On Fri, 4 Apr 1997 16:24:06 +1000, "David Eddy" <dje@progress.com>
wrote:

Hello everybody.

Hello!

Here's part 5 of Nekophobia.  This is NOT a repost.  Nobody's seen
this except for my pre-readers.

Hah! Yes we have, thanks to FFML technical problems. But you already
know that.

    She watched him covertly, somewhat concerned as he sat
himself between herself and Nabiki at the table.  His expression
was neutral, but something lurked in his eyes that worried her.
Even if he was a being a pig-headed boor about whatever childish

Is the pun intended?

    "Itadakimas'!"

(Where's that glossary when you need it...)

    Akane frowned.  "You were holding his hand when you came
back," she said half-accusingly.

Uh oh... is Akane suspecting something between Ranma and Nabiki? Or am I
just having after-effects from Zen's fic...

    "Ryouga often disappears for long periods, and gets
hopelessly lost.  P-chan and Ryouga have never been seen
together.  When P-chan disappears, Ranma speculates that perhaps
he has got lost.  P-chan wears a bandanna just like Ryouga's."

he's gotten lost, or he got lost.

She stopped, again close to Akane.  "Ryouga is deathly-afraid of
water, and carries an umbrella with him wherever he goes.  Ranma
calls Ryouga, 'pig-boy'."  She sat down in her chair again, arms
folded.  "Do you get it yet!?"

"Yes, of course, it all makes sense now! P-chan stole one of Ryouga's
bandannas, and now he's avoiding Ryouga because he wants it back!"

(Sorry... but all these other people are doing MST3K on the list, and I
want in on the fun!)

    "P-chan is... Ryouga?  You're serious?"
    Nabiki nodded her head sadly.
    Somehow this simple action caused it all to come together in
Akane's mind.  She could feel the dull heat of rage begin.
"All... this... time?"  Nabiki watched fire come into her
sister's eyes.  "All this time.  In my bed, watching me change,
sometimes in the bathroom--"

Maybe Nabiki ought to explain that Ryouga is Jusenkyo-cursed? Doesn't
Akane wonder *how* Ryouga turns into P-chan?

    Akane looked Nabiki in the eyes, and she felt their impact,
but her passion steamrollered the small voice that was saying
that Nabiki should be listened to.  "Put it to one side?!  I told
P-chan all my troubles, all my thoughts, and all this time it was
Ryouga?!!  How can I put it to one side?!  I'll kill that sukebe pig!!"

Wonder what "sukebe" means... "delicious"? ;-)

He looked so desolate, I don't know why but I reached over and
hugged him.  I... I felt so close to him when he hugged me back,
I could feel him trembling... I discovered that I love him,

Maybe for extra drama, you could have Akane react to this before she
hears the next part. "Love him?!? How could you..." then she hears the
following line and realizes that it's OK. Just a thought, I don't know
if this would work or not.

    He had left the bathroom and realised that he was not in the
Tendou-ke any more.
    Gaaah!
    And now he was determined to get back to the dojo, to pledge
his love to Akane.  If only he could find something he
recognised.

"Hmmm... that statue over there of the woman with the torch and pointy
crown looks vaguely familiar..." :-)

    His loss of control concerned him deeply.  For the second
time in less than a week, he had been relegated to being a
passenger in his own mind as red rage took over.  This time he
had wrenched control back almost immediately, but that was no
consolation.  It could have grave consequences if it happened at
the wrong time... possibly even the worst possible consequences.

"But it actually happened to Genma, so no big deal." ;-)

    "We have a number of problems to resolve."  She sighed
sadly.  "What's this I hear about you contemplating suicide, my
son?  I don't think things are that bad!"  She added something
under her breath that Ranma didn't catch because he was busy
facefaulting.

Er, this IS the same mom who was contemplating *forcing* him to commit
suicide?

    "Don't worry," said Nabiki with a kind of half-smile, "you
will."
    Nodoka shot Nabiki a sceptical look, then frowned at her

Should that be skeptical, or is this a US/UK spelling difference?

    Akane-neko turned away from Ranma-onna and slowly walked
towards Nabiki.  Nodoka frowned, watching Ranma calm down a
little as the cat headed away from him.  "Why would Ranma be
afraid of cats, especially a cute little cate like Akane becomes?

Now that's definitely a typo. cat.

    Happousai was at Ranma-onna's rear, patting her buttocks and
grinning from ear to ear.  "Ranma, my dear, you love your master
don't you?"

"Mwowr! Love him, yes! With a few garnishes he'll be quite tasty!" :-)

    Kasumi frowned at this display and looked over at the cherry
tree.  Happousai still hadn't moved.  She walked over quickly to
check more closely, and found that the old master was bleeding

>from several places, although not critically, and appeared to

have broken an arm and a leg.  In addition, he was utterly
unconscious.  "Oh, my," she said to the others.  "He's been hurt
rather badly.  I'd better call a doctor.  Obasama, would you

Considering the circumstances, he got off lucky!

    Nabiki grinned.  "Believe me, we're well and truly used to
dealing with Ranma's curses around here.  That baka seems to
collect them like a horse collects flies."  She shook her head

Or a cat collects fleas! :-) (Actually you could use this line)

    It had been raining for some time now.  The overhead lights
were on.  Outside it was quite dim, even though in theory the sun
should still be well up.  The normal sounds of the city were

should still have been well up.

With that she drew a long knife, really a short-sword, from
behind her back and leaped at Akane.
    Akane blocked, but was hard-pressed to keep the knife from
her skin for the few short instants before Ranma joined the fray.
"Get back!" he said.  "Both of you!"
    As soon as Akane retreated, Shampoo stopped attacking and
tried to get around Ranma.  He blocked her again and again.
Finally Shampoo pleased with him, desperation colouring her
voice.

You may want to add more descriptions to Shampoo's attacks. If her mind
has been affected in the way it seems then she's probably in a killing
frenzy. You might play that up a little for effect.

 Well, I couldn't think of much to say, except I like this story, and
keep 'em coming! (I agree you could use a better title, BTW, but can't
think of one at the moment.)

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics