You can blame this on UPN 50 (aka WKBD 50 in Detroit)
for showing 'Flash Gordon' last Saturday.  The movie SCREAMS
for this kind of treatment.  Enjoy!


Flash Saotome
One Bad XOver...

	The trio walked down the immense corridors, the floating, 
mechanical guide humming silently in front of them.  Their shoes 
made almost no noise on the red, tile floor.  Akane clutched 
Ranma's arm tightly, frightened at being in such an alien place.
	"What do you think's going to happen to us?" she whispered 
at Ranma.
	"I don't know."
	"Well, it's obvious this is a highly advanced race," Tofu 
added to Ranma's wisdom.  "We'll be alright."
	"I hope so, doctor," Akane added quietly.
	Tofu leaned closer to the other two.  "And I have this if 
necessary."  He pulled a monster syringe from his pocket so the 
two could see it.
	Akane gasped.  "But..."
	"Don't worry," Tofu said, hiding the needle again.  "I'll 
make sure they know I did it of my own volition.  You two will be 
fine."
	"HALT," the guide/guard commanded in its monotone voice.
	The trio stopped in their tracks, looking a bit nervous.
	The machine floated down to the height of Tofu's pocket 
and a red laser shot out.  Tofu's syringe was gone.  Tofu looked 
down in surprise, checking his pocket.
	The machine retook its place.  "PROCEED," it intoned and 
began floating forward again.
	Ranma, Akane and Tofu followed, huddled a little closer 
together than before.  There was a huge wall, decorated with some 
sort of picture in gold, before them that slid up silently.
	Ranma couldn't quite make out what the decoration was 
supposed to be, but it looked vaguely familiar.  Currently, he had 
more important things to worry about though, so he concentrated on 
what they were walking into.
	A hall, a grand hall, larger than the halls they had been 
walking through.  The three, blocked by the guard, stopped at the 
top of some wide steps.  They were afforded a view of everything 
in the hall from there.
	The steps they were on descended about five feet to a 
widening floor space.  The floor, about 30 feet wide, extended for 
at least 50 yards before there were more steps.  There were 
people, at least that's what Ranma thought they were, on the 
floor, all attention turned to the other end of the hall.
	At the top of the steps was a large golden throne.  
Sitting on the throne was a tiny figure, no more than two feet 
high.  Ranma had a hard time seeing him and was forced to squint.  
Next to the throne was a large man, dressed in a black and gold gi 
and kerchief over his head.  He was looking imperialistically out 
over the people gathered.
	"First, the tribute from the Porcine people."
	A stout young man wearing a yellow and black bandana with 
dangerous looking fangs stepped forward.  Two more men with 
somewhat piggish noses carried a huge coffer behind him.
	"We bring you..."  The young man turned and opened the lid 
of the coffer.  He pulled out something silky and pink and vaguely 
shiny and held it above his head.  "The ice panties of Frigia!"
	Everyone in the hall made 'ahhing' noises.
	"STOP!" a voice boomed from behind Ranma.  A man dressed 
in long robes, wearing a pair of thick glasses brushed by him.  
He was followed by several more men in similar robes.
	The man stopped five feet away from the leader of the 
Porcine people.  "You stole those panties while we were burying 
our polluted boxers!  Those belong to us!"
	"Liar!"
	A sword shot out from the young man's sleeve.  He raised 
his hand ready to swing the sword.
	"So.  Then diiiiee..."  The stout man whipped off his belt 
and raised it like a sword.
	"Stop!" the man by the throne yelled.  "No on, but no on, 
attacks a member of the Emperor's court without permission from 
the Emperor himself," he said in a deadly quiet voice.
	The man in the glasses backed down immediately, unwilling 
to go against the Emperor.  "Hail Happi."
	The stout man was not so willing.  "Kyaaa.."  He lunged at 
the bespectacled man.
	"Ryoga!"  The voice of the man by the throne stopped him.  
"Do that and you sacrifice your daughter."
	A young girl that looked especially piggy stepped behind 
two larger porkish warriors.
	Ryoga looked at the girl, then back at the throne.  "Hail 
Happi," he said sheepishly, then stepped back with his men.
	"And now, the contributions from the peoples of Ardentia," 
the man in black and gold announced.  "Step forward," he continued 
and waved his arm.
	A group of men, all dressed in some sort of shimmering 
grey gis, stepped forward.  One of them, apparently the leader of 
the group strode to the steps and stood upon the bottom one.
	"Oh, mighty Happosai.  Ever since you blasted our kingdom 
we have nothing to offer you now except our undying loyalty."  The 
man in grey with long black hair and a mustache bowed deeply.
	"There is nothing we value more highly then loyalty," the 
large man said.
	Happosai looked at the man critically.  "Yes, and as a 
show of your loyalty, remove your boxers and fall upon them."
	The man's confident smile faltered.  He looked up at the 
throne with doubt.
	"You heard me.  Take off your boxers and throw yourself 
upon them," Happosai commanded.
	The man swallowed and turned to face the gathering.  With 
skill Ranma had never seen, the man managed to remove his boxers 
without even loosening his gi.  The man held the boxers high in 
the air for everyone to see.
	"Know now that I do this..."  He looked left and right.  
"For the glory of Happosai!  May he rot in hell!"  He spun around 
and began the motions of throwing the boxers.
	A blue beam of light hit him square in the chest as he was 
about to release the soiled shorts and he was frozen in place.  
Another guardian robot floated behind the throne.
	Happosai looked distastefully at the man and hopped off 
his throne.  He walked down to the man and removed the boxers from 
his hand.  Sweat was rolling down the man's face and his eyes 
showed fear.
	Happosai looked at the boxers then smiled at the man.  
Leaping into the air, he put the boxers over the man's head and 
landed, still smiling.
	The man's body tensed and he toppled backwards to the 
floor.  The others that had followed him gathered up his body and 
dragged it away.
	Happosai gazed across the crowd, smiling wickedly.
	"Hail, Happi, hail!" they chanted.  "Ruler of the 
Universe!"
	"This Happosai's a hentai," Ranma whispered to Akane.
	"THIS HAPPOSAI'S A HENTAI," the robot repeated loud enough 
so everyone in the hall could hear.
	"Who said that?" the large man asked, obviously agitated.
	"THE PIG-TAILED PRISONER," it answered.
	"Bring them forward," the man commanded, as Happosai 
retook his place on the throne.
	Tofu, Ranma and Akane were marched forward, down the 
steps, until they stood in the middle of the floor.  Ranma caught 
a glimpse of a woman dressed in very little clothing staring at 
him.  She had the most exotic purple hair he had ever seen.
	A man in black and white fur covered garb, carrying a 
large silver sword, stared at them as they walked past.  A pair 
dressed in gold, carrying what looked to be large jewel-encrusted 
eggs, watched as well.
	The three stopped in the middle of the hall where all 
could see them.  "Who are you?" asked the large man.
	"Ranma Saotome, master of the school of Indiscriminate 
Grappling," Ranma said loud enough for all to hear.
	"Akane Tendo.  Live and let live, your highness.  That's 
what I always say."  Akane curtsied before stepping back besides 
Ranma.
	"I'm Dr. Tofu Ono, a scientist.  I brought them here from 
Earth."
	Happosai looked questioningly at the man beside him.
	"A primitive body, currently used for your amusement."
	"Ah, panty and bra depletion?"
	"No, their moon will crash into their planet, destroying
it, and their unmentionables, utterly."

..........

	(More to follow?)
-- 
Lara

o------------------------------------o
| Attend Eastern Michigan University |  EMU's Student Slums
|           Less Effective           |    The best student
|          More Destructive          |  housing in Ypsilanti
|          You'll get yours          |  Rent at your own risk
o------------------------------------o
  lara@emunix.emich.edu | http://emuaxp.emich.edu/~lt_bartram