Hrmmmmmmm.....


Ordinarily, Zen does not like fics that contain a thinly veiled (or even
unveiled) version of the author as a character, let alone th main
character.
For Zen to finish the first paragraph, it must be reasonably well written.
For Zen to finish the first page, it must grab his attention.  Zen is
waiting for more of this one.

That said, this is a good piece of work.  While John retains more of his
mental faculties immediately following the transference than most people
might expect, he makes a fairly believable character - Able, but not *too*
able, as it were.

Though, in all honesty, Zen is not sure about the intelligence of a person
who would just cram a mystery card into his PC... ^_^

The story seems to be off to a good start - a good setup - to be followed by?
Zen will actually be looking forward to the next chapters.

The only criticism that Zen has so far, is that you need to tighten up your
grammar a little bit...  Minor inconsistencies in subject/verb or tense
agreement seem to be your biggest weaknesses.

Keep up with the writings!

Zen-


***************************************************************************
[[                  James Bateman (Otaku@nashville.com)                  ]]
[[ -The experiment has begun - A million monkeys at a million keyboards- ]]
[[                     ^_^ We call it the UseNet ^_^                     ]]
***************************************************************************