Hi all,

Here's my first venture onto this list; all C&C (grammar, dialogue,
plot, whatever) welcome.  With any luck, I'll have it ready to post
before I go into the army (in 3 weeks' time).

------------------------------------------------------------------
						I only have eyes for you
						  by Gavin Steyn
		All UY characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi


Scene:  Lum in her spaceship, working some controls.

Lum:  Now, Darling, the only girl you'll look at will be me.

A small disc comes out of the machine, and she walks over to another
device 
that looks like a slot machine.  She sticks the disc in, pulls a lever,
and 
three lemons appear on the screen.  The machine whirrs a bit more, and 
a wristwatch comes out of a slot on the bottom.

Lum picks it up, and looks at it.

Lum: Perfect!
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Scene: Ataru's bedroom.

Ataru is reading comics, as usual.  Lum flies in the window.

Lum:  Darling, I've got a present for you.

Ataru continues reading.

Lum:  Darling, I've got a present for you!

Ataru continues reading.

Lum hits Ataru.

Lum:  When someone has a present, you should say thank you!

Ataru:  But I don't want a present from you!  Give it to Mendou.

Lum:  See, it's a beautiful watch.  Now, wear it!

Ataru:  I've already got a watch.

Lum:  This one is nicer.

Ataru:  I don't want it.

Lum shocks him into submission.

Lum:  When someone gives you a present you're supposed to accept it 
  graciously!

Ataru:  Eeeeeeehhhh....

Lum takes off Ataru's watch, and places the new one on his wrist.

Ataru looks at it groggily.

Ataru:  How nice.  The numbers even go up to 17.

Then he faints.
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Scene: The next morning.  Ataru's bedroom.  Ataru walks in wearing
sweats.

Lum:  What's wrong, darling?  You look upset.

Ataru:  I didn't see any girls on my jog this morning.  I've got the
route 
  down perfectly; I should see at least thirty every day.  Unless...
  (looks terrified) what if they've all changed their morning schedules?
  (Puts on a serious look) This is a cruel trick of fate.  But I shall
  overcome it.

Lum:  Darling, you can always look at me.

Ataru:  I don't need to look at you; I already know what you look like.

Lum:  Darling, you idiot!!  (She gives him a shock)
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Scene:  Lum and Ataru are on their way to school.  Ataru is late, as
usual,
  so he's running pretty fast, and runs smack into Shinobu.  They both
  fall over.

Shinobu:  What are you doing?  I'm going to be late for class!  (She
runs
  off).

Ataru: (picks himself off the ground)  What happened?  I thought
Shinobu...
  (Runs off)
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Scene:  Ataru's classroom.  Everyone seated, and Onsen Mark has begun to
  teach English.

Mark:  Note the symbolism in the poem.  I want you all to analyze the
  relationship between the meter and the meaning. Also, analyze how
  the foreshadowing heightens the tension of the shipwreck. 
   "Now step right up and hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip,
      that started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship."

Ataru walks in.  He looks surprised.

Ataru:  Why aren't there any girls in this class today?

Mark:  Sit down and stop saying stupid things!

Ataru:  (Sits down and looks around)  (To himself)  Where are they all?
  Shinobu, Keiko, Mariko, Emiko...  (Shouts out loud)  I can't live
  without you!!!

Mark:  Moroboshi, sit down and shut up!  Now, this next part of the poem
  is particularly tragic.  "The minnow would be lost, the minnow would
be
  lost."

Ataru: (runs over to Shinobu's chair.)  My Shinobu is gone for the day!

Shinobu:  Who's your Shinobu!  (She hits him with her desk)

Ataru:  I hear her voice.  Shinobu, where are you?

Shinobu:  (Waving her hand in front of Ataru's face)  Can't you see me?
  This is really weird!

Mark:  (Has stopped his recitation).  Moroboshi, are you sick?  I'm
sending
  you to the nurse's office.

Immediately the rest of the guys in the class start volunteering.

Guy 1:  He looks too sick to make it on his own.  Let me take him!

Guy 2:  Actually, I think he needs at least two of us to help him.

Guy 3:  I don't think he can walk; I'd better help carry him.

Mendou:  Silence!  You are all too immature.  I will take him.  And I
may
  need to stay with Nurse Sakura while she examines him.

Ataru, however, has already walked out the door.  He walks into Sakura's
  office.  

Ataru:  (cheerfully) Sakura, I'm sick!

Sakura:  A sick person shouldn't be so cheerful!  Go back to your
classroom.

Ataru:  (Looks around)  Sakura, where are you?  I can't see you.

Sakura:  I'm right in front of you!

Ataru: (weaves around)  I can't see you.  (He waves his arms in front of
him, 
  till he touches Sakura).  Is that you?  I'd better feel your face to
make
  sure.  (He starts feeling)

Sakura: (Hits him with a mallet)  Since when are my breasts part of my
face!
  Still I should check this out; it might be serious.  (She pulls out a
  pair of glasses).  Look through these.  They're two way glasses;
everything
  that gets onto your retina will show up on this screen.  (She sits
down at
  a computer monitor).  Now, look at me.  (Ataru looks around wildly). 
I'm 
  in the chair, stupid!  

On the screen, we see the chair and table, but no Sakura.

Sakura:  Wait here for a minute.  (She runs out, and returns with two of
the 
  girls and one guy from Ataru's class)  Look at the chair again. 
(Ataru looks,
  but none of the girls show up on the screen).  Something is editing
all women 
  from your field of view.

Ataru:  Whaaaat?  Can't you do anything?  Please, please, please?  (He
kneels
  down)  If you help me, I'll do anything for you.  I'll even date you!

Sakura:  Is that a promise or a threat?  But I don't know what's causing
it,
  yet.  There are no supernatural energies around you.

Cherry:  It is a sign from the gods that he must renounce the world and
  become a monk!

Everyone facefaults.

Sakura:  Where did you come from?  (She punts him away)

Just then, Lum and Ten come flying through the window.

Lum:  Darling, I've been looking for you all over.

Ataru:  Waaah!  I can still see Lum!  What's going on?

Sakura:  Obviously your disease only works on human females.

Lum:  You'll just have to be satisfied with me, Darling.

Ten:  Now you can stop your disgraceful girl-hunts, jerk!

Ataru:  No, all I need is a seeing eye dog.  (He reaches up and collars
  Ten).  Now, point me at the nearest girls, kid!

Ten:  Since when am I a dog!  (He flames Ataru and flies out the door.)

Ataru:  (Runs after Ten)  Just you wait till I catch you, brat!

They run outside.  The girls track team is busy practicing.

Ten:  (To himself)  I'll just fly in that direction.  The jerk will
never
  see them, and they'll run him over.

Ten flies toward the girls.  There are about fifty of them, but Ataru
can't
  see any of them.  However, the watch starts saying in a very soft
voice:
  "Warning...overload...too many girls to edit...warning...overload..."
  Ataru ignores the watch and continues to chase after Ten.

Ataru:  You little brat!

Ten:  You can't catch me!

Watch:  Warning...malfunction imminent...too many girls...warning

Just as Ataru gets close to the girls, the watch explodes in a tiny
puff.

Ataru:  I can see!  Mariko, you want to go on a date?  Kumiko, you want
to
  go on a date?

The girls run over Ataru and trample him flat.

Ataru:  It was worth the pain...  (He collapses)

fade to black.
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Final note:  Well, I wanted to do something to break the Ranma
stranglehold on this group :-).  It's still Takahashi, but...
(I thought of doing an "Ume, Momo, Sakura" fic, but I figured
it wouldn't go over so well...)

Gavin Steyn
malkakor@shani.net