We begin by panning in on the Neko-Nightclub.  A sign outside says tonight
the "Nermia Trio" will be performing live.  We pan in past Cologne behind the
hostesses podium and across the crowd.  On the small stage, Dr. Tofu and
Ranma are playing acoustic guitars while Ryouga strums a banjo.  They finish
a quiet romantic ballad and the ladies in the audience whistle and cheer.

     Tofu:  "Arigatou Gozimas.  For our next selection we'll be singing something
      a little more upbeat.  It's a Caribbean piece written by Stan Wilson, and
      made famous by the 'Kingston Trio'."

     Ranma: "We modified just a few of the words, since some of our friends
     here in Nermia were just too perfect for the part, even the uncute one."

     Akane: (from the audience) "HEY!"

     Tofu: "Anyway, before we lose our rhythm guitar player in a flurry of well
     deserved punches, we present:"

     Ryouga: "Dr. Tofu's Lament" or,

     Tofu: "I Bawled"

The three of them strum up a lively island melody, Ranma begins to whistle.
As he whistles one stanza, a picture appears on the screen behind the stage,
SD Tofu and SD Kasumi, holding hands, surrounded by heart symbols, are 
outside the gate to Tendo Dojo at night.  As Ranma whistles a second stanza,
the picture changes to SD Akane, inside the Tendo house, Very Angry, looking
at a clock which shows it's after midnight.   The pictures change to follow the
words of the song. ("% xxx %" indicates singing)

     Tofu: "% Took Kasumi out de other night,
             got meself in an awful fight,
             She said "Do Do Darlin' won't you please come in?",
             Akane-chan bopped me with a Rollin' Pin,
             And I Bawled %"

     Ranma: "% He Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

     Ryouga: "% He Bawled %"

     All Together: "% O' man you shoulda heard me Bawl
                         And I falldownonmykneesanprayIdon'meet
                         wit' dat young woman again. %"

     Ranma: "% O Yes he Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

Pan to audience were, at a front row table, Akane is dying of embarrassment
while Kasumi pats her hand to comfort her,  Everyone else is trying not to
fall off their chairs laughing.

     Ryouga: "% He Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

     All Together: "% O' man you shoulda heard me Bawl
                         And I falldownonmykneesanprayIdon'meet
                         wit' dat young woman again. %"

     Tofu: "% Well the firs' time she hit me she knocked me down,
             Wouldn' even let me get offa de ground,
             I tried to tell her of the rules of Queensbury,
             She said "Only Anything Goes wit me",
             so I Bawled %"

     Ranma: "% He Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

     Ryouga: "% He Bawled %"

     All Together: "% O' man you shoulda heard me Bawl
                         And I falldownonmykneesanprayIdon'meet
                         wit' dat young woman again. %"

     Ranma: "% O Yes he Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

     Ryouga: "% He Bawled %"

     Tofu: "Gomen."

     All Together: "% O' man you shoulda heard me Bawl
                         And I falldownonmykneesanprayIdon'meet
                         wit' dat young woman again. %"

     Tofu: "% Well now, talk about e-ter-ni-ty,
              dats what dat encounter seemed to me,
              she stops to sneeze, an' I start to run,
              GONE lika bullet froma Ma-Chine-Gun,
              And I Bawled %"

     Ranma: "% He Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% Yu Hu ha HA! %"

     All Together: "% O' man you shoulda heard me Bawl
                         And I falldownonmykneesanprayIdon'meet
                         wit' dat young woman again. %"

     Ranma: "% O Yes he Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

     Ryouga: "% He Bawled %"

     Tofu: "% I Bawled %"

     All Together: "% O' man you shoulda heard me Bawl
                         And I falldownonmykneesanprayIdon'meet
                         wit' dat young woman again. %"

They finish, and take bows. The crowd goes wild.

Jim Nutley
Calypso Spammer
"OOOOOHH!! Don' let de Spam come down!"