==========================
PART III
Ryouga the Girl-Magnet!
==========================
[Evening, Near the End of Summer]
Back at Ucchan's, Ryouga had just finished helping Ukyou close down the
store. He locked up the doors and headed to the back area of Ucchan's for
what had become a nightly habit for both of them.
"Alright then," Ryouga said, a smile growing on his face, "let's get
started."
If there was one thing that brought out a little sense of fun in him
lately, it was these nightly sessions with Ukyou. Ryouga admitted to
himself that he was still a bit inept at it. Usually, it was him that
ended up having to do the work. He always had to put on some protective
gear. If it broke, it was going to be a fairly annoying situation to say
the least. It also made him a little tired. At first, he was somewhat
inept, enough so to make Ukyou whap him at times, but he was getting
better at it. Sure he ended up doing all the work, but seeing how it
cheered up Ukyou made him feel better.
And if he played his cards right tonight, she'd be the one having to
work hard.
"Oh my," Ukyou taunted, "feeling lucky tonight?"
Ukyou enjoyed this nightly ritual as well. She'd normally rather have
Ranma here, but she wasn't sure she was ready to face him again without a
major emotional breakdown. Besides, it was nice to see Ryouga cheer up a
bit, even if he usually ended up doing all the work.
Ukyou turned around, bent forward a bit, opened a drawer, and took out
a small package. She smiled wickedly and turned to face Ryoga.
"Okay, the game's poker, seven card draw, aces wild. Loser cleans the
dishes and the grill!"
---------
Hikaru Gosunkugi glanced nervously out at the night. He hadn't been
resting well ever since the time he tried to summon an assassin spirit.
Exactly why this was so eluded him. Shouldn't that have made him feel
better? For once, his magics had actually managed to work and he had made
contact with The Other Side. Well... at least he managed to leave a
message on the automated reply system anyways. Still, he felt nervous and
edgy.
Recently, he had a nightmare where he was looking rather healthy and
hansome, and suddenly ran into an angry and demonic version of himself,
looking like it came straight out of hell.
That was silly, he thought. If that stupid supernatural assassin came
through anyways, he _should_ be able to have some control of it, right?
He drew up the magic circle once again, tied candles to his head, and
bent down to speak into the circle.
"Er... hello?" he meekly said.
"Supernatural Assassins, may I help you?" said a soothing voice.
Probbably one of a succubus, he thought.
"W-well, yes, I'd like to cancel a previous order."
"Cancel?" He could almost hear the demoness blinking.
---------
[The week after]
It was once again closing time at Ucchan's.
Ryouga couldn't take it anymore. The same damned routine, day in, day
out. Wake up, feel sorry for himself for a couple of hours while working
as a waiter, eat some okonomiyaki, wallow in angst, eat some okonomikayi,
sleep. The card games were nice, but he feeling cooped up. He was
beginning to wonder if he was becoming a nuisance to Ukyou.
He was also beginning to get a little sick of okonomiyaki, but he felt
he'd be killed by Ukyou if he revealed that little fact.
He needed to get out, that's what he needed.
"Hey, Ukyou, wanna go out?"
This threw Ukyou off a bit.
"Er, go out?"
"Well..."
Ryouga didn't notice her fidgeting. He was wrapped up thinking about
his own problems. "Yeah, see a movie or something. I just gotta break
out of this routine. You're right, I should get on with my life. I can't
hide in here forever, right?"
Ukyou wasn't sure what to say. It felt good to see Ryouga finally
shake out of his slump. She guessed that maybe she just got used to
having depressed Ryouga around, and this new direction Ryouga was a
surprise.
"Besides, if you don't guide me around, I'll be lost for weeks" Ryouga
said, smiling at his own joke. He used to really deny that his sense of
direction was lousy. He wondered why.
Ukyou smiled warmly "Yeah, sure. Let's get outta here." {Looks like
you're getting your sense of humor back, Ryouga.} She thought. Ukyou
looked at Ryouga and she imagined what he'd be like without the
bandanna... and maybe with a pig-tail... and some dental work... and a red
Chinese shirt...
"Hey, Ukyou, I'm not too much of a bother, am I? I mean, me staying
here for the past few months."
"No, no. I'm glad you're here," Ukyou answered. "I really needed the
help around here," she said, smiling. She looked at Ryouga and thought
about somebody else.
"Good," he replied. He saw her smile and it reminded him of someone
else too.
------------
[October, Monday Morning]
It was the school season.
It was a potential disaster in body-counts and property damage, Ranma
thought. His engagement to Akane was well known, but everyone also knew
they didn't plan on carrying out the wedding. It wasn't exactly common
knowledge that they'd finally gotten serious about it, and he didn't know
how his many rivals would react. So far, nobody had taken any action, but
the word was spreading across school slowly.
The Chem Club, the Akane Tendou Stormtroopers, Tatewaki Kunou,
Gosunkugi Hikaru, Ryouga, all those nuisances out there waiting and ready
to blow up.
Ranma thought he'd spotted Gosunkugi earlier, except that he was
looking a bit taller and carried himself rather arrogantly. Also, Ranma
was surprised Gosunkugi was in a suit. Maybe Gosunkugi was going for the
suave romantic tactic in order to win Akane over? It was hard to imagine
him as anything like that.
Kunou had rallied the forces of his kendo club, and rumor was that
there was going to be a massive ambush on Ranma at the end of the day.
However, the news of the day was when he found out that Ryouga had
joined the ranks of Furinkan High. Ranma was going through the halls when
he spotted what he thought was Ryouga. Yup, there's the bandanna, the
mega-smasher umbrella, but... that was a school uniform he was wearing.
Feeling that this merrited further observation, he looked more carefully
and spotted Ukyou walking with him, yanking him in another direction
whenever he seemed to be veering off-course. They went to a schoolroom,
Ryouga went in and she waved goodbye.
This, to Ranma, looked interesting.
He ran up to Ukyou and they had a general how's-the-weather
conversation. Topics such as the-restaraunt-is-doing-great,
Kodachi-is-still- in-jail, and you-got-a-court-order-on-Shampoo-too?
were idly discussed.
Finally, Ranma got to the point.
"Was that Ryouga I just saw with you?"
"Yeah. He's going to Furinkan High now."
"Really? Hope he doesn't try to kill me."
"Oh... don't worry about it, Ranchan. He's been kinda calm about it.
It took a month for him to stop radiating ki accidentally, but he's almost
back to normal."
"What made him decide to start school?" Ranma asked.
"He said something about getting on with his life."
{Hmm} Ranma thought, {speaking of getting on with life...}
"Er... Ukyou, how are you... I mean... are you..."
Ukyou put on her best artificial smile. "C'mon, stop worrying about
me!" Suddenly she leaned on him, "or... are you still interested in me?
Hmm?" She tilted her head on his shoulder and batted her eyelashes.
Ranma stumbled back a bit "No! I mean... er..."
"Hey, just kidding, just kidding!" She stepped away. Deep inside
Ukyou's subconscious a voice muttered {notmarriedYETnotmarriedYET}
Then Ranma ever-so-gently, (as gently as only Ranma could) slipped in
the topic of Ukyou maybe being interested in Ryouga.
"So, Ucchan, dating Ryouga?"
*CLANG*
"Argh! Sorry! Get this spatula offa me!"
*RIP* "Whaddaya mean, me dating Ryouga?!?!?!"
"Well, hasn't he been living with you?"
"Yeah..."
"For several months?"
"So what?"
"And now he's going to the same school as you."
"Wait just a minute!"
"And I'm seeing you walking him to his classes..."
"It's his lousy sense of-"
"And you two walk together all the time, right? How romantic!" He
elbowed Ukyou a bit.
*CLANG* "IT'S HIS LOUSY SENSE OF DIRECTION, YOU IDIOT!"
"Ouch. Sorry, sorry, just teasing ya! Get this thing off me!"
*RIP*
"Seriously, Ucchan, maybe me and him don't get along, but he is a nice
guy. Really loyal. Very honorable. You should think about it."
"Yeah, right."
"By the way, Ucchan," Ranma asked, "mind if me and Akane came by the
restaraunt later? She wants to get some cooking tips from you." His
expression suddenly became desperate. "PLEASE SAY YES."
"Fine, whatever." she mumbled.
"Hm?"
"Er... I said yeah, come on over!"
Walking away, Ukyou was thinking about things. "Well," she quietly
said to herself, "maybe I've lost a fiancee, but at least I've still got
my best friend." {But} she thought, {I want my fiancee back.}
{Sheesh} Ranma thought, {she's getting a little violent, kinda like
Akane used to be.}
Nearby, a potted plant stomped off angrily. After getting outside,
Tsubasa dumped his disguise and went away muttering. "Great, just great.
First Ranma, now this Ryouga guy. That's it. Time to get serious." He
began thumbing through his Mishima Heavy Industries catalogue,
particularly in the weaponry section.
-----------
Somewhere in the crowd, Gosunkugi was hammering straw dolls everywhere,
but that never worked anyways so nobody cared. Gosunkugi felt that after
the big experience he had with The Other Side maybe he ought to go back
and work on the basics again and see if he could get that right.
He wasn't sure why, but he felt like he was being watched by
someting... something that probably felt a bit embarrased about the
dolls.
-----------
A large crowd, literally a swarm of people, were gathered in the soccer
field of Furinkan High. The Chem Club, the Archery Club, the Kendo Team,
the Soccer Team, almost every male organization that existed, were all
gathered at that field.
Once upon a time, Akane had faced hordes of boys every morning in her
daily walk to school. Those days ended when everyone (but Kuno)
surrendered and accepted Ranma as her fiancee. However, there was
something... magnetic about Akane that captured their imaginations, and
when they heard that Ranma was finally actually serious about wanting to
marry Akane, they felt that it was time for one more try. Just one more
try before Akane was forever unavailable to them.
The Kendo Team, led by Tatewaki Kunou, was at the center of the mess.
"I tell you now that the honor of defeating that wretch Saotome shall go
to ME! Akane shall be MINE!" The team stood protectively around him,
their bokkens readied
"Hold on there, Kunou," the leader of the Sumo club rumbled, "we've got
a right to chase after Akane as well."
The leader of the Chem club looked smug. These fools may have better
strength, but their minds were vastly inferior. He smiled to himself and
patted a small remote in his pocket that was rigged to several mines that
were planted in the field just hours ago.
"You all insist upon the right to pursue Akane Tendou?" Kunou yelled.
"Very well then, we shall decide today who has the right to be in this
grand pursuit! Be warned that I shall show no mercy to those who stand
between me and my true loves!"
Quite a few people seemd a bit confused. Kunou's speeches always were
a little on the fancy side.
"FIGHT!!!" Kunou bellowed.
The swarms of students charged at each other. Bokken vs. tennis
racket, hockey stick vs. golf club, and all other sorts of mayhem broke
out.
"Fools!" the chem club leader yelled, "You don't know it yet but
you're already dead! HAHAHAHA!" With a dramatic flair, he took out the
remote, held it high, and pressed the button.
Then he realized something. Him and the rest of the Chem Club were on
the field of battle too.
*****BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM*****
-----------
Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, an interesting conversation was taking
place.
"Gosunkugi! Time to give up your lunch money! Get down from that
tree, you little wimp!" A gang of thugs was surrounding a tree in front
of the school, yelling at a rather skinny figure in a tree.
"You're making a mistake."
"Don't think so, geek." There was laughter in the crowd.
"I'm going to count to three."
"And then what, Gosunkugi? Gonna cry?" a rather large thug said.
"One."
"I am just _so_ scared."
"Two."
"Boys?" Everyone reached into their clothing and took out their
weaponry.
"Three."
*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*
----------------
[Evening, Nekohanten]
Shampoo had held back as long as she could. No more.
She opened her weapons cabinet.
That violent Akane Tendou took her fiancee. HER fiancee.
Shampoo picked up a steel mallet, examining it carefully.
Shampoo had done so much for Ranma! She cooked for Ranma, she fought
for Ranma, she even tried several mind-altering drugs on Ranma. All
without success. Did Akane do any of this? She thought not. He was so
damn inconsiderate, wasn't he? Didn't she tell him how much she loved
him? What a jerk. Of course, SHE made him into a jerk. It was all her
fault, that little BITCH.
Shampoo put down the mallet, looking unsatisfied. She picked up a
wicked looking sword. It was the same sword she used to try and kill
Ranma before she found out Ranma was a boy. Looking satisfied, she closed
the weapon cabinet and ran out the door.
"Akane, I KILL!!!"
----------
taptaptaptapthudthudthudthudSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP==SLAM==stompstompstomp
thudthudthudthudtaptaptap.......
"Mousse, what was that? Did someone open the front door?"
"I think it was Shampoo going out to kill somebody. Probably Akane.
You think we...."
Cologne sighed. She was sure nobody would get hurt, but if Shampoo
violated that court order, they'd have to bail her out of jail. That
wasn't cheap. "Yes, Mousse, let's go stop her."
----------
[Evening, Ucchan's]
Ukyou sighed. {Patience, Girl. Take deep breaths.}
"Ukyou, are you okay?"
"Why ya asking, Akane?"
"Seems like you're having a hard time breathing. Maybe we should take
a break?"
Ukyou looked at the scene in front of her. She had tried to see where
Akane's cooking skills were by starting with something that was a little
above basic cooking, like Okonomiyaki.
There's Ukyou's okonomiyaki, nice and neat, covered evenly with sauce.
And then there's Akane's... Akane's...
No. Ukyou couldn't bear to call that monstrosity okonomiyaki. That
would be blasphemy. It was egg, flour, dead animals & vegetation, and
some really nasty looking spots all mixed into a mound. Nope, that's not
okonomiyaki. Absolutely not.
Ukyou went to something simpler, like sunny-side up egg. Akane made
them. Quite burned indeed, and the yoke was ruined. Ukyou opted for
something simpler, like scrambled egg. Didn't work. It looked just like
the alleged sunny-side up egg. She tried out sushi. How hard could raw
fish be? Akane's sushi was somehow transformed into pulpy roadkill. Her
Ceasar salad was almost right, except that the salad looked like it had
been through an industrial strength shredder.
There was one bright spot. Akane cooked a pretty decent curry. It was
rather bland, somewhat not quite right, but much more edible than Akane's
usual cooking. The most important thing was that it didn't look toxic, it
didn't taste toxic, and it wasn't hazardous.
At least, not to humans.
"Yes. A break. That would be good." Ukyou tried not to sound too
tired. It seemed to Ukyou that Akane's sense in the kitchen was every bit
as bad as Ryouga's sense on the road. If you point'em one way, they'll
veer off in an entirely different direction, totally oblivious to the
possibility of doing anything wrong until it's too late. Two hours of
intensive training wasn't having much effect. She was baffled as to why
Akane could handle curry but not salad.
Suddenly a chair sprouted arms and legs and ran towards Ukyou. "Ukyou!
Let's go out on a date!"
Calmly, Ukyou held her titanic spatula like a golf club and swatted the
chair across the room and out the door. "Damn that Tsubasa."
Tsubasa flew outside and hit a brick wall. He unsteadily got up and
examined his disguise. Not a scratch! He happily walked home, his day a
personal success already.
-----------
Ryouga was looking at his cards. {Two deuces, two jacks, and a five.
Hm... two pair, not bad, not bad.}
Ranma was looking at his as well. {Er... how's this go again?}
"Hey," Ranma said, "you heard about the big fight at school?" {Stall
for time, this story should be amazing enough. Oh, I see, I've got two
tens...}
"What fight?" {Ranma is stalling. I've got him now.}
"Bunch of guys in the courtyard got beat up." {Er... A jack, a queen,
two tens, an ace... is that anything?}
"That's not unusual. By the way, I'm raising you by ten."
"You haven't heard the strange part." {Er... is two tens enough?
Yeah, sure! I mean, ten is a pretty big number, right?} "And by the way,
I'll see your ten and raise you ten more."
"Okay. What's the strange part?"
"They say it was Gosunkugi that beat them up."
Ryouga looked puzzled. "Gosunkugi? That's the skinny guy that got
sick eating Akane's lunch once, right?"
"That's the one."
"The one that has a bunch of paper dolls?"
"Yup."
"Him?"
"They swear it was him."
---------------
Somewhere in the city Gosunkugi was running for his life. A large mob
of angry thugs was chasing him through alleyways and streets.
"This time we'll beat the hell outta ya! Come back here ya geek!"
Gosunkugi raced on. He wasn't going to face this bunch. Hell no.
Time to run like a maniac, all the while muttering "why me why me why me
why me why?"
"Hey," one thug asked, "wasn't he a little less cowardly this
afternoon?"
---------------
Ryouga was briefly distracted by the television news broadcast.
"NEWS BULLETIN: Rampaging pig injures 12, causes massive property
damage. Film at 11."
He went to the television and turned it off.
***
"I'll go see if the boys want anything, " Akane said, walking across
the restaraunt, to where Ryouga and Ranma were playing cards.
"Hey guys, you want anything to snack on?"
"No, thanks Akane." Ryouga quietly said, looking away.
"Are _you_ cooking?" Ranma asked, suspicously.
*THUD*
"Hey, I was just joking!" Ranma said, covering the spot on his side
where Akane elbowed him.
***
"Ranma still insulting you, Akane?"
"Yeah," she replied, "sometimes he's still such a jerk..."
In the distance, an explosion rumbled. Nobody noticed.
***
Meanwhile, Ryouga was getting ticked off at Ranma. "Hey you jerk!
You're engaged to her now! Start showing some respect!"
"C'mon, Ryouga, me and Akane were just playin' around. She didn't boot
me through the roof, did she?"
"You're still a jerk. I'd kill you, but I don't think Akane would like
that. Understand?"
Ranma sighed. {Looks like some things never end. Me and Pig-boy'll
probably be picking on each other for years} Then Ranma noticed something
that Ryouga was wearing around his neck.
"Hey, what's that?" He pointed at it.
"Compass. Ukyou gave it to me."
"Is that so? Say, have you been walking with her to school lately?"
Ryouga blushed. "Well, yeah, but..."
"Hey! Great! You two will make a great couple! My rival and my best
friend dating each other! Take good care of 'er, pal!"
"Huh?" Ryouga was puzzled.
"Come on now, you've been living with her for several months now, you
sly PIG. She gave you a cute little compass, you help her around the
store, you even walk together everywhere! Gosh Ryouga, I didn't know you
were such a romantic!"
*WHAP* "mmrrrfff?"
"Listen up Saotome, okay? We walk together 'cause..." Ryouga winced,
He hated admitting his weaknesses to RANMA, "of my lousy sense of
direction. The compass was just a gift to help out with that little
problem. She walks with me at school _just_ because of my... directional
problem. I'm staying here because I'd feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable
staying..." he glanced at Akane, "where I used to stay. Got it?"
Ranma finally spit out the umbrella that was rammed into his mouth.
"Hey, hey, just kidding! No need to overreact, okay?"
"Whatever." Ryouga narrowed his eyes. It'd been a while since they'd
gotten into a fight. He could easily see one starting now.
"Fine. Gimmie one of those bandannas, will ya? P-Chan lost his."
"That isn't funny, Saotome."
"I went to a pet store," Ranma said in a low voice, "and bought a small
black pig. Get it? All I need is a bandanna."
The sound of an explosion, like a wall falling down, sounded off in the
distance. It wasn't made by anyone in the store.
*WHAP* "Mrgmph!" Ranma yanked the bandanna out of his mouth. "Whatcha
do that for?!?!"
"I guess I just missed beating you up. Been a while, eh?"
"Why you..." Ranma muttered.
***
Akane and Ukyou were busy talking, taking a break from the kitchen
destruction derby that was Akane's Cooking Technique.
"Hey, I'm seeing you and Ryouga together alot lately. Are you two..."
"What? Me? And that idiot! Absolutely not!" Ukyou said, not aware
that her blushing was easily seen. "He gets lost bringing food to the
customers! Look at this room Akane! No walls between seats, the tables
are simple, how on earth can a guy get lost in here!"
{She's really acting strange} thought Akane, {Ukyou's usually not this
angry. That's usually... usually... me}
"Gotta admit thought, it's nice to get someone else to do the dishwork.
And did you know how strong that guy is? When I gotta clean under the
heavy equipment, Ryouga's useful. Despite his stupidity, he's a nice guy.
He has his moments."
"Don't tell me you didn't even think about it?"
"About what? Me and him?"
"Admit it, he is kinda cute."
{Then why the heck don't you marry HIM?} Ukyou thought. And then she
thought about Ryouga. "Well," Ukyou said, "those fangs are kinda
charming. And he does look cute when he's totally confused. But he's no
Ranma..." Ukyou became distracted when she noticed Ryouga pounding a
bandanna into Ranma's mouth. "Damn. Akane? Excuse me a moment." Ukyou
stomped off in Ryouga's direction.
"Hey, Ukyou? What's going on?" Akane was worried. She hoped that the
conversation didn't make Ukyou feel uncomfortable. Akane followed close
behind as Ukyou walked towards the boys.
***
*CLANG* "STOP PICKING ON RANCHAN!" Ukyou yelled.
"OW!!! Stop doing that!" Ryouga stood up and turned around. "Dammit,
you violent maniac, put that thing away!"
{Wow} Ranma thought {_this_ scene is really familiar} He sat back.
{This could be interesting}
{Haven't I seen this done before?} Akane thought.
taptaptaptapthudthudthudthudstompstompstomp**BOOM**
Suddenly, the front door of Ucchan's was reduced to splinters.
Everyone looked at the remains of the door. and who was standing in it:
Shampoo.
"Akane..." Shampoo said, shaking in anger, "I KILL!!!" Ranma got up
from his seat only to be hit by a thrown bonbori in the face. Ukyou
removed her spatula from Ryouga's head and charged at Shampoo. She swung
at Shampoo's midsection, hitting nothing. Shampoo swung her sword at
Ukyou's spatula, slicing the handle in half. Ukyou was stunned. {Oh
shoot, she's really mad.} Shampoo raised her sword again.
"Not nice girl get out of way."
Ukyou couldn't let anyone die, even the person that stole Ranma from
her. "Shampoo, don't do this." She reached for her mini-spatula.
"Get out of way. I kill Akane NOW!" Shampoo reared back with her
sword.
"NOOOO!!!" Ryouga roared. He yanked the bonbori from Ranma's face and
threw it at Shampoo's face. The weapon hit hard, knocking Shampoo out
cold. "Hey, Akane, Ukyou, you okay?"
Ukyou was shaken. She'd never seen Shampoo that mad before. "Yeah,
I'm fine. You didn't have to help, y'know."
"Oh, excuse me! I just rescued you, y'know."
"Rescued???"
"Akane, are you alright?" Ryouga anxiously went up to her.
Cologne and Mousse walked in. "I see we were too late to prevent
property damage. I offer my sincere apologies. Shampoo will pay for the
door."
Mousse saw Shampoo lying unconscious on the floor. "SHAMPOO! Speak to
me! Wake up!"
Cologne observed the beaten Shampoo. "What happened to my
great-granddaughter?"
"She was about to kill Ukyou. I threw a bonbori at her and knocked her
out." Ryouga said. "Sorry about that, Mousse. We couldn't stop her any
other way."
"I could've stopped her" Ukyou muttered to herself.
Cologne narrowed her eyes. She examined Ryouga carefully. "So, you
defeated my Shampoo?" Mousse looked up with an oh-no-not-again expression
on his face. Akane and Ukyou began to realize what Cologne would
probably say next. Ryouga was clueless. Ranma was unconscious.
"Son-in-law." Cologne said.
At those words, Ranma snapped his eyes open. "YAAAGH! OLD GHOUL!"
*WHAP*
Cologne removed her stick from Ranma's head. "Not you. Not at the
moment, anyways. I am talking to him." She pointed to Ryouga.
"ME?" Ryouga was angered. "Just you wait a minute, dammit!"
Ryouga looked anxiously at Mousse and Ranma, as if looking for help.
Ranma was just watching Ryouga panic as if it was a tv show. {This} he
thought, {is definitely entertaining}. Mousse was beginning to look
murderous.
"Ranma you BASTARD! This is all your fault!" Ryouga was furious.
"What's the matter with you? She was gonna kill Akane! Where the heck
were you?!?" Ranma was taken entirely by surprise by the sudden topic
switch.
"She took me by surprise, okay? Back off Ryouga!" Ranma didn't like
this one bit. Ryouga was making him look bad in front of his fiancee, HIS
fiancee. And Ranma's face was still hurting.
"See what I mean? What's with letting your fighting skills slip like
that? If _I_ wasn't here, who knows what might have happened!"
*WHAM* "Hey stupid, what about me?" Ukyou was red with anger. "It's
not like I can't fight without my spatula, y'know!"
Cologne went to Shampoo and woke her up. "Shampoo. Wake up. Say
hello to your latest future husband."
Shampoo sat up quickly and hugged the nearest thing: Mousse. "Oh
Ranma! Shampoo so happy!" She stopped and looked at who she was hugging.
*WHAM* "STUPID MOUSSE!"
"Shampoo, you shall marry Ryouga and take over the Amazon tribe."
Cologne looked Ryouga over. {Not bad... very strong, a good fighter
indeed. Yes, he shall have to do. Rather him than Mousse.}
Mousse was furious. "Wait! That's not fair! He doesn't love Shampoo!
I do! I should be th-"
"You fool, you have yet to defeat her in combat! You know the rules."
"Shampoo no want stupid Ryouga! Shampoo want Ranma!"
"How about it sonny-boy? Come on, don't tell me you don't find Shampoo
attractive?" Cologne asked Ranma. "It's not entirely too late, y'know."
"That's alright. Ryouga can have her."
"RANMA YOU BASTARD!!!" Ryouga stomped on Ranma's foot.
"We had best leave before overstaying our welcome, yes?" Cologne was
thinking of the court order. She was grateful that nobody called the
police yet.
Shampoo gave Ryouga an angry glare. Mousse recognized that stare. It
was a stare he was subjected to hundreds of times before, and Ranma once
before. At that moment, Shampoo _really_ didn't like Ryouga.
It was clear to Mousse that Ryouga was not a direct rival for Shampoo's
heart, it was just stupid Amazon law getting in the way. He sighed. {I
guess there's no other options left. I'm gonna either have to beat up
Shampoo or kill that old ghoul.}
Ranma was thinking of the implications. {Hm... Ukyou _might_ have a
thing for Ryouga, and now he's engaged to Shampoo. Well, that's two
problems off my back!}
Shampoo had other ideas. {Shampoo engaged to Ranma first! No marry
Ryouga!} Then she remembered her original plan. {Shampoo almost forget!
Kill Akane!} "Aiy-Yaah!" She leapt for Akane's throat...
-----------
[Later]
Kodachi was in a foul mood. For some strange reason, nobody was home
to pick up the phone. Nobody could bail her out. And Ranma seemed to be
out of the house all the time too. Curse this day!
The local authorities just didn't understand, she was on a task too
important to be interrupted! So what if the plan involved the death of
Akane Tendou? She was in the way. Kodachi was determined to capture her
Ranma's heart, even if it meant chemicals and handcuffs. Restraining
orders be damned!
The cell she occupied was empty, which was a relief for her. She would
refuse to be locked up with common criminals and peasants. Then her cell
door opened.
"YOU!" Kodachi yelled. {It's the ramen wench!}
"Aiy-yah! You!" Shampoo yelled. {She crazy psycho girl!}
Kodachi bellowed for the guards "I will not stay in the same cell as
this lowly waitress peasant! Remove her at once!"
"What you talking about, stupid girl! You get out of Shampoo's cell!"
They looked at each other, battle auras flaring brightly.
Two hours later the riot squad managed to stop the fight.
-------------
[The next day]
Ranma was _mad_. {That jerk Ryouga, makin' me look bad like that. It
ain't my fault Shampoo surprised me. Damn Pig.} He sat by the pond,
fuming.
Leaning on his back was Akane. "C'mon, don't feel bad about it.
Ryouga's just really protective about his friends, that's all. I'm sure
he didn't mean to be so hard on you."
{Revenge, you dirty little pig. Ah... I got it!}
Ranma jumped into the pool, getting instant Ranma-chan. With an evil
grin she bounded away. "Be back in a while, Akane!"
------------
Tatewaki Kunou sat in the front of his abode, enjoying the weather and
comtemplating a most important decision. He closed his eyes deep in
thought. Then he opened them suddenly. "I shall have them both!" he
yelled. He quickly picked up a cellular phone and dialed. "Hello? Yes,
I would like to have an order of beefbowl and vegetable stir fry
delivered. Yes, this is the Kunou residence again. Thirty minutes you
say! The Gods themselves would protest in waiting at such length!"
"Hey! Kunou! Anybody home!"
Tatewaki Kunou knew _that_ voice. "Hello? Very well, I shall await 30
minutes. Good day." He hung up the phone and looked around. "Pig-Tailed
Goddess! My love!" Kunou rushed to her, arms outstretched. *WHACK*
"Oh good, you're here." She removed her elbow from his face and ran
out into the street.
"Ah, she had spoken of me with approval! I shall win her heart yet!
WAIT FOR ME MY LOVE!!!" Kunou happily raced after his heart's desire.
"Neither the ravages of time nor the boundless stretches of space shall
come between us! 'Tis no mountain high enough, nor any valley low enough!
Pig-tailed girl, I love youuuuuuu!!"
-----------
Ryouga was sweeping the front of Ucchan's. He took a deep breath. The
mornings were getting cooler, the air more enjoyable. He closed his eyes
and relaxed.
Then something glomped him.
He opened his eyes to see Ranma-chan giving him a big bear-hug. "Hey,
what the hell are you doing!" Ryouga yelled.
Ranma-chan looked up to him, evil smile included. "Ryouga, my MASTER,
my DARLING!" she yelled, loudly. "PLEASE don't hurt me!"
"Yaaah! You pervert! Get offa me!" Ryouga was now not only angry,
but sickened. He elbow-smashed her off.
Undaunted, she pulled herself to him again, closed her eyes and pulled
herself towards him.
{OH MY GOSH HE'S GOING TO KISS ME!} Ryouga froze in horror. A deep
protective reflex was set off and he shoved her away, scrambling backwards
at the same time.
"Heheheh, gotcha." Ranma-chan muttered.
"W-what? Ranma, what are you up to?" Ryouga said, grabbing her by
the collar.
"YOU! Cease thy vile activities now! So commands Blue Thunder!"
Kunou roared.
Ryouga let go of Ranma, looking angrily at Kunou. "What do YOU want?"
"I had seen what barbarian actions you had committed against this
helpless beauty! How dare you even touch her!" Kunou raised his bokken.
"Worthless dog! I had always known you were a low sort, Hibiki, and now I
know why you frequently were in the company of that vile sorcerer Saotome!
You had learned the black arts from that unholy enchanter and used what
thou had learned to enslave the pig-tailed girl!"
"Hey, wait just one moment!"
"SILENCE, FIEND! I had seen with MINE OWN EYES this innocent lass
proclaim her affections to you! See?" He pointed his bokken at Ranma, a
dramatic look on his face. "She smiles at you even now, after you dare
strike at her! Stand aside, lovely goddess, I shall smite this wretched
infidel!" Kunou charged.
"Ranmaaaa... I'll get you for this..." Ryouga muttered.
Ranma looked at him with big girly-eyes and said, "Hey, hold this" and
threw something at Ryouga, who caught it one-handed.
"What the.... a watermelon?"
Silently, Ranma shoved Ryouga towards the charging Kunou....
"HIBIKI, DIE!" *whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*
*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*
*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*
"There, ya jerk," Ranma said, "now we're even."
---------------
The various warring tribes of Furinkan had finally reached an
agreement. The quest to dispose of Ranma, everyone agreed, was a worthy
one. The problem was overcrowding on the battlefield.
The solution?
There was a knock on the Tendou household. Ranma opened the door, but
nobody was there. Just before he closed it, he noticed a piece of paper
taped to the door. "What's this?" he said to himself.
FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL CLUB ASSOCIATION:
PROJECT "FREE AKANE" ROTATION SCHEDULE
======================================
Attacks to be held every Tuesday and Thursday
Tenative schedule for October
1st week: Kendo Club / Chem Club
2nd week: Football Team / Tennis Team
3rd week: Homemaking Club / Sumo Team
"They have _got_ to be kidding." Ranma muttered.
---------------
Kodachi smiled.
She'd finally been released from that horrid jail today, and while she
was stuck there, she was busy thinking about a possible formula blend from
some exotic plants that would ensure her everlasting happiness.
She'd gotten an extract from Sasuke, who had obtained a sample of the
item when doing surveilance on the Tendos. Apparently, Akane had
accidentally swallowed a "fall in love" pill while at the beach, but
managed to spit it out into the ocean. Luckily, an underwater Sasuke was
there to catch it.
Kodachi's first analysis of the drug impressed her. Very interesting
blend of chemicals, and she felt replication should be possible. Maybe
she could even improve on the original formula. In her lab, she had
worked hard to break down the substance and copy its properties. The
result of her labor was now in a small vial which she held up to the
light.
She put the vial down and went to a room full of wigs, makeup, and
clothing. "What to wear, what to wear...." She knew that the risk of
being spotted by one of the Tendou family was high, and appearing before
the Tendous again might land her back in jail, so she decided on going in
disguise. "Ah, I know just the thing!" She pulled together various
items. {The plan was perfect} she thought, {and ironic too. Wearing the
guise of one of my most hated rivals!}
Kodachi, in her disguise, held up a vial of clear liquid, and let loose
the patented Kodachi-laugh.
"Ohhohohohohoho! Ranma darling, you're MINE."
------
Ryouga was angry. Furious. Really ticked off. "How dare he!" Ryouga
yelled, "How dare he do this to me! Saotome, I will get revenge!" Ryouga
took a walk to calm himself down, but realized this was a bad idea too
late. He was already lost. It was a school day tommorrow. It would
probably take several days for him to make it back to Ucchan's. Then he
heard someone happily humming down the street.
Ryouga turned around to see who was approaching.
A girl.
Red hair.
Pig-tail.
Red Chinese outfit.
RANMA.
Looking at some little glass container, too....
Ryouga hid behind a corner and waited for her to come by. As she
walked past, he lunged out and grabbed her one-handed by the neck.
"Gotcha, you bastard."
"Ack."
"Oh, what's this? Looks like a potion or something. You were gonna
play another little joke on me, eh?"
"Ack." she said. There's not much you can say when you're being
choked.
"Well. Ha ha." He took the container, opened it, and forced the
contents into her mouth. "C'mon, swallow!" He kept one hand over her
mouth and hit her in the stomach.
*gulp*
He tossed her on the floor. "I've given up on my vendetta against you.
I just want to get on with my life, alright? See you later." Ryouga
walked away. "Now to find a pay phone..."
The girl was extremely, incredibly, hazardously, unbelieveably _mad_.
She glared at Ryouga as she fixed her clothing. {HOW DARE HE! HOW DARE
HE! HIBIKI SHALL DIE SLOWLY FOR THAT! SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY! DIE DIE
DI-}
The potion finally hit.
"Daaaarling," She purred, as she looked at the figure in the
distance, tilted her head to one side, and grinned madly. She giggled
uncontrollably and raced towards him.
Ryouga felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around. Kodachi, still
in her disguise, glomped onto him and gave him a _very_ deep and _very_
long kiss. Her hands traveled across Ryouga's back and sides. While she
was doing all of this, Kodachi decided to get two handfulls of Ryoga rear
end. Ryouga's brain was shorted out. He was blindsided, so he had no
idea who was doing this. He focused his eyes on the person.
It was a girl.
{Good.}
This was his first intense physical contact with the opposite sex, and
at the moment it was... gooood. Great. Niiice. Unfortunately, Ryouga's
brain finallly snapped back into it's standard operating system and had a
good look at exactly _who_ was kissing him.
Red hair.
{I prefer brunettes, but red isn't bad.}
Chinese outfit.
{She wears it well.}
Pigtail....
{Wait... no... something's wrong... _oh_no_}
_Deep_ within Ryouga's soul, he screamed in horror.
He turned _very_ pale.
She finally disengaged from the kiss, nibbled his ear a bit, and looked
at Ryouga with red-hot passion in her eyes.
Ryouga stumbled back, holding his throat, spitting everywhere, and
wiped his mouth alot. "RANMA! HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?!?!?!?!" He yelled.
Then he noticed _how_ she was looking at him.
"Darling? Something wrong?" she said, in a sultry low voice.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Ryouga ran off into the sunset with Kodachi not far behind.
- end part 2 -