Sailor Moon / Bubblegum Crisis
Best of All The Years
Part One
I'm not exactly sure how I got talked into being the celebrity
judge at the karaoke contest that Ronnie threw to celebrate the grand
reopening of his place. I mean, of all the people in the business that
Ronnie knew, there must've been someone who fit the profile a little
better than me. I hate karaoke. Of all the weird stuff the twentieth
century came up with, that has got to be the weirdest. Okay, maybe that
and bungee jumping.
But I owed Ronnie -- he'd been one of the first to give a certain
newly formed group called "The Batty Bunch" (yeah, it was corny ...
changing it to "The Replicants" was probably one of the smartest moves I
ever made) a break. And I pay what I owe.
And I figured it wasn't so bad -- I mean, it wasn't like I was
going to have to listen to Nene do karaoke.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, our VERY special celebrity judge
for this evening, a face and a voice that is no stranger to the Ronper
Room! The Reigning Queen of Retrothrash, Priss Asagiri!"
A brief moment to shoot my wad of gum into my hand, and I strolled
onto the stage, to scattered applause and wolf whistles. `Yeah, in your
dreams,' I silently informed the whistlers.
"Ladies ... and gentlemen, if such endangered species are to be
found in this hole ... thank you for your applause. But it ain't me who
deserves it, no, it's you people. You, who are brave enough to stand up
and court complete humiliation in a karaoke contest. My hat goes off to
you." I lifted my wig. "It ain't right for you to have to go through
that without having seen at least one of your judges sing along to a
melody written before she was born. So, here's "Everything Louder than
Everything Else" as recorded by His Hugeness!"
I know that I will never be politically correct.
An' I don't give a damn about my lack of etiquette.
As far as I'm concerned the world could still be flat.
And if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back!
And if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back!
I scanned the crowd as I sang the next two verses over the CD
accompaniment -- there was the usual mixture of the walking wounded and
the living dead who make up the barfly population, a number of retrothrash
wannabe's (Consider that image -- people who want to get in on a trend
that prizes style over substance, who have no style. Boggles the mind.)
and an unusually large number, for this neighborhood, of Megatokyo's solid
citizens. You know the type. The "just following orders" type.
God, I hated them.
And where the hell was Linna? She'd said she was going to show up
to give me moral support ... maybe her class was running late.
And I ain't in it for the power,
And I ain't in it for my health,
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all,
And I sure ain't in it for the wealth!
But I'm in it 'til it's over and I just can't stop.
If you wanna get it done,
You've gotta do it yourself,
And I like my music like I my life,
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Man, what a song. I mean, most of the stuff that came out of that
period is just plain crappy ... but some of it was pure gold.
Yeah, the fact that it described my loosely defined philosophy
perfectly didn't hurt either. All it needed was a few references to a
certain company whose name rhymed with venom and the immediate need to
destroy said company, and it'd be perfect. And maybe a slam of overly
perky hackers.
They say I'm wild and reckless,
I should be acting my age,
I'm an impressionable child in a tumultuous world,
And they say I'm at a difficult stage.
But it seems to me to the contrary,
Of all the crap they're going to put on the page,
That a wasted youth is better by far
Than a wise and productive old age!
Wasted youth is better by far
Than a wise and productive old age!
&c.
And so on, and so forth, 'til the end. Applause, even some
cheering. No fruit. I slid the mike back into its stand, and trotted
down to the judges' table.
"Was that bit about humiliation necessary, Priss?" Ronnie hissed
in my ear.
I lit up. Clenching the cigarette in my teeth, I grinned, and
whispered, "Yes."
First contestant, some girl named Hino Rei. Crazy tradition-
alists. Why not just give her a nice normal name like "Raye"?
She was going to be singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Weird
coincidence. My song and hers were written by the same guy. I scanned
the lyrics. Not really as impressive, more an "oh, I need him so badly"
type song ...
She walked up to the mike slowly and gravely. Her hair was dark
like the night, and her eyes were not much lighter. She was tall for a
woman of Japan ... hell, for a woman of anywhere ... and dressed in a red
gown. No, not so much a gown as a ... cloak. A cloak that covered her
upper body, clasped at the throat.
She stood before the mike, head bowed, as the short introductory
music played. As the first softly whispered "Turn around" came off of the
sound track, she lifted her head and began to sing.
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit lonely
And you're never coming round.
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears.
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous
That the best of all the years have gone by.
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
And then I see the look in your eyes.
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart.
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart.
And I need you now, tonight.
And I need you more than ever.
And if you'll only hold me tight,
We'll be holding on forever.
And we'll only be making it right,
Cause we'll never be wrong together.
Once upon a time I was falling in love,
Now I'm only falling apart ...
Nothing I can do,
For total eclipse of the heart.
She sang with a quiet, desperate intensity. She had a beautiful
voice. In a kinder world, she might have wound up as an opera diva. As
it was, she'd probably wind up as some recording corp's flavor of the
month.
(Turn around) Every now and then I know
You'll never be the one you've always wanted to be.
(Turn around) Every now and then I know
You'll always be the only one who wanted me the way that I am.
(Turn around) Every now and then I know
There's no one in the universe as magical or wondrous as you.
(Turn around) Every now and then I know
There's nothing any better; There's nothing that I just wouldn't do.
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart!
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart!
And I need you now, tonight.
Wait a minute. I checked the lyric sheet. In the first two
verses of the stanza, where she'd sung "the one", they listed "the boy".
Weird.
And we'll only be making it right,
Cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the edge of the night.
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.
I dunno what to do, I'm always in the dark,
We're living in a powderkeg and giving off sparks!
I really need you tonight,
Forever's gonna start tonight!
Forever's gonna start tonight!
Once upon a time I was falling in love,
Now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do, for total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time there was light in my life,
Now there's only love in the dark.
Nothing I can say, but total eclipse of the heart.
A great song, even if she did mess with the words a bit. A great
song, and one hell of a singer.
I started to clap ...
I felt a pinprick under my shoulder ...
And then ...
I was floating in a clear liquid, staring out at a weird, surreal
world. The only thing that looked like anything was something like a
distorted human face, fairly close to mine, underneath a mess of blue
something-or-other.
My brain realized I was in a liquid, and told the rest of me. I
clamped my open mouth shut, and started to thrash. I wanted to get a hand
up to my nose, but I didn't have any room to maneuver -- my universe
turned rigid about an inch above my nose and a couple more to either side
of my hips (at that point I realized I had no clothes on).
A voice penetrated my panic. "She's come awake! Get her out of
there, now!" High voice, very probably female. The distorted face
shifted with the voice. Maybe it was the source ...
Something cushioned the back of me. A light shone above my head,
and I began to move upwards ... or at least towards the light. My face
cleared the liquid, and I felt it start to flow out of my nose, and I
gagged, trying to get it out of my mouth and throat. It tasted worse
coming up than it had going down. My eyes were too blurry to see anything
clearly, just lights, and motion.
My ears, on the other hand, were fine. I heard little snatches of
conversation ...
"So who is she?"
"Some twenty-first rocker."
"Why do we have to decant ..."
"Orders from the palace ..."
A head interposed itself between my face and the lights. "Ms.
Asagiri? The device I'm placing on your face is going to remove the
substance from your nose and mouth. Please do not panic."
That voice was the same one that had ordered me out of there.
Wherever there was. Something clamped on my face, forcing my mouth open.
I felt suction in my nostrils and throat. The "substance" flowed up and
out. My eyes had begun to clear up. I could see the woman who was
operating the device now. She had bluish-black hair. It was likely that
she had been the face. Which meant that the face had been the source of
the voice. Good deduction, Priss.
The suction had been drawing nothing but air for a minute. She
removed the device. "Now, do you remember who you are?"
Oh yes I did. I was somebody's captive.
NO GODDAMN WAY.
I surged up, and slammed a fist into the woman's face. She fell
back with a startled cry. Before I could do anything more, a bunch of
people piled onto me. I screamed, I swore, I lashed out, and I was
pinned.
I heard the voice, a lot harder, say, "Sedate her."
I felt a pinprick under my shoulder ...
And I was laying on a bed, my hands firmly manacled on either side
of it. It was a comfortable bed, and a nice room. A pair of chairs were
beside the bed, and a large picture window showed a clear, blue sky and a
bright sun. The place was much more comfortable than any the Megatokyo
jails had ever offered me, but the fact remained that I was a captive.
I don't deal with captivity well.
After screaming myself hoarse for an hour, I finally quieted down.
Like magic, a door opened on the far side of the room.
In stepped in the tallest woman I've ever seen. She was just a
shade under seven feet tall, with auburn hair tied back in a waist length
ponytail. She wore a sleeveless, skintight white garment, a green metal
breastplate, a green mini-skirt, a pair of green high heeled boots, and
white gloves. At her waist she carried a sword.
I took a long look at that sword. It was like a scimitar, but
even though it didn't look like it was a vibrating blade, it still seemed
to be the sharpest thing I'd ever seen ...
"Are you going to behave?" she asked, in a quiet yet husky voice.
"Maybe," I answered cautiously. Caution is always indicated when
dealing with an amazon who might run you through at a moment's notice.
She let out a weary sigh. "I'll put it like this. If you behave,
you'll get some answers. If you don't behave, I'm going to close this
door, and come back tomorrow with the same question. Let me make this
clear. I don't like you very much. You gave one of my best friends a
black eye yesterday, after she'd gone through a hell of a lot to bring you
to life. If you don't want to behave, fine. It means I don't have to
look at you."
I'd been under for a whole day? "I'll behave," I said suddenly.
She stepped back into the corridor beyond the door, and spoke too
softly for me to hear to someone standing out of sight. Then she came forward,
stepping aside from the doorway.
The woman who entered then was not quite as tall as her bodyguard
(that much, at least, I could guess from their body language). She had
long, golden-blonde hair that was gathered up in two long braids that
stretched to her ankles behind her. Her deep blue eyes were filled with
compassion and trust. She was dressed in a large gown that looked like it
was intended for a formal dance.
"Greetings, Ms. Asagiri. I am Queen Serenity. I bid you welcome to
Crystal Tokyo."
She moved gracefully to sit down in one of the chairs. The tall
woman stood behind her, never taking her eyes from me, or her hand from
her sword.
"I apologize for the restraints, but Lady Jupiter insists. She is
frightfully put out by what you did to Lady Mercury."
"Lady Jupiter being ... her, right?" I asked, making a head
gesture to the amazon.
Serenity nodded. "I have learned, the hard way, to take her
advice in such matters. It is a terrible thing to have to learn things
the hard way, do you not agree?"
She seemed not to notice the fact that I pointedly ignored the
question. "Now, Lady Jupiter stated that you would be given answers.
What questions trouble you the most?"
"Well, for starters, where the hell am I?"
"A more complicated question than you realize, I think. As I
said, you are in Crystal Tokyo. However, as you have never heard of
Crystal Tokyo this is not actually an ..."
"I've heard of Tokyo. Or Megatokyo. I live there. The sky there
is never like that, though," I interrupted, making another head gesture,
at the window.
"The two cities are related ... Tokyo has gone through so many
name changes ... Tokyo, Megatokyo, Neo Tokyo, Scrap Iron City ... I
believe our naming manages to capture the spirit of all of them, however."
She sighed. "Perhaps the simplest way to explain what has
happened to you is to make it quite clear to you when you are. What date
do you think it is?"
"I dunno ... it was August of 2033, last time I checked ..."
"You are incorrect by nearly nine hundred years."
"You people think that it's 1133?"
"No, Ms. Asagiri. We are in the first third of the thirtieth
century of the Christian reckoning."
It took a long moment for that to sink in. "Wha ... what ...
how ... how is this ..."
"I must explain a great deal, Ms. Asagiri. Which would you rather
have explained, the method by which you have come to be here in this time,
or the reasons that you are here?"
"BOTH."
"Very well. This may confuse you, Ms. Asagiri. Put simply, you
are not, in the truest sense possible, Priscilla S. Asagiri, "retrothrash"
musician and member of the Knight Sabers. Under our law, a clone is not
considered to be a "reincarnation" of a person, but a separate being. If
Priscilla Asagiri ..."
"Hold it. HOLD IT."
She paused.
"Knight Sabers?" I said, deciding to tackle the easiest part first.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Ms. Asagiri, there is no need to dissemble. We are aware of her
career as a mercenary vigilante. Remember that nearly a thousand years
have passed since the days you remember ... now, as I was saying ..."
"What happened?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I'm a clone? So what happened to the original ..." I can't bear
to say, `the original me'.
"That is not clear. History records that the Knight Sabers
dropped out of sight in the early 2040s, around the time of the
destruction of GENOM ..."
"We won ... that's something at least ..."
"It certainly is implied that they may have played a major role in
the corporation's downfall," Serenity agreed. "There is a memorial to
them on the palace grounds, perhaps you would care to visit it at some
time in the future."
"Yeah, right.."
She shrugged. "As you wish. In any case, you'd no doubt like to
learn the reasons for your revival."
"Damn straight!"
"To begin with ... your last memories are of a certain karaoke
competition, are they not?"
"Yeah ..."
"An individual using the name Rei Hino performed there. She is ...
or was, rather ... one of my allies, Lady Mars. At that time, we were
only beginning the steps that would eventually lead to the foundation of
our city. Especially important among these early steps was the collection
of genetic material of various individuals whom we decided would be of
importance in the future. Lady Mars was greatly impressed with Priss
Asagiri's singing ability and musical talent."
"So you stole my DNA." The pinprick ...
"Essentially, yes. Some time thereafter, when we became aware of
her other career, it was clear that you would be of great use to our realm
in a military capacity. There are very few individuals in our genetic
library who have as much experience in guerilla warfare as Priscilla
Asagiri."
"So I've been drafted," I muttered bitterly.
Serenity shook her head. "No, in point of fact you have not. You
have been restored to life in compliance with the final orders Lady Mars
gave before she severed her alliance with us. You are free of any
obligation to enter military service, Ms. Asagiri. I welcome you to the
thirtieth century, and invite you to take advantage of all the benefits of
our society."
"Pass, thanks. If you'll just undo these handcuffs, I'll be out
that window -- I assume we're a few floors up -- and out of your hair in a
jiffy."
"I beg your pardon?" she asked mildly.
"You stole my DNA, dragged me into the future, and cloned me, you
damn well better better beg my pardon! I don't want to live in this
world!"
"So you intend suicide?"
"Damn straight!"
"I truly regret this, Ms. Asagiri ..."
"Look, just call me Priss, all right?"
"That would not be appropriate. But as I was saying, I respect an
individual's right to decide whether she will live or die. Unfortunately,
we cannot allow you to commit suicide. TINSTAAFL."
"Gesundheit."
"No, Ms. Asagiri, TINSTAAFL is one of the fundamental principles
of our society. There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. The government
of Crystal Tokyo has invested a large sum of money in your preservation
and revival. You owe us."
The basic inanity of that statement overwhelmed me for a few
moments. "I didn't ask to be brought back to life! Why should I pay
for it?"
"Because you benefit by it. Part and parcel of TINSTAAFL is the
concept that those who benefit from something should be made to pay for
it, just as those who suffer by it should be compensated."
"How the hell do I benefit by being dragged back to life?!"
She stared at me for a long moment. There was a tremendous sorrow
in those eyes. It was impossible to look at them and not feel very, very
small inside ... "Only those who have never known loss could ever ask that
question, Ms. Asagiri. I would give my own life to bring back any one of
the noble souls who have died in the name of the Crystal Kingdom, but my
life is not mine to give. Do you truly value your life so little that you
do not see its continuance as a miracle?"
"I want my life on my own terms, dammit! And who the hell do you
think you are, saying I don't know about loss! Do you have ANY idea what
I've been put through?!! ANY?!!"
"You lost your entire family in the Kanto Earthquake. When you
were seventeen, your lover was killed. Within the last year of the time
that your genetic material was taken, you were forced to kill a close
friend, one Sylvie ..."
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT. She had been damn smart to put the manacles
on me because otherwise I'd have been strangling her at that point ...
"... whom some of our historians believe may have been more than
just your friend ..."
"WHAT?!! What the hell do your historians spend their time doing,
wanking themselves over weird fantasies about people who're dead?!"
"Ms. Asagiri, that will do. You will have the opportunity to
clear up any misconceptions about Priscilla Asagiri's personal history.
Returning to the issue of your suicidal intent -- an implant has been made
in your spinal column that will automatically alert an emergency response
team if you are in danger of fatal injury. They have orders not to cease
to perform resuscitation attempts under any circumstances. If need be, we
will grow a clone of you to ensure that you pay your debt to society."
"How am I supposed to do that? I have nothing, unless you've been
compounding the interest on what was in my bank account ..."
"We have not, and in addition that would not be your bank account,
but that of Priscilla Asagiri ... however, you will be provided with a job
suited to your skills and training, and we will garnishee a portion of
your wages each month until you have cleared your balance."
"I AM Priscilla Asagiri," I insisted.
"Under our legal code, you are not."
"I don't give a shit about your stupid laws! I AM PRISS!"
"If you choose to believe so, that is your privilege. Unless you
have any further questions, the time alloted for this interview is drawing
closed, is it not, Lady Jupiter?"
"I'm amazed you've put up with her for this long ..." the amazon
grumbled.
"She reminds me a great deal of Lady Mars," Serenity said, "and I
have ever endured much more abusive behavior from her, have I not?"
"Waitaminnit. This Lady Mars is the one who had me brought back
like this?" I asked quickly.
"Correct. She gave the order."
"Why?"
Serenity let out a long, sad-sounding sigh. "I do not know.
Perhaps you should ask her."
"Then bring her here, please!" The last word didn't come easily
at all.
"I would if I could, Ms. Asagiri. However, due to a dispute in
policy, Lady Mars ended her alliance with me only a few moments after the
order concerning your disposition was issued. I do not know where she is,
and I would like to speak with her almost as much, I think, as you would.
Good day, Ms. Asagiri. I hope that you enjoy your life. The manacles
will be released when I exit the room."
And then she rose up, smiled, and walked out, followed by Lady
Jupiter. As the door closed behind them, the manacles opened, freeing my
wrists.
I got out of bed, and walked over to the window.
Sure enough, I was up a few floors. I'd say at least forty. The
city stretched out in all directions, buildings that looked like crystals
mixing with ones of more traditional construction. Beyond the city was a
huge body of water ... the ocean. In the far distance, I could see boats.
It was the most beautiful cityscape I'd ever seen.
God, I hated it.
I backed up to give myself some running room, and slammed myself
into the window. The idea was to slam *through* the window, but from the
way I smashed into it, I got the feeling that I'd be broken by it before I
could break it.
I slid to the floor.
Nine hundred years. Linna, Sylia, Nene, Mackie ... dead.
Probably dust. Hell. *I* was dust. I wondered if there was anything
left to bury ...
I rubbed my eyes, because I realized I was crying. Nuh-uh.
That's what they wanted me to do. They wanted me to start weeping in
despair, to freak out, to give up.
I don't give up.
"You hear me, you bitch?!" I shouted. "I'm Priss Asagiri, and I
don't EVER give up!"
They wanted me to make my way in this screwed-up wannabe utopia on
their terms. Forget it. I'd do it on MY terms. And I'd find this Mars
bitch, and make her tell me why she'd dragged me out of the grave to live
in this awful, beautiful city.
Count on it.
To Be Continued.
Sailor Moon was created by Naoko Takeuchi, and brought to North
America by DIC. Bubblegum Crisis was created by Keichi Sonada, and
brought to North America by Animeigo. The songs "Everything Louder Than
Everything Else" and "Total Eclipse of the Heart", both written by Jim
Steinman, were published by the Edward B. Marks Music Company. The
preceding story, while incorporating aspects of these motion pictures and
songs which are held under copyright by others, is copyright 1996 Chris
Davies.
Nobody sue me, okay?