On Sun, 25 Aug 1996, Shannon Richmeyer wrote:
The story itself was...I don't know...too easy.
I think it was a 'coming of age' for Gosunkugi yet he had no major
problems/conflicts with aquiring all that power and potential.
Putting Cologne as the barrier to his potential to run amok kinda
trapped you. Now, remember, this is just me and what I'd like to have
seen...I'm sure others will disagree...
I would have like to have seen Gosunkugi get himself into a real bind
and have to work his way out of it. That would have made the 'coming of
age' theme work here. Lets see, like something he does allows
what/whoever took Akane to be able to do so. Perhaps he would know this
but none of the others would. You could even have the same ending.
Just my ramble...to use or chuck as you see fit.
No, your calls are good. When I read it, I thought "Gee, this is going
over with an absolute minimum amount of trouble. I can't imagine
Gosunkugi changing *this* fast and without problems."
Your suggestion is also very good, since it allows a change in *meaning*
without having to rewrite the fic too much.
Sebastian