If you feel this fic is a bit over the top, PLEASE read the last 3
paragraphs. This story wrote itself. I need a long nap. I'm not proud of this.

	"It must! It shall be undertaken today! And yet we put it off until
	tomorrow. And why? There is no answer, except that we feel perverse;
	using the word with no comprehension of its principle."  -- E.A.Poe
	"Imp of the Perverse" from memory, I apologize for transcription
	errors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  [Meet Ranma Saotome, of the anything goes school of martial arts.]

"Hey, let go!"

[And here is Akane Tendou, of the Tendou training hall]

"What are you doing?"

[the two have been engaged to be married by their loving parents]

"I didn't ask for this!" "Who asked you?"

[as for the cause of poor Ranma's suffering, refer back to the parents,
mentioned above]

			       Ranma's Revenge:
			Look what I found in the attic

  "Akane, look what I found", Ranma shouted out.

  "What is it?" Kasumi asked nicely.

  "An old book that seems to cover the times our parents were just meeting."

  "I don't think it's right that you read that while our parents are out."
Kasumi warned.

  "After all of those tricks our fathers pulled on me and Ranma? I'd say they
have nothing to complain about." Akane retorted. "Let's read it before they
return."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  The Hibikis had just gotten married, and were about to leave on their
honeymoon, ostensibly to Hawaii, but no one was willing to bet where they'd
wind up. One person had suggested that perhaps they were winding up where
their luggage would have been lost by the airlines, but that didn't explain
places like Easter Island.

  Nodoka had just caught the bride's bouquet, and she and Genma decided to
visit the professor, in whose class they had met.

  While driving through the driving rain, they get a flat tire, and quickly  
realize that this had happened to them before, because there's a hole in the
spare. But the two are in love, so she hardly scolds him, and they walk back
up the road to the last house they could find, in order to telephone for help.

  And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on them and that they had found the
assistance that their plight required. Or had they?]

  A bizarre man opened the door and said "Hello."

  "Hi! My name is Genma Saotome, and this is my fiancee, Nodoka. I wonder if
you could help us. You see our car broke down a few miles up the road... do
you have a phone we might use?"

  "You're wet."

  "Yes, it's raining." Nodoka replied.

  "Yes" added Genma.

  "Yes, I think that perhaps you both better come inside."

  "You're too kind. Oh Genma, this place makes me uneasy."

  "Don't worry, my dear. This will all work out alright."

  "This way."

  "Are you entertaining company tonight?"

  "You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the master's affairs."

  At this point Nodoka gasps. She's just noticed Soun Tendou. The tall,
mustached martial artist has just arrived at a doorway across from Genma and
Nodoka. He's wearing platform shoes, fishnet stockings, a black teddy, and
huge pearls. "How do you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman. He's just
a little brought down because when you knocked he thought you were the
candyman. Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book be its
cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day but by night I'm one hell of
a lover. I'm a just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania."

  "Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound. You look like you're both
pretty groovy. Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal, we
could take in an old Steve Reeves Movie."

  Genma interrupts "I'm glad we caught you at home, Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry. We'll just say where we are, then go back to
the car. We don't want to be any worry."

  Soun says "Well you got caught with a flat? Well, how 'bout that? Now,
babies, don't you panic. by the light of the night it'll all seem all
right. I'll get you a satanic mechanic."

  "Why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite? I could show you my
favorite obsession. I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan and he's
good for relieving my... tension."

  "So, Come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with
antici... pation. But maybe the rain isn't really to blame. So I'll remove the
cause... but not the symptom."

  As Soun leaves, People give towels to Nodoka and Genma, and remove their
outer clothes. Unfortunately, they weren't wearing coats. Nodoka was wearing a
kimono, and Genma, his gi.

  "Oh! Genma!"

  "It's all right Nodoka. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when
the time is right."

  A maid comments, while removing Genma's top "Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a
job to rush."

  "Hi, my name is Genma Saotome, and this is my fiancee, Nodoka; You are..."

  "You're very lucky to be invited to Tendousan's laboratory. Some people
would give their right arm for the privilege."

  Genma is reduced to boxers, and Nodoka to her under-kimono.

  "Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting."

		*	*	*

  As they enter, Soun says "What charming underclothes you both have. But
here. Put these smocks on. They'll make you feel less vulnerable. It's not
often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality"

  Genma blusters "Hospitality?! All we asked was to use your telephone,
Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore."

  Nodoka calms him "Genma, don't be ungrateful."

  Soun comments "How forceful you are, Genma. Such a perfect specimen of
manhood. So... dominant (crowd has a flurry of laughs). You must be awfully
proud of him, Nodoka."

  "Well, yes I am."

  "Do you have tattoos, Genma?"

  "Certainly not!"

  "Oh well, how about you, Nodoka?

  "No."

  The strange man approaches again, "Everything is in readiness, master. We
merely await your [pause] word."

  Soun begins his speech "Tonight, my unconventional conventionists...  you
are to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise is
to be mine... It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a
break... whole pieces start to fit into place, not a sign of being... what a
fool! The answer was there all the time it took a small accident to make it
happen... AN ACCIDENT! And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive
ingredient, that spark that is the breath of life... Yes, I have that
knowledge..."

  "I hold the secret... to life...  itself! you are fortunate for tonight is
the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be born! Up now! Throw
open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step up the reactor power
three more points!"

  A six foot tall body, wrapped in cloth rises from a tank. Colorful fluids,
glowing slightly, enter the body through tubes. A groan emerges from the
bundle. They unwrap the man and find within the six foot cocoon there rests a
two foot tall man

  Soun cries out, "Oh! Happy day! I just love success. Well, Genma and Nodoka,
what do you think of him?"

  Nodoka replies "Well, I'm not fond of excessively short men."

  Soun sneers "I didn't make him... for you! He's my fantasy."

  Out of a crate bursts the form of an eleven year old Hinako Hinomiya, who
starts criticizing Soun "Whatever happened to Saturday night, When you dressed
up sharp and you felt all right? It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine. I used to go for a ride with Soun
Tendou, and listen to the music on the radio; a saxophone was blowing on a
rock 'n roll show. you climbed in the back seat, we really had a good
time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. My head
used to swim from his perfume I smelled. My hands kind of fumbled with his
white plastic belt. I'd taste Soun's baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd
melt.  And he'd whisper in my ear tonight he really was mine. Hot patootie,
bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll."

  Soun chased Hinako from the room, returning with a bloody alpinist's
pick. "One from the vaults." Happosai seems upset at the sight of blood. Soun
comforts him "Oh Baby... Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing... she had a
certain naive charm, but nothing like you."

  There are some who say that life is an illusion, and reality is but a
figment of the imagination. If this is so, then Genma and Nodoka are quite
safe. ...however, the sudden departure of their host... and his
creation... left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which
grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate
rooms.

  Nodoka is resting in bed waiting to fall asleep, when she hears a
knock. "Uhh! Who is it? Who's there?"

  Genma's voice answers "It's only me, Nodoka."

  "Oh, Genma darling, come in." He enters and starts being amorous with
Nodoka. "Oh! Genma, Oh Genma. Yes, my darling... but what if..."

  Genma's voice answers again "It's all right, Nodoka, everything's going to
be all right."

  "Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh... Ah... ahh OHHH!" she cries as she realizes
she's really holding Soun, instead of her fiancee. "Oh, it's you!"

  "I'm afraid so, Nodoka, but isn't it nice..."

  "Oh, you beast, you monster... Oh what have you done with Genma?"

  "Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you thing I should?"

  "You tricked... I wouldn't have... I've never... never..."

  "Yes, yes, I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really found it
quite pleasurable."

  "Oh, stop... I mean help... Genma Genma!... Oh Genma!!"

  "Shhh. Genma's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you
like... This!" Soun pulls on Nodoka's legs leaving her flat on her back.

  "Like this like how?! Oh, it's your fault... you're to blame... Oh... I was
saving myself..."

  "Yes, but I'm sure your not spent yet..."

  "Promise you won't tell Genma?"

  "Cross my heart and hope to die..."

  Assorted arousing sounds continue.

		*	*	*

  Someone slips into Genma's room. "Oh, Genma darling, it's no good
here. It'll destroy us." he hears Nodoka say.

  "Don't worry Nodoka, we'll be away from here in the morning."

  "Oh, Genma you're so strong and protective."

  "Ah, ah, ah, oh" Genma suddenly notices he's fondling Soun. "YOU!"

  "I'm afraid so, Genma, but isn't it nice..."

  "Why YOU! What have you done with Nodoka?"

  "Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?"

  "You tricked me, I wouldn't have... never never... never..."

  "Oh yes yes, I know... but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I
think you really quite enjoyed it." Genma moans from whatever Soun was doing
as he was talking. "Oh... so soft..."

  "Stop it... stop it... oh Nodoka... Nodoka!"

  "Nodoka's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like THIS?"
Soun yanks Genmas legs so he's lying prostrate under Soun.

  Genma sits up and yells "Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to
blame, I thought it was the real thing!"

  "Oh come on, Genma, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? It isn't a crime to
give yourself over the pleasure, Genma. We've wasted so much time
already... Nodoka needn't know, I won't tell her..."

  "Well, promise you won't tell..."

  "On my mother's graoouuuuu..."


		*	*	*

  Nodoka is wandering around "What's happening here? Where's Genma?  Where's
ANYbody? Oh, Genma.  Genma, my darling, how could I have done this to you? If
only we hadn't made this journey... if only the car hadn't broken down... if
only we were amongst friends... Or sane people, Oh Genma, Oh Genma, what have
they done with him..." At this point she sees Soun and Genma in bed, stroking
each other. "Oh, Genma, How could you?"


  At this point she sees an injured Happosai in the corner "Oh, but you are
hurt... Did they do this to you? I'll dress your wounds... let me make it all
better."

  Nodoka started to explain herself to Happosai. "I was feeling done in,
couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before. I though there's no use getting
into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble, and seat wetting. Now all I want
to know is how to go. I've tasted blood and I want more. I'll put up no
resistance, I want to stay the distance. I've got an itch to scratch, I need
assistance. Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me,
chill me, fulfill me! Creature of the night. Then if anything grows, while you
pose, I'll oil you up and rub you down. And that's just one small fraction of
the main attraction. You need a friendly hand and I need action. Toucha toucha
toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me! Creature
of the night."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Back in the real world, Ranma, Kasumi, and Akane are all looking rather
green around the gills, when Happosai bursts into the living room. "Where did
you find my notebook? Those are private attempts at improving my own creative
writing! Give it back to me!"

  "YOU WROTE THIS? DIE!"

  [we fade out on a scene of massive violence.]