On Tue, 10 Dec 1996, Richard Lawson wrote:
: Oh, okay.
If you say so, it probably is.
: I've decided to post two more parts of my story so far to the FFML. The
: plot isn't far enough along for anyone to give me the comments I need,
: so I thought I'd bring you all to a couple of major plot points, then
: leave you hanging while I write the rest. :)
You know, this could be easier if you just *said* what comments
you need. I like this method better, though. :)
: These next two chapters are subject to major rewrites, as I may change
: parts of the plot in my subsequent writing.
:
: Thanks for the *excellent* C&C so far; it's been *very* helpful. Not in
: the way I had hoped, but still quite enlightening. Keep it up. :)
Well, you keep up the writing, we'll keep up the C&C.
: Magic
:
: Part 3 - Arrivals and Departures
:
: by Richard Lawson
: Nouma shook his head. Nabiki was pulling out all the stops. A computer
: operated airplane was not cheap,
And, to be frank, probably not safe. Even 25 years in the future
I wouldn't trust a computer enough to do an important job like
this.
: Nabiki looked down at her computer, frowning at something it displayed. "I've
: tasked a satellite for our use. It'll remain in a geosynchronous orbit more
: or less directly above us in Canada."
:
: Nouma managed to put his eyes back into his head.
<chuckle>
: "What's all this going to
: cost you, Aunt Nabiki?"
:
: Nabiki grimaced. "About half of my personal net worth." She sighed and looked
: over at where Ranma and Akane were talking to each other. "What's the use
: of having money if you don't use it to try and help your family as much
: as possible?"
Indeed. That's quite a gesture that Nabiki is making here. I
wonder if someone besides Nouma gets it.
: Nouma grinned. "Aunt Nabiki was just telling me how much she enjoys spending
: money."
:
: "Oh, I could have told you that." Kodachi looked at her sister-in-law
: affectionately.. "Why, just last week, she raised Tachi's allowance from a
: hundred yen to a hundred and five yen, 'adjusting for inflation' as she
: called it."
:
: Nabiki chuckled. Nouma watched them, realizing that they'd become good
: friends during the fifteen or so years they'd been living together in the
: same mansion. He wondered why he'd never noticed it before.
I suspected as much, when you mentioned that they all lived under
one roof in the Kunou mansion. And Kodachi seemed to have
acquired a few mannerisms in part 2, that are normally attributed
to Nabiki. :) I like this. A sane Kodachi and a tender-hearted
Nabiki - whatta team.
: "This is the information on file with the Canadian Police. I would suggest
: spending the three and a half hours we'll be in the air studying those reports.
Gee, I wonder how she got them. :)
: Nouma cleared his throat. "Did, uh, anything unusual happen to either of you
: last night?"
Ah, *very* good. I was afraid he would not mention it, thus
playing into the hands of the mysterious entity behind all this.
That happens *all the time* in movies and I never understood how
the protagonist could do something this stupid. Thanks, Richard.
: Nouma thinned his lips. "I, uh, heard a voice last night."
Who doesn't?
: The last of the cultural anthropologists was found inside the cave itself. Her
: physical condition was appalling; it had appeared as if she'd run herself
: beyond the point of exhaustion, destroying much of her body tissues in the
: process. It seemed a logical conclusion to draw that it was she who had
: intercepted the hikers, and had chased them for miles before returning to the
: cave. There was no direct physical evidence to support such a theory,
: however.
Hmm, but why did whatever possessed her return to the cave? If it
was just after some kind of energy to drain from the people there,
it could have dropped her right after sucking dry the last one.
Instead, it returned to the cave and apparently left her there.
Why, for that matter would it need a physical body at all, to
hunt and drain others? Too little information to hazard a guess,
at the moment.
[scratches head] Whatever.
: "Tendo Nouma."
:
: The phrasing was so similar to the disembodied voice of the night before that
: Nouma jumped in his seat. Immediately, though, the more rational side of his
: brain was noticing that this voice had a body attached to it.
:
: Nouma tried to keep himself from thinking how attractive that body was.
: "Khu Lon?"
Hmmm. Say, Angus, what was that theory of yours about Khu Lon
again...? :)
: He left his seat and followed Khu Lon to the back of the plane. She whirled
: and spoke in a clipped voice. "Before this goes any further, you should know
: that I have absolutely no interest in any man who is not an Amazon. For that
: matter, I have very little interest in men in general."
:
: Nouma blinked at her several times. "I... was not aware of your sexual
: orientation, Khu Lon."
<chuckle> I know *that*. "I'm a lesbian!" "Uh. Well. Fine. Did
I come on to you, or is that your idea of a conversation starter?"
: As if to prove the point
: he was trying to make, other words came stumbling out of his mouth before he
: could stop them. "It was only my desire to learn as much about you as I could,
: for each discovery about you so far has made my heart soar."
God, do I know *that*, too.
: He clamped his mouth shut. He could have gone on for long minutes, throwing
: in a sonnet or two he had learned from Uncle Tatewaki.
Heh, I thought he wanted her?
: Khu Lon let out a frustrated breath and began talking to him as if she were
: telling a three-year-old why water was wet. "I have been around politicians
: and diplomats all my life. I have learned to tell how powerful someone is by
: the way people act around them. You father is more of an elder statesperson,
: respected for his views, and looked to for guidance, but his days of power
: are behind him. Everyone listens to you, and respects you. I have absolutely
: no doubt that your approval will be needed before any major decision is made
: regarding this expedition."
Interesting. And without doubt, most probably true. But did that
need to be spelled out at this point? It depends on what you want
this story to achieve. I'll see where you are taking this, I
guess.
: Khu Lon flashed an angry look at him. She muttered under her breath in
: Mandarin. Nouma caught only a few words. One sounded like "conceited"; another
: sounded like the word used to describe what cattle leave behind.
: He bowed to her and spoke slowly and carefully in the best Mandarin he could
: manage. "I, too, cannot wait to see what the future holds in store for us,
: Khu Lon."
Heh. This, of course, would suffer if Nouma wasn't too proficient
in Mandarin.
No, wait a moment, it doesn't have to. I suggested that he be
reasonably proficient in the language, enough to understand it,
but not to fluently speak it. Now, if that wre the case, Nouma
would be *aching* to come back with a witty retort, but the only
things that he could manage fluently right off the bat are stock
phrases. So he decides to deliver one of those that vaguely fits
the situation (i.e. what he just said) and leaves her with the
realization that he understood her, without having given away his
real extent of knowledge. Now *that's* smart. :)
: Ukyo looked over his shoulder, back down the aisle. "Your father seems to be
: the key to this all. He's sort of like the king in a chess game; if he goes
: down, we lose the game." She focused on Nouma's eyes again. "I want to be
: his bodyguard. If I can watch his back, there's a much greater chance that
: he'll live through this, along with most of the rest of us."
In fact, I thought right from the start that whoever that
mysterious entity is *wanted* Ranma to turn up there. Something
about its first speech to its prey sparked that. Now that I've
read chapter 3, I feel like this was uncomfortably close to the
truth.
: Nouma looked steadily at Ukyo, his stomach twisting. "What about your family,
: Aunt Ukyo? How would they feel if they knew your were offering your services
: as a laser-proof vest for Father?"
Heh, so I take that guns with bullets are a thing of the past,
too?
: Nouma took a deep breath. Ukyo's attitude about honor and debt were slightly
: archaic, but still acknowledged as valid in Japan. Nouma had never quite
: accepted the fact that one's life was less important than trivial concerns
: about one's honor. Still, Ukyo believed in it, as did his father. He could
: not deny the force of their beliefs.
Gee, Zen *has* gotten to you, hasn't he? :)
: Nouma turned his head to see Nabiki looking impatiently at him, while Kodachi
: had one of her ribbons out and was twirling it idly, a nervous habit with her.
: Seeing him look her way, she flicked it at him, and it wrapped around him a
: couple of times.
:
: Nouma looked back at Ukyo, chuckling. "You just might be on to something,
: Aunt Ukyo. I'll see you later."
:
: Ukyo laughed as Nouma allowed the ribbon to pull him down the aisle.
That's a really nice touch. That's what I love about your
writing.
: "Wishing a thing and acting upon it are two different things, Kodachi."
And Kodachi should know. It was one of her hardest lessons.
: He let the sight of her fill his eyes for a second before he used all of his
: willpower to beat down the irrational side of his mind and focus on the problem
: at hand. "Before we begin, I have to tell you about something that happened
: to me last night."
Hmmm? What would that be?
: Soon, Nouma had handed her his computer and the two women were deep in
: conversation. Khu Lon had a way of speaking the right language, answering
: questions in a way that pleased the customs agent. Much sooner than Nouma
: would have thought possible, everything was cleared up. Their electronic
: visas were marked, and the equipment cleared for entry. The customs agent
: smiled and wished them a pleasant visit to Canada.
I liked this scene. It made clear that Khu Lon is a force to be
reckoned with and has some valuable talents besides the obvious
Amazon attributes.
: This was almost as good as the suborbital launch. Nouma felt his feelings
: crashing into the pit of his stomach. Yet, his hindbrain wasn't giving up.
: It pointed out that she didn't have to ride back here with him. If she was
: truly uninterested, she would have ridden in one of the cabs.
Yes, but "interested" doesn't have to be in the positive sense.
: He decided to let it pass. He didn't feel like bragging, and he had no desire
: to win her affection by beating her up. "As you say. Please, though, do call
: me Nouma."
:
: "I will, when you stop making foolish statements. Which, judging from current
: experience, won't be until the next millennium."
Heh. He had that one coming.
: He laughed, realizing that there was a grain of truth to that.
Angus: Grain? Grain?? It's a whole damn silo.
: For her part, Khu Lon seemed to have frozen in place, staring at him. She
: probably hadn't expected him to be able to catch the throwing star. Once
: again, Nouma drew satisfaction from destroying her preconceptions about him.
Yep, never let an opportunity pass to remind people of the fact
that everything they know is wrong.
: Nouma looked at her in surprise; she seemed completely serious. She reminded
: him of his sister, and not in a pleasant way either. If someone were to try
: and kill Shampoo, they'd use a bomb or a laser or something where Khu Lon's
: skills would be entirely worthless.
What was the equation, discovered by Mike W. Loader?
Gun + Martial Artist = dead Martial Artist.
I liked the scene in the back of the Van a lot.
: "You can use this to talk to each other, if you want. Your computers have full
: real-time audio/visual transmission and reception capabilities. One advantage
: to using this over the vids is that we can't be eavesdropped upon, unless
: someone hacks into the satellite and decrypts our transmissions. We still
: don't know why those hikers didn't use their vids, so this might be important."
All this just covers the *technical* aspects. If they're dealing
with magic, they should be aware that there are ways to do things
that have nothing to do with technics. This feels like a band of
explorers into the Cthulhu mythos, who still believe that
everything is rational and can be explained scientifically. These
people should know better than that.
: He was interrupted by a knock on the door. He frowned at the clock; it was
: fairly late. Still, he didn't feel tired. Probably few of the others did;
: perhaps one of them was coming to talk. Perhaps it was Khu Lon, coming to
: spend the night with him. He beat that thought down savagely; it was a
: perverted thought, unworthy of him or Khu Lon. Sometimes he hated the things
: testosterone made him think. He wondered if Ranma was able to think more
: clearly when he was female. Maybe that's why he changed before giving the
: presentation at the dojo.
:
: He got up, went over to the door, opened it, and blinked at Khu Lon.
*That* was predictable. And funny. :)
Oh and testosterone doesn't make you think anything. Not exactly
*think*...
: She paused a moment to let that all sink in, then glared fiercely at Nouma.
: "I have no intention of allowing a bunch of would-be Sherlock Holmes to ruin
: an ongoing investigation. I want you out of the country, and tell your
: American patron to mind his own damn business."
What a thoroughly unpleasant person. Somewhere in the world there
is a mint that produces this type of overzealous, disbelieving
cop. :) I liked her characterization, though.
: Nouma grimaced; he was losing ground here. She was becoming angrier, now that
: all of her suspicions had been confirmed. Nevertheless, he tried to see it
: through. "To paraphrase the esteemed Mr. Holmes, when you eliminate the
: highly probable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth.
Huh? Sorry, I don't get this at all. Why would you eliminate the
highly probable?
I liked the way that Nouma and Khu Lon work together.
: Those damn arrogant Japanese. Thinking that she would swallow something as
: preposterous as magic. Some of her fellow detectives had also mentioned magic
: as a possible reason for the deaths. She hated the very notion. There was a
: logical reason for all of the examples people pointed to as "proof" that magic
: existed. There was also a logical reason for those hiker's deaths. She would
: find it eventually.
But Nouma told her already - the *logical* explanation is that
it's magic.
: "You know," a whisper in her ear spoke in a conversational tone, "I went to a
: lot of trouble to bring those people to me. It would be a shame to lose them
: all."
:
: For some reason people whispering in her ear made her angrier. She floored
: the accelerator.
: Damn stupid whisper. Damn stupid foreigners. They made her so angry. She
: wished they'd all go away so she could be happy again.
:
: The freeway made a somewhat sharp turn ahead. It recommended a maximum speed
: of 110 kph. She took it at almost 200 kph. The car skidded and slammed into
: the guardrail. The car flipped over the rail and rolled across the ground
: several times.
: She heard the screeching of brakes, and turned to see a car approaching
: rapidly. She just had time to snarl at it before it knocked the anger right
: out of her.
You know, I just realized what bothers me the most about this kind
of magic. It's not the fact that people die of it - because more
people die of more horrible things each day - but the fact that
the characters are helpless against it, with no way to guard
themselves. If you read the old stories - fairy tales, sagas and
legends - then you'll notice that people are normally not harmed
by magic, unless they somehow brought it upon themselves. Perhaps
the dabbled in things not meant for humans to meddle with;
Perhaps they were lax in their spiritual/religious duties;
Perhaps the neglected to perform one of thos hundreds of little
rituals that were common "for good luck" - or against bad magic.
Higer powers just... reaching out and snatching helpless, lesser
human beings were unthinkable. The devil couldn't come into your
house unless you bid him enter; Vampires couldn't harm you,
unless you were so reckless as not to hang garlic around your
window and wear a cruzifix. The fair folk couldn't snatch your
baby child from the crib, unless, while the house was constructed,
someone was so foolish as to step through a wall that was not yet
built (that creates a fairy door, doncha know?); In short, if
magic affected your life, you must have done something to cause it
or let it happen.
Think of all the magical mishaps, curses and possessions in _Ranma
1/2_. I'm sure most of them adhere to these rules. Whatever
causes the problem in this fic, doesn't - and that's what makes me
feel so uncomfortable.
Sebastian