During his last hour class, a research period, Jeff trotted
up to the library for some light reading.  He had developed a
taste for Japanese manga and was anxious to read the latest
edition of  Lum' he had purchased.  Just outside the library, he
encountered three upperclass members of the  Kendo' team; all
associates of Tatawaki Kuno.
     "Scram, baka gaijin!" one growled taking a martial stance.
     The other two closed ranks and helped block the library
entrance.
     Jeff's muscles involuntarily tensed.  His training had
taught him when to fight.  It had also taught him when to walk
away.  He looked each in the eyes and saw their determination. 
He also saw their fear.  They might carry through their threat,
but their fear would limit their effectiveness.  In short, they
could be beaten.  Once again, Jeff's ability to 'read' his
opponents gave him the edge.
     "Well, well, if it isn't Larry, Curly and Moe.  I hate to
break this to you but the library doesn't stock coloring books." 
<Damn! I've got to learn how to say these things in Japanese!>
     "Leave now, gaijin!"
     Jeff decided not to spoil his good day with any unnecessary
violence.  With a good cleansing breath, he turned on a heel and
walked away.
     "Wise choice, gaijin." The tree toughs laughed, clearly
savoring their victory'.
     Jeff did a quick search for a substitute place to read and
soon found himself in front of the PE Equipment Storage Room. 
<This ought to be quiet enough.> He thought opening the door.

     He was right, only the far off sounds of normal school
activities disturbed the tranquility of his location.  Making a
lounge type chair with a few tumbling mats, Jeff settled down in
a pool of sunlight to some serious reading; even if it was only
manga.
     His peaceful respite was interrupted by the room's door
suddenly opening and slamming shut.  Jeff peered around a pile of
mats to see a red haired girl, dripping wet, wearing a familiar
looking red and black outfit gasping for breath.
     "Hello?"
     "Oh, Jeff-san." the girl responded.  "Can I hide in here for
a few minutes?"
     "Uh, sure." Jeff said standing up.  "Who *are* you, anyway?"
     The girl quickly glanced down at the front of her and back
at Jeff.  "Oh no" she groaned as her shoulders sagged.  
     "Oh no, what?" Jeff was genuinely confused.  "Do I know
you?"
     With a sigh, she quietly said: "I...I guess so...I'm...Ranma
Saotome..." Then mumbled: "Sorry about this."
     There was a very pregnant pause as Jeff looked the dripping
girl up and down.  <No bra.> he mused.
     "Of course, you are." Jeff chuckled with realization, then
shouted at the door: "Very funny Saotome.  Tossing a girl in on
me wearing your clothes.  Ha Ha, very well done but I'm not
falling for it."
     "Shush, you want some one to hear you?"  she pleaded waving
her arms.  "It's really ME Ranma."
     "Yeah, sure sweetie and I'm Astro Boy."  Jeff was starting
to lose intrest in this game.
     "Look.  I know this looks strange but you gotta believe me."
     Maybe it was the voice pattern.  Maybe it was Jeff's ability
to read people.  Maybe he was just turned on by a damp babe in a
too tight top.  Whatever the reason, Jeff paused to consider.
     "OK...If you're really Ranma Saotome, what did I say I saw
climbing into the Tendo house the other night?"
     "My dad, after an encounter with the koi pond."  She said
with a degree of resignation.
     "HA!  Got ya!  It wasn't a Mr. Saotome, it was a panda." 
Then yelling at the door again: "Hear that Saotome, you need to
prep her better than this!"
     "That panda *was* my father.  He turns into a panda every
time he gets doused with cold water.  Just like *I* turn into
this...*girl* when I get wet."  Ranma sighed.  He really hated
this story.
     Jeff stood there stunned, taking another visual tour.
     "How's that...?"
     "We fell into some cursed pool a few months ago while on a
training mission in China.  Ever since, we have this little...
problem whenever we get wet!"
     Jeff thought for a few minutes, eyeing Ranma critically. 
Mr. Sato used to tell him stories about strange, mystical things
that happened in the orient.  But Jeff always chalked them up to
an old man entertaining an impressionable young boy.  Maybe,
there *was* something to his stories.
     Leaning forward, Jeff looked closely at Ranma.  "Are those
real?"  he said poking her breasts.  If it was really Ranma, he
wouldn't mind the touching.  If it was some girl, as he
suspected, she wasn't going to blow the joke by slapping Jeff
silly.  <HOT DAMN! A free grope.> 
     "Yeah, they're real." She said embarrassedly, then added
quietly: "I wish you wouldn't do that."
     Jeff leaned back against a vaulting horse and crossed his
arms.  "And very nice they are, too.  Tell me, how'd you shrink
six inches?  And your voice... Does Hugh Heffner know of this
place?  Lot of money to be made there.  Think of it, just round
up a bunch of out of work actors, dunk  em in this pond and bingo
you got Miss May, June and July."
     "Are you finished?"  Ranma asked.
     "You know, I've been having trouble lining up someone for
next week's school dance.  I don't suppose..."
     Ranma's low growl and narrowed eyes suggested this line of
inquiry was closed.
     "I suppose not.  So, are you, like, stuck like this?"  Jeff
said waiving a hand at Ranma's shapely form.
     "Only until I can get some hot water."
     "Hot water?"
     "Yeah, its the only way." Ranma said squeezing the water out
of her top.  "I don't suppose you could...you know.  I don't
exactly want to go prancing around the campus looking like this. 
That crazy Kuno is skulking around out there and he's in love
with my female form."
     "Well, well.  Maybe he's not so crazy after all."
     "Hey! I'm still a guy in here."  he, er...she, was plainly
distressed.  "You think I like this?!"
     "Well...It would appear to have its advantages." Jeff
stroked his chin an looked at the ceiling. "The women's locker
room....hmmmmm."
     "Sheesh!  And they called *me* a pervert.  Are you going to
get the hot water or not?"
     "Sure thing.  Uh...how hot?"
     "I don't know.  Just....hot."
     "No problem.  Be back in a flash."
     A knock at the door and a female voice interrupted the two. 
"Ranma, are you in there?"
     "OH NO!  It's *her*."  Ranma collapsed over a vaulting
horse, a disgusted look on his face.  "What ever you do, get rid
of her."
     Jeff peeked out of the window to see a familiar girl
standing at the door.  "Geeze.  You act like she's your
fianc..... Wait a minute." Then he recognized who was outside. 
"Akane?  Akane Tendo?!?  She's your fiancee?"  Suddenly, it all
added up.  The strange noises from the Tendo residence on nights
Jeff was training; Why Mr. Saotome  just happened' to be at the
dojo; Talk about a  crazy tomboy' girl.  The spot on Jeff's chest
started to hurt again.
     Ranma nodded disgustedly.
     "If she doesn't already know about this problem of yours,
take my advice, stay like that.  I don't think even she's up to
clobbering girls yet."
     "Don't bet on it."
     Jeff opened the door a little way to see a short, dark
haired girl holding her hands in front of her. <Yup, hasn't
changed a bit.> thought Jeff.
     "Is Ranma in there?"  She asked sweetly, trying to look
around Jeff.
     "Well...yes... and... no"  Jeff answered looking over his
shoulder at Ranma.
     With a sudden kick, Akane slammed the door into Jeff's
forehead hard enough to snap his head back.  Sweet Akane Tendo
pushed her way into the room.
     "OK, Ranma.  Come on out.  How'd it happen this time?"
     Rubbing his forehead and closing the door, Jeff added: "Oh
Ranma.  Your sweetheart is here."
     "I'm NOT his...." she suddenly paused.  Slowly she turned. 
Step by step.  Inch by inch.  She approached.  Jeff's life
flashed before his eyes.
     "Uh Hi Akane.  Long time, no see."  Jeff tried to sound calm
while frantically looking for a quick way out.
     "YOU!"  She accused with a pointed finger.  "I know you! 
You're that pervert that tried to put the moves on me back at the
dojo!"
     "MOVES?!?"  Jeff said defensively, all thought of retreat
lost to his indignation.  "You call inviting you out for a soda
after practice - moves?"
     "You pervert.  I know what you boys want!"  she yelled as
she approached almost within striking distance.  "And I HATE
BOYS!"
     "All I wanted was someone to go get a soda with.  Who else
could I ask?  You and I were the only two people in the damn
class!!!"
     With that Akane launched a spin kick at Jeff's chest, just
like the last time.  Only this time, Jeff was ready.  Grabbing
her foot in mid strike, he twisted it until Akane was facing away
then flipped her towards Ranma.
     "Here, Catch."
     The two collided and fell into a tangled heap on one of the
mats.
     "Get your hands off me, you pervert!"  she screamed as
Ranma's arms enveloped her.
     "Get off, you clumsy tomboy." Ranma shouted back.
     "A match made in heaven." Jeff muttered.  "I'll just nip out
and fetch a bucket of hot water.  You two work this out."  Jeff
slipped out of the door, just in front of a tossed dumbbell.
     He paused outside facing the door, his hand still on the
door knob.  <There's something seriously wrong with those two.> 
he thought.

     Turning to leave, he ran headlong into more bad news;
Tatewaki Kuno, armed and crazy as ever.  The sound of a
rip-snorting, object-throwing fur and feather fight coming from
the
PE Equipment Room provided the background music.
     "Gaijin!  I have crossed the burning sands and climbed the
highest peaks following my lovely Akane.  I saw her come this
way.  Is she in there?"  Kuno asked loudly pointing to the door
just as a heavy object dented it's steel surface from the inside.
     "Ahhh, yeah.  But now's probably not the best time to talk
to her.  She's a little...upset right now."
     Kuno suddenly reached out and grabbed Jeff by the throat. 
"This is *your* doing, gaijin!"
     "Actually, no.  You see, she and...ah...some other girl are
having a little discussion about marriage...and ..well, things." 
Jeff croaked in a voice sounding like he was on helium.
     "My lovely goddess, Akane.  Threatened by some common tart." 
Kuno bellowed, releasing Jeff to grip his bokkan with both hands.
     "In truth, I think Akane is taking care of herself.  In any
case, you really don't want to go in there."  The sound of Ranma
bouncing off the softball bat rack and screaming for Akane to
stop lent credence to Jeff's words.
     "That voice."  Kuno started as his head snapped to look at
the storage room door.  "Speak, gaijin.  Is the other girl red of
hair with a pig tail?!?  Answer me quickly or by the heavens
I'll..."
     "Yeah, sure.  Something like that.  Why?" 
     "So my two beauties are dueling for the honor of my
company."  Kuno was suddenly rational again, smugly so.
     "Ah...right..."  This was truly bizarre but an idea quickly
took shape.  "Look, Kuno old pal, why not give the ladies some
time to work this out.  One will come out the winner and then
you, Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Thunder, undefeated captain  and rising
star of the high school fencing world, can be her knight in
shining armor and claim her affections."
     "Forget not, the comforting of the loser." Kuno added with
dramatic flourish.  "She will need a strong, sympathetic shoulder
to cry on.  Oh, how sweet is the dew from a young maiden's eyes."
     Jeff stared incredulously at the school's master swordsman. 
<This guy's not just a few cards short of a full deck; he's
missing ALL the face cards.>
     Jeff must have touched a cord in Kuno.  "You speak with some
wisdom, gaijin.  I shall wait for the victor to emerge whereupon
I will allow her to claim her prize, namely me, and I still get
to comfort the loser.  Brilliant!"  Kuno's last exclamation was
punctuated by Ranma's scream of pain and the sound of something
heavy and metal bouncing off one of the concrete walls.
     "Perhaps she requires assistance..." he began.
     Jeff put his arm around Kuno's broad shoulders.  "You don't
really want to go in there right now.  Both all flushed and
sweaty; don't look their best.  It would just embarrass them."
     The sound of an entire box of equipment scattering across
the floor caused even the stalwart Kuno to flinch.
     "But the comforting..." Kuno started.
     "Can take place tomorrow." Jeff finished.  "I have a better
idea.  When the winner comes out of there, she's gonna be
stomping mad; in no mood for claiming.  She'll want to look her
best for you, tiger."
     "Blue Thunder."
     "Whatever.  Why don't you go home, rest, get freshened up a
bit, maybe get some flowers, see her in the morning.  She'll be
fresh.  You'll be fresh.  No more resistance to your...
magnificence.  OK?"  Jeff plucked some lint from Kuno's shoulder.
     "And the looser?" Kuno asked with a raised eyebrow.
     "I'll get some bandages, maybe some hot water.  A little
first aid.  I'll tell her of your concern.  She'll be fine and
ready for your strong shoulder to cry on."
     You could almost hear the gears grinding in Kuno's head as
his brains kicked in to think it over.  A baseball bat flying
through the window and landing at his feet convinced him that
Jeff's plan was a sound one.
     "I shall listen to your advice and comfort them both later
when they are more...reasonable."
     "Ah, good...good.  I'll just pop over to the dispensary now
and gather up some bandages and hot water for the loser.  It'll
all work out, big fella."  Jeff said patting Kuno on the
shoulder.
     Kuno bowed slightly and departed towards the school gym just
as a whole weight rack came flying out onto the grass.
     "How, in the world, do I do this?  Damn! I'm good." Jeff
mumbled in English.
     Jeff was about to leave when he heard she sound of someone
sarcastically clapping from the doorway of the next building. 
Jeff eased himself around the corner to come face-to-face with
Nabiki Tendo who was still clapping.
     "Masterful performance, gaijin-san.  Tell me, are you really
that much of a toady worm or were you just playing the part?" 
she sneered.
     "Sometimes, Miss Tendo, it is better to face force with
deception.  Mimasu Ju, the tenth law."
     "Well, whatever.  It was an impressive performance.  Not
that *I* would ever stoop to such groveling.  But with you it
seems to work."
     "Well, it helps when the grovelee has a room temperature IQ. 
Not to change the subject or anything, but I've been meaning to
ask you something and seeing Akane again reminded me."
     Nabiki's face screwed into a disgusted look.  She already
misdiagnosed what Jeff was about to ask.
     "OK, gaijin.  I don't see why you should be any different
than the rest.  Here's the deal.  Ten thousand yen and I'll
introduce you to Akane.  For twenty thousand, I don't tell Kuno." 
she dead panned.  She looked and sounded like she had made this
speech a thousand times before.  Perhaps she had.
     Jeff calmly placed his hands on the wall either side of
Nabiki's head and leaned in real close.  Nabiki didn't even
flinch.  Impressive.  She exhibited all the airs of someone
completely confident in her own safety.
     "And how much for an introduction to Nabiki Tendo?"  Jeff
asked in a low voice.  For the first time in Japan, Jeff found
himself alone with an attractive girl.  Date-wise, this was the
chance of a lifetime.  A chance he was not going to throw away by
being timid.
     Nabiki's eyes grew wide in surprise.  The remark must have
sounded so sincere that it momentarily pierced her armor. 
Perhaps no one had ever been this honest with her before. 
Perhaps she was just struck by its boldness.  Whatever it was, it
lasted only a second as she quickly recovered and jumped to her
second wrong conclusion.
     "It won't work, you know.  Trying to get to Akane through
me."  she smugly advised.
     "I don't want to *get* to Akane.  Been there.  Done that. 
Got the bruises to prove it."
     "Oh, yes.  You're the American student she kicked into the
next prefecture for being too forward with her.  What'd you try,
 I love you, Akane.  I would date with you.'?"
     "Actually, it was more like:  You want to get a coke after
practice?  I'll buy.'"
     "Hmmmm.  Little sis never did have enough sense to accept a
freebie"  Nabiki said shifting her position so that she was
leaning more against the wall, her arms crossed.  "And just what
makes you think a lady such as myself would be interested in a
yen-less gaijin, such as you?"  She asked, her head turned
slightly away while her eyes remained on Jeff.  She finished with
batting her eyelashes at him in mock Western fashion.
     "Perhaps, I simply wish to enjoy your company."
     "Honey, I don't think you can *afford* my company."
     "Well, why don't you let me take a whack at it, anyway. 
I've done some checking around on my own and you're not exactly
on the  A' list for parties.  Not to put too fine a point on it,
if it weren't for Yuka and Sayuri, you'd spend all your time
talking to yourself."  Their faces were only inches apart now and
their voices had shrunk in volume.
     "True.  I don't get out as much as I would like.  As for
Yuka and Sayuri, they're business partners"  She said looking off
past Jeff.  "At least, I have a place to sit at lunch."
     "How much did you pay for it?"
     Nabiki's icy stare confirmed Jeff's touche'.  A small smile
crept across her face.  On another woman, Jeff would have been
running for his life.  On Nabiki, it looked like a challenge and
Jeff just couldn't resist a challange.
     "I'll tell you what."  Jeff started.  "You pick the place. 
Something you've always wanted to do, within reason.  I'll pick
you up Saturday at ten and I"ll even throw dinner.  Deal?"
     "Oh, your words have melted my feminine heart, gaijin."  She
replied sarcastically.  "I accept."
     She looked up at the sky for a moment to make her selection,
then paused like a cat about to devour a helpless mouse.
     "Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to ride a horse. 
You may take me riding."  She said stroking Jeff's cheek with her
index finger.  This was as much a test as a date.  Horseback
riding was more expensive than golf in Japan.  Only the very
wealthy could afford a horse.  A person needed to be well heeled
just to rent one.
     If she was expecting a stunned reaction from Jeff, she must
have been disappointed.  Knowing full well her proclivity for
expensive outings, he had anticipated spending a bundle on this
first date anyway.  Going riding fit easily into his proposed
budget.
     "Be ready at ten."  Jeff took her hand and gently attempted
to kiss it.  Nabiki quickly withdrew her hand and gave him a look
of warning.  Jeff just smiled confidently and watched as she
slipped under his arm, opened the nearest door and, with a wry
smile, disappeared inside.
     <That was easy.> Jeff thought as he envisioned a moonlight
ride with Nabiki.
     Ranma's scream snapped Jeff back to reality.
     "Damn! The water."  he muttered scurrying off to the
dispensary.

     Friday morning dawned clear and warm.  Jeff Lawrence made
sure he arrived at Furinkan High School extra early to pick out a
good spot to watch the morning show.
     Setting up a low beach chair under a large tree, Jeff
settled in for the entertainment portion of his day.  Wearing
dark glasses and sipping a mug of juice, Jeff balanced a sun
reflector under his chin as he reclined in the beach chair.
     An ominous shadow soon fell over him.
     "You're blocking my sun, fella.  You wanna move?"  Jeff said
lazily.
     "So!  You deceive me into leaving the duel between my two
lovely angels..."  Kuno began.
     "Lovely Angels?  No, Yuri and Kai were *not* in that room. 
Trust me."  Jeff interrupted, putting down the reflector and
sipping some juice. <Aww, Geez. Not him this morning.>
     "I'm referring to my two loves; Akane Tendo and the red
haired pig-tailed girl."
     "Oh, them."
     "Yes!  Them!  And *now* I find you here to challenge for
Akane's affections.  Deny it, gaijin!"  He was waving that
'pig-sticker' again.
     "Back home, we have a saying:   If the horse throws you, get
back on.  If the horse throws you then kicks you, get another
horse.'"
     Kuno seemed to be struggling with Jeff's homey proverb. 
Maybe it was the lousy way it translated into Japanese.  Maybe it
was just a little to 'low brow' for his delicate taste.  In any
case, it was like watching a 10 year old try to figure out
quantum physics.  "SO?!?" he finally roared out of frustration.
     "So, I have all the bruises I require from Miss Akane Tendo
and have no interest in her.  Besides, I prefer older, more
intellectual women like...oh, say Nabiki Tendo."
     "Nabiki? [snort] Nabiki Tendo?!"  This time he roared with
laughter.
     "Well, yes."
     "That female ledger book?  That temple money changer?!  That
Yakuza reject?!?  That..." He never finished because the object
of this discussion crowned him with a large book.
     Kuno blinked, got a far away look in his eyes, and droned:
"I'll deal with you in a moment, gaijin.  I seem to have...
developed a...slight...head ache."  With eyes rolled back into
his head  Blue Thunder made a loud 'smack' as he hit the ground.
     "Never knew when to shut up,"  Nabiki Tendo lamented
sarcastically.
     "Nice shot.  What'd you use?"  Jeff asked taking another sip
of his drink.
     Nabiki held up an oversized hard back edition of 'The
Complete Works of William Shakespeare'.
     "Quite appropriate, my dear.  And so skillfully applied,
too."
     "Well, a girl has her reputation to protect," Nabiki
responded, flicking a few stray strands of hair from in front of
her face.
     "Join me?"
     "A gentleman would offer his chair."
     "Two thousand yen, please."  Jeff answered with his hand
out.
     Nabiki's friends gasped.  Nabiki only gave a wry smile.  <A
nose for money.  Perhaps, there is hope for this gaijin yet.> she
thought.
     With a sigh of resignation, Nabiki neatly folded her school
uniform skirt and sat down next to Jeff on the soft grass.  Jeff
casually handed her a small bottle of juice from his cooler.
     "How much?" she inquired before reaching for it.
     "On the house.  I don't want you to think I only see you as
a source of extra income."
     Nabiki accepted the juice but gave Jeff 'the look' meaning
that she felt a challenge to her lofty position of champion
extortionist.
     "Looks like we just made it."  she observed, opening her
bottle.
     "Yup.  The circus is in town and the parade of clowns is
about to start."
     The Akane whirlwind arrived in its usual fashion: Ranma
perched on top of the wall next to the gate holding Akane's book
bag; love sick jocks streaming in from all directions; and Akane
Tendo chopping the whole bunch into cole slaw.
     As luck would have it, the last suitor fell not 10 feet from
Jeff and Nabiki.  Akane, gasping for breath, eyed the two
suspiciously when they broke into applause.
     "Bravo!  Worth every penny we paid to get in."
     "Morning, sis"  chirped Nabiki between sips of her juice.
     Akane, showing her distaste at being considered light
entertainment, was about to reply when she noticed the prostrate
Kuno.
     "What's with Kuno?" Akane finally asked.
     "Yeah, he doesn't look too ready to fight Akane this
morning" quipped Ranma as he arrived at Akane's side.
     "Had a little run-in with Shakespeare." Jeff said removing
his shades.  "Something about being quoted out of context."
     "You know, Jeff-baby.  He's going to be late for class if he
doesn't wake up soon." Nabiki said sweetly, wiping her mouth with
a fresh napkin.
     "Quite right, my dear.  You four fellows there" Jeff pointed
to a small group of males in the gathering crowd.  "Haul Mr. Blue
Thunder here up to his class and place him at his desk.  I
seriously doubt the teachers will notice any difference."
     All loose ends being neatly tied up, Jeff stood up, brushed
off his sleeves, and offered his arm to Nabiki.  "I believe we
should be getting along ourselves, Miss Tendo."
     "Delighted, Mr. Lawrence." Nabiki answered slipping her arm
around Jeff's and leading him towards the school.
     Akane, Ranma and the rest of the gathered student body
watched wide eyed as Jeff and Nabiki lead the four students
struggling with Kuno's limp body towards the school building.
     "Well, what do you make of all that?"  Akane finally asked. 
     Ranma wasn't listening. He missed much of his breakfast
trying to get to school on time.
     "I wonder if there's any juice left." Ranma thought out
loud, looking through Jeff's things.
     "I should have known better than ask you.  Always thinking
of your stomach.  You're so immature."
     "And you're an uncute tomboy."
     Round two commenced.  It was shorter than a Mike Tyson
fight.  Officially, it was a TKO for Akane resulting in Ranma
upside down in Jeff's beach chair covered with orange juice.