Actually just a few nits:

  [Tofu takes a sample his initial exam]

  The tube goes into a bath of alcohol.

Why?  I could see him putting in the fridge or freezer, but the tube
itself probably doesn't need *disinfection*, and if the alcohol gets
inside the sample will be damaged if not ruined.

After the sample is drained into a beaker/sample jar, the tupe is 
disinfected you know.

  Dr. Tofu: Oh... um, Would you like a lift home then?

All questions about Tofu having a car could be eliminated if you
change this to "Would you like me to call a taxi?"

bleah.. I might, it doens't really change anything.

If you want a retribution sub-plot, and want some alternative to
Ranma-chan and Akane bumping into the gang (followed by a cut to the
Nerimi skyline, suddenly lit as if by lightning...), you have an
opportunity for Nabiki to say: "Profit?  No, there are times to <get
use out of money/profits, something to that effect>."

I've already finished the story (in my head), so no more plots are 
needed.

  Akane: Just what do you remember?

  [Ranma-chan doesn't reply, but instead walks over to Akane, and
  holds her in a hug, which Akane responds to, holding her back.]

While I know what you're saying here, the use of "holding her back"
is potentially confusing, since it can also mean something like
holding her away from you.  At the very least, it's a bit jarring.

If I remember, I'll think about some alternatives.

  [Scene: It is later in the day, the sun is beginning to set. We
  pull back to see the shot is from the Tendo roof. Two figures are
  silhouetted against the sun, sitting on the roof.]

  Akane: I come up here sometimes, to sit and watch the world go by.
  It is sometimes very beautiful, sometimes very tragic.

Tragic in this sentence sounds a little strong to me; perhaps "very
sad" ?

Tragic becuase she is sitting next to Ranma-chan, who has... well...

  Akane: No, although she is doing much better, she seems to be
  talking a lot more, although she doesn't seem to remember anybody
  but me until I have introduced her to them again.

Her statement would seem to imply that Ranma is remembering people
after Akane introduces them, while I've gathered that even then
Ranma doesn't remember them.

Yeah, I've noticed that to... I'm working on a fix that I like now...

  [Startled by the vehemence of her shout, both Akane and Ranma-chan
  all but leap back from where they were standing. Akane's face is
  shocked, she has only rarely heard Kasumi raise her voice, and it
  was never directed towards her before. Ranma-chan doesn't look
  upset, but is throwing inquisitive glances at both women, trying
  to find out what is going on. Kasumi looks concerned though, and
  rushes over to Akane, grabbing her hand and looking at it.]

Ummm, with Kasumi being the surrogate mom in the family, its
unlikely to be the first time she's warned Akane with a shout about
something time critical.

Err... warning yes, a top volume scream of her name, no.

  Akane: Ka- Kasumi, what's wrong?

  Kasumi: I was using that burner to boil water not fifteen minutes
  ago, you should have noticed it was still hot!

Also, 5 or 10 minutes would be better---a stove cools down a lot in
15 minutes.

Not any gas stove I've ever used.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew Stodden <eos@ghost.cc.cmu.edu>
"But mostly, you learn to close your eyes and tell youself,
'This just isn't happening.'"
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