What a yucky title. well, what'd you'd expect when you thought
of it in two seconds? ;) the story that follows isn't that much better
anyway, so I might as well keep the title (gee, isn't my faith in myself
astounding?)
	In a slightly different tone than 'Reality' I've psoted
here recently (actually, very differnt, but that's besides the point),
I wrote this. I might give it another couple of chapters, but I don't
plan on making it a long term project. I have another idea for that
(
whic will probably never be written anyway...)
	I'm not really too used in dealing with SM characters, but
here it is anyway.




 
        Mamoru didn't want to sleep. Rarely did he ever want to.
 Because he knew that with sleep, came dreams as well.
 
        From an early age, Mamoru had a single dream that
 haunted him every night; in it, a beautiful woman begged him to
 find the ginzishiou. From her head flowed two long trails of hair
 connected by two balls on her head, and a bright yellow crescent
 moon shinned on her forehead. She was almost... magical, as
 she stood in front of a large crescent moon, begging him to bring
 him the ginzishiou. Tears filled her eyes as she pleaded with him,
 her voice wavery. He knew she had lost everything dear to her
 from the mournful expression that radiated from her face. He also
 knew that there was a strong bond between them, though
 Mamoru hadn't know what. He strongly suspected it was love,
 but was too embarrassed to admit it.
 
        It wasn't for nearly two decades that he finally found the
 ginzishiou, met the girl of his dreams (literally!) and was finally
 granted the peace of normal and varying dreams. Never before
 had he been so happy, finally reunited with Usagi, formally known
 as Princess Serenity. She was wildly different from the way she
 was in her past life, but she was still the same person at heart,
 and that was all that mattered. Besides, Mamoru loved Usagi.
 Endymion loved Serenity. It was that simple.
 
        Of course, peace never lasts.
 
 
 
        "Mamo-chan, finally we can finally live happily ever after..."
 Sighed Usagi, her soft smile reflecting the happiness in her heart.
 Mamoru was also smiling at his soon-to-be-wife, his heart sharing
 the same joy hers was, yet there was an overpowering sense of
 dread at the same time. "You don't know how long I've waited
 for this day." He shouldn't be doing this. He knew nothing good
 would come out of this. But it felt so right. They loved each other
 so much. How could it be wrong?
 
        Usagi closed her eyes, and Mamoru did so too as they
 leaned in for what they thought would be the kiss that would link
 them forever. But in truth, it would be their last...
 
        He got one last look of his saddened beloved before his
 world exploded to pieces. Literally.  Despair flamed in his heart
 when he found himself alone in a dark, hazy place, with an
 image of Usagi's death in the explosion flashing through his
 mind as his only comfort. His grief formed by one word, he
 held his hand out, desperately screaming out "USAKO!!"
 
        He collapsed to his knees, unable to deal with the grief
 washing over him. A voice, which he had grown to despise,
 called out to him, "Prince Endymion..." Even if Mamoru hated
 the voice, in some ways it was a huge relief to hear it. Because
 he knew then that this was only the dream, and he could still
 save Usako from the horrifying explosion he had just witnessed.
 He still had a chance at saving her.
 
        Snarling, "Who are you? Can't you ever leave me alone?!?"
 
        "As long as stay close to Princess Serenity, she will be
 in danger, and so will the rest of the world." Mamoru clenched
 his fists, wishing he could hit his invisible adversary, but the
 best he could do was to speak rudely to him.
 
        "How can I believe you? This is just a dream, nothing
 more!"
 
        "What I am telling you is the truth, Prince Endymion. If
 you truly care for Princess Serenity's welfare you'll keep your
 distance from her."
 
        "I don't believe you! Liar!" Before Mamoru had a chance
 to insult and to speak of his disbelief in him anymore, he woke
 up with a start, drenched in sweat. He allowed himself a few
 seconds to regulate his breathing before he started to seriously
 think of what he had just seen. While breathing in and out slowly
 helped calm him down a little, the sight of Usagi's death had
 left him extremly unseasy and no matter what he did, he wasn't
able to soothe out his feelings of panic completely.
 
        Having stretched, he walked to his balcony, hoping that
 the cool night air would lessen his intense feelings of fear, and
 allow him to think more clearly. He was sure that if he could
 push his emotions aside, he would be able to make the right
 choice without any regrets and be free of any worries of whether
 what he was doing was correct. However, like most humans he
 was plagued by emotions, and his choices were often based
 upon only his feelings, for the better or the worse.
 
        That voice, for example. He had never heard of it
 until he started getting this dream, and only in them did he
 hear it. Nor had he said anything to Mamoru that would
 show he was trustworthy. But for some reason, Mamoru
 knew that if there was one person he could trust, it was that
 man. Just from hearing this voice repeat itself in his dreams
 did Mamoru base this conclusion. Sometimes he really
 had to wonder about his logic.
 
        Below, he saw what could be identified as two lovers.
 It was too far away to be sure, but Mamoru was quite certain
 that they were out on a date, and probably having the time
 of their lives. 'Why,' he wondered, 'Can't I ever be with her?'
 
        He never got an answer.
 
 
 
 
        Usagi sat on her bed, with the infamous cover decorated
 by bunnies and crescent moons. Perhaps she would have
 found some humor from the childish bed covering, but she was
 too deep in thought. Which was quite amazing, considering her
 character.
 
        Luna was trying to tell her something, but like almost
 everything the black cat (not to mention everyone else) told her,
 the information went through one ear and out the other. It
 wasn't until she mentioned something totally off-topic that Luna
 noticed, though. "Luna, what could possibly make Mamo-chan
 break up with me?" The cat sighed with exasperation, and
 jumped onto the bed next to the blonde.
 
        "Do you do this to me on purpose?"
 
        "Do what?"
 
        "Every time I start talking about something important,
 you go and start thinking about Mamoru-san! I understand that
 you love him, but Usagi-chan, everybody needs to be alone with
 their thoughts sometimes. Give him time, he'll come back."
 
        "Its been four weeks and eight days, Luna. It doesn't take
 that long for anyone to sort out their feelings."
 
        "Baka Usagi." A young voice said, not to different
 from Usagi's own voice, just slightly higher. "There's seven
 days in a week. That'd mean that Mamoru dumped you five
 weeks and a day ago." Usagi cringed at the word 'dumped'.
 
        "What do you know, Chibi-usa? And Mamo-chan didn't
 dump me! He just... he just..." Usagi found that she couldn't
 say anything else, mainly because she didn't have anymore
 excuses. Whatever was wrong with Mamoru was beyond her
 understanding.
 
        "You're so dumb, Usagi. Its so obvious that he doesn't
 care anymore. After all, what has he done for you lately?"
 Chibi-usa questioned smugly. She loved rubbing in the fact that
 Mamoru preferred her over Usagi.
 
        Chibi-usa had expected Usagi to start giving off a list
 of meaningless things. Or to yell for her to get out. So she was
 very surprised to see Usagi give her a long, sad look, and then
 for her to glance to the crescent moon. Silence filled the room
 as Chibi-usa realized her blunder, until finally she started to
 apologize. "Usagi-" The young girl didn't bother to say anymore,
 as Usagi had already wordlessly left the room. Lifting her right
 fist to her chest, Chibi-usa quietly apologized to her namesake,
 having intended on only teasing the crybaby. Instead, she had
 hurt her.
 
 
 
        'Get over him? How can I?' Were Usagi's thoughts as
 she walked through Tokyo's dimly lit streets. 'I've been in love
 with him from before I can remember... even if I wanted to, I
 couldn't give up on him. I don't know how.' Involuntarily, her
 mind went over some memories of her past life...
 
 
 
        'Run.' A voice in Princess Serenity commanded. 'Run
 harder'. This task was particularly hard for Princess Serenity, not
 because of her physical condition, but because of her attire. She
 tripped with every step on her once snow-white dress, which was
 now unfit for a beggar. From the hem to halfway through her
 lower leg, the dress was torn; the pure white was now streaked
 with dirt, grass stains and smelled strongly of sweat. Princess
 Serenity did not care for these things. All she wanted was to get
 away.
        However, despite what Princess Serenity's mind and
 heart wanted, her body could only take so much torture. She
 collapsed in an unfamiliar field, where she spent a few minutes
 regaining her breath.
 
        Now that she no longer needed to concentrate on running,
 her mind started to ask itself why she had ran away, and before
 she could think better, she began to remember. Something about
 her father. He was dead. Now why was he dead?
 
        He had been poisoned. When Princess Serenity heard the
 news of her dear father's death, she had fled the palace, mainly
 because she was so upset, but also because... well, because she
 was afraid. There had never been any complaints as to the Royal
 family or how things were being run, so it was a huge shock
 when her father had been poisoned, right out of the blue. And
 Princess Serenity adored her father...
 
        Princess Serenity's train of thought was broken when she
 heard a twig snap softly behind her. Turning cautiously, she saw a
 semi-familiar man. She knew him to be royalty from his armor
and sword, but it took her a second to remember who he was.
 Prince Endymion, from Earth she named him as he sat next to
 her.
 
        "Are you all right?" He asked gently, not meaning to
 pry. Of course he already knew what the problem was as he
 had offered to help search for her, but he wanted to help comfort
 her, and thought that maybe by speaking her problems she
 would calm down a little.
 
        She barely knew him. But something about him made her
 trust him instantly. Abandoning all of the manners and Princess
 habits she had attained in her lifetime, she threw herself in his arms
 and began to cry. When the worst of her tears were over, she told
 him how much she hated her life. All these politics. Living in a
 palace. Always treated in the most formal manner. Never thought
 of anything else other than a Princess. Her father's unexpected
 death, and her new fears. In other words, everything.
 
        After she had finished her tale, she pulled away from him,
 embarrassed at her behavior. "I'm sorry to bother you with this.
 Please forgive my rudeness."
        Prince Endymion felt his heart go out to this delicate woman;
 before, he had viewed her as just another person, but after this...
 
        He said nothing in response to Princess Serenity's
 apology. Instead, he held something out to her. Never, not in
 a million years, did Princess Serenity expect receive the present
 she just had. The mere sight of it took her breath away, and as
 she held it in her own hand she found that she could not find
 any words to say.
 
        It was a rose.
 
        On the Moon, roses where non-existent. Princess Serenity
 had seen a rose only a few time in her life, and this was the first
 time she ever owned one. In full bloom, the rose was perfect in
 size, shape and color. It was beautiful. "I hope this will give you
 some comfort, little as it is, Serenity." 'Serenity'? She thought,
 surprised that she was called this. 'I like that... just Serenity'. She
 looked up to him, smiling with her heart, instead of with her
 manners. And he smiled back, as he took her right hand his,
 kissing it gently. Their smiles would be described as goofy by
 children, but was known to be the beginning of love among
 adults.
 
        Or, as some think, the beginning of pain.
 
 
 
        'How could you do this to me?' She asked, for the
 millionth time. 'If you were going to do this to me, why did
 you ever let me fall in love with you?'
 
        What to most people appeared to be a silly infatuation,
 Usagi held in her heart a love doomed to last for all of eternity.
 Nothing had ever managed to pull them apart, not even jealous
 forces of evil or death. Usagi just couldn't accept Mamoru's
 decision to split, especially not when they finally had a chance
 to happily ever after. She knew that there was a reason behind
 his sudden change of heart, and as soon as she discovered the
 cause, she'd fix the problem. Of course, Mamoru wasn't willing
 to let out any clues why he dumped her.
 
        It occurred to Usagi around then to look at where she
 was at. In front of her laid an apartment building, one that
 Usagi had grown quite familiar with over the past few months.
 It was where Mamoru lived.
 
        'I wonder...' She realized that the lights were on in
 Mamoru's apartment, and without stopping to think about
 the issues of being welcome or not, she entered the apartment
 building.
 
 
        Not wishing to risk the chance of having another
 nightmare, Mamoru hadn't gone to bed, instead, he was
 reading a book on his couch. To have that nightmare once
 in a night was bad enough, but twice was horrendous. And
 he knew better than to think that it wouldn't happen.
 
        He was in the middle of a fascinating article about
 rumors of the findings of an ancient civilization on the Moon
 when the doorbell rang. A bit bewildered to be have company
 arriving at this hour, he opened his front door. And for some
 reason, he wasn't all that surprised to see Usagi standing in
 front of him. "Usagi? What are you doing here?"
 
        "Well, I was going for a walk and I just happened to
 pass by- Mamo-chan, where are you going?"
 
        "To get dressed. I'm walking you home."
 
        "Mamo-chan, does this mean that?..."
 
        He cut her off before she could question the current
 status of his love for her. "Don't get the wrong idea, its just
 not safe to walk alone at night, even if you're Sailor Moon."
 
        "Oh. But why don't we take your motorcycle?..."
        "My car is being fixed, and I lent my motorcycle to
 Motoki for his date tonight."
 
        'Darn," Thought Usagi as she waited for Mamoru, 'So
 much for holding onto him as we rode his cycle.'
 
 
 
        The two waked in silence, as Usagi debated whether to ask
 him her question or not. Finally, after she could no longer bear the
 eerie silence between them, she asked, "Mamo-chan, why don't you...
 love me anymore?"
        Mamoru came to a quick halt, and he impatiently answered her
 with, "Must you ask me that question every time you see me?" He
 continued, though now his voice was more stressed, "It's over, that's
 all that matters." His heart was already twisting in agony from having
 been forced to utter such cruel words to the girl he loved, but what
 Usagi said next nearly stopped it altogether.
        "I guess you want me to get over you."
        Mamoru was unable to say anything for a few seconds, mainly
 because he had no idea what to respond with. He wanted Usagi to
 always love him, to hold her during her darkest moments and to see
 her hair glistening in the sun as she laughed. He wanted to be with her
 so badly it hurt. But more than anything, he wanted her to be safe.
 Even if it was without him. Once he felt he could say something
 without breaking down in the middle of the sentence, he said (although
 in a still somewhat strangled voice), "You do what you want."
        A sob raised in Usagi's throat, and in order to keep it from
 spreading into tears, she kept quiet. What could she say in response to
 that, anyway? She looked up to him, wanting to see his handsome face,
 knowing that it'd be just as cruel as his words were. But his face was
 not facing her, and for the first time, Usagi realized he never looked
 at her straight in the eye anymore. Or at all. In an act of random anger
 and curiosity, she twisted his head so that she could see his face. A
 gasp replaced her sob as she stepped back in disbelief, unable to
 believe what see was seeing.
        In the brilliant light of the full moon, the tears in Mamoru's eyes
 were very obvious, as they shinned in the light. A single tear had
 already ran its course down his right cheek. Before Usagi could
 question the cause of the tears, Mamoru turned back and fled.
 
        That night, two lonely hearts wept bitterly, wishing only to be
 in the other's arms. But not even that, the simplest of wishes, could
be granted to them.
 


____

	Isabel Arantes