OK, I've been applying "Self-editing for ficiton writers" to this, and
what I really like to know is: Is it always clear who is saying,
thinking or doing things.
So what I'm really looking for in C&C is stuff like "I had to read three
paragraphs down to figure out who said that line."
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Disclaimer: This parody is a work of fan-fiction, and is distributed
purely for it's subtle political effect. A-ko and all related
characters are copyrighted by Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima and Central
Park Media and are not used with permission. All original material is
copyright 1996 by Henry J. Cobb. Permission is granted to browse and
redistribute this material, but not to modify it.
The following material should be considered PG-13 level (for mature
theme) and may not be suitable for younger readers. (Hint: if you're not
bothered by the uncensored version of the tapes, the following material
probably won't hurt you)
Watching Project A-ko's I through IV is recommended before reading this
story as it starts just after A-ko IV, but it gives nothing away to say
that not much has really changed since the end of A-ko I.
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Project A-ko: "Promise" Chapter I: "Monday, Confrontation"
By Henry J. Cobb
Eiko "A-ko" Magami, brushed her fiery red hair from her copper eyes
and pressed the doorbell of the house in green trim.
The second story window opened and the sleepy face of her short, green
eyed, blond haired, friend Shiko "C-ko" Kotobuki appeared. "What, A-ko,
you've come to pick me up today?"
"Yes, now hurry up and we can get to school early this morning."
"Wait, I haven't fixed lunch yet."
"No time, I've got a plan today, and I've brought enough for both of
us." A-ko held up her lunch bag.
I've got everything figured out, I won't be late or poisoned today.
C-ko was quickly to the door and latched onto A-ko's hand for a
high-speed dash up the hill to Graviton Girl's high school.
"Why are you up so early today?" C-ko asked her friend, flying along in
her wake.
"You made me promise yesterday, not to fight ever again, I'll avoid
B-ko, and we won't fight."
"Yahoo! We can all be friends."
Biko "B-ko" Daitokuji was waiting at the gate of the school in her
purple battle-swimsuit, her long lavender hair hanging back from her
faceplate, her cool blue eyes blazing through it.
She's waiting for a clear shot, as soon as I drop C-ko out of the line
of fire. I won't give it to her.
As A-ko approached the gate, she executed a sharp left turn at high
speed, throwing up a shower of bricks from the path. She ran around to
the back of the school and jumped over the wall.
"Weeee!", C-ko shouted, sailing along behind her.
The pair were quickly at their desks in room 2-E.
B-ko arrived at the class shortly before the bell, back in her school
uniform and sat at her desk between the other two. "Coward!"
I won't let her get to me, she wants a fight and I won't let her have
it.
At lunch, A-ko shared generously with C-ko the lunch her mother had
made, as she had described her plan the previous night. "The greatest
courage is the wisdom to know when not to fight", her mother had
agreed.
I won't disappoint you Mom. There's no need for these fights. I see
that now.
"This is great A-ko" C-ko beamed, as she tore through the lunch,
"tomorrow my turn, OK?"
Oh no, I'm doomed.
B-ko approached the pair. "You coward. You won't be so lucky this
afternoon."
Back in class, A-ko tried to put her mind on her studies, and ignore the
gloating sounds B-ko made every so often.
B-ko dashed out of the classroom at the end of the last class.
She's up to no good.
"Come on C-ko, I'll walk you home."
C-ko stopped on the path. "Remember A-ko, tomorrow's my turn to bring
lunch."
A thunderous footstep sounded down the path.
"B-ko? Are you in that? What's this, a giant robot version of yourself
now? Did you get tired of looking at my silly face?"
"You can't run away forever you coward, prepare to fight."
"You're right. I can't run forever, but I won't fight you."
"Then you'll die!"
Grab!
"A-ko!"
"It'll be alright C-ko, it's just something B-ko and me need to work
out, please tell my parents that I may be a little late tonight."
"OK."
It's been hours since B-ko chained me up in her garage. What is she
waiting for? Surely she doesn't think that these chains can hold me?
She'll come, we'll talk, she'll see. I just hope she hurries up before
I catch a cold.
Finally the door opened and B-ko stepped into the garage. She wore a
robe over her nightgown and a pair of fuzzy slippers. In her hand she
carried a mostly full wine glass that she sipped at, but it obviously
hadn't been her first one this evening.
"You've been celebrating?"
"No, plotting your final destruction."
"B-ko, we don't have to play these games."
"But first, I'll have to humiliate you properly." B-ko stood right
before A-ko. "Maybe I'll tie you up in front of the school for a week
or..."
This just isn't working out right. I have to show her. There's plenty
of slack in these chains. I can hop up with super speed, hug her and
give her a friendly peck on the check. Then she'll see that I could
hurt her, but I won't. I just want to be friends.
"...do something to get your mangled body on the evening news..."
B-ko only had time for a half-step back as A-ko made her lunge, but it
was enough to spoil A-ko's aim.
The peck turned into a full kiss to the lips. B-ko dropped her glass,
which shattered and splashed them both, but A-ko did not notice. The
kiss seemed to have fire and lightning. A-ko felt dizzy, B-ko stiffened
then relaxed in her arms.
They held the kiss for many moments. Finally, A-ko pulled back. "B-ko,
I..."
"No! You can't trick me this way!" B-ko broke free from A-ko's limp
grasp and bolted for the door, in tears.
How did that happen? What did I do wrong?
Trivially breaking free of the chains, A-ko smashed through the main
garage door and burst out into the night, reflexively stopping the fire
of the estate defense systems with her bracers, her mind awhirl.
When she returned home, she tried to enter as quietly as possible, but
her dad was waiting in the living room, pretending to read the Daily
Plenet. "Did the big date not go so hot?"
It was too much to bear, A-ko burst into tears herself and rushed up to
her room, to bury her face in her pillow.
A few minutes later, her mother was at the door. "Do you need to talk?"
"No mom. Not now, I just can't talk about it now."
Then she rolled over and tried to sleep.
$Id: promise_chp1.txt,v 1.7 1996/09/01 19:02:06 hcobb Exp $
Henry J. Cobb hcobb@slip.net http://www.io.com/~hcobb