranma, don't talk about my sister like
that!
Ryouga: Baka Ranma. I know you don't want me for my money. I don't
HAVE any.
Nabiki: He's just jealous because you're cuter than he is.
Ryouga: And you're more beautiful than Akane ever was.
Nabiki: You really think so?
Ryouga: My love for you guided me home. Well, Kunou did help too.
Nabiki: Hmm. I suppose I should get him a present.
Ryouga: Yeah. He invited the whole school...except for Ranma.
Nabiki: I know. Ranma's been cranky ever since he heard that,
especially when he found out Ukyou's going to it with that Kurusawa guy.
He paid me 1000 yen to get the scoop on the guy.
Ryouga: WHAT? He's jealous?
Nabiki: Yeah, I think so.
Ryouga: So who is this guy?
Nabiki: I don't know, don't care. It's not Ranma's business, but I
needed the money...I'll spend it on Ranma's birthday present or something.
Ryouga: What, you're going to rip him off?
Nabiki: He's got to let go of her or she'll never be able to let go of
him. Promise me you won't tell Ranma about this.
Ryouga: But...I...
Nabiki: [slightly harder tone] Promise.
Ryouga: Right. I promise not to tell him. Now you'd better go study
for the final tomorrow...while I go write it.
Nabiki: Right. So what's going to be on the final?
Ryouga: [sighs] You know I can't tell you that.
Nabiki: Pretty-please? [she pouts]
Ryouga: You'll find out when everyone else does. Tomorrow in class.]
Nabiki: Awww....
***********************************************************************
[We see Gosunkugi and Akemi at his house. They are struggling with his
printer, which is spewing dozens of pages forth at high speed.]
Gosunkugi: [drowing in reams of paper] AAAAAA!!!!!!!! What is this?
Akemi: I found this fanfic...The Undocumented Twisted Saga...so I
thought I'd print out the whole thing. But the printer was too slow, so
I tried putting a spell on it...
Gosunkugi: [wades through the sea of paper to the computer] 5000 pages???
Akemi: What's five thousand pages?
Gosunkugi: This stupid thing!
Akemi: Oh...I guess I didn't think to check that either.
Gosunkugi: I don't have five thousand pages of printer paper...
Akemi: Well, I fixed that too... [points to 12 boxes of printer paper,
opening themselves and feeding themselves into the printer as needed.]
Gosunkugi: [punches a few buttons] It won't stop!
Akemi: I fixed that too. I didn't want to risk stopping it before it
was all printed out.
Gosunkugi: I need to print my final paper!
Akemi: Uh...oops?
***************************************************************************
[We see Ryouga getting ready to hand out the final to his class.]
Ryouga: Is everyone ready?
Nabiki: Kunou's not here...
Ryouga: [blinks] Uh oh. [thinking] If Kunou fails for not showing up,
his father will shave my head...[bigsweats]
Sasami: Are you okay, Sensei? Would you like me to wipe the sweat off
your forehead?
Ryouga: I'll be fine...
[A mass of bandages carrying a bokken walks in and sits at Kunou's desk.]
Ryouga: Kunou?
Bandages: Fear not, even the dragon sent by that wretch Saotome could
not stop me in my duties. I am ready for my chemistry exam, Sensei.
Nabiki: You already took that one, Kunou-chan. This is the history exam.
[The bandages bigsweat.]
Bandages: Willst thou be giving partial credit?
************************************************************************
[We see Nabiki at home with Ranma, Akane, and Kasumi. They are playing
poker. Ryouga is upstairs grading papers.]
Nabiki: I'm so glad I'm done with finals. I bid ten.
Akane: I see your ten, raise you twenty.
Ranma: [cackles maniacally] I see your thirty, raise you...100!
Kasumi: Fold.
Nabiki: Fold.
Akane: Uhh...fold.
Ranma: [puts down four aces] How'd you all know I had such a good hand?
Nabiki: We're all telepathic, Ranma. We read your mind and shared the
information over the Tendo mind link.
Ranma: You...are?
Nabiki: [buries her head in her hands] Someone please get this boy a clue.
Akane: You sort of made it obvious, Ranma.
[Genma and Nodoka walk in. Akane blushes, then remembers she only walked
in on them in a dream.]
Genma: After a dream we had last night, we've decided we're going to
move out, back to Nodoka's house.
Ranma: WHAT?
Nodoka: We've freeloaded on the Tendos long enough.
Nabiki: [mutters] Well, Mr. Saotome certainly has.
Akane: I...does Ranma have to go?
Genma: If I go...
Nodoka: We'll talk to your father about it.
[Genma frowns quietly.]
[Nabiki sits quietly, shuffling the cards and looking at the ring on her
finger.]
Nabiki: [thinking] This thing doesn't do any of the magical things he
said it did...none of the rings do...wait...there were only eight...did
he lose one?
***********************************************************************
[We see Ranma and Akane in Akane's room. She is sitting next to him, and
he has his arm around her. They are on the bed.]
Akane: These nightmares really made it hard for me to focus during those
tests.
Ranma: Well, I promise not to ask you to look out the window.
[They both laugh.]
Akane: I hope you don't have to leave, Ranma...I mean, it's not that
far...but...
Ranma: Well, not having to sleep on the roof periodically would be nice.
Akane: [gets a sudden thought] What did you get Nabiki for a graduation
present?
Ranma: ...
Akane: You forgot.
Ranma: I don't have any money either...I'm sure not going to Nabiki for
a loan...I know!
Akane: What?
Ranma: I'll be back in a little while...
[He leaps out the window.]
Akane: Another clever plan. Oh boy.
************************************************************************
[We see Ranma-chan slipping back into the dojo, holding a ring.]
Ranma-chan: This is even better than money...looks kinda familiar
though...Well, Nabiki will like it.
[She wraps it up quickly in a box in her room. Nodoka comes in.]
Ranma-chan: Hi, mom.
Nodoka: Wrapping a graduation present for Nabiki?
Ranma-chan: Yeah. Hope she likes it.
Nodoka: It's the thought that counts.
Ranma-chan: THe money value with her.
Nodoka: She's not that bad, Ranma.
Ranma-chan: She's worse.
Nodoka: [sighs] What I really wanted to ask was whether you will be
staying here or going with us, Ranma. I'd like you to come.
Ranma-chan: I'll have to think about it.
Nodoka: We can't stay here and live off the Tendos forever.
Ranma-chan: I think Pop would like to.
Nodoka: Well, I can't live like that.
Ranma-chan: I should have plenty of time tomorrow to think about it...since
the entire town except me is going.
Nodoka: You're the only person not invited?
Ranma-chan: [sighs] I got an anti-invitation. I could go like
this...but I don't want to. He'll just hit on me the whole time...
Nodoka: Akane is going too?
Ranma-chan: She said her father insisted on it. Kasumi will be here,
though. Maybe we can play poker or something.
Nodoka: [thinks] I wonder why Genma is so insistent we go if our own
son is not welcome. [out loud] Your father is planning to go...
Ranma-chan: And eat all the food. Kodachi will probably stuff him full,
laughing the whole time and trying to convince him to give me to her.
[sighs again, puts down the present.] Well, I think I'm gonna go watch
the sun set or something. [leaps out the window]
************************************************************************
[We see Nabiki in her room, reading some manga. Ryouga sighs.]
Nabiki: What's wrong?
Ryouga: I've got to grade Kunou's final now.
Nabiki: Saved it for last?
Ryouga: Hai.
Nabiki: [cocks her head] Do you hear something?
Ryouga: Sounds like wingbeats...
[They hear a voice.]
Voice: ICH BIN GROSSFEURENUNRUHIGENEISENHORNVOGEL!
Ryouga: [pauses] I am a big fiery wretched squirrel bird?
Nabiki: The voice shouted that!?
[There is a sound like a flamethrower and the scent of smoke.]
Ryouga: Uhoh...
************************************************************************
[Cut to a shot of panicking mob fleeing area as a huge red scaly European
dragon circles over the dojo, whose roof is on fire.]
Neighbors: Next time, we ought to just blow up our town ourselves and
save time...
[The inhabitants of the dojo come piling out. Nodoka is trying to stop
Genma from fleeing down the street, suitcase in hand. Kasumi points up
at the dragon, while Soun bawls.]
Kasumi: Maybe it's one of Smaug's relatives. Hello, Mr. Dragon!
Dragon: [In German] GIVE ME WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE!
Kasumi: Would you like some tea?
Akane: I think it wants the nice taste of human flesh.
Kasumi: I'm afraid I've never cooked that...
Ranma: Stupid dragon...I wonder if I could leap up to it from the roof.
Ryouga: [leaps out a window, carrying Nabiki.] It thinks we have
something that belongs to it.
Dragon: [dives at Genma] You look dishonest enough to have taken it.
Ryouga: Hmm. That does make sense...
Nabiki: What, you understand what it is saying?
Ryouga: What, you don't speak German?
Nabiki: You do?
Ryouga: I've had to learn a little of every language...with my
lifestyle. [In german] Would you like some Bratwurst? No thank you, I
don't eat pork. [in japanese] It's useful.
Dragon: [in German] I don't eat pork either.
[It swipes at Genma, grabs him, and flies off.]
Nodoka: HUSBAND!
Ranma: POP!
[They chase after the dragon, which swoops out of sight.]
Ranma: AAAAHHH!!!!!
Nodoka: Grrr.
[It starts raining.]
Akane: I'm sorry, Ranma.
P-chan: Bweee!
Akane: There you are, P-chan!
Nabiki: Uhh...
Ranma-chan: Pop...
Nodoka: We'll hunt him down, if it's the last thing I do.
[We see the dragon return. It drops Genma-panda like a bomb onto Soun,
who is busily crying.]
Dragon: [in German] I never eat pandas...the bamboo sticks in my
teeth. NOW WHERE'S MY POSSESSIONS?
[It gets ready to breathe fire again, then a hose of water gets fired
down its throat. We see Akane manning the water hose.]
Akane: Hah!
Dragon: [in German] Blast it, my pilot light went out. I'll BE BACK!
[It flies away.]
Ranma: So what did you steal from the dragon, Pop?
Genma-panda: [sign] I'm innocent!
Everyone: Yeah, right.
************************************************************************
[We see Kunou sleeping in his bed among the wreckage of the Kunou
mansion. He checks his still mostly intact dresser's top drawer after
getting out of bed.]
Kunou: Hmm. My rings have not given birth again...I suppose they must
need to get pregnant, like anything else...Well, eight rings means seven
presents and one I can keep for myself. I'm sure my huntress Akane would
enjoy one of these...I can give it to her at the party tonight. I hope
the repairs are sufficiently complete by then.
***********************************************************************
[We see Ryouga sitting in Nabiki's window, staring out at the sunrise.
She wakes up.]
Nabiki: Hi, Ryouga-chan.
Ryouga: Hi, Nabiki-chan. [he sighs]
Nabiki: What's wrong?
Ryouga: Kunou's test burned up last night. Or maybe I lost it.
Nabiki: Well, luckily, the rain put out the fire before the dojo was
damaged too badly. Why don't you just give him a barely passing grade?
Or you could just count his average to date. That's passing, right?
Ryouga: Yeah, I guess that's fair. It's not his fault about the
dragon...I hope.
Nabiki: I have a bad feeling...I need to go talk to Kunou-chan.
Ryouga: Why?
Nabiki: I have to see if he gave anything away last night to Akane or
Ranma...that the dragon might have been after. I doubt Kunou took
anything from the dragon...
Ryouga: Good idea...if that thing comes back...we need to be ready.
*******************************************************************
[We see Nabiki at the Kunou mansion, talking to Sasuke.]
Sasuke: I'm sorry, he won't be back until the party tonight.
Nabiki: Great. Just great.
Sasuke: He's off making the final arrangements.
Nabiki: Next stop, Ranma.
*******************************************************************
[At the Dojo]
Akane: He's off moping somewhere about the party. I haven't seen him.
Nabiki: Did Kunou give you anything yesterday?
Akane: Not that I remember.
Nabiki: Did he give Ranma anything?
Akane: Why would he give Ranma...oh, you mean the "pig-tailed
goddess"...not that I'm aware of.
Nabiki: Hmm. Maybe I'm heading down the wrong track...I need to find Kunou.
************************************************************************
[We see Gosunkugi and Akemi tangled in a growing sea of paper.]
Gosunkugi: Whaddya do, print an entire FTP site?
Akemi: [reads off a piece of paper] Ia! Ia! Cthulhu! [pauses] Hmm.
I think I really shouldn't have bound that spirit into the computer...
Gosunkugi: I'd cry now, but breathing is getting too hard.
*************************************************************************
[We see Kunou's party in progress. Hundreds of people are here, despite
the wrecked condition of the estate. We see the Tendo household and the
Saotomes. Ranma-chan is in a dress, looking disgruntled.]
Ranma-chan: [thinking] If Nabiki hadn't paid me 5000 yen...and Mom
hadn't threatened to let Nabiki choose the dress...Why'd she want me to
come like this, anyway?
Nabiki: [thinking] Oh wait...is that Unicorns who lay their head in the
lap of a beautiful maiden...For that matter, does Ranma still qualify...hmmm.
Kunou: Ahh, it is so wonderful to see the two women I love!
[He hugs Ranma-chan and Akane, who both squirm.]
Nabiki: Kunou-chan...have you given them any token of your love lately?
Kunou: Ahh, yes. I have a ring for Akane to match the one I gave to my
beloved pig-tail goddess. [hands a box to Akane] Also, a present for
you, Nabiki. [hands her a box] To mark your graduation.
Nabiki: [hands a box to Kunou] This is for you.
Kunou: Thank you. Now, WE DANCE!
[He drags Ranma-chan and Akane off to the dance floor. Nabiki deftly
snags the box he gave to Akane in the process.]
Nabiki: Let's see if I'm right...
[She opens the box. It has a ring identical to hers. She tries it on.]
Nodoka: Nabiki, taking your sister's gift isn't very nice.
Nabiki: Somewhere out there is the ring that dragon is after. We have
to find it. Ring, turn me invisible. [Nothing happens] I can't hear
grass growing either...Must be the ring he gave Ranma...
[She runs over to where Kunou is dancing with Akane. Ranma-chan has
shaken herself loose. She spots Ukyou dancing with Kurusawa Hayao.]
Ukyou: You're a good dancer!
Hayao: Thanks!
Ukyou: I'm having a lot more fun than I thought I could...
Hayao: I'm having fun too! [thinking] I just wish I could tell her who
I really am...
[Ranma-chan cuts in.]
Hayao: Hey!
[Ranma-chan dances off with Ukyou.]
Ukyou: Uh, hi, Ranchan...I thought you weren't coming.
Ranma-chan: Nabiki paid me...I don't know why...So who is this Hayao guy?
Ukyou: He's a friend from work, Ranchan. He eats at my place a lot.
Ranma-chan: There's something about him that bothers me...
Ukyou: Ranma...are you jealous?
Ranma-chan: No! Of course not...I'm just worried for you.
Ukyou: He's just a guy who likes to dance!
[Nabiki cuts in, dancing with Ryouga. Ryouga dances away with Ukyou,
Nabiki with Ranma.]
Nabiki: Did Kunou give you anything yesterday?
Ranma-chan: ... [hesitates] No.
Nabiki: [suspiciously] Are you SURE?
Ranma-chan: Yes.
Nabiki: Hmmm. I think something Kunou had got into our house
somehow...whatever the dragon is after.
Ranma-chan: It's not a ring is it?
Nabiki: [narrows her eyes] Why yes.
Ranma-chan: Then you...umm...I guess you didn't open your ...
Nabiki: My?
[Ryouga cuts in with Kasumi. Kasumi dances off with Ranma-chan while
Ryouga dances off with Nabiki. We see Hayao somehow dancing with Kunou.
They both look surprised, as do Akane and Ukyou, who have somehow ended
up together.]
Ranma-chan: Whew.
Nabiki: Ryouga, I didn't finish talking to him!
Ryouga: Oh.
[They move in at same time as the other couples. The four couples
collide and end up as <Akane and Ranma> and <Hayao and Kasumi> and
<Ryouga and Ukyou> and <Kunou and Nabiki>.]
Kasumi: Nice to meet you!
Hayao: Hi!
Akane: What was Nabiki grilling you about?
Ranma-chan: I'd rather not think about it...
[Nabiki steers Kunou around and snatches Ranma, while Kunou snatches Akane.]
Nabiki: So spill the beans, Ranma.
Ranma-chan: I gave you the ring as a graduation present.
Nabiki: ACK! That means...if that's the ring...
Ranma-chan: What, the dragon is after the ring, you think?
Nabiki: When did he give it to you?
Ranma-chan: Yesterday afternoon.
Nabiki: Right. Go get it from my bedroom and bring it here...Better
Kunou-chan's house than ours...
[Ranma-chan takes off sprinting.]
*********************************************************************
[We see Ranma-chan sprinting rooftop to rooftop, with the present in hand.]
Ranma-chan: I hope she's right...
[She opens the box and puts on the ring.]
Ranma-chan: I almost forgot I could test this. [He suddenly can hear
everything simultaneously in a five mile radius...at the same time. ]
Voices: MORE! MORE! MORE! Ike Ike Go Go Jump! Kanrinin-san, it's all
Akemi's fault! Living in a red corvette... The square of the fungi is
the sum of the squares of the papooses. Where's the beef?
Ranma-chan: I can't hardly think. Wait, I hear...wingbeats.
[She looks and sees an incoming angry dragon.]
Ranma-chan: Uhoh...ring, turn me invisible!
[The ring turns invisible, not her.]
Ranma-chan: Uh oh...
*************************************************************************
[We see Ranma-chan leap down into the midst of the party.]
Ranma-chan: DRAGON! It's coming!
[Mass panic ensues. Many of the guests are swept away in the crowd,
including Hayao and Ryouga. Genma is too busy eating to notice.]
Dragon: [thinking] Didn't I already destroy this place once? It
doesn't look devastated enough. Maybe I'm getting senile.
Nabiki: Someone find Ryouga! He's the only one who can talk to it!
[Ranma leaps head to head after Ryouga on top of the mob. The dragon
starts methodically levelling the mansion again.]
Dragon: [In German] GIVE ME BACK WHAT IS MINE!
[Ukyou hurls spatulas at it. It doesn't even notice. Nabiki sighs.]
Nabiki: You have to hit him in his weak spot.
Ukyou: Where is it?
Nabiki: Do I look like a professional dragon hunter to you?
Ukyou: Hmmm.
Kunou: Come down and fight like a man, foul wyrm spawned by
thrice-cursed Saotome sorcery!
Nodoka: Come on, husband, we have to help.
Genma: [eating] Can't fight. Eating.
[Soun starts crying for no apparent reason. Ranma-chan plucks Ryouga out
of the mob and carries him back to Nabiki.]
Nabiki: Ask him if this is his ring. [shows Ryouga the ring]
Ryouga: [In German] Are you looking for a ring?
Dragon: [turns, in German] MY RING! YES! GIVE IT TO ME!
Ryouga: [in German] Only if you promise to leave us alone. We can
throw in a sacrificial virgin. [points to Ranma]
Ranma-chan: What did he say?
Dragon: [stares at Ranma, in German] Can you prove she's a virgin?
[Ryouga blushes.]
Dragon: [in German] I'll settle for the ring.
Ryouga: [in German] Deal.
[He gives the dragon the ring.]
Dragon: A pleasure doing business with you. I was getting tired of
fighting that dwarf who stole this from me...
Ryouga: [In German] The dwarf stole it from you?
Dragon: [in German] Yeah. I've been trying to get it back every day for
100 years...
Ryouga: [In German] ...
****************************************************************************
[We see Gosunkugi and Akemi pushed out the door of Gosunkugi's room,
riding a tide of paper.]
Gosunkugi: Lemme guess, the paper magically replenishes itself?
Akemi: Yeah. Works really great.
Gosunkugi: Does it ever run out?
Akemi: In a few decades...
************************************************************************
[We see Durin relaxing in his living room, watching Niflheim Place on his
crystal ball.]
Durin: What? I can't believe that after Hel tried to run her down with
that boat made of corpses fingernails that Modi didn't press charges...I
guess he still loves her...
[He sits back and relaxes.]
Durin: This will be the first time in a hundred years I've seen this
undisturbed.
[A bandana flies and shatters the crystal ball.]
Durin: HEY!
[He turns and sees Ryouga, Akane, Nodoka, Genma, Soun, Kodachi, Kunou,
Ukyou, and the Principal, all glowing with battleaura.]
Durin: Good thing I paid my medical insurance premium last week...
[Fade to black as with the background accompaniement of the sounds of
mass destruction.]
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/falcon.html
http://www.dhp.com/~wraven/john/index.html
"All dressed up and no place to go...but Oblivion!", "That's so
sweet...I'm getting cavities!", "Welcome to hell, Sailor Moon!"--Queen Beryl