Okay... Here is the first fic I've posted here... (or anywhere for that
matter). It's a draft. So C&C it to death! I can take it!

Anyway... Without further ado... P-word presents...


Ranma Nibun no Ichi Fanfiction - 

                                  Regret
                                  ======

By: Plunger 

This fanfic is the result of a bout of spontaneous melancholy brought on by
listening to Mettalica's `Until It Sleeps' too much.

Thanks to:

Takahashi Rumiko: For giving me something to write about, and for creating
                  a family that makes mine look normal!

Kun-chan: For introducing me to anime and ruining my grades forever.

Mettalica: For depressing me enough to write this!

Mr. B.T. Harding: For being so *UTTERLY* boring, that I was able to write 
                  this story in his lecture.

Note: This takes place after the end of the final manga (V38).

______________________________________________________________________________

[Story begins...]

[Part #1] The Distance Between Us

I stand at the gate and watch as Ranma walks away. He turns to look 
over his backpack at me. I force a smile and wave to him. He waves 
back then turns away, allowing me to drop the act. I wait until he is 
out of sight before I fall to my knees. After finally confessing our
feelings and finding the love that was always there, he leaves. 

I know he is going for me, but watching him go feels so wrong. I want 
to run after him and go with him. To experience whatever dangers he 
does, to fight battles he fights, to travel where he travels to, and 
most of all, to be with him.

But I cannot. And I know it. There is a sort of cold bitterness that 
comes from this knowledge. There are few things in this life more 
infuriating than being able to do nothing, and right now, there is 
nothing I can do.

Ranma has gone to find his cure...and left me alone. I know he means
well and that he goes for myy benifit, but it does no diminish the 
hurt of loneliness. His words echo in my mind, "I can never be truely 
yours until I am truely mine." 

I understand...

But I am still angry. Ranma has left to fight his demons, but he has
left me to face mine, and I am not sure if I am ready.

I cannot help but wonder how this came about...

Things started so simply... Then life got complicated. 

The time I spent with Ranma was like living in a comic book or an 
ammusement park ride. A wirlwind of chaos and confusion. But there
were better times... When he was kind... When he was gentle... 
When he looked after me... When he looked at me...  When he was at 
peace..

I wanted so much to tell him of my feelings, but fear and pride
always prevented me. I think at times, he felt that same, but he was 
also too unsure to act. Maybe if one of us had been braver, things 
could have been different...

Maybe if the events that led to this hadn't occured... I might not 
have suffered this terrible torture...

[Part #2] Breaking the Silence

I was walking to school with Ranma. We did not speak, our inhibitions
and egos still denying the expression of our true feelings. 

Kunou-sempai arrived, as he did most mornings... And it shows how 
one small event can have an extrordinary effect. It is strange that,
after all of our battles and our strannge experiences as Hou Ou Son,
it to Kunou to finally bring down the walls between us.

As usual Ranma fought Kunou and won. Easily. I loved to watch Ranma 
fight. I knew that fighting for me was his only way of showing he 
cared, and that made it special. Every blow that Ranma rained down 
on Kunou was a reaffirmation of his feelings. 

I see that now... Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Allowing you to 
wallow in regret at your own folly for things you had no way of 
knowing when they occured. But I digress...

Kunou was being particularly persistant that day and it took some 
time for Ranma to finish him. As Ranma walked away, Kunou grabbed 
the leg of Ranma's trousers, attempting to pull him back. 

I expected Ranma to simply kick him and be done with it, but 
instead he crouched down and spoke to Kunou.

I didn't hear the words, but the effect was surprising. Kunou lit up
like a roman candle and attacked Ranma in a frenzy. Ranma fought 
Kunou off and pinned him to the wall. This time, Ranma's words were
clear, I think he must have forgotten I was there. He looked Kunou 
in the eyes and said, "Listen to me... Akane doesn't love you. She 
never will. She is my fiancee and it's gonna stay that way." Kunou 
struggled, and Ranma added, "Listen! I love Akane and I will never
allow you to have her." 

He spoke coldly and evenly, as if this tone might penetrate Kunou's
world of fantasy. Kunou stared at Ranma for a moment and went limp,
his resolve broken. Kunou never bothered me again. It was as if 
Ranma had finally broken his will.

Ranma dropped Kunou and walked away, his expression dark. I didn't 
follow. I was too shocked by what he had said. He did care...

Later I found Ranma in his favourite thinking place, the doujou roof.
I walked up to him but I did not want to speak. I didn't know what to
say...

Fortunately, Ranma did. 

"Take a seat." he said offhandly, like nothing was wrong.

I sat and waited for him to begin. After a while I realised that he 
was waiting for me.

"Umm... Ranma?" I said nevously.

He looked up, as if he had forgotten I was sitting with him, "Yeah?"
he asked slowly.

"D..Did you mean what you s..said today?" I stammered, almost afraid.

"Did I mean what?" he asked curiously.

"You know..." I prompted.

He looked blank.

"About what you said to Kunou..."

He turned red and looked down, "Did you..um... Hear what I said?" he 
asked.

I nodded, more for myself than for him, "Hai. I heard what you said 
about me... Is it true?" I twisted my hands nevously as I waited for
him to reply.

He was silent for and long time, staring out at the night sky. Finally,
he sighed and turned to me, "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded, shaking as I did so.

He stared for a moment, then looked resolved. He stood up and walked 
around the edge of the doujou roof, looking all around. Aparently 
satisfied he walked over to me and stood right in front of me. I 
looked up at him and saw mixture of determination and fear. He 
frowned for a moment and then spoke. 

"Akane... I... I mean... What I said this morning..." he stammered,
aparently unsure of his words, "I-I wasn't lying." he said simply.

I stared at him in a state of abject shock. Finally after what seemed
like a eternity of just staring into his eyes, I found my voice, 
"R-ranma... D-does that mean that you..." I trailed off, too 
embarresed to go on.

He turned away and stepped back. After a moment he turned back to me
and took my hands, forcing me to look at him.

I looked up at him, seeing my reflection in his eyes. He smiled 
slighly and said, "It means that despite my better judgement... I
do l-love y-you..." Having said this, he immediately stepped back 
and walked across the doujou roof. He stood on the far side, too 
embarresed to look at me, but too proud to leave.

I slumped to my knees in shock at hearing Ranma admit his feelings...
I had never known... But I had hoped... 

His sudden admission changed everything in an instant. One moment we
were engaged by force... The next...we were lovers... Of a sort...

"Ranma..." I whispered, causing him to turn. "S-since... W-when?"

Ranma strode over and offered his hand, "Since the day I arrived 
here."

I took his hand and stood up, blushing furiously. "What do we do,
now?" I asked.

Ranma shrugged, seemingly unconcerned, "Nothing." he replied.

"But-" I began, "If we... I mean..."

Ranma smiled. A genuine smile of concern, "You don't want to get
married tommorow, do you?" he said, ammused.

"No!" I replied, rather loudly.

He raised an eyebrow and looked around. Seeing nothing out of the
ordinary, he spoke again, "You'd better be quiet then. If our fathers
find out, we'll down the aisle before we know where we are."

I giggled a little at this, imagining my father and Saotome-ojisan
pushing us down the aisle. "Then what do we do? I mean if we feel
this way... Shouldn't we... Do something?"

Ranma stared for a moment at what I said, probably thinking some 
ecchi thought, then smiled and took my hand. "Akane... Before I
can marry you, I need to free myself of the curse... Otherwise it
wouldn't be right... You have to understand... I can never be 
truely yours until I am truely mine..."

I stared, "But... How will you... After Jyusenkyou... You don't 
know where it is..."

Ranma nodded sadly, "I know... I think, maybe, now is the time to 
search for it..."

"Why now?" I asked, almost afraid I knew already.

He smiled and said, "Until now, I was afraid that If I left, I would
lose you. Now... Maybe..."

I sat transfixed for a moment, "W-who would you lose me to?"

Ranma shrugged, "Kunou... Ryouga... Some other jerk... I just 
couldn't risk it."

I frowned at that, "You know I'd never have Kunou! And Ryouga's 
just a friend."

Ranma smiled widely at that, like he'd just scored a major victory 
or something. "Good." he replied, "Then I can go. I'll be back as 
soon as I can. I promise."

Everything was moving too fast... From our admissions of emotion, to 
his planned leaving. It all seemed so confused. I wanted...needed to
slow things down, "Ranma." I said, "Wait. Don't go... Not now... 
We've barely begun to...to..." I trailed off, the shock too much.

Ranma put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye, "Akane...
chan..." he said, smiling, "I have to go... I want to be a whole man...
for you..."

I nodded through the pain that was building inside. It was a pain 
that would become a part of me. A constant reminder of what I had
lost. After a moment I spoke, "I understand." I said, but inside,
a bitter battle began as sorrow warred with anger at Ranma's 
impending departure.

Ranma got up and walked away, "I'll leave tommorow morning. The 
sooner I go, the sooner I can be back."

"Ranma! Wait!" I called, "Do you really have to go?"

Ranma turned and gave me an understanding look, "Do you really need 
to ask? You know what it's like to feel incomplete... Don't you?"

I bowed my head in resignation, I understood only too well what it
was to feel incomplete... It was a feeling I would become well used
to.

Ranma turned back, "You DO understand, right?" he said, a little 
worried.

I nodded weakly, muttering, "I do... I do understand..."

Ranma came over to me, and for the first time in his life, held me 
of his own free will. "I'm sorry Akane-chan..." he said softly, "I
HAVE to go. To do any less would demean the value of what we 
feel..."

I pushed myself away, something else I would become well acostomed
to doing. "So you're going in the morning?" I said, tightly.

He sighed, "Yes. I may as well get it over with..."

"Will you tell our fathers?" I asked.

"In a note..." he replied. 

He put his arm around me and led me down from the roof. He did not
speak again. There were no more words to be said.

The next morning, I waved goodbye...

[Part #3] Release

Ten years have passed since Ranma left. I remain alone, beholden to 
a promise unspoken, yet well made.

I look at others around me. I see Ryouga and Ukyou together. They 
have a good life, a home, a family... All the things I wished for 
myself and Ranma... Likewise, Shampoo and Mousse have moved on, 
making a life for themselves. I cannot help but feel a pang of 
regret that I cannot share the life they have. I remain apart from 
them, incomplete without my fiancee.

As the years pass, I feel my body telling me to move on, telling me 
to live. But I cannot. I love Ranma and I will wait for him...no 
matter how long it takes.

Ranma's father remains here at the doujou with my own father. They 
like me, still hope for Ranma's return, but age is catching up with 
them and I fear they may not see him again.

As I sit, here on the porch, I look around and cannot help but feel 
terribly alone. The sounds of children's voices in the distance mearly 
serve to remind me of what I have missed. I see my friends with their
children and I feel a burning jealousy and a sort of anger that Ranma
left me to suffer this.

But then I remeber his face and his words, "I can never be truely 
yours until I am truely mine." and my anger fades. Ranma left to free
himself of his personal demon. I know he did it for me, and I cannot
feel any sort of anger. Instead, the anger fades to a painful longing.
I have waited so long for Ranma, putting aside my own feelings and 
needs for him. I miss him in a way I never thought possible and with
an intensity I never thought I could feel. 

I fear for him also. And I wonder. Did he succeed in finding a cure? 
If he did, why did he not return? If he failed, was he afraid I would
not want him? I do love him. Cursed or not, he is still my fiancee.
I never really cared about his condition, it was just a part of him.
I let him go bacause I saw his need to be free, and I could not deny 
it. 

My greatest fear is that he failed because death claimed him. Ranma
took all the risks. Maybe they caught up to him, finally... 

Not knowing is far more painful than certainty.

I hear a distant sound of knock at the door and I am wakened from my 
reverie by my father calling me to answer it. I stand and walk to the
door, since I am the only one here to get it. With Nabiki and Kasumi
married and gone, I am left to look after the house alone. As I walk 
to the door, a gentle rain begins to fall from the grey sky. The 
sound of the rain bringing a moments peace.

But then, I arrive at the door and a chill passes through me...as it 
always does before I open it. I still dream of opening the door and 
seeing him there.

I turn the handle with painful slowness. Finally, it seems I can take 
no more. The pain to too great and I am so alone. I begin to cry. The 
feelings of loneliness suuddenly increasing tenfold. I slump against the
door in anguish. I need him so much... 

I never asked for much in life. Never needed much. But now... The 
emptiness is too much and I feel like I will lose my mind. If I can 
have one thing... Just one thing... Let this be Ranma...

There is another knock and I take a deep breath and pull myself 
together. I open the door and my dreams come true.

Before me stands the man I have waited so long for. The man I love.
He looks at me with clear blue-grey eyes that shimmer with love. His 
expression is tired and careworn, yet filled with relief and hope. 

I cannot help but stare at him in fascination. He has changed. There 
is a different aura around him, one of peace and understanding that 
I have never seen before. He stares back, looking into my eyes, but I 
feel that he is looking into my soul. 

There is a long silence as we face each other. Neither moving or 
speaking. Finally he moves forward and wraps his arms around me...and
I am whole at last. All of the pain and loneliness washes away in his 
embrace. I hold him tightly, not daring to let go, lest he leave me 
again. His hug is gentle and understanding, I feel his love radiating 
between us, giving me comfort. I want to hold him forever and never let 
go again, his embrace sheltering me from my loneliness.

After a moment, he steps back to look at me. I see in him, a look I 
believed I would never see. In his face is a look of such love and 
such concern that I momentarily begin to doubt it is him. 

He smiles and takes me into his arms again and my doubts disapear, 
replaced by a sense of relief and of fullness.

"Akane..." he whisperes softly, almost nervously, as if to confirm my
presence. I blush a little and look up at him. "Hai, Ranma. Welcome 
home..."

He smiles and puts his arm around me, "I'm sorry, Akane... I-"

I place a finger to his lips to silence him, "I know... Just promise
never to leave again."

"I promise..." he says softly.

I look into his eyes and see the certainty of his words, and finally 
my torture ends.
______________________________________________________________________________
                                  - Fin -

Now.... You're asking... Why did I do that? 

Answer: I've seen a lot of fics with Ranma and Akane getting their 
relationship together and then settling down to breed like rabbits 
(Kun-chan!), and I wondered what would happen if even after they 
admitted loving each other, they were still driven apart. How would 
they cope? What would they do? What effect would it have on others? 
Could their relationship stand the test of time? Would I stop asking 
rhetorical questions? (apparently not.)

The point is, just cause things look rosy, don't mean there's always a 
happy ending... At least, not in the short term. (In actual fact, I 
just couldn't bring myself to actually have them never get back together. 
Though I thought about killing Ranma for about 2 attoseconds 
(ie.*10^-18).)

If I get a good response. I'll write the thoughts of the other major 
characters about this, too. 

                                                           - Plunger
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