On Tue, 11 Jun 1996, Richard D. Lawson wrote:

This is a way cool story.  There seems to be big trend, lately, in 
sadfics, and I thought this would be another one.  Proved me wrong, neh?

I've been telling people from day 1, it ain't a sadfic. I planned it as a
redemption style piece.
   Also, I can honestly say that I wrote a fanfic with one of the highest
body counts among regulars in the history of the ML......and managed to
maintain the status quo. :)

The equasion Guns+Martial Arts=Dead Martial Artist
ran swiftly through his head.

Heh.  Great line, reminds me of "Raiders of the Lost Arc".  Notice 
spelling error, though.

*wince*  Gotta remember ta run spellcheck...

She just stared at the person she had killed.

Wow.  While I never thought such a situation could occur with a Kasumi 
based on RT's work, you made it seem almost logical.  Still, I would 
wonder if she wouldn't call the police, now that she had an address.

Normally, she probably would. But by this point, Kasumi is one big bundle
of mental disorders. (Notice the scene where she cheerfully walks to the
car, elated about Nabiki's relationship, humming happily...while carrying
a corpse.) She feels that she, and only she, can stop him.
   And besides, what would she tell the cops? "I'm from the future, and
this man kills my family...". There really isn't much the could hold him
on, and once he was out...no, Kasumi was intending to eliminate the threat
once and for all.

I just loved the bit where she's being threatened with torture, and all 
she does is stare around the kitchen.

See the previous bit. Glad you liked it. :)

I always have a hard time with time travel stories.  The whole premise 
is illogical, and I firmly believe that time travel will never, ever be 
possible (flash forward to 29th century, where students are punching up 
the Time Window, watching me type this, and laughing hysterically).  For 
example, when Kasumi dies and goes to heaven, will she find herself 
there already?

I've got a number of very odd hobbies, including ancient western
languages, writing fanfics, history, escrima, lincoln-douglass, etc... And
one of these is quantum physics. 
   If anyone cares for the lenghty, elaborate theory, filled with terms
like "Everett-wheeler-graham theory" and "State vector", just ask.

That's not to say, however, that it doesn't work well as a plot device - 
I loved the move "The Terminator", for instance.  You used it well, and 
made a great story out of it.

The ending was predictable, although I thought she was just going to 
walk up to him and make the bomb explode then and there - would have 
saved her all that torture.  :)

   Messed in the head as she was, Kasumi wasn't suicidal.

I think the torture was overdone - the purpose of torture is to extract 
information, not kill the recipient.  A good torturer can cause you to 
scream for hours and not do anything life threatening.  These guys 
needed to know something from her, and instead beat her so badly that it 
guaranteed she couldn't talk.  I think a less brutal torture scene makes 
more sense.  It wouldn't lessen the impact, far from it: can you imagine 
Kasumi having her fingers cut off one by one?  <shudder>

Hmm.....I like it. *evil chuckle*

Anyway, great job, I love it.  Hope to see more like it.  :)

Well, maybe not exactly like it. :)

-- 
-Richard

sterman@sprynet.com
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman