It's really funny when they say "Are you on the east/west coast?" to me.
I say, "Yep, on the east coast. Though more south-east." They don't seem
to understand that there is more than one east/west coast in the world.
When I eventually tell them what the time here is, they stop and blink at
me as if I said the sky was pink or something. It's not like America's the
center of the world or anything... :p

   Again: most of these people are Americans (I presume you are chatting 
on the 'net) who normally talk to Americans. When they ask on which coast 
you live, they don't ask which coast of America, not because they are 
stupid, ignorant or provincial, but because there's usually no need
because they generally talk to Americans, who, after all, are still the 
biggest net-surfers. The idea is to eliminate redundant information. 

Exactly. They think that they are the only people on the 'net and are
quite shocked when the person isn't from America. It's especially stupid
when you tell them the time and date where you are *FIRST* and THEN they
ask if you're in the east coast (of America)!! Come *on* We're about 14
or so hours ahead, depending on where the person in America is... And yet
they STILL think I'm in America and are shocked when I say that I'm not!
I could believe it if they'd asked for the time/date AFTERWARDS ... but
NOT *before*! O_o

   Parallel: Suppose I am an American who having taken an interest in 
things Australian has telnetted to a server in Australia where some 
mostly Australian 'netters chat about whatever they chat about. I meet 
someone. He asks where I live. If I say "on the north coast" he can be 
forgiven, if I have not told him I live in America, for thinking I live 
perhaps in the Northern Territory, near Darwin, perhaps, rather than in 
Ohio where I actually live. (Yes, we have a north coast, along the Great 

I'd acually blink because no-one from Australia describes where they are
from in relation to the coast. They'd just say a state. So I'd go:

Errr... The north coast?

Lakes.) What is he to think then if he says, Thank God tomorrow's 
Saturday, and I reply, No, it's Friday tomorrow? He could be forgiven for 
being confused, not because he is stupid, but merely because I have 
failed to give him information he does not normally need but in my case does.

Confused? Most Australians wouldn't continue to believe that the person
they are speaking to is in Australia at this point and go:

Oh? Where're you from?

Not:

You said the north coast... you in the north-west (of WA)?

   (By the way, Miss Seawright, I wouldn't do that. I don't appreciate 
your sense of humor. I try not to do things just to confirm to myself how 
much smarter I am than the rest of the species.)

We can't all be perfect...

   If you are trying to use a program to print out a paper that uses 
certain defaults unless otherwise instructed by you, wish the program to 
print out the paper according to some other parameters but fail to tell 
the program, and the paper is printed out wrong, it is not the computer's 
fault. It is yours for not telling it that information it reasonably 
assumed for want of other information was not correct.
   In short, Americans are much smarter than it amuses you to think. For 
one thing, they value their time. They'd rather not waste it on conveying 
information that the recipient doesn't need.

Sou ka? So ... Americans are like word processors?

That's because to most merkens, the world is bounded by Canada, Mexico, 
the Pacific Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean. As far as most are concerned, 
there's nothing out beyond Hawaii. Blame their media and education for 
being so insular.

   (I'm not even going to bother repeating the rest of Mr. Bennett's and 
Miss Seawright's American-bashing.)
   Mr. Bennett, Miss Seawright, have you ever met or even _seen_ an 
American that wasn't projected onto a television set?

Yep. I know quite a lot of them and they all can take teasing. The only ones
that can't seem to be patriots. They are the most fun to tease simply because
of their over-bearing attitudes and their inability to make fun of 
themselves.

   I am from Ireland, I still consider myself Irish, I have lived in the 
United States for seven years, and from what you've just said I am 
completely convinced that you two have never even seen an American 
except on the television, much less been here.

And you'd be wrong. 

*ponders starting up Irish bashing, but then gives it up since you wouldn't
understand that I got taught to make fun of the Irish from my father and
grandfather, both of whom are Irish*

   For your information, Mr. Bennett and Miss Seawright:
   Not all Americans are provincial, inbred peasants. They know there's a 
whole world out there. (They rule it, after all! BWAHAHAHAHA!) If 

Such a poor, uneducaded creature ... thinking that 'Merkins rule the world.
How sad...

American were as insular as you say, this list would not exist. Ignorant 
ultra-nationalist "patriots" such as you saw in _Independance Day_ are 
objects of ridicule and contempt here. They are not, repeat _not_ the 
majority in America. On the contrary, openness to other cultures has been 
the rule rather than the exception, occasionally to the point of 
absurdity. (Ever hear of "multiculturalism?" No, of course you haven't. 
American cultural movements don't interest you. Why should they? America 
has nothing of interest, right?) Americans just borrow the cultural 
innovations of other nations and make them their own. Often the American 
version's better than the original. (I _love_ Chicago-style pizza. What, 
you don't know what that is? Poor dears.)   

Heh... Most American version of the original are more tacky than the 
original, too...

   I have some news for you: ignorant, provincial morons live everywhere. 
From what I've heard you say, I suspect there's plenty of them in 
Australia.

Yep, and I make fun of them, too. They're all called 'Bruce' and sit in
pubs in the country all day and do nothing but drink and attract flies.

   As for our media, it's the most diverse in the world, catering to 
every interest. Whatever your tastes, there's a publication or possibly 
even a television channel that will cater to it. (There are cable channels 
here dedicated solely to historical documentaries and public affairs, for 
instance. I needn't even mention CNN, an American, not Australian or 
Irish innovation.) And they're profitable. Americans take advantage of the 
opportunity to learn about the world when they can. In Ireland? We have 
only two television channels, both run by the government. They _suck._

Awwww... kawaisou...

   (By the way, Irish TV, from my experience, did discuss American  
affairs far more than American TV discusses Ireland on an average day, 
but that's because what happens in Ireland affects America far less than 
what happens in America affects Ireland--and the world. I suspect the 
same is true for Australia. Americans do care what happens beyond their
borders when it honestly matters. If they didn't, they wouldn't get in so 
many bloody wars and like it. :( )

It's just because the American government thinks they rule the world and
they are so great if they 'help' out in a fight ... it's just a lot of
showing off, even if it does 'help'.

   I should mention that the variety of opinion in the American media is 
as diverse as anywhere. If you look hard enough, you will find a 
publication expressing one's own political opinions. Our unregulated 
broadcast media is also the home of the most intense political debate in 
the civilized world. If one does not like the social democrats on the 
television, one can listen to the conservatives and libertarians talk on 
local talk radio, where they hold sway. Would that the same were true in 
Japan, where all newspapers express the same opinions and genuine debate 
is practically non-existent. It's not quite as bad in Ireland, but the 
government can and does keep political opinions incompatible with itself 
off the radio and television. I suspect this is also done in Australia. 
It shouldn't be.

Maybe you should find out rather than suspect.

   Education? American universities are the best in the world. That's 
why Japanese students come to study here, and not Americans in Japan. 

Japanese students come here, too. So that means that Australian 
universities are the best in the world. Australians don't go to Japan
for uni, or very rarely.

(Japanese colleges are abysmal.) The private schools are also first-rate. 
The public schools suck, but that's because they're beholden to the 
teacher's unions who block any attempt to reform them. The Americans are 
trying their best to make them better, trust me. (At least here the schools 
don't shut down every year for a week because the teachers have gone on 
strike _again_.)

But if American education is so good... why don't they learn English, and
why don't they learn the metric system?

   (By the way, Miss Seawright, "it's" doesn't mean anything in standard 
written English other than "it is". In English the neuter third person 
possessive pronoun is "its". You owe the critic you informed otherwise an 
apology. That means, mind you, that you will die in debt, because I don't 
think I've ever seen you admitting when you were wrong in this forum or 
any other on the Internet to which I have access. I don't expect you to 
change, but I will tell you that your apparent belief that you are 
always right is beginning to irritate me extremely, and probably many 
others likewise. Just to eliminate any misunderstanding, I really do 
mean it.)

Awww... the poor baby... If you don't like it, you can lump it. And I never
started that thing up, anyway. I just continued it ... someone else made
up the rule that I was always right. Press 'd' if you don't like it. And
if I want to give Jimbo-chan an apology, I will if I see him online. I will
not do so just for your entertainment.

   Crime: most of our crime is in fact restricted to urban slums where 
gainful employment has become impossible due to overtaxation by our 
government of industry to support our army and our enormous old-age 
pension system and welfare state. What we do here is avoid them. Most of 
America is in fact quite a civilized place.

Nothing like that here.

   The government? It sucks. That much you have right. There are plenty of 
Americans who would cheer if the White House went up in smoke. That's 
because it causes most of America's problems by trying to solve them. So 
Americans have increasingly restricted its activity, shrunk its army, 
shrunk the welfare state, reduced regulation of industry, and so forth. 
They're working on it.
   Their popular culture, too, is popular the world over. Why? Because 
it's far more universal in appeal than that of other nations. (My Irish 
relations tell me that Australian soaps get more American by the day. 
That's called competition.) You bet your life American movies are 
consistently hits in Japan. (I can't speak about _Independance Day_--I 
haven't seen it--but if you didn't like it there's no need to condemn the 
whole American movie industry.) Trust me--those in charge of making 
movies here do take the non-American market into account when they make 
their films. The more they do that, the more money their films make. By 
comparison, the Japanese animation market hardly seems to think of the 
world outside Japan--which is why anime has so relatively few fans in the 
English speaking world. British programming ends up restricted to 

Personally, I'd rather see an anime marathon than a movie at the cinema,
and day of the week.

educational television or specialty channels, because American watching 
it can't identify with the characters. _Doctor Who_'s attempt to start a 

Which is very sad... Australians can watch just about anything that is shown
from the BBC and enjoy it.

new life in America seems to have failed; I can only think that that was 
due to the show's being far too fundamentally British (the Doctor, after 
all, remained at base an Englishman even in the film for folks to enjoy 
it, no matter how much they tried to "Americanize" it. American sci-fi 

Americanising British shows fails very badly, and the American end product
sucks. That's why the American pilots of Red Dwarf fell over so badly. The
Americans wrecked the characters to make them 'politically correct' and it
just plain sucked.

travels much better, though. I believe Miss Seawright is familiar with 
_The X-Files._

Only one of the few shows that I ever watch on tv. I'm amazed that they
didn't pick an American actress to play Scully, rather than GA...

   (Side note: what foreign films and programming I have seen here 
has invariably been dubbed. Only dubbed anime is ever shown on American 
or British television. American programs? I was surprised when I went to 

Thank goodness for SBS here ... it shows *some* subbed anime... Not much,
but more than you'd see on any other channel.

Israel this summer with a group from my university [the school paid my 
bill, thank God] and got to see some Israeli TV. American shows are 
broadcast there _subtitled._ It seems that abroad Americans may be 
Americans without losing audiences. There was no need to dub _Star Trek_ 

Actually, I'd say it's because it's *CHEAPER* to sub than dub. Why go to
all the trouble of dubbing something, getting voice actors, paying them,
getting a studio, director, etc, all just to dub something when you can
simply and cheaply subtitle it?

into Hebrew, say, even though Picard (say) is an American in spite of 
his French background, as all humans in that show at base really are; 

Picard's an *AMERICAN*????? O_o  Where did you pull that one from??? Not
even his *actor* is an American... and he doesn't speak like an American,
either!

Israelis could identify with them in any  case without making Picard an 
Israeli by dubbing him into Hebrew. If _Godzilla_, say, had not been dubbed 
into English, however, it would never have gotten as big as it did. The 

Ha! We got that subtitled! Yay for SBS!

characters there had to be made into Americans--but once they were all 
English sperakers could identify. If they could not there would need to 

That sucks...

be different dubbing studios to dub anime into English for the benefit 
of Americans, Canadians, Britons, Irishmen, Australians, New Zealanders, 
South Africans, and so forth. Can you imagine six English dubs of Ranma 

Thank goodness I never saw the dub of *that* movie!

1/2, for instance? Thankfully, one American one seems to suit all 
English-speakers just fine, recognizably American though it may be.)

*laugh* That American dub of Ranma ... that's just way too American, and
they pronounce all the names wrong, too!

   The point? American popular culture is just fine, thank you. You don't 
like it? Don't go to American movies. I should add Australian soaps never 
were my cup of tea, either...

Australian soaps suck. That's just plain and simple.

   The Americans themselves? The ones I've met are generally pleasant, 
hardworking, honest people. A bit too familiar for my taste, but then 
that's their way of being friendly. I know that and accept it. And when 
I mention I'm from Ireland (or they detect my accent) they're not 
repulsed by my foreignness, but very curious to know about the land I 
come from. Would that all nations were as accepting of others. (Shampoo 
is a bimbo at least in part because the Japanese consider the Chinese 
and all other foreigners to be a lower form of life.)
   I tell you this because you two have made it perfectly clear you've 
never met an American, much less ever been here or cared to learn a damn 
thing about the place that might have made you doubt the widespread 
belief that just because our government has done stupid things that 
Americans are somehow a lower form of life.

If you say so... You'd be wrong, though. Also, you don't take into account 
that it wasn't a serious discussion. *patpat*

   There's more good than bad about America. And the bad they're working 
on. I know this: I wouldn't go back to Ireland to live, muchless go to 
Australia. And you couldn't pay me enough to live in Japan.
   Oh. Yeah. You want to badmouth people you don't know beans about, keep 
it to private e-mail. Don't say it was just a joke. Saying nasty things 
about people in a public forum that aren't true isn't funny. Here they 
call it slander.

Well, luckily I'm 'badmouthing' my friends, then. And they can 'badmouth'
me back, too, if they so wish. But there's a lot less to 'badmouth' about
Australia ... though the government does suck... and the soaps suck...

   When _I_ get upset to Americans as a group (and I do--I try not to, 
though), I have the good manners to keep it to myself, at least. If I 
were you I'd do the same thing.

Well, you're not me, than kamisama.

- A citizen of the global village. {I wish I was a citizen of the 
                                    Joketsuzoku village mind you! ;) } 

   Here's a tip--learn a bit about the other inhabitants of the global 
village before passing judgement on them.

I suggest taking your own advice, first.

   By the way, Joketsuzoku is a Japanese word (meaning roughly "woman 
warrior"). Before you go live in their village, learn the name of the 
tribe in their own language. (I forget what they call themselves; it 
begins with an N when transliterated, but I really couldn't tell you 
just what it is. It might be in the Ranma FAQ. This I know--it isn't 
Joketsuzoku.) Perhaps then they will accept you. I wouldn't try speaking 
to them in Japanese--the Chinese have their own reasons for not liking 
the Japanese, and God knows the last Japanese to come through the town 
caused enough trouble. They'd probably kill you where you stood.

Hen na ... If you want to go on about telling people that they should
call a culture what they call themselves in their own language, you're
totally going against human nature. People say what's easiest to say
for them, and Americans do this, too. Do you go around calling Germany
the German name for their country? And I guess 'The Ivory Coast' is the
name of that part of Africa that the inhabitants call it?

Maybe you should start calling places/cities/countries by the names that
the inhabitants call it BEFORE you tell everyone else to do this.

BTW - Nyuchezuu/Joketsuzoku "woman hero tribe" At least it has the same
meaning in Japanese or Takahashi-sensei's 'Chinese'.

Kun-chan...