From:        Mike W. Loader, mloader@scs.unr.edu

Okay. I know I'm unforgivably late in returning opinion on this, but
things have been hectic. Besides, I wanted to make sure which parts of the
review I agreed with.
  So here it is, the author's feeble responce. :)

Feeble? :> Don't worry about the time; I've been kinda snowed under 
myself. 

Windir: I'm afraid the description of Akane's ambulatory meal is a bit...
drab. After the delightful kitchen scenes from Part One, I would have
expected something a bit more eldrich.

Yah want eldrich? I'll give yah Eldrich! (rewrite in progress, after the
Blood sacrifice to Yog-Sogtoth of the Multitenticled Ichor Pits is
finished.)

Eeep!

Windir: Dear Ghu, what have we done?

Frito: Ahhh, don't worry 'bout it. If it gets too nasty, just invite it 
over for dinner.

Windir: <Bug-eyed look> Frito... you wouldn't... actually... er, you 
know...

Frito: No problem! Akane's cookin' ain't half bad, compared with some of 
the stuff ya find at the concession stand!

But... what if it tries to, well, *possess* you or something...

Frito: Yeah, right! Anythin' that tries ta possess *me* is gonna move out 
after 15 minutes!

Windir: *That* I can believe. And ten minutes is a more likely prospect.

Hey, wait a minute! Windir, I thought you were still kidnapped?

Windir: I'm on temporary leave from that plotline.

Windir: This scene in the Kuno mansion comes across as rather stilted,
especially Kodachi.

Frito: Yeah, but whatta ya bet that really happens at their house?

Windir: Perhaps, but I was not commenting on the likelihood of the events
-- merely on the way they are conveyed, particularly the dialogue.

The dialogue in that part was made purposely stiff. I figured when you
have the Kuno's normal formal prose, added to the awkwardness they
probably feel when talking to each other, added to the fact that custom
demands you be polite at the dinner table...well, maybe I overdid it a
bit.

Hmmm... probably. I agree with your reasoning (and had pretty much 
duplicated it myself), but I would have expected something like 
phoney/saccerine politeness, not stilted formality. "Why, dear sister! 
What a pleasure it is to have you cook for us!" Etc. etc. I guess I'd 
expect some emotion in the scene, and there really wasn't any, except for 
Satsuki. 

Windir: This might indeed reflect the attitudes of the average Japanese
towards Americans, but complaining about it doesn't seem to be in
character for either of them.

  Complaining about ANYTHING is, I feel, perfectly suited to Gemna (and
Soun, to a lesser extent). The two also have a habit of focusing on
something relatively minor, completely ignoring the big, horrible,
important thing happening in the background.

Well, yes. :) It's natural for them to complain... I just would have 
expected a different subject. <wry g> Something like the inefficiency of 
the street-cleaning crew... basically, something closer to home. 

Windir: As there has indeed been a plethora of comments on the dream, we
shall refrain from adding our admittedly confused interpretations to the
mix. For the most part...

Apparently "plethora" = 2. :)

Something like. :)

(Ukyo's eyes light up with interest.)

Windir: And mine as well. Though I'm not exactly sure where the author
made that connection before... it seems just a little too convenient,
though I suppose it can be excused for the sake of the plot.

  The author had been getting threatening letters from the Kuonji Jihad
hinting that I might want to write her in if I valued my large intestine.

Well, that's only natural. :) Ukyou *does* belong in this fic, after all. 
++:)

I'll make the resemblane clearer earlier on, so that it can go from "cheap
ploy" to "plot hook".

Giles: Oi thought you wuz going to moike it "eldrich?"

So I'll make it eldrich Okonomiyaki.

And the ghosts of thousands of murdered Okonomiyaki stuffings cry out for 
vengeance...

<Thunder rumbles ominously in the distance, and the organ music begins 
playing again -- this time, the stuff Kagato was playing>

Shampoo: So did you....Kodachi.

Windir: This does indeed make the running joke sound deliberate, since
Shampoo gets her real name right and says it in a deliberate fashion.

*sigh* This particular running joke is being revised, cut down to size,
and reevaluated. It'll still be in the final, just not as often.

Good. It does work in the story, it just needs to be exercised with a 
little more moderation. :)

Frito: Ah, HAH! *DAT'S* why da author put dis in! Viva da Institut Rats!

I was wondering if anyone would spot the cameo appearance. The harbor
stays, by the by. :)

Frito: Awwww!

Frito: Two thumbs up?

Windir: Yes. And FINISH THE NEXT PART!

  Thanks. :) Nameless 7 is almost done, and will probably be posted
tomorrow. I had decided to take a break from it to do a piece in a more
serious vein (Smoke and Mirrors), and it took me a bit to get back itno
Nameless's cornball mood.

Saw it. :) I'd noticed the break for Smoke and Mirrors (Which I also 
liked a great deal... when's the next part of that coming?). It's often 
good to take a greak from writing one thing to write another... which is 
one reason I brought Windir and Frito back to begin with. :)

  The fact that I've been hanging out on the FFMLmud in the evenings
hasn't speeded things up either. :)

I've thought about dropping by there (even D/L'ed a MUDD client for the 
Mac)... but simply haven't had time yet, and IRC is what I usually hit 
first. 

  In closing, I obviously didn't agree with everything in the review.
This made it VERY useful in the revision, and you'll see quite a bit of
Mr. Butler's hand in that version.

Eeeepp!

<ducking and running very *very* fast>



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

..Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.