Martin Bennett wrote:

Okay... Here is the first fic I've posted here... (or anywhere for that
matter). It's a draft. So C&C it to death! I can take it!

O.K. ^_-

Anyway... Without further ado... P-word presents...

Ranma Nibun no Ichi Fanfiction -

                                  Regret
                                  ======

First, I liked it! A lot!

General thoughts:
1. Good powerful prose.
2. I liked the passage of time here. And it's a well handled and 
realistic reason to seperate them. Though a letter or two from Ranma 
might have been nice. I know you were going for the 'is he dead?' but 10 
years without a word is a little strange. Especially since they parted 
on good terms.
3. A suggestion. You might want to do all but the end of this as diary 
entries. Have Akane sitting and reading it, then the knock on the door. 
Just a thought.
4. In part 1, some of Akane's tone (for lack of a better discription) is 
a little too formal? Maybe adult would be a better word. It would be 
great to see it (her mental tone of voice) advance and grow as she gets 
older in the story. Just MHO, though.
5. Use a spell checker. It would have caught most of the typos in here.

If I get a good response. I'll write the thoughts of the other major
characters about this, too.

Please do!

Thanks for sharing it!

Windlily
(dragoncritter@scatteredtothefourwinds.com)