Greetings Ms. Starre,

        For a first draft, the story is very good and shows 
promise.  Maybe you can clarify one point for me. 

        The main character Seira Yokohimi, almost seemed to 
be nonchalant to her 'induction' into demon-hood. Maybe I'm 
missing the point? I would think that the Seira should be a 
bit more upset about her new status.  In the introduction I 
didn't see any reason or cause to make me believe that Seira 
could be 'demon' material.  Sayoko Mishima (rival to 
Belldandy), who has dealt with Mara in the past seems to be 
more inclined to become a demon than Ms. Yokohimi.

        By the way, this is purely a matter a preference, so 
take it with a grain of salt. Skuld receives a letter?  
Maybe Urd (goddess of the past) would receive a letter.  
Belldandy (goddess of the present) receives phone calls.  
Skuld, (goddess of the future) I would think she would get 
E-mail (i.e. skuld@sysadmin.valhala.gov)?

        Since I don't know where you'll take this story, my 
comments could be moot.  Moreover, I hope you will continue 
to write and I'm eager to read part 2.  Good luck and thank 
you for sharing your story.

                                Regards, Joe Ortiz
                                joe.ortiz@ci.slc.ut.us.