KEIKO THE GAIJIN By Usagi No Onna ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NOTE: *....* Indicates thoughts. <....> Indicates another language, i.e. Chinese or English. Thanks to Liz Lampen, Aubrey "Setsuko" Hebda-Bolduc, Conrad Chang, Davin Chitra, and Mousse Ai Lee. :) If you like/don't like/whatever, please mail to: nhunt@jagat.com. I like mail. ^_^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PART ONE *CHAPTER 1* 8:00 AM Thursday "...our exchange student, Keiko Nishida." "Hi." said Keiko, following the teacher's introduction. Keiko scanned the classroom with false confidence. Maintaining a semblance of togetherness, she figured she could endure her first day smoothly. "Hi, Keiko!" "Hey." "Welcome." said the students. Keiko continued to scan the classroom with a nervous grin. "Please have a seat." said the teacher. "Oh, one more thing, Keiko," she said. "Huh?" Keiko looked back at her. "Tomorrow, please show up in uniform." All the other girls, she noticed, had on a collared blouse and a sort of blue jumper. Keiko looked down at her worn, baggy cords. "Heheheheheheh. Sorry." she laughed nervously, her face turning pink. A few girls snickered. Ignoring them, she sat down. The teacher began writing on the board. Keiko opened her notebook and uncapped her pen. Her embarrassment passed as the students averted their attention. It was the regular school scene, the desks, the chairs, the blackboard, the smell of the chalk dust. *Sure I can make it here. School has the same feel in any country.* she thought. Glancing up at the Hiragana chart on the wall, she realized also how different it was. *I just gotta remember how formal it is 'n all, and I'll be fine. Take off your shoes, call the teacher 'sensei', oh what else.....* her feeling of well being yeilded once again to apprehension. She tapped her pencil on the desk. *Can't show it!* Keiko put down the pencil and put her hands in her lap. *Everything's cool...* Looking forward, she noticed the boy sitting in front of her. Obviously out of dress code, she thought, her first impression. He wore, what, a red Mandarin shirt while all the others wore a plain white dress shirt? That wasn't all that was different about this boy. Keiko then noticed his hair. *A braid? A _pigtail_?! How weird...something I'd _never_ seen on a guy stateside...* she thought. *Oh, well. It's just probably the fashion here*. Another sigh, she shifted her attention to the blackboard and began to write. ***11:30 AM Thursday*** Out of nowhere, a bell rang, jolting Keiko out of her academic stupor. "Alright! Lunch!" said a student, as they filed out the door. "L-lunch?" said Keiko, unconsciously slumping in her chair. Lunch, the unforseen obstacle. Tragedy...who was she going to eat with?! Keiko, lunch bag firmly in hand, walked slowly down the stone steps in the front of the school. *I can eat alone. Sure. Why not.* The students were beginning to coagulate into groups of various sizes, under trees, in the sun, on the steps, Keiko was certain everyone ELSE had a group to which they belonged...*Damn.* "Hey! Keiko!" "Huh?" what's this? *Must be some other Keiko here. This is Japan, you know.* And yet, she did make the effort to search for the owner of the voice. "Keiko!" said the voice. Keiko found the source. *Oh! She's looking at me!* she thought. "Come sit with us!" said a short-haired girl is a blue jumper at the bottom of the stairs. She was in fact looking at Keiko, and smiling quite invitingly, to her relief. "Heheheheheheh. Sure!" said Keiko, her free hand behind her head. *What an incredible relief!* she thought as she bounded down the stone steps to join the girl on the grass. "So, what's your name?" she asked. "I'm Akane. Your the American exchange student, aren't you?" "Yeah. That'd be me." said Keiko. "Hmm! Good to meet you. Well, come on, aren't you hungry? Let's go!" said Akane, and began to walk. Keiko looked down at her stationery feet. "Oh yeah." Keiko ran after Akane. "We're sitting over there under that tree by the fence." she said, pointing to three other girls in a shady spot. "Alright." said Keiko, smiling for the girls. ***12:00 NOON Thursday*** Keiko walked silently through the crowded, noisy halls of Furinkan High, contentedly ignoring the sounds and sights around her, oblivious to the laughing, screaming, bouncing, chattering, pushing, tripping students. She was like a piece of cake under an umbrella in a rain storm, distracted by thought of her thus far successful first day. *Hey Keiko,* *Yeah, Akane?* *You wanna sleep over tomorrow night?* *Sure!* "Hmmmmm." Keiko beamed. Her first day and she'd already made friends. She went on smiling as she walked up the switch back staircase back to her classroom. Her mood abruptly changed to wariness as she heard screaming from somewhere downstairs; fighting; then the voices grew coherent... "SAOTOMEEEE!" said a boy. "FAST BREAK!" "COWARD!!!" Footsteps raced toward the stairs. *I gotta get outta the way!* she thought. Keiko spun around toward to top of the stairs. It was completely blocked by a clot of chatting upperclassmen. "I..." Keiko started to address the coagulation...it was too late! "" said Keiko, in English. The footsteps suddenly almost upon her, she flattened herself against the wall opposite the lower half of the staircase. Suddenly, a figure sprung up the middle of the divider of the switch back stair case and landed on the next wall... "EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!" *CHAPTER 2* 1:14 PM Thursday KEIKO opened her eyes. "" she said in English. Then she noticed the throbbing pain in hear head..."Ahh!" "Y-yo...you OK?" said a voice. Keiko looked to her left. It was the out of dress code boy with the pig-tail in a near by chair, tapping his feet. "Huh?" Keiko sat up. She looked around at what she decided must be the school nurse's office. "I'm Ranma Saotome...sorry about this." said the boy. "I'm Keiko Nishida...what the hell happened?!" Keiko asked. "I jumped over the divider on the staircase; I guess I ran into you." an apologetic sigh. "I...I guess I slammed you against the wall pretty hard, didn't I?" "Guess so." said Keiko; smiled. "Ehehehehh..." Ranma smiled back. At this time he seemed to be intrigued by his feet. Keiko in turn looked at hers. A moment of silence followed. A door slammed. "Huh?" "Is everything alright in here?" said the nurse. "Yeah, she's fine." said Ranma, smiling. He turned to Keiko. "A-aren't you?" he said quietly. "I'm OK." she said, smiling at him. "Heheheheheh..." "Wahahahahh..." Ranma smiled, one hand behind his head. Then his face dropped. "Jeez, I'm sorry 'bout this." he said, looking at the floor. She leaned in toward him. "I'm alright, really, it's OK." she said, almost whispered, not smiling this time. "So, we're cool, then?" he asked. "Yeah." said Keiko. "Alright. Heheheheh. Ja ne, Kei-san!" said Ranma. Cracking his knuckles, he got up and left. Keiko silently watched him leave. *Kei-san.* she thought. *Hmm. Cute.* *CHAPTER 3* 5:30 PM Friday "We're hoooooome!" Akane called as she and Keiko arrived at the Tendo training hall. "Hi Kasumi." she said to her oldest sister, who was sweeping the floor. "Welcome home, Akane. Oh, my! Who's your friend?" said Kasumi, looking up. Never to assume, Kasumi was accustomed to any sort of visitor arriving at the Tendo dojo. With a simple "Oh my!" she seemed to take all the strangeness in stride. She couldn't help but wonder, though, exactly what kind of 'friend' Akane was bringing home... "This is Keiko, the American exchange student at Furinkan." Akane said. "Hi." said Keiko, taking off her shoes. "Hello, there." said Kasumi. "Are you two hungry?" "Not me." said Akane. "I'm not too hungry either, but after volleyball, I'm kinda sweaty." said Keiko. "Oh. The bath is right down the hall, to your right." said Kasumi, pointing to the hall. "Thanks, don't worry, I'll make it quick." said Keiko, walking toward it. "Ok!" said Akane, waving. Keiko headed down the hall. She reached a wooden door that said, "Bathroom". *This must be it.* she thought. She entered a small, square fore chamber. She looked around as she undressed. There was a towel rack, a door leading into the bath, and a bin to put your clothes in, she guessed. "Hmmm." Out of paranoia, she quickly wrapped up in a towel before entering the bath. Keiko opened the second door. Steam swirled about her as she stood in the doorway. When the steam cleared, she walked silently inside and was about to drop her towel when she heard a small splash. *Whazzat?!* She thought, quickly gathering her towel about herself. She began to slowly back toward the door when she heard another, substantially larger splash. *Oh crap! There's someone in here!* she thought. Whoever was in the bath was about to get out. Keiko whirled around and hurriedly opened the door a crack. Still facing the bath, she could see the outline of the person in the bath. Keiko grimaced...it was a man. His head was facing down, she noticed with relief. Keiko silently whirled around and tried to slip through the door when the hinges loudly creaked. The man looked up, startled. "What the...?" Keiko froze at the sound of his voice. She slowly turned around. Her devastation showed faintly on her face as she realized it was Ranma! Keiko sensed and shared Ranma's horror as she stared at his shocked face. Ranma remained motionless as Keiko backed out the door. "" she said in disbelief under her breath as she hastily dressed herself. *How could this happen?!* Her humiliation acute, she bolted out the other door and into the hall. Hoping she would die. Hoping Ranma would stay in the bath until she was safely back in America. Wishing he wouldn't be in her class ALL YEAR. Trying to control her anxiety and not to run. Keiko bustled toward the kitchen, praying to find Akane or Kasumi there. She reached the kitchen door. To her relief, there was Kasumi, setting the table. "Oh! Hello, Keiko! That _was_ a very quick bath." Kasumi said with a warm smile. "Oh, yeah, b-but y'know, I, ah, was looking for A-a-akane." said Keiko, forcing a smile. "Her room is that way. You can't miss it, there's a cute little sign on her door." said Kasumi. "OK. Thanks." Keiko hurried back down the hall, shuddering and quickening her pace as she passed the accursed bathroom. Sure enough, down the hall there was a little wooden duck sign with AKANE stenciled on it. Keiko knocked. "Akane?" "Come in..." Keiko opened the door. Akane was sitting on her bed. "Wow, that was a quick bath." Keiko jumped into the room and slammed the door. "Akane, listen, n-never mind that...there's a pervert in the bathroom!" said Keiko, standing against the door as if to secure it. "A pervert?!" Akane stood up, looking ferocious, and suddenly whipped out a huge wooden mallet. "IN THE BATHROOM??!!!" she ran out the door. "Eep!" said Keiko, running into the hall. "Akane! Wait! I..." Akane burst through the bathroom door. "HENTAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!!" she roared. "WAIT! AKANE!" yelled Keiko. *If she had just let me finish!* But it was too late. "HAAAA!" from the hall Keiko could hear Akane strike him down with the mallet in the fore chamber. Keiko cringed as she heard the distinctly crunchy splat. Keiko ran into the fore chamber. "He won't bother you anymore." said Akane, one hand on her hip, propped up by the mallet. ".....iteeeeeeeeee...." Keiko looked down at the twisted form writhing on the floor. Completely forgetting her humiliation, "Ranma!" she said, her hands flying to her face. Ranma had been flattened on impact, in a ridiculous and extremely uncomfortable looking pose. "You...know him?!" said Akane, letting the mallet drop. "Yes, we...met at school, but, but what is he doing _here_?!" asked Keiko, pointing down at him. "I was wondering the same about you." said Ranma. Keiko whirled around to see him standing up. Akane marched right up into his face. "She's an _invited_ guest!" "You know her?" asked Ranma, pointing a thumb in her direction. "_You_ know her?!" said Akane. "....." Ranma looked at his feet. "....." Akane looked at her feet. "Ranma?" Keiko broke the silence. "?" They looked at her, surprised. Under their gaze, her embarrassment returned and she looked at her feet. "Do...do you live here?" she asked, almost whispered. "Uh........uh huh." he said flatly. "Oh!" said Keiko, smiling shyly "You're Akane's brother!" "NO!" said Ranma and Akane. Keiko balked. "I mean..." Ranma looked back down at his feet. "He's my..." Akane's voice trailed off. "Your..." taking a step toward them, Keiko couldn't imagine what they weren't telling her. "F-fiancee." said Ranma. "She's my fiancee." "Um....I....oh," said Keiko. *ENGAGED?! Akane? And...Ranma?!* "Uh...cool!" she said, trying to conceal her shock. "Eheheheheh." Ranma and Akane smiled. ***6:35 PM Friday*** "Oh! Kasumi, this is delicious!" said Keiko. "Thank you!" said Kasumi, sitting down with Keiko, Akane, Ranma, Nabiki, Mr. Tendo, and a cute and cuddly panda. Kasumi was apparently the only one in the family with any significant culinary skill, unlike her younger sister, quite at the other end of the scale. "So, Keiko, who are you staying with?" asked Nabiki. "I'm staying with a girl my age and her great-grandmother. They're really nice." said Keiko, setting down her chopsticks. "Oh! How lovely." said Kasumi. "Hmmm....." Akane scowled warily as she chewed. "And that's not all!" said Keiko. "They've got a restaurant, and they gave me a waitressing job there!" "HMMMFFFFF?!" said Ranma through a mouthful of rice, his eyebrows raised. Everyone stopped eating suddenly. "Wha....huh?" *What did I say?!* she thought. Nabiki regained her composure. "Tell me...what's the name of this restaurant?" she asked scrutinizingly, subtly leaning in toward her. "I think it was called...the Nekohanten." said Keiko cautiously, wondering what had got them all so upset. "MmMmMMF!" Ranma toppled over backwards. "What?! What is it?!" asked Keiko, looking wildly from face to face. They were silent. "And...the girl?" said Akane, her eyes bugging out. "The girl..." Keiko gazed into her eyes, as if to discover the reason for their shock. "Her name..." said Akane. "Her name..." said Keiko. "Is it..." "It's..." "What?" she asked. "Shampoo." said Keiko. "SHAMPOO?!!?!" said Akane. "Oh! Little Shampoo." said Kasumi. "(Shampoo?!)" said a wooden sign. "Mmpfff?!" said Ranma, suddenly sitting up straight. "IS THIS TRUE?!" screeched Soun. "Uh...y-yeah." said Keiko. "Why? You know her?" "She's a friend of the family." said Kasumi. A resounding "AARGH!" was heard from the others. ***9:28 PM Friday*** "A monkey! Can you believe it?" Akane and Keiko sat chatting in her room in their pj's. "Uso! No way. You've gotta be kidding." Keiko laughed. "It's true! And he was gonna MARRY her! And Ranma fought-" "He're the PIG!" bellowed a topless girl as she slammed open Akane's door. "Ranma?" said Keiko. Ranma was holding up a small black pig by what seemed to be a black and yellow bandanna around its neck. The pig squirmed. "Bu-kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!" said the pig, trying to bite Ranma. "Ranma! Put my little P-Chan down!" said Akane, standing up from her bed. Ranma tossed the small black pig at Akane. "Here. Sleep well, piggy." she said disdainfully. Akane stuck her tongue out at Ranma-chan. "Naaaaaaah! Baka! Jealous of a sweet little pig. Hmf." she said, petting P-Chan, who snuggled up to her tightly. "Keiko, this is P-..." Akane turned around. "Where'd she go?" "YAAAAAAH! HOT!" screamed Ranma, his voice suddenly male. "Hey! That's really neat!" Keiko grinned, holding a kettle and a pitcher. "Oh. There you are, Kei-san." said Ranma. "That's right." Keiko poured the pitcher of Ranma's head. Ranma crossed her arms. "You done?" She asked, an annoyed look tainting her cute face. "....." Keiko scowled back, then glanced down at ranma's breasts... "Hentai." she said, pouring the rest of the hot water on Ranma's head as she walked back to the kitchen, hearing Ranma scream. *1:46 AM Saturday* Keiko sighed, turning over again. Akane and Ranma sure had interesting lives here. She wondered why two people so obviously attractive to so many others weren't attracted to each other? She wondered what it must be like to fight off legions of smitten boys every single morning. And poor Ranma! To be constantly fought by people who were after his fiancee, and even people who weren't after his fiancee. No wonder he was such a good martial artist: he was almost always practicing on someone....or some thing. With so many wackos in the immediate area, Keiko wondered what she was getting herself into...... *CHAPTER 4* 2:34 PM Sunday KEIKO sat with her back against the wall, near the entrance to the back room of the Nekohanten counting her tips. Suddenly there appeared a vertical wooden staff at her feet. Keiko looked up. Perched atop the staff was Shampoo's shriveled great grandmother, Cologne. "Slow day." she said. "Hmm." said Keiko. Cologne hopped away. "Where's Shampoo?" she asked. "Delivery." said Cologne. It was a slow day. No one had been into the Cat Cafe for hours, it seemed. Even the deliveries were few and far between. Shampoo was out at the moment, but who knew what she was doing besides delivering? Keiko's attention was jerked away from her money as the front door of the Nekohanten crashed open. Keiko was surprised it was still on it's hinges. Through the bright sunlight a silhouette was visible in the doorway. "Shampoo!" it said. "She's out." said Keiko, wary of the urgency in his tone. "Anything I can help you with?" she asked with bravado, standing up. The silhouette rushed into the middle of the room. "Where is she?!" a long-haired young man in a long white robe demanded of her, his eyes wide. "May...may I ask what the problem is? You wanna leave a message with me, or something?" she asked. His head dropped. "Oh where is my dear Shampoo..." he said in despair, his voice cracking. Keiko looked on silently. "If you..." she uttered cautiously. He looked up at her hopefully. "If you don't wanna leave a message, you can wait here until she gets back. She's just making a delivery." she said quietly, her hands behind her back. "I bear news that can _only_ be delivered personally!" he said dramatically, collapsing into a booth, crying his eyes out. *Oh my God! Somebody must have died* she thought. "Hehh......" Keiko fidgeted awkwardly in the middle of the empty restaurant. Finally she came to a decision, and sat across from him in the booth. She stared at the collapsed pile of robe and long, black hair across from her. Seeing that her presence went unnoticed, she draped herself across the table and tapped him. He abruptly stopped crying. Seeing this, Keiko sat on the end of the seat he was in. "Hey..." she said. (Gulp.) He was silent. Keiko said nothing. Then he sat up and faced her, his face streaked. "Yes?" (Sniff.) he said with perfect composure. *Oh! He's gorgeous...* Caught off guard as his striking appearance suddenly dawned on her, Keiko smiled nervously and produced a small package of kleenex from her pocket. She held it in front of her face, never taking her eyes off of him. Slowly he took it from her. "Thank you," he said. "So...what's your name? Are you.....Shampoo's friend?" Keiko asked with a nervous grin. "I am Mousse." he said. Keiko's eyes widened. *He's Mousse?* she thought. The way Akane and Ranma described him, she had expected someone much more sadistic, tougher, colder, and well.....uglier. "I'm Keiko. I'm an American exchange student. Shampoo's my host." said Keiko, feeling more relaxed as a smile brightened Mousse's tortured expression. "Oh! So, you must have heard all about me!" said Mousse. "Ahh....yeah!" said Keiko, returning the bright smile. Mousse looked even happier. "Oh, my dearest Shampoo, you do care for me..." Mousse fell over onto her in his ecstasy. "Well...." Keiko's face fell, looking down at the face in her lap. Mousse ignored her. "...as I care for you, which is why..." Again his face contorted in despair. "That is why I must...tell you...oooh my poor darling Shampoo!!" he sat up and clamped onto Keiko. "Chotto!" He was getting her uniform wet! No response. She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him off. Mousse plopped onto the floor. For a moment they glared at each other. Keiko sighed, her face falling back into place. "So what is it that you have to tell Shampoo?" she asked softly. Mousse moved into the other side of the booth. "I have received word that the man she loves has been unfaithful." he said solemnly, his hands folded on the table. Keiko's eyes bugged out. "You mean....Ranma Saotome?" said Keiko. Just then, the door of the empty Nekohanten flew open. "Nihao, Keiko!" Shampoo said brightly, smiling at Keiko. Mousse jumped out of the booth. "Shampoo!" he yelled. "Wha....?" Shampoo caught sight of Mousse. She crossed her arms, looking very annoyed. "What you want." Mousse ran up to her and took her hands in his. "I have tragic news for you, Shampoo." "What?" Shampoo asked, suddenly interested. Mousse recalled exactly what he had been told. *I would pay anything, Nabiki Tendo!* *Excellent. 5000 yen, please.* *Uh....* *Do you want Shampoo or not?!* *Here....anything for Shampoo.* *Thanks. Here's the dirt. Couple days ago Ranma kun was caught in the bath with _another_ girl.* "Shampoo, I was told that on Friday, Ranma Saotome was bathing with another woman." said Mousse. Keiko nearly dropped dead of shock. "WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!" she hollered before she could stop herself. *Oops.* she thought. Mousse and Shampoo looked at her, surprised. "I was sold this information by Nabiki Tendo." said Mousse. "Aiya...." Shampoo looked like she was going to cry. "Well I....I...." Keiko flopped back into the booth. "You what?" said Mousse. "Huh? What Keiko know?" Keiko withdrew slightly into the seat as they looked at her expectantly. "Me? Uh, nothing." she said. "Shampoo? Are you OK?" she asked, suddenly noticing the tears about to run down Shampoo's face. "Shampoo fine." She began to walk out the door of the Nekohanten. Mousse jumped in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Shampoo. Ranma Saotome is undeserving of your affections. I would never treat you in such a way." he said, gazing into her dark eyes. "Shampoo! I love you! Marry me!" He said suddenly, much louder. "Woah!" said Keiko. "You in Shampoo's way." Shampoo planted her fist in his face and pushed past him. "Iteeeeeeee..............." said Mousse, falling to the floor. "That was harsh." Keiko said to nobody in particular. She walked over to where Mousse was lying motionless on the floor. She nudged him with her toe. No response. Keiko sighed. "" she said, picking him up, carrying him up the stairs and into the living quarters of the building. ***3:15 PM Sunday*** Shampoo sped down the streets of Nerima on her delivery bike, down the route she knew so well...the way to the Tendo Dojo, tears streaming down her face. As soon as the dojo was in sight, she tripled her speed. Once in front of it she jumped off the bike and ran into the Tendo Dojo....through the wall. She found herself in the kitchen. Akane spat tea across the table in surprise. "Shampoo!" said Ranma, jumping to his feet from the table where he had been snacking (like always). "We DO have a door..." Nabiki said nonchalantly. "Ranma! Why you in bath with other girl?" she sobbed. "In b-b-b-bath?!" He screeched. "Ranma no love Shampoo?" she said, walking toward him. "Ranma no baka........." Akane growled, also advancing on him. "WHO TOLD YOU I WAS IN THE BATH WITH A GIRL??!!!" Ranma yelled in dismay. "Was you in bath with other girl or not!?" Shampoo demanded, her hands on her hips. "Hey Ranma-kun, could she be talking about Akane's friend?" said Nabiki. "WHO IS FRIEND??!?!?!" Shampoo seethed at Akane. "What?!" said Akane. "Who, you mean Keiko?" said Ranma. "KEIKO IS AKANE'S FRIEND IN BATH WITH RANMA?!?!" Shampoo bellowed. "Oops...." Ranma looked sheepish. "RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane promptly flattened him with her ever-present mallet. "YeeeeEEEEeEEee... " said Ranma. "Oohhh, look at the time. I gotta go." said Nabiki, exiting the kitchen. Shampoo, meanwhile, stormed out of the dojo, creating ANOTHER hole. "I KILL!" She roared. "Ranma! DO something!" Akane wailed at the pancake. Ranma stirred, then stood up with difficulty, staring at the gaping hole in the kitchen wall. "I gotta do something, or Kei-san's history!" *CHAPTER 5* Also 3:15 PM Sunday "Owww," Mousse slowly sat up, a bag of frozen snow peas sliding off of his face. "?" he looked around. He was on a futon in the spare room in the Nekohanten where Keiko was staying. He touched his cheek....he could tell it would be purple soon. The room still didn't look lived in, the white walls bare, with two small windows and a solitary chair on the wooden floor. There was a backpack, an open, empty suitcase, some school books, a shirt draped over the chair, and a guitar leaning against one of the barren walls. There was, however, no Keiko. Mousse got up off of the futon and walked into the doorway, looking down the hall. No one was there. "Hm." Mousse almost jumped through the roof as he heard a loud crash, as if the building was being demolished. And then he heard his dear Shampoo's normally sweet voice... "KILL!" "YAAAAAA!" and Keiko's. "YeEEEeee!" Mousse ran down the stairs into the Nekohanten to find Shampoo, bonbori in hand, menacingly stepping toward a rather confused Keiko. "Shampoo!" he yelled. "Mousse go away!" Shampoo growled. "KILL!" she said, turning back to Keiko. "Sh-Sh-Shampoo, what are you doing?" Keiko asked, backing away. Shampoo had her backed up against the counter, and was slowly coming closer. "Keiko try to steal my Ranma away!" "WHAT?!" said Mousse and Keiko. "DIE!" Shampoo swung one of her bonbori. "EEK!" Keiko jumped over the counter. Shampoo's bonbori met with the counter top, severely denting it. Standing up and viewing the damage, Keiko said, "Shampoo! Calm down!" Shampoo jumped to the top of the counter. "YOU NO HAVE RANMA!" she screamed, swinging her bonbori. Keiko back flipped out of the way, cringing as she heard plates shatter. "Why would I want Ranma?" Keiko yelled back. "You in bath, no?!" Shampoo swung at her again. Catching the bonbori with her foot, Keiko flew into the air, landing on a table on the other side of the small Chinese restaurant. "Keiko hold still!" Shampoo screamed, charging at her. "Shampoo! Stop!" Mousse yelled ineffectively. "We were NOT in the bath together!" said Keiko, jumping over Shampoo. "Mousse! A little help!" she said to Mousse, who was fidgeting by the staircase. "Shampoo! Please calm down!" Mousse ran to her side as she stood ready to attack. "None of Mousse business!" Shampoo said, hitting him in the head. "Eep...." he squawked, falling on the floor. Then the door burst open. "Shampoo!" Ranma hollered. "Stop!" "Keiko!" said Akane. They rushed into the room. "Wou ai ni!" said Shampoo, clamping onto Ranma. "Ranma! Akane!" said Keiko. "Keiko, are you alright?" asked Ranma, peeking around the ecstatic Amazon. "Just peachy." Keiko said, her arms crossed. "Ranma forget Gaijin. Shampoo all yours!" Shampoo squeezed him. "Gakkk...." said Ranma. "Let go..." "Hmf. Who're _you_ calling 'Gaijin'?!" Keiko said, peeling Mousse off of the floor. *Hm. Rigor mortis already?* she thought. "Hey Mousse," she said, shaking him. Mousse came back to life, putting on his glasses. "Yes?" he said. Keiko put him down. "Keiko! She didn't hurt you, I hope!" said Akane, running over to her. "I'm real sorry about this. This is all RANMA'S FAULT!" she said, turning to glare at Ranma, who was turning blue. "Yeah. I just can't wait to hear the whole story. Shampoo's got this CRAZY idea that I was taking a bath with Ranma, or something, and she screamed 'KILL!' and the rest is history." said Keiko, taking off her waitress apron. "That's right...." said Shampoo, letting go of Ranma. "I.......can breathe.....!" he said. "KILL!" Shampoo screamed, brandishing her bonbori. "Listen to me, dammit!" Keiko yelled. But Shampoo did not listen. She swung at Keiko again. Keiko neatly back-hand-springed out of harm's way. "RANMA MINE!" said Shampoo. "I don't particularly want him!" Keiko said. "Why isn't Keiko trying to hit her?" Akane asked Ranma. "Dunno, but she seems to be doing fine just running away." he said. Shampoo continued to swing at Keiko. Keiko continued to jump out of the way. "If you would just listen ....(flip)....you'd figure out....(duck)....that I only.....(jump)...WALKED IN ON HIM!!!!" Keiko said. "That not what Ranma say!" Keiko turned and looked at Ranma. "Yeah? What DID Ranma say?" she growled. Ranma gasped. "Ranma say you two take BATH!" yelled Shampoo. At this, Keiko froze. The bonbori hit her in the shoulder, and she went flying across the room. Flying right into........... Ranma's arms. Staring at each other for a moment, they suddenly noticed everyone glaring at them. Ranma put Keiko down. "Explain yourself, Saotome." said Mousse. "Tell truth now, gaijin!" said Shampoo. "Ranma........" Akane glowed blue again. "It's true.....what she says. She walked in on me. We didn't take a bath together or nothin'. That's all there is to it." he said. "Shampoo still can not believe. What happen after gaijin walk in on Ranma?" She asked. "I left. Promptly." said Keiko. *Who's a gaijin?!* she thought. "Yeah. Real promptly." said Ranma, scratching his head. "That's right....." said Akane. "Keiko came running into my room." "With clothes on?" asked Shampoo, still wary of the 'other woman'. "YES, WITH CLOTHES ON!" said Keiko. Silence. "Is true, Akane?" asked Shampoo, sounding slightly upset. "Yes." said Akane, not sounding angry. "Ranma?" Shampoo said. "That's what happened." he said. "Aiya....I sorry Keiko!" said Shampoo, dropping her weapons. "It's OK. Just talk to me next time before you attack." said Keiko. "OK." said Shampoo. Then Keiko's watch beeped. "My shift's over." she said. "Your turn, Shampoo." "Keiko," said Akane. "Yeah?" "You wanna come over for dinner?" "Sure, Akane." she smiled at Ranma. "Heheheheheh." "Wahahahahah." said Ranma. *CHAPTER 6* 6:30 PM Sunday "Kei-san," Ranma-chan said through a mouthful of eel teriyaki. "Yeah Ranma?" she said, picking up her chopsticks. "That was some nice defense you had, (gulp) especially against Shampoo!" she said. "Thanks!" Keiko said, grinning. "But why didn't you hit her?" asked Akane. "Yeah," said Ranma, the end of her chopsticks in her mouth. "Believe me, I would have liked to a couple of times, but I wouldn't know how." she said. "Wha? Then how come you can dodge like that?!" said Ranma. "I'm a gymnast." said Keiko. "Coooool." said Ranma, removing her chopsticks from her mouth. "I see you met Mousse." said Akane. "Yup." said Keiko. "You know, he's a duck." said Ranma. "Beh...?" said Keiko. "It's his cursed form. A duck," said Akane. "Really? Damn. Poor guy. A _duck_?!" said Keiko, shaking her head. "How did you all end up going to that remote little training ground in China?" Ranma-chan shrugged. "Hm." said Keiko, and went on eating. *10:15 PM Sunday* "So, tell me more about this guy Mousse." said Keiko, kicking at a pebble in the road. "Huh? Mousse?" said Akane. She groaned. "He's a pain." "Yeah?" said Keiko. "Uh-huh. Always fighting Ranma for Shampoo, when Ranma is perfectly willing to give her up." "Yeah. I noticed how much Mousse likes her." "Hmmm. You were chatting?" "He came in looking for Shampoo and she wasn't there, so he waited for her with me. Uhhh, you know the rest." "He's ALWAYS chasing Shampoo. He even captured me once and threatened to turn me into a duck so Ranma would give her up." "Wow..." Keiko muttered, stopping in front of the door of the Nekohanten. "Well, see ya, Akane. Thanks for walking me back." "No problem! Bye Keiko!" said Akane, walking back down the street. "Bye!" Keiko called as she opened the door. Inside the empty, dark Nekohanten was Cologne, perched atop her wooden staff. "I see you've met my son-in-law." said Cologne. "Who? Ranma? Yeah." said Keiko, smiling. "Ohohohohohoho! My advice to you, girl, is not to let young Shampoo catch wind of anymore of those rumors!" said Cologne. "She is the pride of the Joketsuzoku village!" "Oh! Hehe. Yes, I noticed! She is quite good." said Keiko. "Did you also notice, girl, that you held your own against my finest amazon warrior?" "Well, I mean, uh," Keiko scratched her head. "Hmmm?" Cologne gurgled. *Ho ho ho, this girl could be more useful to me than I thought.....* thought Cologne. "Actually, I dunno how to fight at all." she said. "Ohohohohohohoh.........." Cologne cackled as she whizzed up the stairs. "Brbrbrbrbrbr...." Keiko shuddered. "Creepy." *CHAPTER 7* 5:00 PM, Next Friday "Hurry, Shampoo!" Keiko called through the double doors of the kitchen. "Aiya! Friday crowd is too much for Keiko and Shampoo!" she said, balancing a tray on each hand as she bounced into the restaurant. "Too true!" said Keiko, following her out of the kitchen with two more orders. "Here you are!" she said hurriedly, setting the plates down in front of two hungry patrons. Keiko looked at her watch. Her shift was over. "Ah! Thank god!" said Keiko, whipping off her apron and running outside. Keiko leaned up against the building. Sighing, she sunk down to the pavement. The pavement was cool. Keiko closed her eyes. "Hmmmm." she smiled as a cool breeze swept over her. "Keiko Nishida." "Wha?!" Keiko opened her eyes. Feet? She looked up. "Oh, it's you. Better not go in there, Mousse." she said, pointing into the restaurant. "Hm." he said. "I'll take my chances, thank you." and walked into the restaurant. Keiko listened. Nothing. Keiko waited. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Keiko was nearly blown away as Mousse flew through the front windows. "AISHITERUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he screamed as he flew over Nerima. Picking shrapnel out of her hair, Keiko entered the Nekohanten, minus one wall. "Shampoo!" said Keiko disapprovingly. "Why'd you do that?!" "Mousse pain!" she said heatedly. "He never give up. Just can't remember Ranma and Shampoo together! Stupid Mousse." Shampoo walked back into the kitchen, as frightened customers slinked out the door. Shampoo returned with two more orders, then noticed all of her patrons were gone. "Oh! Friday rush over so soon? Too too weird..." *6:00 PM Friday* Keiko hung the sign on the remains of the door: "CLOSED FOR REPAIRS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE". Keiko was about to go back inside when she heard that familiar voice behind her again. "Keiko Nishida." "Hi." she said, not bothering to turn around. "Shampoo's upstairs." "Oh." he said. "But I wouldn't go near her. She's in a bad mood." "Still?" "It's only been an hour, Mousse." Keiko said, facing him. Amazingly, he remained perfectly intact after his flight. "Every waking moment away from my Shampoo seems like forever." he said, staring at her, his hands in his sleeves. "So, you like her, huh?" said Keiko, walking into the restaurant. "I love her. I have pursued her for sixteen years." he said, following. "It is an honor just being in her restaurant." "I know. She's told me everything." said Keiko, sitting at a table. "So. Then you would know about her affection for the cursed one, Ranma Saotome." Mousse growled. "Uh...yeah." said Keiko. "All about him, too." "Why does she reject me?" "I...I really couldn't tell you." "Why?" he asked, pulling up a chair. "Because I really don't understand her amazon laws. If she loves Ranma regardless of her obligation to marry him, then that could be why. But that still wouldn't explain why she's so...." Keiko glanced at the missing wall. "violent." "True. My thoughts have not strayed from this puzzle since the day Ranma defeated her.....and me." "Yes. I heard about that too." Keiko said quietly. Silence. The Keiko giggled. "But you do kinda look similar. I bet you could even braid your hair and dress up like him and who knows? Might even fool Shampoo. Hehe." Keiko smiled. Mousse smiled back. "Hmmmm!" "Ahh....." Keiko stopped smiling. *He's not taking me seriously, is he?!* she thought. "Well, I gotta go now." said Mousse, standing up suddenly. "Tell Shampoo I stopped by." "Umm....Ok. Bye, Mousse." *1:27 AM Saturday* Walking silently through the deserted streets of Nerima, the insomniac stopped suddenly in front of a store window. He gazed at his reflection for a moment, wondering if what Keiko had said was true. He could think of nothing else. He tied his hair back from his face, noting the horrifying, and yet useful resemblance to the satanic Ranma Saotome. Smiling to himself, Mousse walked back the way he had come, wondering if he had any red mandarin shirts. *** "Chikusho...." he muttered as he neared the end of his closet. He could swear he had one. White robe, white robe, white robe, red....red what? Mousse removed the hanger. It was a red mandarin shirt. Just like Ranma wore. All he would have to do was show up at the Nekohanten, and surely Shampoo would take it from there with his cooperation. Mousse tingled with anticipation. His purple-haired goddess would finally be his... *** Mousse looked in the mirror. It fit perfectly. At long last, she was within his reach. His hands shook as he braided his long, black hair. He smiled. He could see her now...running into his arms, "" He snapped back into reality, a pang of guilt hitting him like a ton of bricks. How could he do such a thing to the woman he loved? If he went through with it, he knew he could never forgive himself. And Shampoo, he couldn't imagine what she would do to him, and what he would do to himself, if she found him out. He looked at the clock....2:15 AM. He looked toward the empty bed. There was no use trying to sleep. Mousse looked back into the mirror, seeing his most hated enemy, and loving every minute of it. *CHAPTER 8* 5:45 PM Saturday Keiko smiled down at her reflection, proud of her polishing job. The counter was spotless, as was the rest of the restaurant. Keiko put the rag on top of the counter and hopped up on it, glad to sit down. Suddenly the door swung open to the empty, immaculately clean Nekohanten. "Welcome to the Nekohanten!" Keiko said brightly. "Keiko Nishida." said a voice. The owner of the voice stepped into the room. "Ranma?" said Keiko. *Why would he come here of his own free will?* she thought to herself. Ranma looked somehow different. More solemn than usual, and to call her 'Keiko Nishida' when he would normally say, 'Yo, Kei-san'. His appearance also seemed somewhat altered. He seemed to her more composed, and somehow less....unkempt. She couldn't help but notice his resemblance to Mousse.........suddenly a thought struck her. "No!" she hollered, jumping off the counter. Mousse balked. "Huh?" Keiko marched up to him. "I can't let you do it!" she quietly seethed. "Awww, Kei-san, what're you talkin' about?" Mousse crossed his arms. "Stop it! Stop it Mousse, I know it's you. And Shampoo's not stupid." Keiko said. Mousse slumped. "And you know she'd never forgive you for it. Never. You'll ruin any remote chance you ever had, and then what'll you do? What'll you do?" she repeated. "I would never forgive myself." he said quietly, blushing. Keiko stared at him. "I would....I don't know what....I couldn't live with myself, I...have never done without her." he said, fidgeting. "I don't know what would become of me." "Mousse," said Keiko. "Yes?" he said, looking up at her sheepishly. "I think you should get out of here, like now, before Shampoo sees you like this. Go home and she will never have to know." "Keiko," "Quickly. Haul your ass out before she....." Keiko saw Mousse's eyes widen in horror. "What?" Keiko asked. "AIYA!" Keiko was blinded by a flurry of purple hair "Ranma come to Nekohanten to see Shampoo! Ureshii! Come now, eat Shampoo's cooking!" Shampoo said, clamped tightly onto Mousse. Keiko looked on in horror as Mousse hesitantly wrapped his arms around Shampoo's body. Keiko panicked. Fearing for Mousses life, and for hers, she quickly grabbed her bucket of cold, soapy water and splashed it on Shampoo. "EEEE! ......yow?" there in Shampoo's place was a cute little kitty licking her paws. "Ehehehehehh.....Sorry about that, Shampoo, I uh, tripped." "Meeew." said the cat, hopping up the stairs. Keiko and Mousse watched her go. "Keiko...." said Mousse. "Thank you." "Mousse," said Keiko. "I...lost control. I couldn't help it, she was....she was so soft and warm. I was completely out of line; I'm sorry." he said. "If you hadn't been there, I don't know how far it would have gone." "Just be glad she didn't look up at your face." said Keiko. and dumped the remaining water over Mousse. "Kei........" a small white duck shook his wet feathers. "Wak." They heard rapid footsteps upstairs. "Go!" said Keiko. "Wak!" the duck picked up his clothes in his beak and flew out the door. "I back!" said Shampoo, in human form. "Keiko, where Ranma go to?" Keiko shrugged. "Yo, Shampoo! Kei-san!" said Ranma, bouncing in the open door and seating himself. "I'm starved." he said, feet on the table top. "Aren't the Tendo's feeding you?" asked Keiko, whipping out her pad and pen. "They tried, but I escaped! Jeez, you don't know what it's like having your fiancee test out her toxic waste on you." "Right! Shampoo much, much better cook than Akane!" said Shampoo. "Keiko put pad away! Shampoo know what husband like...." Shampoo said, unveiling a huge masterpiece entree. Keiko and Ranma's eyes bugged out. "" said Keiko. "Yo, Kei-san, help me out with this thing, it's enorm--MMMF!" Shampoo shoved a piece of food into his mouth. "Ranma forget gaijin. Just eat cooking and look at Shampoo!" she said, grinning. "Gaijin. Hah!" Keiko said to herself. "." she said in English. Shampoo giggled madly as Ranma gobbled her delicious (and abundant) cooking. "SHAMPOO!" A figure stood in the doorway. "Yuck." said Shampoo, glancing up from Ranma. "Go way." The figure was Mousse, in his normal clothes again: a white robe with God knows what in the sleeves. "Mousse!" said Ranma. "Whadda you wa--MmMM?!" Shampoo shoved more food into his mouth. "Forget stupid Mousse. Just look Shampoo! Teeheehee!" Shampoo smiled. Mousse would not be ignored. He picked up Ranma by his shirt. "SAOTOME! I challenge you for the hand of the lovely Shampoo!" he said. "Ha. Any time, any place." Ranma said, smirking. Mousse suddenly threw Ranma across the room upon seeing Keiko. "Keiko!" he said, taking her hands, "I have seen the error of my ways! Thanks to you, I now know what I have to do: I must win Shampoo's heart the honorable way!" he yelled. "Arigato!" "Yeeeee!" Keiko screeched. "Wha-wha-what are you talking about!?! I never...I never said ANYTHING about...." "You will have a place of honor at our wedding! We shall always remember you, Keiko Nishida!" "What wedding?" said Shampoo. "Only wedding Shampoo in is Shampoo's wedding to Ranma. " she said, hugging Ranma. "Nnnnnngggggg....." Mousse's eyes bugged out. "SAOTOME! PREPARE YOURSELF!" he screamed, shooting half a dozen ceremonial knives in his direction. "Yeeeee!" Ranma sprung out of his chair, carrying Shampoo with him. "Ureshii! Ranma protect wife!" she said, kissing him. "Can't see!" said Ranma, trying to pry her off of his face. A bowling ball hit him in the head. "Eep..." Cologne appeared by the stairs. "Would you boys please take this outside?" "Hehehehehe! Certainly, ghoul!" Mousse picked him up off the floor and threw him cleanly out the open door and onto the sidewalk. Shampoo watched them leave. Then turned to Keiko. "Idiot Mousse never give up. Always fight for Shampoo." she sighed. "Just can't seem to grasp concept that Shampoo marrying Ranma! Stupid Mousse." "HIRIYU SHOTEN HA!" they heard. "Wha....?" Keiko looked out the door. "Oh well, always fun to watch!" Shampoo smiled, running out the door. Keiko followed, just in time to see Mousse land hard on the cement. Ranma walked up to them, casually dusting off his pants. "You girls missed the party." he said. Shampoo crossed her arms. "Pooh. No fun. He not hurt ai ren, did he?" "Hurt me? Ha! Not even close. Thanks for the exercise, Mousse." "Heh." Mousse painfully dragged himself up. "Your time will come, Saotome." He said. Shampoo deftly turned a (conveniently located) hose on him. "Wak!" said a white duck, shaking droplets of water off his feathers. "Ranma finish Shampoo's cooking!" she said, dragging him back into the restaurant. Keiko watched as Mousse waddled silently into the Nekohanten. Moments later he returned with his pants back on, and quietly walked away. "Keiko," said Cologe, appearing in the doorway. "Yeah?" said Keiko. "You too could learn the hiriyu shoten ha, and many other secret techniques from me. All you have to do is say the word. Do think about it." said Cologne. *Heh. And once you learn, I'll put those techniques to good use.* she thought. "I'll think about it." said Keiko. "Good girl." said Cologne, hopping away. *Keiko will make the perfect wife to keep that idiot Mousse in line. Having Mousse out of the way will make my job just that much easier!* she thought. "HOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!" she cackled. Keiko sighed, and decided to follow Mousse. 7:30 PM Saturday Keiko followed the path she had seen Mousse take as quietly as possible, finding Mousse sitting on the end of a cliff by the ocean. "Mousse," she said. " ! " He froze at the unexpected voice, then slowly turned around. It was Keiko. He hurriedly turned back around. *How did she find me?!* he thought. "Did..........did he hurt you?" she asked, barely audibly, standing about ten feet away. "Not at all!" he said loudly, turning to glare at her; enough to make Keiko step away. Mousse turned back around and stared at the ground. There was a moment of awkward silence, Mousse sounding too forbidding for Keiko to come any closer. "So you.....saw the fight?" he asked, softer this time. "Uh huh." said Keiko. *Maybe I should go,* she thought. "Well I...." he bellowed, then paused. Keiko turned and began to walk away. *Huh?* hearing her footsteps, he turned around. "Uh, Keiko! W-wait...I......didn't mean............" Keiko turned her head around, then stopped, facing the path. She sighed, the turned and walked back toward Mousse, who turned back around. "Uh.....sorry. No, he didn't hurt me." he said, looking at the ground. Keiko walked up behind him, noticing the bruise on his shoulder. "Hmmm...didn't hurt you...whazzis?" Mousse jumped. "...itai......." he squeaked. He glared at her again. "Hmf." Keiko's eyes narrowed. They stared at each other for a moment, then Keiko sat down next to him. She picked at the dirt. Mousse just sat with his head in his hands, staring out at the open sea. It was a beautiful seascape. It was high tide, and the sky was deepening to a charcoal grey with incoming storm clouds. Her long, blonde hair blown back from her face by the increasingly strong wind, Keiko looked out at the crashing waves. Her mind began to wander... "Tell me, Keiko," "Huh?" Keiko snapped out of her trance. "What......what does Shampoo really think of me?" Mousse asked sheepishly, wary of her potentially devistating response. Keiko looked at him, understanding, and sighed. She pushed away the hair blown into her face. "Mousse....." she said, averting her eyes. "What does she think?" he repeated. Keiko looked up at him again. "Keiko." he repeated. "I know, I know. I'm just not sure I should say is all......." she said, then dropped her head suddenly. Then she felt two hands firmly on her shoulders. "Huh?" She bolted upright, staring at him nervously. Mousse was staring her down. "I can take it." he said firmly. Seeing Keiko's shock, he let go of her, putting his hands in his lap. Keiko's eyes remained fixated on him. "The truth is, Mousse, Shampoo really does love Ranma." she almost whispered. Mousse's hands fidgeted. Then suddenly one lashed out. "USOTSUKI!!!!" the hand was halted. PLAP; a foot connected with Mousse's face, as if automatically. Mousse remained still in the position Keiko's foot had left him in. Keiko could not see his face, but she could feel the hand she still held, inches from her face, trembling. "Mousse?" she said quietly. Mousse turned to look at her, looking as if he were about to cry. "Keiko...." he whispered, "I'm...........sorry....." "You really love her, don't you." "Yes," he said quietly. "Yes, I love her more than anything." Lightning flashed over the open sea. The wind whipped Keiko's hair around her face as she buttoned up her shirt, hiding her tank top. Mousse reached for his shirt and glasses. Just then, thunder crashed loudly as the rain clouds above drained themselves. The deluge came just as mousse was putting on his glasses. Keiko stood up. "Let's go, Mousse." she said. Hearing no response, she turned around to see something writhing in his wet robe. Reaching into the white robe, she pulled out a frazzled duck. The duck shook his feathers back into place and looked up at Keiko. "Wak." he said. "Hmmm." said Keiko, staring at the duck in her hands. "Ak." *** Leaning out the door under the awning of the Nekohanten, Baba-san cackled to herself as she watched the wet blonde girl carrying the white duck approach. "Ohohohohoh. Maybe the girl won't need my help catching that idiot Mousse after all...." she said. ~To Be Continued...~ END OF PART ONE -hope ya had fun with this, kids! Part 2 coming soon.