On Fri, 22 Nov 1996 19:18:56 -0600 (CST) RPM - acct 3/5 wrote:
: cloud, and then dissapeared as the smoke blew away.
"disappeared"
: With extreme embarrasment, he realized that he'd been holding Akane
: protectively, in his arms, all this time.
"embarrassment"
: At that moment, Ryouga's mind screetched to a halt.
"screeched"
: Like vultures around a carcas, the students of Nerima waited around the
: schoolyard for some free entertainment.
"carcass"
: That last sentance echoed in Ukyo's mind, and slowly her left eye began
: to twitch.
"sentence"
: Inhale the aroman.
"aroma"
: Ryo grinned. Akari was remarkably gullable. Unbelievably, uniquely,
: gullable.
"gullible"
: Tanya glared from the rooftops. {'ey's a bloody
: arse, the wanker...}
Quite strong language here. Normally not something I would
complain about, but it rather stands out in a Ranma fic. I'd keep
it a little cleaner.
: "DIE!" Suddenly, a barrage of soda cans flew out of
: Tsubasa's vending machine costume, battering them both and exploding on
: contact, spraying the entire are with cola.
"area"
: (camera switches to Ryouga, walking through the inside of Ucchan's)
:
: RANMA
: (camera switches to Ryouga, also walking through the resteraunt)
:
: RYOGUA
It should say "Ranma" in the first bracket and "restaurant" in
the second. That misspelling of "restaurant" turns up a few
times, elsewhere in this fic.
: -----------
: LEGAL STUFF
: -----------
: "Two Okonomiyaki and a spatula" done by Ryan Mathews (thanks =)
: modified from "Where it's at" by Beck
The question is, how did Ukyou get the permission to use this
song? Or did she *infringe upon a copyright*?! :)
: As he picked up his ukulele and strummed whimsically, a gigantic,
: behemoth, bronze pinapple was slowly ascending the school, lifted to its
: lofty perch by numerous ropes.
"pineapple"
: Thinking of Akane quickly sunk her mood back to neutral.
"sank" And before some smartass with a dictionary turns up to
point out that "sunk" is correct for past tense, too, I'll admit
that, indeed, it is, if somewhat antiquated. It's up to you.
: There is no school, the
: resteraunt where he is known to inhabit was closed and locked, and... I...
: AM... BORED!!!"
"restaurant" and you don't inhabit *at* a place, you just inhabit
it, thus the "where" should be a "that", I think.
: Ryouga spent the rest of the night wandering aimlessly across town.
: Much to his surprise, he didn't leave the city of Japan.
"The *city* of *Japan*"?
: She looked every bit the hansome young man, she did.
"handsome"
: She entered and found herself in a very... eurpean setting.
"european"
These parts were excellent. They had what was lacking in parts
1-5, i.e. a sense of direction and plot. Part 8 was particularly
great - I loved it.
I did only read the three _TPoH_ chapters, though, and left
Tanya's origin for some later time. Preferably not around one in
the morning, as it is now, so I can appreciate it properly. :)
Sebastian