I got this idea from reading Webdragon's past interviews and I
acknowledge that my inspiration for this piece came from him.  
I hope you like it.


"AN INTERVIEW WITH THE MASTER"

(A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic)

A look into the life and times of Happosai.

Live!  No Delay!  No Editing!  No Second Guessing! 

>From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a work of Fiction.  All Characters and Landmarks, with the
exception of Megane 6.7, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, 
Shogakukan Video, Kitty Films, Viz Video, Shonen Sunday, and 
anyone else who legally owns the rights.

Warning: This is not a lemon story but I am not responsible for what my
guests may or may not say in this and any future interviews I may
conduct.  If anyone is offended by anything said here, blame the guest,
not me!  Besides, it�s all in good fun and no real offence is intended.
:P

Megane 6.7: Greetings.  I'm here today with what many consider to be one
of the most evil yet humorous characters of the Ranma 1/2 series.  He is
notorious for stealing ladies undergarments and food as well.  

	The founder of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, he has trained
many a fighter over the last few centuries.  (His true age is not known
at this time)  Among his most current students are Hinako Hinomiya, Soun
Tendo, Genma Saotome and now the current heir to the school, Ranma
Saotome.  Fortunately for us, Happosai was kind enough to take time out
of his busy schedule in exchange for a few panties of whom the owners
shall remain nameless for their protection.  (Not to mention my own.)  
	
	And now ladies and gentlemen, from my studio in Canada and for the
dozens of people on the Fanfiction Mailing List..... LLLLLLET�S GET
READY TO RAMBLE!!!!


Here�s Happosai!


(There is the sound of many feminine screams as the guest in question
arrives at the studio with many a bra clenched in his withered hand. 
But dispite his advanced age, Happosai seems as spry and hyperactive as
a three year old on a sugar rush.  After security barely manages to keep
the army of women back from the set, Happosai takes his seat across from
me and rubs his newly-acquired panties against his cheek, a cheerful
expression on his face as he lights up his pipe, a merry twinkle in his
eye.)

Megane 6.7:  Hello there.  Welcome to our studio.  I�m glad you could
join us.

Happosai: My pleasure!  And a Merry Christmas to everyone on the list! 
(starts to sing off-key)  MAY YOUR PANTIES BE FRILLY AND WHITE.....!

Megane 6.7:  (interrupting) Yeah yeah!  Merry Christmas to you too!  

(Happosai stops singing and stuffs his recent stash of bras and panties
into his gi and out of sight.  As he does so, he sighs in contentment.)

Happosai: Ahhh!  They�re still warm!

Megane 6.7:  Uh....that�s nice....I guess I�ll start by asking how you
managed to steal underwear for all these years and not get caught?  

Happosai: Know-how, m'boy!  Know-how!  Any idiot can steal underwear but
getting them in broad daylight without leaving a mark or getting caught
by the local authorities....That is the mark of a true master!

Megane 6.7:  I see.  So it takes years of practice then?

Happosai: Centuries!  Centuries of hard work, perfect balance and a
light touch that would make a fingersmith run for the hills in terror!  
Of course it's a little easier when you have two sniveling cowards for
students like Soun and Genma to take the heat for you! (laughs) Ah, how
I miss those days!  

Megane 6.7: How did you end up becoming their master anyway?  Did they
come to you or vice versa?

Happosai: Funny you should ask that....I remember it like it was
yesterday.  Soun and Genma thought they were pretty hot stuff a decade
ago.  They went from doujou to doujou, challenging anyone who would
fight them.  This was before they found wives and raised a family of
course....  (takes a moment to smoke from his pipe)

	Eventually they came upon my old neighborhood and saw me using my ki to
escape the local police after I left a resturant without paying.  Those
morons were so awestruck they begged me to teach them stuff like that
and groveled before my feet.  I knew from the moment I first saw them
that they both had no backbone and were easily dominated.  So I accepted
them as my students, promising nothing and was guaranteed complete
loyalty!  Talk about a couple of saps!  From then one, we traveled all
over Japan, rescuing innocent undergarments from their prisons and
acquiring food to survive....

Megane 6.7: Rescuing and acquiring?  Don't you mean stealing?

Happosai: (growing angry) How dare you!  (tearfully) T....They hung
their panties out on a rack where they could have easily flown away with
the wind and gotten all dirty in the mud!  I liberated them from such
cruelty and treat them as they should be treated, with tender loving
care....

Megane 6.7: That brings to mind another question....If you need panties
so badly, why don't you steal them all at a shopping mall or something?

Happosai: NO GOOD!  They have to have been worn by a woman first! 
Where's the fun in liberating panties that haven't been treated
unjustly?

Megane 6.7: I....guess you have a point there.  Is that why you iron
them as well?

Happosai: Yep!  I pamper and cuddle with them and then I either hang
them in my room or keep them close to me.  

(Happosai pulls out a large bra from under his shirt and holds it out
for me to see, carefully holding it as though it were a priceless
antique instead of a mere undergarment.)  

Happosai: Isn�t it the most beautiful thing you�ve ever seen?

Megane 6.7: Ah....sure.  Does that belong to one of the Tendo sisters by
chance?

Happosai: (carefully placing the bra back into his gi first.)  Nope,
this little beauty belongs to my beautiful Ranma-Chan!  Or at least it
will once I convince her to wear it.  (mumbles under his breath)  Not my
fault the little ingrate can�t appriciate the finer things in life....

Megane 6.7: (interrupting)  So I take it Ranma-Chan is the girl you'd
like to see most in a bra?

Happosai: Absolutely!  Although, I wouldn't mind seeing Akane in one of
my bra's either.  (starts to grin lecherously.)

Megane 6.7: What about Nabiki or Kasumi?

Happosai: Nah.  Not enough fighting spirit in those two.  Kasumi's too
dull and Nabiki's.....dangerous. 

Megane 6.7: I suspect she would be if you stole HER panties.  Let's get
back to your relationship with Soun and Genma....

Happosai: (Interrupting) What else is there to tell?!  They served me
well, then they locked me up in a cave for ten years, I got out and now
they serve me again!  I get free food and board at the doujou.  There
are lots of cute girls to fondle at the high school not to mention
Ranma�s wonderful fiancees!  I even have a new student to carry on my
legacy and have fun with because she�s half girl!  Life couldn�t be
sweeter!  (laughs)  

Megane 6.7: That's another question I wanted to ask you.  You're
addicted to ladies underwear right?

Happosai: I like the term "Guardian" myself.

Megane 6.7: Right.  And you need them to keep up your strength right?  

Happosai: It gives me a better boost than all the caffeine in the world!

Megane 6.7: Well then, if you need them so badly, not to mention food
and water.  How did you manage to survive for ten years inside that cave
without either?

Happosai: Simple.  Those idiots might have been able to trick me into
getting drunk and stuck in that cave, but being the morons that they
are, they failed to search me beforehand and luckily for me I had a
spare bra in my gi.

Megane 6.7: Let me get this straight....You survived ten years in a cave
with no food or water with only a BRA?!?

Happosai: Well....the cave dripped water for me whenever it rained.  And
there are other ways of using your ki to survive.  How do you think I've
managed to stay alive for so long?  Geritol?

Megane 6.7: Well I guess when someone's lived as long as you have, you
learn a few tricks.  By the way, how old are you anyway?

Happosai: (mysterious smile) How old do you think I am?

Megane 6.7: Well....You and Cologne met when you were young and
Cologne's over 300 years old or so she claims....

Happosai: (Interrupting) Doesn't mean anything.  I could be 3000 for all
you know.  Suffice it to say, it's been a long time and as long as
there's bras and panties to steal and pretty ladies to wear them I'll be
around for a even longer time to come!  (laughs)

Megane 6.7: Well I'm sure the ladies out there are....delighted to hear
that.  Moving on, I'm going to mention some names of people to you and I
want you to give me your opinion of them.  Cologne?

Happosai: Old mummy.  No match for me.

Megane 6.7: Wasn't she you're girlfriend at some point?

Happosai: (glaring at me) No comment.  NEXT QUESTION....

Megane 6.7: Touchy aren't we?  Shampoo?

Happosai: (brightens up immediately)  Cute!  I'd take her underwear any
day!

Megane 6.7: Ryouga?

Happosai: Is that the kid with the bandanna who always get lost?

Megane 6.7: Yeah.

Happosai: He doesn't turn into a girl.  Why should I care?

Megane 6.7:  Kunou?

Happosai: I trained that long winded buffoon once to be faster than
Ranma with his bokken.  He's still a weakling though.  No challenge or
interest for me at all.

Megane 6.7: Kodachi?

Happosai: She doesn't wear underwear so I don't really notice her.  She
has a great laugh though....

Megane 6.7: Ukyou?

Happosai: (shake his head)  Sad case.  Hiding her femininity like she
does.  Still it does provide a sense of mystery for me and I�ll get her
underwear sooner or later....

Megane 6.7: (under his breath) Provided she doesn't turn you into an
okonomiyaki first....

Happosai: What?

Megane 6.7: Never mind!  Hinako?

Happosai: Ah, my prize student....I can't believe she doesn't remember
me!  I gave her the ability to suck battle aura and she won't even let
me have a cheap feel!  Isn't that selfish of her?

Megane 6.7: Uh....I guess.  Kasumi?

Happosai: Nice girl.  Great cook.  Too bland for me though.

Megane 6.7: Bland in what sense?

Happosai: I dunno.  She just....I just don't have the urge to steal
underwear from her.  I don't know why.  (looks nervous)  Never really
thought about it.

Megane 6.7: Do you feel guilty about stealing from Kasumi because she's
so nice?  Or have you already tried and paid the penalty?  *Shing
Shing*  Know what I mean?

Happosai: (looking really nervous) UH....I DON'T KNOW!  Ask me about
someone else!

Megane 6.7: Alright.  Akane?

Happosai: (looks excited again)  Now there's a girl full of spirit. 
I've got several pairs of her underwear and I treasure them more than
the rest.  Only my cute Ranma-Chan's would be worth more to me!

Megane 6.7: Speaking of which, what do you think of Ranma?

Happosai: Which one?

Megane 6.7: Either.

Happosai: Well the male Ranma is a arrogant, snot nosed little punk who
thinks he knows everything about martial arts!  I brought him back down
to earth in a hurry let me tell you!

Megane 6.7: I thought Ranma was one of the few people that ever beat you
constantly?

Happosai: And I beat him constantly.  Or have you forgotten that?

Megane 6.7: True enough.

Happosai: He would really be a great student if he didn't have such a
problem with honor all the time!  He's got three beautiful fiancees, not
to mention all the other women who throw themselves at him!  He could be
having his way with them all and what does he do instead?  Whines like a
sissy and get clobbered by all of them!    He even has a girl's body! 
Can you imagine what I'd do if I had a girl's body available to me 24
hours a day?

Megane 6.7: Let me guess....Intense physical self-examinations,
prolonged bathing on the women�s side of public baths and private
lingerie fashion shows?  

Happosai: Damn straight!  (laughs)

Megane 6.7: Great....Can we change the subject now please?

Happosai: (Not listening) But it breaks my heart to see a situation like
that wasted!  That's why I like to steal bras and panties.  They're my
friend.  (softly) They're the only ones who understand me....

Megane 6.7: Where did this obsession with panties come from anyway? 
What were you like as a child?

Happosai: About the same.  Well, younger.

Megane 6.7: Seriously....

Happosai: Hey! My childhood is a thing of the past!  Literally!  I like
panties because they like me.  They sing to me and cry out for justice
and I Happosai am their savior!  (starts to sing again)  DO YOU HEAR THE
PANTIES SING!  SINGING A TALE OF ANGRY....!

Megane 6.7: OKAY OKAY!  We get the idea!  Let�s get back to your current
life.  You have a variety of unique marital arts techniques at your
disposal.  Besides your normal skills, you have the ability to turn
invisible, grow into a giant, and create a whirlwind similar to Ranma�s
Hiryu Shoten Ha technique among others.  One of your most frequently
used techniques is the Happo Daikarin which in essence is a supercharged
firecracker.  Where did you learn to use this technique?

Happosai: (leans back and takes another puff from his pipe.)  Ahh....It
was back in my early youth.  Before I knew about ki-blasts and such.  I
was fighting against some little puke who was good at hand to hand
fighting so I couldn�t get close to him.  

	To counter this technique I had to invent something that could be used
at long range, yet fast enough to catch the opponent by surprise.  I sat
at home, thinking the situation and then I noticed some fireworks
outside my window from a nearby festival.  I quickly gathered the raw
materials and volia!  My first firecracker!  

	I tell you, by the time I was finished with that brat, he was running
away crying for his mommy!  (laughs)  Ever since then I found it a much
more convenient way to win fights without the bother of draining any
energy from my own ki.

Megane 6.7:  That�s a good point.  Using firecrackers allows you to
reserve your ki energy in case it�s needed.

Happosai: Exactly.

Megane 6.7: And yet somehow Ranma manages to prevent you from seeing him
in a bra as a girl dispite all your techniques.... 

Happosai: (glares at me and holds out his smoking pipe.)  See this,
junior?  If I wanted to, I could flip you through the roof of this place
and up about a mile into the sky without breaking a sweat.  You want a
personal demonstration of my *techinques*?

Megane 6.7: Er....no thanks.  This isn�t a revengefic.  Besides, I�ve
already had my spinal realignment for this month.  Now, if we can step
outside the boundaries of your reality for a moment....What do you think
of the voice actor who portrays you in the dubbed anime series of Ranma
1/2?

Happosai: Much more gruff and less high pitched than my original voice
of course, but I don't have too much of a problem with it.  I do wish he
would say the real name of my �Happo Daikarin� attack instead of  �Happo
Fire Burst�  Everyone else in the dubbed series gets to keep the
Japanese name for their attacks....why not me?   

Megane 6.7: What is your reaction to the Ranma 1/2 Manga Series finally
coming to a close?

Happosai: There will always be fanfic writers to keep Ranma 1/2 going
for years to come!  I'm just glad I prevented Ranma from getting cured
at the end!  (his eyes brim with tears.)  W....What would I have done
without my little Ranma-Chan to cuddle with?  

Megane 6.7: The mind reels.  If you could teach any character from
another anime your style of marital arts, who would you teach?

Happosai: (thinks for a moment)  Someone.....Someone who would
appreciate the fine art of perversion and yet be stupid enough to obey
me without question.   Probably that Ataru kid....

Megane 6.7: Ataru Moroboshi from Urusei Yatsura?

Happosai: Yeah.....He looks like someone who I could pass on my legacy
too.  (sighs)  If only Ranma would be so reasonable and put the damn bra
on....!

Megane 6.7: Here's a question for you.  If you could choose any girl
outside of the Ranma 1/2 series to be with.  Who would you choose?

Happosai: (laughs) That's easy!  Those Twin Puma Sisters from Dominion
Tank Police!  SWEET-O!  (Starts to drool)  Now there's a nice pair of
pussies!  I�d love to just....

Megane 6.7: Okay!  I get the idea!  Not to mention the horrible pun.....

Happosai: What are you so nervous about?

Megane 6.7: This isn't a lemon fanfic!  I'm trying to keep it fairly
clean!  Kids might be reading this!

Happosai: I thought this interview wasn�t going to be edited?

Megane 6.7: It�s not!  That�s why I�m nervous about what you say!

Happosai: (mischievous grin)  Oh?  So I guess it wouldn't be polite  to
say....JOHN WALTER BILES CAN KISS MY....

Megane 6.7: NO!!!   

Happosai: You're right....Kun-chan or Trish Ledoux would be much better
to....

Megane 6.7: (frantically looks at the clock)  Uh....We're almost out of
time!  Is there anything else you want to add to this interview before
we go?  Preferredly something that won't get me flamed?

Happosai: Only that I appreciate that bedroom scene you wrote for me in
your fanfic "Wishing Upon the Same Star"  Kodachi isn't the girl I would
have chosen but I'm not complaining!  SWEET-O!  (laughs yet again)

Megane 6.7: Oh great.  Now everyone will think I'm trying to shamelessly
plug my story....

Happosai: What's taking you so long to finish anyway?

Megane 6.7: A combination of the flu/writer's block/lack of computer
time/power failure.  I hope to continue that and my other series before
too long.  No deadines though.  I�m terrible with deadlines.

Happosai: You had time to conduct this interview, didn't you?

Megane 6.7: Webdragon's interviews gave me the idea for this. Spur of
the moment thing.  Besides, I can't sleep.  

Happosai: Will you do any more?

Megane 6.7: Dunno.  Depends if people like this one or not.

Happosai: Well if you ever interview Ranma-Chan, do me a favor and ask
her about her bra cup size and what kind of panties she likes to wear? 
Okay?

Megane 6.7: I'll....look into it.  Thank you for joining us this
evening....

Happosai: (interrupting) Morning.

Megane 6.7: Whatever.  This is Megane 6.7 with Happosai saying goodnight
and any C&C is greatly appreciated! :)

Oh by the way, for those of you who didn�t get the *Shing Shing*
reference during the interview, it was an in-joke for Webdragon�s Kasumi
Shockfic �Kasumi The Axe Murderess.� who has appeared in many of his
other shockfics as well.   It�s really funny as long as you don�t take
it too seriously.  (Much like this interview.)


THE END....FOR NOW.