On Sat, 9 Nov 1996, Richard Lawson wrote:

I started writing a sequel to "Thy Outward Part".  And writing.  And
writing.  *Never* has a story gripped me so.  It's the largest single
story I've ever written.

I would like to read Thy Outward Part, since I never received it.

Her expression didn't change when she reached Kentaro.  Her eyes seemed 
to ask him if he was content with his progress in the school.  Kentaro 
felt confident that he had done all right, and tried to put that 
confidence into his bearing. Sensei nodded, satisfied, then gave him a 
quick smile before returning to the front of the room.

Very good, that is exactly how a Sensei would react in a schooling 
situation, especially with experienced students.

"I had not expected so many people to be here today.  You all honor me with
your presence."  She bowed deeply, then straightened.  "As you know, 
this is the last class I will be teaching before next week's graduation.  
I hope to open a dojo soon.  When I do, I'll post a message on the 
college's web site. I'd like to continue training you, of course.  And if 
you know of anyone looking for training, you might send them my way."

Before this, a Sensei would impart several thoughts of wisdom to be 
understood by the students.  Not a koan, but a small story that pertains 
to the lessons that were covered on that day.  It is an important part of 
the arts.

"Kentaro...."  Her voice sounded quiet and strange.

"Yes, Ranma?"  He was having a little difficulty thinking clearly.  She 
seldom showed this kind of affection, and he couldn't help feeling 
exhilarated when she did.

"Kentaro...."  He could sense her gathering her courage.  "I love you."

Very well done.  It shows a rememberance of the past, and the first time 
that Ranma fell in love, with the reality of her life now.  I would 
describe the fight a little better however.

Also I like how you show the feelings that Ranma has by showing that she 
can let go of the past.

She shut him in the one way guaranteed to get his attention.

How about:

Ranma silently placed her fingers on his lips, her eyes holding a bit of 
amusement as she looked at the man she loved, the man that she finally 
realized that she would give up everything for if need be.  During the 
few years that she had been a woman, she had learned a few things about 
relationships and love, most especially how the soul was the most 
important part of the person.  She bent her head upwards and placed her 
lips on Kentaro's knowing that their souls would now be one.

Hitomi

Ichinohei Hitomi
Hitomi@terminal.autobahn.mb.ca
http://204.112.189.3/~hitomi
"The beginings of wisdom is the ability to always ask questions."