Part IV To be a Man Sighing in content, Ranma leaned back against the tree, smiling as he watched Ranko scamper towards a group of children playing around a small pond. He watched for a while, just to make sure things would go well. Knowing that Ranko had never met another child worried him. She was different in many ways. Some of these Ranma understood, but most he could only guess at. She seemed to get along fine with them though, so Ranma turned his attention back to his companions. Ukyou and Akane were talking quietly on the other side of the picnic blanket. Every so often they would look at him, as if they were afraid he would disappear. It was actually rather unnerving, but he held his temper, telling himself that they were just trying to make sense of everything. Actually the occasional glances were better than what had happened the previous night and most of the morning. Awakening at Ukyou's cry, Ranma had suddenly found himself entangled in a sobbing and very incoherent Ukyou. This was only complicated by Akane being trapped between the two of them, and then Ranko had joined the pile, somehow going from sleep to hyper as only a child could. The night had just gone downhill from there. Ranma had suddenly had his hands full with more than he could do. Ukyou's questions and demands on his attention were complicatedly Akane trying to answer for him, and her inability to leave his side. Ranko as usual had wanted food since she was awake, and had not yet figured out that breakfast wasn't for at least six hours. Somehow he had managed around all the complications and sort of pleased everyone, but eventually even he had to say enough. Though happy at the reunion, everyone had been tired, and it was hard to keep tempers in line and emotions were just to high. Finally Ranma had simply stood up, and picked up Ranko, who had become completely bored with the proceedings and was make a nuisance of herself for her father. Making his apologies, he had told them that Ranko needed her sleep, and so did they. Informing them that they could catch up tomorrow as well as they could tonight, he started to walk towards the bedroom. Ukyou and Akane had stopped reminiscing about something he had done, and looked at him surprised. "Uh, I guess your right," Akane said, "I am a little tired. Besides we could all use a few hours to settle down, and tomorrow is an open day. It will be perfect to catch up then. I'm sure Ranma would be much more companionable if he was well rested." Ranma had shot her a threatening glance, but had let the comment slide, just too tired to retort. "Hai," Ukyou agreed, "We could even make a picnic out of it." "Oh, that would be wonderful, Ucchan," Akane had said, "Don't you think so Ranma?" "Uh, sure," he had answered, "That would be great. See you in the morning." As he had turned away, he had heard them both say great, and then they were walking past him into Akane's bedroom, shutting the door behind them. He had sighed in resignation, and returned to the couch to settle down for the night with Ranko. And now he was here in the park, after eating a wonderful picnic lunch, relaxing against a tree. He could not think of a closer approximation to heaven than this, except maybe if Akane had decided not to cook some of the food. Luckily she had only made sandwiches, and she seemed to have become at least decent at making that entree. After learning that she had made the sandwiches, Ranma had been worried, but he had eaten them anyway. He had been surprised. Expecting instant death or coma, he had only found them bland, yet edible. Smiling back at Akane, he had complimented her. Surprising her when she had expected an insult. Actually about half-a-dozen insults had popped directly into his mind as he had taken his first bite; however, one thing he had learned during his search was to keep his mouth shut. He had lost count of the number of times his mouth had landed him in trouble during the first few years of his search. It had ranged from embarrassment to an attempted stoning, luckily they had not counted on him being able to leap away while still bound. He had been immensely glad of it, when Akane had smiled back at him. She still smiled too little for Ranma's taste. Even when he had returned, she had rarely smiled, seeming more withdrawn than anything else. Looking at her now next to a very animated and happy Ukyou, Ranma felt the worry gnawing away at him again. She had not told him much of what had happened with her over the past years. He had gotten a few vague impressions through her few emotional outbursts. Everything else they had talked about was just catching up on family history. He needed to talk to her, but he did not know where to start. There were just so many things they needed to work out between themselves. He knew how he felt about her, but how did she feel. She had said she loved him, but sometimes she would look at him when she thought he was not looking, and he would see the confusion, the indecision in her eyes. That hurt more than most things, and the fact that she was no longer wearing the engagement ring he had given her before he had left disturbed and in a way hurt him. He had not had the chance or nerve to ask her about it yet, but he needed to know. How would he accomplish that though? He watched her with Ukyou for a while longer and an idea began to form. Akane was responding well to Ukyou. They laughed and talked back and forth completely comfortable in each other's company. It was obvious that they were close friends. Maybe Ukyou could help him get through to Akane. If he could just talk to her, besides he wanted to talk to her and make sure everything was okay between them. A walk would work he realized. It was a park after all, and he could easily make an excuse for a walk with Ukyou, and have Akane watch Ranko. Besides it would be good for Akane to get to know Ranko better, and he knew Ranko absolutely adored her Aunt Akane. Yes, he would do that. Now he just had to ask her. Standing up he walked over to the two young women. They were talking about some people he did not know when he got there. Noticing Ranma they stopped talking and looked at him. "Do you want something, Ran-chan?" Ukyou asked smiling brightly at him. "Uh, I was just wondering if we could go for a walk, Ucchan," he said, "I would sort of like to talk. I mean that is if you don't mind breaking off your conversation, and Akane does not mind babysitting Ranko for a while." He thought it went off pretty well, but one thing he had not gained was any subtlety or a sense of bad ideas. "Are you trying to get me alone, Ran-chan," Ukyou said batting her eyes at him. Ranma gulped audibly, and looked over at Akane expecting to see her with a mallet, missing Ukyou's slow wink at Akane. "Ranma," she said dangerously, "What are you trying, hentai." "Nothing," Ranma sputtered wondering how things had gone wrong so fast, it had been such a good idea, "I just wanted to talk to Ukyou. Can't I spend time with a friend I have not seen in six years? You had me to yourself last night." Even Ranma realized how lame that sounded, and sunk his head, expecting to get hit. Instead he heard laughing and looked up. Akane and Ukyou were both on the ground laughing, pointing at Ranma's now incredulous expression. "Th-that was worth it, just to see you l-look like that," Ukyou laughed. "I'm sorry," Akane put in still laughing, "You just set yourself up so well. But I'll be glad to watch Ranko for you. You and Ukyou have fun." With that she got up and walked towards the pool still chuckling. Muttering under his breath about the injustice of it all, Ranma turned to a flush-faced Ukyou. "So would you like to go for a walk?" he asked. "Hai," she said, finally controlling her humor, "I would like that." She got up from the grass, and walked towards a path with Ranma. "So what is this about, Ran-chan?" Ukyou asked after walking in silence with Ranma for a time. Ranma took a breath and looked at Ukyou as he walked, "I don't know what to do about Akane. I mean it seems like she is so distant from me. I can understand she has suffered a lot because of me, but it just seems that she does not want me to find out that anything is different. Sometimes I look at her and it breaks my heart because she looks so lost and confused, but where do I begin to find her again? How can I help her? Ucchan, you have been her friend. What do I do? " She had suspected it was about Akane. She had been pretty sure of this, since Akane had told her that morning while making the picnic that she just did not know how to tell Ranma what she wanted to. She was too confused about what was going on. Ukyou could understand that. Heck, her mind was still whirling from everything Ranma and Akane had told her. And Ranko? She just did not even want to consider that. Ranma had moved beyond her forever. She knew that now. It had hurt her when Ranma had sat her down those many years ago and told her that he could never love her the way she wanted him to. He had told her that Akane had his heart. And everything that had happened to him, all that he had gone through to be with Akane just proved I beyond a doubt with her. But she knew she could be happy with Ranma as a close friend, especially since it was Akane that he loved. She had simply told Akane what had come into her heart. That Ranma needed someone to talk with, someone who could help him out. "If you think you are confused, Akane-chan," she had said, "Think what it must be like for Ranma. His life has turned upside down in six years. He goes away to be cured, ends up being gone for six years, returns with a daughter he had not expected or wanted at first, only to find that he had died. Do you think he needs someone to be there for him? He did this all for you. I think he needs your understanding more than anything. Just be there for him, at least for me, Akane-chan." Akane had only nodded in response. She decided it would be best to tell him that also, with a few changes at least. Ukyou started talking to Ranma telling him about what had happened to Akane after he had left. "I think mainly it is that Akane does not know what to think about you and what has happened, Ran-chan. The news of your death really hurt her deeply. For weeks she stayed in her room curled into a ball on her bed crying and crying. Nothing anyone said or did mattered to her. She did not eat, even with Kasumi pushing food on her, or Nabiki and her father forcing her to eat. For a while we all thought she would die." "Eventually she came out of her room and returned slightly to normal life, but she was very different. The smallest thing could send her into a deep depression. Pictures, places, even dinner sometimes upset her too much. She would simply turn back to her room and start crying all over again." "It was because she blamed herself for your death. She thought that if she had just told you that your curse did not matter, you would be alive. Some of it also came from the fact that she never gave up hope that you were still alive. Many of us thought that way for the first year. But she took it farther, never losing hope, even after the funeral service we held for you when everyone accepted that you would not be back. You had been gone for three years. It was just such a long time, especially for you." "Akane could not really live with the thought of your death. I think the only reason she did not kill herself was because Ryoga and I would never leave her side for those first two years. Every time she became depressed or started thinking about you, one of us would be there to comfort her. It is just recently that she has gotten over most of it so that she could get on with her life." "For the past two years she has been trying to put you behind her and move on, but I don't think she ever gave up her dream of having you back." Ranma nodded, he remembered her saying something like that last night. "And now you are suddenly back into her life, but it is not really you Ranma. Here is a person that she does not remember. Even I don't see the old you when I look at you. You have grown up, matured. The boy I and Akane knew is really dead." "Parenthood is just part of it, Ranma. I see pain in your eyes, sometimes even fear when you talk about what happened to you. Almost every moment you are around us, you seem slightly preoccupied by some=thing, as if you are holding a second conversation. Then you are always checking on Ranko, watching her. Akane does not really know you any more. I think she just needs your understanding, and a person to talk to just as much as you do. You could both help each other." Ukyou feel silent and watched Ranma walking beside her for a while, eventually he spoke. "You are a good friend , Ucchan," he said, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. Ukyou felt her heart quiver in excitement, but suppressed it. She had given him up and let Akane have him. "I think I need to talk to, Akane. Do you think you could let us be alone for awhile. Just me, her, and Ranko?" he asked. Ukyou sighed, she knew she could not refuse, "Hai, I can do that Ran-chan. I'll just say I need to open the restaurant. Don't worry she won't protest." "Arigato, Ucchan.," Ranma said, "Let's go back. I need to get this settled. I cannot watch her suffer." Ranma stood with Ukyou at the picnic site, watching Akane and Ranko play by the pool. Both were laughing out loud as Akane spun Ranko around by her arms. Faster and faster they turned until they collapsed on the ground in a giggling heap. He smiled as he watched the sight. It was heart warming. It was something he wanted more than anything else, the three of them together, forever. "You love her very much, don't you?" Ukyou asked next to him. "Yes," he answered, "They are the reason behind my life. For them I would do anything." Ukyou sighed, knowing she could never win Ranma's heart now. "C'mon, let's tell Akane I have to be somewhere." "Hai," Ranma said absently, not really paying attention to Ukyou. He was still watching his daughter and his iinazuke. Enjoying the sight, until Ukyou grabbed him by the arm and dragged him down toward Akane and Ranko. Ranma and Akane sat quietly next to each other by the edge of the pool. The mirror-smooth surface reflected the afternoon sun, turning the water into a sheet of quicksilver. Birds trilled in the branches over their heads as a cool breeze rustled the reeds by the pond's edge. Ranko played gaily along the edge of the pond, her laughter mixing with the sounds of the park. It was peaceful. It had a feel of home, and comfort to it. Many people walked past the sight and thought how lovely that family was, and wished to be a part of it. They would have been surprised if they knew how close their thoughts were to Akane's and Ranma's. Since Ukyou had excused herself, nearly an hour ago, they had sat quietly together lost in their own thoughts, trying to find out what each wanted to say to the other. Silently Ranma cursed. It always was like this. They could never get past the obstacle of their own stubborn wills and hidden feelings when they wanted to. Only once had Ranma done that, and it had been six years ago on the day he had left. The day he had proposed to her. Idly he wondered where the ring he had given her was. Ukyou had said she had never given up hope, but six years was a long time. He had to know. He had to try and make things work between him and Akane. Clearing his throat he turned towards Akane, about to pursue their past relationship. Akane turned to face him as he cleared his throat. Ranma saw her eyes and realized he needed to come at this a different way. Reflected in her eyes he saw sorrow, confusion, fear, and indecision. She looked as if she were about to start crying. It was too much for Ranma. He gulped once, and tried to speak, finding nothing. It was easy for him to hide his own feelings, to push them down and not face them. He had done that his entire life. It was hard for his emotions to actually reach him. Over Akane's emotions though, he had no control, and because he could not control them and make the hurt go away for her, he tried his hardest to make sure she never got hurt. He had made sure that no one made Akane cry, that no one hurt her in any way. But now she was hurt and it was his fault. He had made her cry, and weep, and suffer through four years of hell. How could he make amends for that? He started the best way he could, "I'm sorry, Akane-chan. I never wanted to hurt you." He knew he had already said that a dozen times since returning, but it was the only thing he could think of to say. "I know you are," Akane answered, her voice quivering slightly, "I know you didn't. It's just..it's just that.." she floundered, looking for something that was not there. "It's just what?" he asked, Akane couldn't answer. She looked so miserable, so lost that Ranma nearly howled in frustration and impotency, "Akane-chan," he begged, "Please tell me. I cannot help if you don't tell me what's wrong." Reaching out he touched her cheek gently, his forefinger tracing her jaw-line down to her chin and lifting her head slightly so she was looking into his eyes. "Please tell me." Something broke open inside Akane at Ranma's touch, the tone of his voice, the trust and love in his eyes, "I don't know," she almost screamed, her voice still loud and full of emotion, "It's you, me, Ranko. It's everything. Nothing is the same. Nothing can be the same again." Ranma was surprised by this, although it had been what he had expected, she sounded like she had given up on everything in life. He did not know what to say. He just tried to comfort her, the words coming from somewhere, "That's not true Akane." "It is. You just cannot see it." "All I see is the hurt in your eyes. I know I made you cry, I know I ripped apart your life. All I know is that, when I see you like this, it hurts me to the core. I want to protect you, shelter you. I don't want you to suffer." "Then why did you leave?!" she demanded hotly. "To be a man. To be a man, whole and complete, just for you," Ranma answered. "Ranma no baka!" she screamed, tears running down her cheeks, "I didn't care whether you were a full man. In either form it is still you. I loved you not your manhood. Can't you understand that I would have married you no matter what? It was not the body, but the heart that I loved." Ranma starred at her shocked. She had never told him how she felt about his curse, but then he had never asked, assuming she wanted a real man, not some hentai shape-shifter. Yet if it did not matter to her, it did to him. "Akane-chan," he said, grasping her hand, "Maybe you could live with me like that. I couldn't. I could not stand the thought of having you wake up with me in the morning to find a girl in your bed. I could not live to have our children try and figure out who was their mother. I needed to be a real man for myself before I could be with you. That is why I left. If I had the choice again, I would do the same thing." "Baka! Why can you not let go of your pride? Is it that hard to just face yourself? Your pride destroyed me Ranma. Your silly quest took away four years of my life. It gave me four years of suffering and anguish. Was your pride really worth it?" "I did it for love, Akane-chan." "Love and pride are the same for you Ranma. Everything is a contest you have to win. But your not winning this. You almost lost me Ranma, and I don't know if I can or want to have you back." Ranma's heart stopped, his mind froze. The words hit him like a bullet, shattering his state of mind. Grief, rage, anger, everything rose up within him washing over him, drowning him. He saw the truth, and it terrified him. He shook his head silently mouthing no' over and over again. He had almost lost her. He might still lose her, and for what. he raged silently. < You did nothing for love. You were proving how much of a man you were.> the other voice shot back. The voice stopped. Ranma shouted silently in his mind. But it was gone. And now he saw. He saw the truth. He saw everything he had always done. Always his pride. He had to the best he had to prove himself to everyone and everything. And now he would lose Akane. He would lose the center of his life. "Noooo!" he unknowingly cried out loud, "Baka! How could you do this? How could you be so blind?" His words became incoherent then as he pounded his rage and grief into the ground. After a time his onslaught slowed, as his rage died down, and grief and sorrow took over. He was aware of tears wetting his cheeks, raw and bruised knuckles throbbing. Akane's back was to him her shoulders shaking as she cried. He was aware of Ranko sitting in his lap, holding onto him tightly, crying into her father's chest. Ranma felt the pain and confusion in her. He could sense that she was suffering with him, but there was also, understanding. A need to help him. Hugging her close he looked at Akane. It was now or never. Slowly he regained his composure and asked her simply, silently, "Is that why you took off my ring?" She shook her head. "Then why?" "Because I could not give up hope. I did not want to admit you were dead, but everyone kept telling me to put it behind, and move on. I consented and took it off my finger for them." "Oh.."Ranma began, before Akane cut him off as she continued. "Instead I put it on a necklace," she continued turning around and pulling a gold necklace from her shirt with a simple gold ring dangling from the chain, "I wear it next to my heart, to remind me of your promise, to remind me of you. It was my only hope, that you would come back and fulfill your promise. I loved you, and I always will. But now, I don't know if I can." "A promise is useless if there is no one there to fulfill it," Ranma said quietly. he berated to himself, "I was wrong to go away, Akane. You were right, I was just too stupid to realize it. I was too proud to marry you as a freak. I could not stand it. I thought you must feel the same way, but I could never ask you. I was unable to just state my feelings, to give into them and bare my soul to you. I am sorry. I guess I really don't deserve you, but I still love you. I always will, and nothing will change that." Akane starred silently at him for a few moments before taking his hand. "You are not stupid, Ran-chan," she said, "Ignorant maybe, misguided definitely, but not stupid. Maybe we both were too proud to admit our feelings. Maybe it was both our faults. I did not care about the curse, Ran-chan. I loved your spirit. I loved the way you stood up for me and protected me. I loved your noble and kind spirit. I loved you, Ran-chan." Ranma reached out and took the necklace off Akane's neck, and held the ring in his hand. He looked at the gold ring. It had symbolized so much for him. It had been his promise to her, and he had almost broken it for his pride. He had to do the right thing. "Could we try to make things work, Akane-chan?" he asked quietly, "We have been given a second chance. Are we going to lose that chance? I don't want to. I need you, Akane-chan. Without you, I would only have Ranko to make my life worth living, but even she is because of you. It would be empty without you Akane-chan. I have already gone six years without you, and that was bad enough. I could not go on like that for the rest of my life." He clutched his hand around the ring. He had to do I. Filled with indecision, he glanced at his daughter. Her hazel eyes reflected his suffering, but they also held determination and compassion. Her gaze gave him strength, it said do it. He would Ranma began speaking, "I have made a mess of things. It cannot all be healed quickly though. But I know I cannot give up without trying to fix things, to make them better. Akane I love you, I always have, I always will. My pride almost destroyed that. It almost made me break a promise I made to you. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to break my word wit you." "I made a promise to you, Akane." He held out the ring to her, "I promised to love you and only you. I promised to be a man for you, and to marry you when I was one. I am a man now, not because I have cured the curse, not because I fought and conquered, and overcame hardship. I am a man because I have faced myself. I am a man because I can admit my mistakes and try and amend them. So let me keep my promise, Akane. Let me show you that I care. Let me be a man and a lover for you. Let me be your husband. Can you still marry me? Will you still marry me?" Akane sat quietly, contemplating what Ranma had said. Her anger had disappeared. She was just too surprised by Ranma's confession. He had never admitted to being wrong before. It had moved her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, hold him. She wanted to say yes to him, to just make all the pain go away, but could she? Everything she had said was the truth. It had just not been what she had wanted to tell him. She had not wanted to unburden herself like that. Throw everything she hated about him, had come to hate about him over the past six years directly into his face. All the anguish, the misery of her life without him had been thrown into it. All the confusion of his return and her own conflicting feelings, had just fueled the flame. She had no clue what was going on. She did not know if she could still love him the way he wanted her to. She did not know if they could make it together now. Too much had changed. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. No that was not true. She wanted Ranma. She needed him. Without him, her life had been empty, meaningless. Did she want that again? Did she want to lose him after finding him? Did she want to throw away her only chance for happiness? It had not worked out the way she had always dreamed. He had not come back quickly, smiling. He had come back burdened, changed. He was someone she did not really know, but it was still Ranma. She could see the flashes every so often, like at lunch. And Ranko, Ranko was just another complication. Akane knew she could love the child, did love the girl. It was just her presence that unnerved her. There were too many unanswered questions about all of this. But would they become answered if she gave up? Ranma had said he had become a man. She believed him. He had become more than the boy she had fallen in love with. He was stronger, more sure of himself. He still had the noble spirit. She wanted that part back, and she saw it now in his plea. He had unburdened himself to her. He had taken a chance. Could she do the same? She loved him. She wanted him by her side. She knew she had to try and make it work. No matter how difficult the road. He was right. They had been given a second chance. She was not going to waste it. She was not going to lose him like the last time. Slowly she looked up at Ranma. Desperation, resignation, hope, they all passed through his eyes as she looked into them. He looked so frightened, and unsure of himself now. He was putting everything in his life on the line here, and she knew it was in her hands. She reached out and took the ring from him. "Ranma," she said, "I don't want to lose you again. I could not take it again. I need you by my side, as a friend, a lover, and my husband. I want to make this work. I want to be happy again." She felt the tears running down her cheeks. She was happy. This was right. Ranma had tears in his eyes as he gently took the ring from her. Taking it off the necklace, he slipped it onto her ring finger. Leaning down he lifted her chin with his hand and gazed into her eyes. "I promise, I will never leave you again, never hurt you again. I will love you forever." With that said he kissed her. Akane lost herself in his embrace. It was only the two of them. Their lips touching, his arms gently holding her. She wanted it to last forever. She did not want to lose this feeling. It was right. It was what she wanted. The kiss ended eventually. Ranma reluctantly broke it off, as the forgotten Ranko squirmed between the two. Blushing, Akane smiled at Ranma. It was a start. She hoped it would never end. For the first time in many years, Ranma was completely happy. He had his Akane back in his arms, completely and totally his. He knew he would not lose her this time. He would do everything to keep her. He held Ranko against him. A family. That is what they would be. the voice said quietly. Ranko touched his face gently, and the snuggled against him. He looked at her and wondered. There were still things that he had to figure out. At least one problem was behind him. Holding his hand out to Akane, he stood up. "I think it is time to go home, Akane-chan," He said, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. "Hai, I think that would be nice," she said, linking her arm with his as they started walking away. "Ranma?" she asked him suddenly. "Hai?" he mumbled. "I think you need to tell everyone that your alive." "Yeah, I guess I probably should," he said looking nervously down at Ranko, who was skipping around them. "Well they everyone is having dinner at the dojo tomorrow night," she explained, "It would be the best time. Besides, I want to tell them about us." She leaned slightly against him and kissed his cheek. Ranma looked at Ranko. He had to tell them sometime. Besides, he wanted to talk with Dr. Tofu. Maybe he could explain everything or at least some things to him. "Sure, Akane-chan. I need to d it sooner or later," he said finally. Akane smiled, Ranma was nervous. Ranko ran ahead, exited by the prospect of meeting her grandparents. Even Ranma's unease failed to deter her enthusiasm. Something was going to happen. She felt it in the air.