From:        RPM - acct 3/5, rpm39788@Bayou.UH.EDU

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  I apologize in advance... this ridiculous idea is stuck
in my head and I can't get rid of it.  So I'm dumping it out on you
guys. :P

Frito: FRESH MEAT! <Dives in headfirst>

Lyra: <Resigned sigh> You had to do it, didn't you?

  Ranma wheezed and coughed, stumbing out of the cave, clutching a small
golden statuette.  It was SUPPOSED to have been a routine expadition, but
now his guide was dead, the natives must've been woken up, and the ancient
ruins were definitely trashed.  

Frito: Ain't life a --

Lyra: <Warningly> Frito!

Ranma sighed as he stumbled slowly out of
the mouth of the cave, brushing off cobwebs. 

  <Oh well, at least I got the statuette...>

  "SAOTOME!"

Frito: Hey, at first I thought dis was Kuno!

Lyra: It might have worked better if it *had* been Kuno.

  Ranma looked up and smirked.  "Oh, hey there P-chan."
  "SHUT UP!"
  "Whaddaywant _now_, Ryouga?"
  "The statue, Saotome, hand it over."

Lyra: I... well, didn't think Ryoga fit here.

Frito: Why not?

Lyra: Well, Jones' opponent in Raiders was suave, and elegant. And 
besides...

Frito: Yeah?

Lyra: Ryoga's too nice. And honorable. <Blushes slightly>

  Ranma couldn't help but laugh.  "Riiiight, stop wasting my time Ryouga."  
He confidently began to walk away when Ryouga suddenly belted out a loud 
sound, and dozens of them emerged from the forest:  primitive, savage, 
angry, and all looking right at Ranma.
  Killer Pigs.

Frito: Hey, if ya dump Ryoga, ya lose this!

Lyra: Oh. <Frowns indecisively>

  Ryouga smirked.  "It pays to know the local language, eh?  Now HAND 
THAT STATUE OVER!!!"
  Ranma quickly analyzed the situation he'd gotten himself into.  
Surrounded, unarmed, and vastly outnumbered.

Frito: So what else is new? It ain't like he's never been there.

  "Alright, Ryouga, you win."  Ranma reluctantly gave the statuette of 
the golden pig to Ryouga, glaring at him angrily.  Their rivalry had 
always been intense, but ever since Jusenkyo things had gotten pretty 
ugly.  Everyone at the college knew about the dueling archeologists, but 
Ranma always felt that things were getting out of hand.  Ryouga had no 
such problems.
  "There's nothing you can get that I can't take away," sighed Ryouga as 
he admired the artifact.  Then he held it up and yelled, "BWEEEEEEEE!!!"
  All the pigs bowed.
  Ranma took this moment to do what his father had taught him best: run.

Lyra: I'm not sure his father has anything to do with this. *I'd* run.

  Ryouga blinked.  Then he looked at the retreating form of Ranma and 
grinned an evil grin.  He pointed at Saotome, then squealed, "Bwee bwee
BWEEE!!!!"  Immediately, the swarm of killer pigs chased after Ranma, 
while Ryouga stayed behind and laughed maniacally.

Frito: Moohoohuhuhehehahahahahaha!

Lyra: <Shaking her head> Frito...

  "Gonnamakeit, gonnamakeit, gonnamakeit," muttered Ranma as he
approached the two-seater propellor airplane that was floating in the
river.  He looked behind him, and the forest errupted with swarms of small
black bweee-ing furies. 
  "START THE PLANE, HIROSHI!!!"  Ranma was 20 feet away, and closing in 
fast.  <Just... a little... further...>
  Hiroshi looked up from the cockpit and away from his magazine.  He saw 
the swarm of piglet power bearing down on Ranma and muttered, "I don't 
believe it..."  Immediately, the engine roared to life and zoomed down 
the river.

Frito: Hey, you're missin' a joke here! What happens when he makes da 
Tarzan swing and lands in da water?

Lyra begins chuckling.

  "WAIT FOR ME YOU IDIOT!!!" yelled Ranma.  He scrambled into the 
into the passenger's cockpit and then sighed with relief as the plane 
took off, leaving behind dozens of angry squealing pigs.
  "So, how'd it go?" asked Hiroshi.
  "Don't ask."
  Ranma closed his eyes and leaned back... then suddenly tensed up again.
Something... something was down there at his feet.  He peered downward to 
get a better look.
  -meow-
  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
  "WHAT?  WHAT?" asked a startled Hiroshi.
  "THERE'S A CAT ON THE PLANE!!!"
  "Yeah, so?"
  "I HATE CATS, HIROSHI!!! HATE'EM!!!"
  "Aw, c'mon man, they're just cute cuddly little things..."
  -meow-
  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGH!!!"

Frito: Aw, poor kitty.

Lyra: But it's so cute!

 ===================================================
 Ranma 1/2:  Raiders of the Lost ... Lost... er....
 ===================================================

to be continued... sometime.

Lyra: <Quietly> It had better be. <Gives the author a Look.>

------------------------
WRITER'S NOTE:

I just needed a break from working on The Pursuit of Happiness
and The Surreal World (yes, I'm working on part 4 of THAT at the
moment too) 

Frito: I'm waitin'. <Starts tapping his foot and glaring at the author.>



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

..Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.