"ML" == Mousse Lee <mousse@pixi.com> writes:
ML> Okay, finally got around to reading this and I must say
ML> I'm surprised it didn't explode in a giant ball of spam. The
ML> following is hopefully C&C, first of all why the `` and '' it's
ML> really annoying and the reason I put off reading this for so long.
ML> A standard " works fine and makes it easier to read.
I use TeX sometimes/often, and " ends up as a `closing double quote'
which bothers me, and `` with " looks funny. It isn't that big of a
deal, unlike using Mac quote characters (which are Latin-1 accented
characters, grumble) if it bothers, it doesn't take much work at all
to just global replace them (in vi :%s/``/"/g RET :%s/''/"/g RET )
Why do you find `` and '' annoying? I admit it adds sixteen bits per
quote when compared to ", but it doesn't make that big of a visible
difference. (of course, I use 6x10 as my display font, so that may
have something to do with it, don't think so, though)
ML> I had a couple problems following the new characters and keeping
ML> track of who was who...
well, I introduced Miyuki in the last story, and most of the various
subplots, so . . .
``So, what's for dinner, Miyuki?'' Miyuki looks up at her older
sister, who showed signs that she would soon learn the
bakusaitenketsu, mainly through not being as bruised as she had
been the day before.
ML> Bakusaitenketsu seems out of place after reading the rest
ML> of the story, Ryouga isn't even mentioned at any point I think.
ML> Actually the line itself doesn't make alot of sense either.
In the last story/part/whatever Rei is mentioned to be studying with
obaba, and I felt that by about 13 she would probably be learning
that. And I assumed that the method used to teach Ryouga was the
standard/normal one.
ML> Much of the early dialogue doesn't contain statements but
ML> between the ''s and all the new characters it doesn't hold itself
ML> together well enough.
Standard format rules state that unless one is changing between more
than two speakers, one can just volley the dialog back and forth after
their first identification, and only have to re-identify people when
either the order they are speaking in changes or someone new speaks.
I figured that Ukyou was identified soon enough after her first line
that I didn't need to make it explicit.
``Because I like it, no one else in the house cooks with it, and
it's in season right now.'' There is a loud knocking at the door.
``That must be Kodachi, Ukyou and Rie-chan. Go let them in,
please.''
``Ryoukai!'' She snapped her heels together and slapped her fist
against her chest.
ML> Already I'm getting lost again, Rie-chan? Ryoukai? Most
ML> of the opening goes way over my head as a reader.
Ryoukai wa, eigo de, `Roger' to iimasu. Soshite, Rie-chan ga atarashi
karakuta- desu. (says one who doesn't know as much nihongo as that might
make it seem)
ML> Question, when do Ranma and Akane enter this scene? To be
ML> honest I don't even know where this story is taking place. Ranma
ML> and Akane seem to materialize out of thin air to jump into an
ML> already crowded conversation.
I thought it was fairly obvous that they were in the dining room, at
least from the ``Ucchan . . .''
``Oh, yeah,'' He looks for the avocado slice, then continues,
``Well after Tofu-sensei pointed out that we would need to keep me
female for the nine months or so that the pregnancy would take
there was a quick brainstorming session where we went over known
methods to keep me female. The only one that I judged trustworthy
enough to attempt was the chiisui-ton, which was a bit of a
problem, as it had gotten lost during the fight with Herb. So had
the kaisui-huu, but that was only necessary to reverse the effects
of the first after you were born.
ML> Here's where I go 'oooooooooh, it's one of those fics" The
ML> question remains why?
I did why first, and everyone asked `how' so . . .
ML> you do a decent job of explaining how but it still makes no sense
ML> as to why. btw, I thought those items were destroyed as
ML> well... anyway.
well the answers I got started with `Herb took them back to China'
(which would have greatly lengthened the story (and I was rather
looking forward to)) and got corrected to `lost during the battle'
which, I suppose, could include `destroyed during the battle.'
``Anyway, we got home just in time for the Sakura to bloom. I had
been female for a couple of weeks, and the lot of us did hanami. I
got totally drunk for the first and last time in my life, and Akane
had to shut me up.''
``I remember that. I thought she just enjoyed sucking face with
you.'' Ukyou giggles as her comment turns both Akane and Ranma a
bright red.
ML> highlight for this fic in my opinion, reminds me of a
ML> couple parties I've been at.. but I digress. This feels like more
ML> of a backstory that the reader isn't allowed to see, Ranma
ML> drunk.. why? and what is hanami?
hanami is `flower watching' a standard spring activity where one packs
lunches, sake, okashi (treats) and goes to watch the sakura blossoms
fall. An expression about hanami is `hana yori dango' or `dumplings
instead of flowers', indicating someone who does hanami to eat the
food instead of watch the flowers. (I picked this up from the shoujo
ML, as there is a shoujo manga titled `Hana yori dango' with the
`dango' rewritten with the kanji for `danshi' or boy ^_^ there was a
nice thread on the whole subject of hanami) Getting totally wasted is,
apparently, one of the possible outcomes of doing hanami.
``Ano, Kodachi-bachan, why did you challenge Akane to a poisoning
contest?'' Miyuki asks, after everyone had settled down again.
ML> Okay, this is like an entirely different fic within a fic.
Which is exactly what was said about the introduction of this bit in
the prior story ^_^
When does one actually have life run in a totally linear fashon?
ML> I'm not into the Ranma cast drug usage thing even if it is
ML> Kodachi, it makes some sense for the Ukyou part later on but the
ML> entire section is a jamble.. some lsd, heroin, pot...
I know (from family experience, not personal) that doing too many
chemicals can make one less than stable, and having had experiences
like that would go a long way towards explaining both why she was so
twisted, and how she would know what a bad trip is like. And most of
Nerima probably had bad trips.
ML> and she considers cigarettes, alcohol, speed, and coke the harder
ML> drugs?
one can't get off any of the above easily at all, and cold turkey off
alcohol can be fatal if you are unlucky. Cold turkey off of heroin
isn't fun, but is far better than methadone, which is more addictive,
cannot be kicked cold turkey, and generally is used to create a
captive market for something that would otherwise be impossible to
sell, IMHO. (no, I don't do any of the above, but I have heard too
much about the subject for none of it to have rubbed off)
ML> Besides the obvious OOC questions how about the criminal/multiple
ML> felonies question?
Akane wouldn't take that into consideration, and I'm sure there would
be a thousand and one crackpot organizations who would be more than
happy to claim that they did it.
ja ne,
Suika (who is happy to note that the Reply-to headers are no
longer getting munged)