Chapter 3: Back Up Dates

	Kodachi returned home defeated.  "That Chinese hussy must be hiding him from
me," she thought.  But the fact remained, there was less than a day until the
junior prom, even though it wasn't her school's junior prom, and she needed a
date.  She could get her hands on Ranma there.  Going to an all girl school,
she didn't exactly meet alot of other men besides Ranma, if any.
	"Um, mistress Kodachi," Sasuke begins to say as he greets her at the door.
 "I have heard of your current dilemma, and I would like to offer my
assistance in any way possible."
	"And how can an overgrown rat like you be of any assistance to me?" shot
back Kodachi.
	"Well, mistress, if you really needed a date, um, I suppose I could free up
my busy schedule and go with...," mutters Sasuke before Kodachi had wrapped
her ribbon around him and slammed him through a wall.
	"You think I would be seen in public... with YOU!" she screams.  "I am not
quite so desperate yet!"
	"You try to help someone...," whimpers Sasuke from the outside fountain.
	Kodachi grabs the yellow pages, and opens it up.  Her finger starts scanning
page after page and until she lets out a "viola," and picks up the phone and
dials a number.
	"Hello, and welcome to Psycho to Psycho dating services, where we guarantee
that at some point in your date, innocent civilians will be hurt or your
money back!" a happy voice prated.  "This is operator Belladonna, are you
looking for a male or female companion to wreck havoc with?"
	"I would like the best man you have to offer," demanded Kodachi.
	"Well, that is a subjective term.  Let's start with a questionnaire, shall
we?  First question, are you looking for a civilized lunatic or a slobbering
one?"
	"Civilized."
	"Do you prefer maniacal laughter or without it?"
	"Aaaaahahahahaaaaaahahaha."
	"I'll take that as a yes.  Everyone says that."
	After a few necessary questions regarding her name, sex, and weapon of
choice, the operator said "We'll be computing your perfect match first thing
tomorrow, and you'll have your dream man in no more than a week!  Thank you
for using Psycho to Psycho Dating Services, your bill will be in the mail
shortly...,"
	"A WEEK!" shouted Kodachi.  "Listen you telephone pander, I need a date by
tomorrow!"
	"I'm sorry ma'am, but we simply cannot possib...,"
	"Do you have children?"
	"Um, no I don't."
	"Would you ever like to have any?" threatened Kodachi.
	"You know, I think I do have the perfect match for you.  I've been saving
this one for someone special just like you, I'll contact him and he'll call
you before the end of this day," the operator timidly replied.
	"Your promptness shall be appreciated my dear," Kodachi says as she hangs
up.
	"Oh yeah, have I got the perfect date for you my dearie.  I've been saving
him for a girl who deserved an idiot like him," the operator laughs to
herself.

	"Why would I go with you?  I'm taking Shampoo to the junior prom," Mousse
says impatiently as he prepared to continue his search for her.  Before he
takes a step, he found himself flattened under Ukyou's spatula again.
	"Listen duck boy!  Shampoo ain't going with you cause she's going with
Ranma.  Ranma ain't going with me because of Shampoo.  Do you see our mutual
problem here?" barked Ukyou.
	"How will going with you to the prom help me and Shampoo?" he groaned from
under the spatula.
	"Listen honey, neither of us is all too happy with Ranma and Shampoo going
together to anything, least of all the junior prom.  And we both know Shampoo
is going to try something with Ranma...,"
	With a surge of strength, Mousse unpins himself and gets right into Ukyou's
face.  "Shampoo would never do that!  I'd be more worried about Ranma trying
something," shouted back an infuriated Mousse.
	"Calm down!" screamed Ukyou as she slammed her spatula on top of his head
again.
	"Sorry," whimpered Mousse as he crumpled to the ground once more.
	"Now, it doesn't matter if it's Ranma chasing Shampoo or Shampoo chasing
Ranma, either way, we got to make sure nothing happens between them.  And
since you can't go to the junior prom stag...," she pauses as she raises her
spatula off Mousse's flattened head, "...we should go with each other."
	Mousse rubbed his aching head.  "So..., we're going with each other only
because we want to keep an eye on my dear Shampoo and that devil Ranma."
	"Exactly, expect you switch the dear and devil parts around."
	"So..., there's no secret passion that you have for me that you've tried to
deny, but decided to let it flow out for a night of ecstasy?"
	Mousse was beginning to get tired of being mashed by Ukyou's spatula.
	"It's purely business, got it?" snapped Ukyou.
	Mousse nodded his head slowly.  At least he thought he was.  He couldn't
really feel his neck too well right now.

	Akane was walking home from school, with Ryoga walking closely behind her.
 He was holding onto her hand tightly, there was no way he was going to risk
getting lost again now.
	"Ryoga, do you have a tux?" asked Akane.
	"A tux?  Do I need one?  Because if I need one, don't worry, I'll get one
right now," he said as he prepared to run off somewhere.  
	Akane quickly grabbed him by the arm.  "I don't think it's such a good idea
for you to run off by yourself.  Remember?"
	"Oh yeah, hehehe," he laughed nervously as Akane continued leading him.  He
still couldn't believe what was happening.  Akane had asked him to her junior
prom!  Not Ranma, but him!  All of a sudden, he realized something.  "Uh,
Akane, what's the junior prom?"
	Akane looked back at him in disbelief.  Ryoga was getting nervous.  "Maybe I
shouldn't have said that.  Oh no, now she thinks I'm an idiot!  She'll dump
for sure now!  I got to think of something fast, tell her I was kidding,
yeah, of course I know what the junior prom is, I'll tell her that," he
thought frantically.
	His heart lightened when Akane smiled at him.  "I guess you don't know too
much about school stuff traveling around as much as you do.  It's just some
stupid dance that's been blown out of proportion.  Don't worry, this is the
first prom I've ever been to too.  I guess you can say we're both a little
wet behind the years when it comes to this."
	Ryoga was feeling so high he thought he was on crack.  Maybe that was what
this was?  It was too good to be true!  He had to be dreaming or on some mind
altering drug!  As Ryoga thought about this more, the more he began to think
it really wasn't true.
	Akane felt Ryoga tear his arm away from her sharply.  She turned around to
witness Ryoga pounding his head against a brick wall.
	"Not this again," she muttered to herself.
	As Ryoga was pounding his head into the wall and telling himself, "Stupid,
stupid Ryoga!  This doesn't hurt!  How could I believe Akane would go
anywhere with me," he noticed a large shadow descending upon him.
	With a loud SPLAT, Akane had smashed Ryoga's head with her mallet.  As she
picked her mallet back up, Ryoga was flat on the ground, with stars in his
eyes and a foot long bump protruding off the top of his head.
	Akane gently picked Ryoga off the floor by his arms.  "There, see, that did
hurt, right Ryoga?" she warmly says as she brushes him off.  
	"Thank you Akane," Ryoga deliriously drivels.

	Ranma felt something land behind him on the chain linked fence, and quickly
leaped forward as he twisted around to face the interloper.  "Oh, it's you,"
he dryly said.
	"Shampoo has told me the good news.  Does this mean you've finally accepted
the marriage to my great grand daughter?" asked Cologne.
	"Look, it's just a stupid dance, alright you old ghoul.  Don't blow this
thing out of proportion.  I'm not marrying anybody anytime soon," Ranma said
as he turned his back to her and prepared to continue walking home.
	As soon as Ranma turned around, Cologne was in front of him again.
	"This is much more than a simple dance my dear son in law.  This is your
junior prom!  You only get to live through this once, or maybe twice,
actually, you might end up going back to it more times than you'd think.  Why
I still remember my first prom, I was the girl all the guys asked...,"
digresses Cologne.
	"They had proms back in the 1600's?" wondered Ranma.  "Look, do you have a
point ghoul, because if not, I'm going home," he snapped as he leapt off the
fence.
	Cologne was before him again before he had even landed.
	"Yes, I do have a point.  This is Shampoo's first, and probably only prom
she'll ever go to.  You have no idea what this mean's to her.  If you plan on
giving her the cold shoulder tomorrow night because you're regretting your
hasty actions, think again," scolded Cologne.  Cologne turned around and let
out a hard sigh.  She then looked back and softly said "I know what happened
between you and Akane today, but you had better honor your obligation to
Shampoo tomorrow or else I'll...,"
	"You'll what," Ranma got out right before his face was pressed against the
chain link fence by Cologne's cane.  "Alright, I get the point," Ranma yelled
as he peeled his face off.  "First of all, there was nothing between me and
Akane!  Second, I do have some class.  Don't worry, I'm going with Shampoo
tomorrow but don't expect anything to come out of it," Ranma snapped.
	"Fine then.  I'll be expecting you to pick up Shampoo tomorrow at five," she
ordered to him before she disappeared.
	"Dumb old ghoul," muttered Ranma as he rubbed his still sore face.  "Not
like she can hurt me or anything.  I guess I can go home now.  Hopefully,
Kodachi had stopped looking for me by now," he thought.

	"Where have I placed it!" thundered Kuno.  "I know a layed it to rest within
my black book!  Least of all to note the fact that I use it every day to call
her, thus I know I placed the book itself beside the phone in my chambers!"
he cried maniacally as he tore apart his room.  It's also important to note
it was the only phone number in there.
	"Wait!  I have placed my love's phone number on auto dial!  Yes, I shall
call her now," he shouted as he picked up his phone and pressed auto dial #1.
	He heard it ring twice before an operator came on the line.  "At the tone,
the time will be 5:32 and 25 seconds, beep!" the machine recited.
	"NOOOO!  What vile fiend has replaced the phone number with this!"
	"Aaaaaaahahahahaaaaahahaha!" laughed Kodachi from outside his room.
	"You!  I should have known your perfidiousness was involved.  Why have you
done this!  And where is my black book!" he roared.
	"Oh, are you looking for this black book," she teased as she pulled it out.
	Kuno leapt at her but she jumped out of the way as Kuno slammed into a wall.
	"Brother dear, I have no concern for your pathetic little girlfriend.  I
just require a small favor...," began Kodachi but Kuno had grabbed his bokken
and charged at her.
	"I shall make no bargains with tho vile temptress!" he angrily replied as he
swung at her with it, ripping apart the doors to his room.
	"Do not start getting violent with me brother.  You wouldn't want me to
force my own hand," snarled Kodachi.
	"I shall pry that book from your severed hand!" cried Kuno as he slashed
away at her.
	Kodachi flipped backwards, and on her final flip, let loose a hail of clubs
at Kuno.
	"Ha Ha Ha, do you think such a pathetic attack would work," bragged Kuno as
he blocked each club.
	"You brought this upon yourself!' she bellows as she pulled a ball bomb out
and flung it at Kuno.  Kuno dodged the ball, but the explosion had him flying
right into Kodachi's left foot.
	"Instead of asking nicely, now I'll beat you into submission!" she screamed
as she pulled her ribbon out and wrapped it around Kuno's head.  She then
flung him through a pair of door's into Sasuke's room.
	"Are you satiated with my wrath broth... oh my," she remarked as she looked
around Sasuke's room.
	"I am not so easily overwhelm...," Kuno paused as he noticed the room as
well.
	Plastered along all the walls were hentai pictures of naked woman.  Some of
them weren't even real women, but of anime characters!  On a shelf was a
collection of video's titled "The First Whores Club," "The Hunchback of Nasty
Dames," and so on.  Kuno stumbled back in shock and accidentally tripped on
something.
	"Ahhh!" he screamed when he realized it was a rubber woman.
	"This... sicko, lives in our house?" startled Kodachi.  Imagine the fact,
Kodachi actually thought someone else was a sicko.
	"Poor Sasuke.  It is so sad," cried Kuno.  "Truly, truly sad."
	"Um, brother, let's leave this room if you do not mind so much.  I'm
beginning to feel... dirty."
	"For once, we agree on something sister.  Um, let's just keep this between
the two of us, shall we?  I do not think I'd feel comfortable knowing we knew
his.. personal life, or lack of."
	"I longer feel comfortable period," replied Kodachi.  "Now, where we're we?"
	"I was about to smite you for your gull!  Return that book to me now!'
bellowed Kuno as he swung his sword down at Kodachi.  She leaps away to the
living room as the floor was smashed to timber.
	Kodachi wrapped her ribbon around the T.V., and smashed it against Kuno, who
feel to the ground slackly.
	"Now, will you listen to me brother!  I am going to your junior prom
tomorrow, and all that I request is for you to buy the bids to the dance for
me.  Only students from Furinkan High are allowed to buy the tickets," she
told him.
	"You could have simply asked instead of resorting to stealing my connection
to my love from me," snapped Kuno as he snatched the book out of Kodachi's
hand.
	"Somehow, I do not feel my presence at your junior prom would have brought
you much joy brother dear," retorted Kodachi.
	"Mistress Kuno, there is a phone call for you AHHH!  What happened to my
doors!" screamed Sasuke as he walked into the living room with the cordless.
 "You two didn't... see anything did you?"
	"No, no, not a thing, no, never saw any hentai stuff or trip over any rubber
woman," both Kodachi and Kuno unconvincingly denied.
	"Now give me that," barked Kodachi.  "Hello?"
	"Hello, am I speaking to a Kodachie Kun-o?" asked a shrill voice.
	"Kodachi Kuno you imbecile!" shouted Kodachi into the receiver.
	"Who are you calling an imbecile!  Do you know who you are talking to woman!
 I am student body president and all around genius Katsuhiko Jinnai!" he
shouted back.
	"Am I supposed to be impressed?  I am the combat rhythmic gymnastic champion
at St. Heberiki High, the lovely black rose Kodachi Kuno!
 Aaaahahahahaaaahahaha!"
	"Aaahuahuahuahuaaaahuahuahu!" laughed back the voice from the other line.
	Both of them remained silent for a few moments.  Then they both exclaimed
"Don't tell me you're my date for tomorrow night!"
	"Get off the phone sister, I need to call my blue hared beauty, the god of
the first planet, my lovely Amy Anderson, Sailor Mercury!" yelled Kuno.

*Author Note: Okay, if you haven't seen El Hazard yet, I recommend it highly.
 Second, Jinnai is a psychotic villain from the series who is a scary mix of
both Kuno and Kodachi, and yes, he really does laugh like that.  As for El
Hazard fans, this story takes place before the events that transported
everyone to El Hazard.  Just an important note I felt I had to clarify.
 Hmmm, maybe I should bring Mr. Fujisawa in here?  Naaaaa.