Richard Lawson wrote:

I am particularly 
interested in whether you think my use of Japanese is a good idea or 
not.

I think it works just fine for this story. :)

This version contains a 
very brief listing of the Japanese words and their meaning; I hope this 
helps with the comprehension.

That's a very good idea.

Which title do you like better?  It was originally "Heart of the Home", 
a reference to the kitchen as well as Kasumi.  I kinda got away from the 
kitchen as the center of the story, though, so I changed it to "Heart of 
the Family".  That sounds better to me, anyway.  What do you think?

Trust your instincts on the title.  I happen to like "Heart of the Home"
much better, but it's your decision to make.

Also, I'd like to know...where else should I put this story?  Is there 
some place I should upload it to, some newsgroup I should post it to?  

rec.arts.anime.creative is the place to send the final version (TXT format,
80 characters wide only please, or the moderator will have a meltdown <g>).

Thanks to your wonderful responses, I'm eager to show it to a larger 
audience.  How do I do that?

You could always let me add it to my web page ;)


A comment on the story:

The sounds of chopping stopped.  Okaasan turned toward Kasumi.  Kasumi  
knew an instant of fear - Okaasan was about to chastise her for spying, 
and send her away.  But the warm, loving look that always seemed to find 
its way to Okaasan's face calmed Kasumi 's fears as quickly as they had 
formed.   "Kasumi-chan, do you want to help?"

I see you changed the "Kasumi"s to "Kasumi-chan"s.  At the time I commented
on this, you mentioned that the scene was right out of the video, and that
it was "Kasumi" in the video.  I'm wondering....  were you watching the dub
version?  I'd almost bet money that in the Japanese version she actually
said "Kasumi-chan" <G>



Jeanne Hedge

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       "Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
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