On Sun, 27 Oct 1996, Richard Lawson wrote:

This is a reactionary fanfic.  There have been several fanfics that have
bothered me of late.  They disturbed me enough so that I felt I had to
write this.  

Would be interesting to know *which* fanfics...


Kentaro began to move his gaze away when he noticed another woman, standing
at the edge of the field, also watching the women.  She was dressed in
normal clothes - pants and a sweater - and seemed to be talking to herself.
His initial impression, from this distance, was that she was quite
attractive.  Black hair just reaching her shoulders - arrayed somewhat
gracelessly, but that could be the wind.  Small frame, fit figure.  From a
purely aesthetic viewpoint, she was nice to behold.

Kentaro wrenched his gaze away before Komatsu could notice him doing his own
form of ogling.  "See you later."

"Later."  Komatsu began to wander over to the athletic field.

Kentaro took one more look at the woman.  She had taken a few steps closer
to the soccer team, and seemed to be talking to herself with greater
animation.  Kentaro briefly flirted with the idea of going over to her and
asking if he could help.  The reminder that he had class was enough to
squelch the thought.

***** Not sure what why Ranma is watching the soccer team practice.
  (Okay, at this point we don't know it's Ranma, but it doesn't really 
fit in to the rest of the story.

(snip)
The woman looked up and Kentaro nearly flinched.  Unconcealed hostility
radiated from her.  Her voice was tight and full of anger.  "Go.  Away."

(snip)
A hand clasped his shoulder.  He looked up, startled.  The woman was
standing over him, a strange expression on her face.  She seemed to be
trying to speak, but had difficulty forming the words.  "I'm sorry," she
finally managed to say.  "Nothing personal, okay?"

***** NIce touch of character.

(snip)
She gave a humorless laugh.  "Not even.  I've been training all my life in
that kata.  *If* you were to devote every waking moment of your life for
the next twenty years, *maybe* you could do it half as well as me."

***** I like this characterization too

(snip)
She tsked.  She jumped high into the air her gi shining brightly in the sun,
her severely bound hair flying out behind her.  She shouted and came down,
her fist pointed directly at his face.

***** This paragraph sounds a bit awkward.

(snip)
Kentaro grimaced as he put on his newly-acquired gi.  "I don't know.
She's... frank.  Open.  Honest.  Honorable.  Always lets you know what's on
her mind.  No pretenses, no disguises.  No games.  She knows who she is, and
is comfortable with that.  And the way she looks when she's doing a kata,
her face peaceful, her body flowing, the sweat glistening on her face...."

***** Once gave a lecture on this point of Ranma 1/2 -- how qualities that
Ranma (and others) perceive as "male" are what makes him attractive as
a woman.  Good paragraph.

(snip)
She didn't answer right away.  She seemed to be looking beyond him.  Her
face was quiet, troubled.  He hadn't seen her like this since seeing her
watch the soccer team that very first day.  Something was upsetting her,
upsetting her very much.

His grin faded.  "What's wrong, Sensei?"

She finally focused on him.  "Nothing."  She jumped; he braced himself.  She
landed on his shoulders and stepped onto his head.  "Twenty laps today."

He suppressed a groan and began the laps.  He was always amazed that she
could keep her balance.  She had very little purchase, and his head was
bobbing despite her weight.  Yet she stayed on top of him as if she were
attached.

They completed five laps before Kentaro realized what was missing.  She
wasn't counting out loud, setting the pace.  She was just brooding quietly
on the top of his head.

Kentaro weighed risks versus benefits, before deciding to take a gamble.
"Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Sensei?"

It took a few seconds, but eventually she replied.  "What do you mean?"

"You seem awfully... pensive this morning."

"Hmm."  He waited, but she said nothing more.

He took three laps gathering his courage.  Finally, he managed to get the
words off his lips.  "Maybe you need some cheering up.  There's this party
at my dorm tonight.  You know, beer, dancing.  Would... would you...."

Something shifted on the top of his head.  Sensei jumped and twisted in
mid-air, to land in front of him.  He came to a halt just as she grabbed his
gi.  She lifted him off the ground, no small feat consider she was much
shorter than he was.

"Listen to me, Kentaro.  You never ask me out on a date.  Never.  Not if
you value your life.  Are we clear on this?"


***** This is another good section.


He'd been following her all day.  He'd skipped two classes to do it.  She
seemed to have skipped her classes as well; after changing into the pants
she always wore and a silk red shirt, she had spent a lot of the day walking
around the campus, staring at the ground.  At one point, she'd reached
behind her and unbound her hair.  When the tower clock had struck five
o'clock, she'd looked up at it, then made her way here.

***** note: this was when I knew for sure it was Ranma (though I had 
obviously suspected before, as you intended) -- I think you could cut out 
the red silk shirt detail here, it's a bit blatant compared to the rest, 
and his conversation with Akane is easy enough to interpret; we can wait 
a bit more for confirmation of our suspicions.

(snip)
You have to move on.  You have to accept it, or you'll wither and die.
Please, accept it."

***** I like this bit, too.  Cuts to the core of this story (and, I 
suspect, your reaction to other unnamed 'fics)

(snip)
would never be able to think of her as a man.  This was a woman in front of
him, a very desirable woman in more ways than one.  If only she could accept
who she was.

***** This seems a bit too blatant.  Maybe just me.


(snip)
"The art."  Her voice sounded wistful.  "That's what's kept me going.  I can
always fall back on the art.  There are some things I can do better in this
body.  I can forget the world, forget who I am and what's become of me.  The
art is pure.  It doesn't judge you, it doesn't ask who you are.  As long as
you can strive towards perfecting the art, the art accepts you."

***** This scene with Ranma drunk is nice -- opens Ranma up in a very
believable way


"As I see it, you have three options here.  You can prefer to date other
women.  There's nothing wrong with that, although it severely limits
your options.  I think you've learned that already with your ex-fiancee.
You can learn to like men.  That has the advantage of being the most
socially acceptable, and increases the likelihood that you'll find
someone compatible."

She took a step closer to him.  "One second."

"Or you can continue as you have been:  yearning for something you can never
have, keeping everyone at a distance while you wait, and ending your days
whining, miserable and alone."

*****  Which sounds like a lot of stories have been ending up...
(snip)
It was Ranma, he knew her in an instant.  Her hair was down around her
shoulders, the wind tossing it lightly.  It was kept in place by a ribbon
she'd tied in her hair.  She was wearing a white sundress, which ruffled to
the side, accenting her figure.  She was standing there, her hands clasped
in front of her, watching him from a distance.

Kentaro finally got his legs to work.  He started walking towards her, his
heart racing.  As he got closer, their eyes found each other, and she filled
his sight as he came up to her.

Neither one of them seemed to know what to say.  Finally, Kentaro managed a
few words.  "You're not dressed for training."

Ranma flushed.  "I know.  Tomorrow, at dawn.  We can see just how soft
you've let yourself become over the school break."

Kentaro smiled; then it faded away.  "You look beautiful."

Her eyes glinted.  Then she seemed to steel herself.  "Thank you."

Kentaro had trouble getting the words out.  "Does this mean what I think it
means?"

Ranma licked her lips nervously.  "It means I'm willing to give it a try.
No promises.  If that damn kettle appears, I use it in a flash.  But I...
I'm not holding my breath any more."

Kentaro felt something rising in him, a kind of exultation he had never felt
before.  "I'm glad."

The looked at each other for more long moments.  Finally, Kentaro couldn't
contain it any longer.  He stepped closer to her, grabbed her shoulders.  An
extremely frightened look came over her.  He looked into her eyes a moment,
then lowered his head.

Ranma shrieked and stepped back, breathing heavily.

Kentaro sighed heavily, the disappointment tasting bitter.

Ranma seemed to gather herself and stepped forward again.  "This is very
difficult for me, Kentaro.  You can't imagine.  Guys... I just can't imagine
being with guys in *that* way.  I'm only willing to try because it's *you*.
You've been a good and patient friend, and you've helped me with some
difficult times.  You even had the courage to say some things to me, things
I needed to hear.  I couldn't hear them when Akane said them, or even when I
said them to myself.  Somehow, it was different with you.  I don't know why.
I'd like to find out.  If... if you can just continue to be patient."

Kentaro smiled gently.  "I've got all the time in the world, so long as
you're here."

Ranma smiled nervously.  Then she closed her eyes and raised her chin.

Kentaro moved his lips towards hers, and this time she didn't pull away.

******  Well.  Don't write any more.  This is far enough, I think.  
It's good to see ranma dealing with what is (to him) probably the worst
tragedy of his life, and moving on.  Even trying to adjust.  I like how
you show his gradual development through the eyes of an interested 
stranger.  Ranma viewpoint would have been a bit too angsty, methinks.
Wonderful job.

mata ne,
bengman