Myself, Safe: By Monica Shin

I lie in the bed, recovering.

        Ahh... he will come again, soon. Why does he do this to me? 

I laugh bitterly. 

        Of course I know why. He has told me himself... my vital blood is
his special treat. He partakes of me, knows me, tastes me... because I am
young, strong, and in pain.

I sigh a little as the hurt ripples through me as it emanates from that old,
memory laden scar.

        He knows that it is my mind's pain, acting on my body, but he tells
me it gives spice to my blood, to my taste.

I rise, and go up to the mirror, examining myself.

        Fine... then why? Why do I let him do it to me?

Two small holes, at the nape of my neck. Closed over now, it is not the only
thing that betrays his presence... 

        Why? Because I like it... because he is power.

Memories flash before my eyes, as I look at the marks his lips has made on
the rest of my body. No more bites, only lips. A dessert after his
feeding... that is my body.

        I wonder how many of us he has, lined up as food of the day, of the
week. How many he uses, feeds off of, makes moan as I do...

I go over to the bath. It is never a good time to be naked in this gloom
laden country, even with the fire. It had been boiling hot when the servant
had filled it, but now it was merely lukewarm.

        He is the master of this place, of my world. I stay here at his
suffering, and I must pay with all I can... I must buy my siblings' freedom
with my own.

I wash as best I can, before rising and grabbing the towel from the mantle.
Warmed from the fire, it soothes me as I sit before the flames.

        I know that is not the only reason why I stay... he will be my
death... he is my life. Fire. It could free me... that, or a stake through
his heart. I could kill him, and then escape from this cursed castle, this
gloomy realm...

I shake my head as I rise from the rug. A bitter smile tugs at my still-sore
mouth, and I sigh. 

        What could I do? Go back to the life I led before? Hunted, running
through the streets, existing to survive for my family. Enduring the touch
of a few to protect them, knowing that fighting back makes it worse.

Going back into the bed, I shudder as I smell his scent. It is strong, truly
overwhelming. It fills my mind and senses like nothing else can...

        He was my dark angel and savior... As I was running back, away from
an unwelcome touch, he was there at my door. He laid a hand on my shoulder
and smiled at me, showing me his fangs. 

Lost in my memories, I feel the breeze enter the room again. Lifting my
head, I look at the window... 

        I knew what he was, even who he was... who hadn't heard of him?
Gently, he explained his terms. Virtual imprisonment in his castle, never
seeing my family again, serving as his food. In return, a life of comfort
for me and mine, though they could never know why. What could I do but say yes?

He is here again? Why? He has already fed once before... He reaches for me,
and I go to him. I am quiet, meek. What could he want? A tentative question
comes from me.

"Today again?"

        I wait... what could I do? 

"Come."

        His voice is dark, smooth. Beautiful, powerful, lovely- he is
everything of the night. I let him lead me back to the bed, my feelings
curiously blank. What does it matter that he would drain me dry? It is his
will... and now, mine.

His skin is always cooler than mine, but his touch enflames me as nothing
can. I wait for the kiss, for the small pain opening up the pleasure that I
cannot stop, but all I feel are mortal touches.

        Why? Why are you doing this to me now? I want an excuse... a reason
for the reality of my hatred... if you do not even do the one uncontrollable
thing... the thing that leaves me powerless... what is left of me?

I gasp, as I always do, and close my eyes as he makes me lose control with
only his hands, his mouth, his touch. Not with his powers, with his
pleasure-giving lethal kiss. Shuddering at rmy release, I raise my eyes,
carefully looking away from him.

        Only his touch... only him. If he goes away... if I do what I- all I
will have is me... only me... 

"Why?"

My voice echoes through the chill room... the fire has gone out?

"I wanted to know if your pleasure only came from my bite..."

I look at him straight in the eye... something that I know I shouldn't do. I
am staring into blood red points of pain, and I smile into them. Gently,
softly...

"That... it is never only that."

I reach behind me, and take out what that man had given me. A chance for
myself to survive... can I take it?

"Somehow... tonight, I needed to... You have never been just my prey..."

I smile again, tears falling. 

"Do you want me to live?"

He stares at me as I ask that quiet question, and then reaches for my hand.
Holding onto it, he gives it a small kiss, and then gently flings it away.

"I give you your life."

The tears fall harder now, and I nod. Words of thanks distract him as my
other hand delivers his death.

"And I take yours."

        His eyes are not disbelieving... they see all, know all of me. He
knew. I know that he knew, but it was fate? Destiny that he did what he did
on this one day? 

I rise up from his corpse, taking my hand from the stake in his heart. 

"Sayonara, Kouji, my lord."

I walk over to the window and open it, and soon, he comes up, propelled by
his magic.

"Izumi-san. What you did freed this country from a great evil. We are
greatful. All of us who lived under him give you thanks-"

"Mage. Please hand me that knife... I have some unfinished business."

He gives me a startled look, and then nods. He takes out the mage-knife, the
foci for his powers, and hands it to me, hilt first. 

        Kouji. For my own self to live... you were taking all of me into
yourself. It is my nature to want to survive. Death... you gave enough
sacrifices to it that the darkness cannot look so unkindly upon you. Still...

I take the knife, and put it to my wrist. One quick slash, and his
sustanence splashes onto him- but it will not help him anymore.

"This is my bond. Only you, Kouji. Only you."

His hand is still as cool as ever as I place my hand to his. As if I could
impart life onto him... placing my lip to the blood-stained wrist, and
pledge myself in a way that I could keep him and me.

"Let's go."

The mage gives me a frightened look as I hand the knife to him. Placing my
hand over my still-bleeding wrist, I look back at the room that had been my
prison. Back at the man who had been my prisoner.

        Why does my heart say love and safety?

---Finis---

For once, my little rambling is at the end. Why? B/c I wanna keep y'al
guessing for a little bit...

This is directly inspired from an alternate universe pic that Ozaki-sensei
drew... It's actually from Zodiac... this is the addy- you'll see the reason
for my fic after you see it. Trust me, kay?
http://www.pipeline.com/~monica/Scans/Zetsuai/Zodiac/vampire.jpg

Sigh... anyways, inspired by the angst... (Kristen, my fics are always
somehow inspired from yours...)

Tell me any opinions, please. 
*Monica realizes that the companion pic (that she hasn't scanned in) might
also be helpful... oh well. It's Izumi grasping at a bloody hand, looking
mournful. 
-----
Monica/Akira-chan/Heero/Hayama/Naga/Kircheis no Miko- We're all here! 
monica@pipeline.com - www.pipeline.com/~monica/ -fics, pics, tapes!
Love- CLAMP, LoGH, MB, RKen, Z/B, Gundam, EVA, Subaru, Kircheis, Izumi
"Tell Annerose-sama that Sieg kept his promise..." - Kircheis