On Thu, 29 Aug 1996 09:58:26 -0700 (PDT) Mike W. Loader said:
: An interesting little story. Liked it. :) Reminded me a little bit of
: Twoflower Gagne's "Money".
: The flow is a bit uneven at times; Hemingway syndrome is also present.
: You might want to try reciting the piece out loud in order to find the
: blocky parts.
Or those that sound cheesily constructed. :)
No, I liked it; I was just thinking about mother Tendou
explaining her motives out loud like that, just like a bad movie
villain. In a *written* piece, this can be done more subtly that
having the characters talk to themselves.
Also, it wasn't made clear why the hellish landscape furthered
Ranma's introspection about his fiances. The way it was
presented, it could have happened everywhere, so why locate the
fic in hell (or its imitation)?
: >him. <There's no one to help me. Noone to talk to.> He could feel
: ^^^^^
: It figures that Peter would be hanging around hell. And he didn't even
: lift a finger to help Ranma escape. How disgustingly typical.
And Peter's not much of a conversationalist to boot.
Sebastian