Hello peoples,
Flashman here. I just want to know if this is really stupid,
incredibly brilliant or both.
(With my luck it's probably the first.)
BTW, Does anybody out there know the code for Evil Ryu on the
Playstation?
Tell me personally as my E-Mail server sends me death threats every
time I try to join.
SAILOR MOON:
MISCAST
This promises to get a little (just a little?) weird. If you think
I've succeeded, E-Mail the Flashman at MXJK67C@Prodigy.com.
______________________________________________________________________
______
(It is a starry night in Tokyo Japan. There is an unnatural quiet in
the air and all is still. Suddenly, a large explosion rips up from a
building and out of the flames steps an impressive beast. It has
black glossy skin, long white horns on its head, arms, and legs, a
mouth full of white pointed teeth glimmer in the light as glowing
green slime drips from them and the creature lets out an earth
shaking roar. Suddenly, a group of five familiar shadows appear in
front of the moon.)
Middle Shadow: HOLD IT!
Monster:(Turns towards the voice) GRRROOOOWWWLLLL!!!!
(Light falls upon the shadows to revel the Sailor Senshi and of
course the one in the middle is SAILOR MOON. She starts up her usual
motions.)
Sailor Moon: I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Love and Justice! I
shall be triumphant over wrongs and be victorious over evil. In the
name of the moon, I'll...
Voice:(From off camera) CUT!
Moon: Huh?
(The camera pulls back to show the DIRECTOR, a slightly pudgy man
with a handle bar mustache, getting out of his seat and walking over
to Sailor Moon.)
Director: You made a mistake with your speech. Remember, your
character can't say words like "triumphant" and "victorious" without
a thesaurus.
(Sailor Moon pulls a pair of glasses from out of nowhere and dons
them.)
Moon:(Adjusts glasses on her face) Oh my, I hope I can assuage your
wrath from my erroneous lapse of character.
Director:(Smiles at SM) Just don't let it happen again, okay?
Moon: Affirmitave.
Various People On The Set:(Muttering) Directors Pet.
(Meanwhile the monster has walked up behind the Director.)
Monster: GRRROOOOWWWWLLLL! ROOOAAAARRRR! GGGRRRRRAAAAARRRRR!!!
Director:(Whirls on the monster) QUIET!!! Yeash, will someone turn
this thing off! That does it, we're going to Suitmation! Somebody
put out that fire! (Notices two figures absent from the Sailor Senshi
lineup) WHERE THE HELL ARE VENUS AND JUPITER?!?
Mars:(Saucily) Where do you think they went honey. They went to
their trailer for one of their "special talks". <wink wink, nudge
nudge>
Director:(Muttering to himself) I could have had those two cast as
Uranus and Neptune but noooooo, Naoko HAD to have them as Jupiter and
Venus. (Aloud) Somebody get my Pepto, something tells me I'm gonna
need it today.
(Setsuna walks on)
Setsuna: You called?
Director: I SAID PEPTO, NOT PLUTO!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++
Hiya folks.
Your probably wondering..... "What the HELL just happened"? Well, I
can explain.
You see, Sailor Moon is one of the most popular Anime of all time.
(Or the worst, depending on who you ask.) However, no one has ever
seen things behind the scenes. No one has given credit to all the
hard work and struggle of the people who made this great show happen.
With that in mind, I have decided to show you some of the best out
takes from the archives.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++
[Cut to next scene...]
(Sailor Mercury faces off with the monster we saw before, but now it
seems a lot more cheesy looking for some reason. She gets into a
ready pose.)
Monster:(With its mouth not moving an inch) GRRRRAAAAAARRRRGGG!!!
Mercury: I warn you, you unrepentant beast. I will teach youse a
lesson you'll never forget.
Director:(walking into the scene) CUT!
Mercury:(In a thick brooklyn accent) Wha was wrong wit' dat take!
Director: Your accent slipped back there.
Mercury: Wha's DAT supposed ta mean!
Director:(Holding up his hands)I'm just asking that you stay in
character, that's all.
Mercury:(Getting angry) Youse sayin' I can't do dis! Dat I'm just
some hack tryin' ta keep a lousy stinkin' tird-rate job!!!
Director:(Visibly nervous)Not at all, I's just sayin'...(realises the
slip of the tounge he has just made) oh god.
Mercury:(Snapping) NO ONE MAKES FUN A' MY ACCENT! RIDER KICK!
(Mercury jumps up, does a flip in midair and kicks the Director with
both of her feet.)
Director:(Falls like a sack of bricks) ACKKKK!
(Mercury realized what she has done and goes to help the Director up.
)
Mercury: Youse okay. I din't mean ta hit ya. I jus lost it.
Director:(groggily) It's otay Aunti Em. (Passes out.)
Mercury: Oppsie.
[Cut to next scene...]
(Now we see REI sitting in front of her sacred fire. She is in deep
concentration and then the fire begins to pulse and flicker. It
grows and shrinks rapidly before it flares out wildly.)
Rei:(Scurries away from the fire) OWWWWWW!!!
Director: CUT! (Runs into the scene) What's the matter?
Rei:(Whining) I'm burned! I'm burned! IT HURTS!
Director: Where were you burned? Do you need to go to the hospital?
Rei: IT BURNED MY FINGER NAIL!
Director: Let me see. (Looks at her hand) This isn't even a second
degree burn.
Rei: But it ruined my nail polish. (Getting dreamy eyed) If I don't
look my best, how am I going to find a good husband, an adorable pet
and a sweet home....
Director:(Looks at the camera, then turns towards Rei) RIDER KICK!
(This time it's Rei who gets whopped and she falls hard.)
Rei: ARRGH!
Director:(Storming off the set) None of that DNA stuff on MY set!
[Cut to next scene...]
(Usagi is sitting with Ami in a restaurant and our little Dumpling
Head is eating {acctualy, inhaling might be the right word} a
gigantic triple chocolate ice cream sundae.)
Ami: Usagi, I must comment that I feel that the quantity you consume,
far exceeds the quantity that you should intake.
Usagi:(Mouth full of ice cream) What did you say?
Ami:(Sighs) I said, I think that maybe you eat too much.
Usagi:(Finishes the sundae) Why didn't you say that in the first
place?
Director:(From off camera) CUT!
(A prop man walks on and replaces the empty sundae bowl with a fresh
new one.)
Director: Take two. ACTION!
(Usagi is sitting with Ami in a restaurant and our little Dumpling
Head is eating {acctualy, inhaling might be the right word} a
gigantic triple chocolate ice cream sundae.)
Ami: Usagi, I must comment that I feel that the quantity you consume,
far exceeds the quantity that you should intake.
Usagi:(Mouth full of ice cream) What did you say?
Ami:(Sighs) I said, I think that maybe you eat too much.
Usagi:(Finishes the sundae) Why didn't you say that in the first
place?
Director:(From off camera) CUT!
(A prop man walks on and replaces the empty sundae bowl with a fresh
new one.)
Director: Take three. ACTION!
(Usagi is sitting with Ami in a restaurant and our little Dumpling
Head is eating {acctualy, inhaling might be the right word} a
gigantic triple chocolate ice cream sundae.)
Ami: Usagi, I must comment that I feel that the quantity you consume,
far exceeds the quantity that you should intake.
Usagi:(Mouth full of ice cream) What did you say?
Ami:(Sighs) I said, I think that maybe you eat too much.
Usagi:(Finishes the sundae) Why didn't you say that in the first
place?
Director:(From off camera) CUT!
(A prop man walks on and replaces the empty sundae bowl with a fresh
new one.)
Director: Okay. This time it's for real.
(Usagi is starting to look a bit sickly.)
Ami:(Back in her brooklyn accent) Yo, 'sagi wha's the matta? Ya
lookin kinda green.
Usagi:(Taking a deep breath) Ami, I think I am becoming nautious from
the extreme intake of frozen dairy products.
Ami:(Chuckles) Hey, ya knew da job waz dangerous when ya took it.
Usagi:(Gulping) Affirmative. (Turning a, previously unknown, shade
of purple) Excuse me for just a moment please. (Runs off with her
hand over her mouth.) BBBBLLLLLEEEEAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
Ami:(Covering her eyes) Now DAT'S sometin' I didn't need ta see
before lunch break.
Director:(Off camera) Somebody get a mop and bucket. Ami take five.
Ami:(Gives a thumbs up) Right boss. (Aside) Da tings some people'll
do fa fame.
[Cut to next scene...]
(Makoto is standing in front of a blue screen with her transformation
stick held high in the air.)
Makoto: JUPITER STAR POWER! MAKE UP!
Director: CUT! Get ready for the transformation scene.
(A special effects man walks on the set and checks the props.)
Makoto:(To effects man) Are you SURE this is safe? I mean, you know
how our director LOVES realism.
FX Man: Yes. Don't worry. The lighting is just a CGI effect that's
added later. Now, I think it's time to get ready.
Makoto: Right. (Without any reservations, she strips off all her
clothes in 0.003 seconds) Ready.
FX Man:(Shamelessly gawking) GAAAH! Have you no modesty?!
Makoto: How do you THINK I got this job in the first place? <Wink
wink, nudge nudge.>
Minako:(From off camera and sniffling) You said I was your first.
Director: ACTION!
(A pad under Makoto begins to turn and Mako spins rapidly, she spins
faster and faster and the Director has a trigger of some kind in his
hands.)
Director:(Excitedly) That's it. Realism. (Pulls the trigger.)
(Suddenly, lightning shoots down from a hole in the roof and zaps
Makoto to the point that her skeleton is seen clearly. Makoto
staggers over to where the Director is sitting, lightning sparking
off her.)
Makoto:(Still sparking [and naked]) F-f-for the f-f-future.
(A bolt of lightning blasts out of her hands and zaps the Director,
the FX Man and the camera man.)
[Next scene]
(Sailor Moon pulls her tiara off her forehead and it transforms into
a yellow glowing discus. She throws it at the monster.)
Moon: MOON TIARA ACTION!
(The tiara misses completely and instead of hitting the monster, hits
a cut-out of a building. The cut-out falls over.)
Moon: Opps.
Director: CUT!
[Next scene]
(Michiru and Haruka stare into each others eyes for what seems to be
a timeless moment. The setting sun highlights them and their faces
move closer.... and closer..... and closer....)
Haruka: BODY DOUBLE!
Director: Huh?
M&H: Well you can't expect me to kiss HER can you?
Director: Sorry ladies, but the body double is out sick and this is
the last day we can film at this location. Plus, we need a full face
shot of the kiss and not a back view or sillouete.
M&H:(Panicking) WHAT!!!!
Michiru: Unlike SOME people I know, (looks off camera in the general
direction of Makoto and Minako) I'm NOT really like THAT!
Haruka: Same here!
Director: Naoko told me to put it this way.... no kiss, no paycheck.
Michiru:(Sounding defeated) Let's get this over with.
Director: ACTION!
(Both Michiru and Haruka look EXTREMELY nervous and are sweating like
mad. Haruka starts to move in, then backs off. Moves in, backs off.
Moves in, backs off.)
Director: COME ON! We don't have all day.
(Finally, Haruka decides to bite the bullet and quickly moves in for
the kiss. They hold the kiss and while their faces are neutral,
their eyes bug out wildly. The kiss looks like it's going to last a
long time. Michiru holds up a sign.)
Sign: <Will somebody PLEASE say, "cut"!!!>
Director: CUT! Perfect!
(Haruka and Michiru pull back, gagging.)
Michiru: EWWWW! MOUTHWASH! SOMEBODY GET ME SOME MOUTHWASH!
Haruka: SOMEBODY GET HER A BREATH MINT TOO!
Michiru:(Whirls at Haruka) WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!!
Haruka:(Angrily) WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS!
[Next scene]
(Sailor Moon pulls her tiara off her forehead and it transforms into
a yellow glowing discus. She throws it at the monster.)
Moon: MOON TIARA ACTION!
(The tiara misses and flies off camera.)
Minako: OW! (Walks into the shot with the tiara in her left hand and
a black eye on her face.) Who threw that?
Moon:(Points to the monster) I believe that he is the culprit.
Minako: RIDER KICK!
Monster:(Mouth doesn't move at all as he's hit) ARRRGH!
Director: CUT!
[Next scene]
(The Director is standing in front of a man who looks like somebody
who would fit in the monster suit.)
Director: Now do you understand how this scene works?
Man: Yep.
(The man pulls up a large sheet of white and wraps it around him.
The man shrinks and resolves himself in the form of ARTIMIS, in cat
form.)
Artimis: Ready sir.
[Next]
(The monster fires a death ray from its mouth at Sailor Moon and she
barley dodges out of the way in time. She screams as the monster
unleashed another bolt at her. Suddenly, a man in a black tuxedo and
white mask, jumps into the scene and grabs Sailor Moon pulling her
out of danger in the nick of time.)
Moon: Tuxedo Kamen! You saved me!
Tuxedo:(Smiles at Moon) Don't I always.
Monster:(That mouth doesn't move now and will never move in the
future) RRRRAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!
(The monster unleashed bolt after bolt of power at Tuxedo Kamen. He
effortlessly dodges each of them and flings one of his magic red
roses at it and the monster grabs its throat as the rose strikes.
Tux didn't even have to adjust his grip on Sailor Moon the whole time.
)
Director: CUT! Perfect! That was beautiful, poetry in motion!
Moon: Ummm. Mamoru.
Tuxedo: Yes Usagi?
Moon: Unless I am mistaken, did not the director say that the scene
was completed.
Tuxedo: Yes.
Moon: Then could you please place me back into a vertical position.
Tuxedo: Why should I? I like it like this. (Pinches SMs bottom.)
Moon:(Looks at camera then at Tuxedo Kamen) RIDER KICK!
(Tux is knocked silly as his face is personally introduced to Sailor
Moons feet.)
[Next]
(Sailor Moon pulls her tiara off her forehead and it transforms into
a yellow glowing discus. She throws it at the monster.)
Moon: MOON TIARA ACTION!
(The tiara misses and flies off camera, cutting a rope that drops a
sandbag onto the monsters head.)
Monster:(That mouth is frozen solid as he falls) OWWW!!
Director: CUT! (Sighs) Close enough.
[Next]
(Pluto looks at the gathered Senshi and nods.)
Pluto: So you know what we must do?
(All Senshi nod.)
Pluto: So let us be off.
(Pluto holds up the Time Rod..... orb side down.)
Director: CUT! Your holding the prop upside down for heavens sake!
Pluto:(Angrily and in a cultured voice) That is IT! I do not have to
stand for this. I have been Lady Macbeth. I have done Opera! I do
not need the agrivation of this... this... commoner trash! (Storms to
her trailer and slams the door.)
Director:(Putting his face in his hands) Oh GOD! Here she goes
AGAIN! Somebody get her agent!
[Next]
(The Senshi stand ready for battle, posing in front of the camera.
None of them notice a black streak that passes closely behind them.)
Moon:(A funny look appears on her face) Is my imagination
overcompensating or has the temperature suddenly decreased by several
degrees.
Mars: Yeah. It has gotten chilly all of a sudden.
Venus: Same here.
Jupiter:(Nudges Venus and whispers) Well, this will save us a few
seconds... later.
Venus:(Blushes and whispers back) Yeah, later.
(All the Outer Senshi nod.)
Mercury: We're all cold, aright.
(camera pans left to show Tuxedo Kamen bowing before a very short,
decrepit, old martial artist [and pervert] extrodinare named HAPPOSAI.
)
Happosai:(Giggles evilly) Did you get them?
Tuxedo: Yes master.
(Tux hands Happosai nine different colored coordinated bras and
panties.)
Happosai: You are my best student. If you study like this for a few
more years, you will be able to learn the "Anything Goes Martial Arts,
Super Hentai Touch" quite easily.
Tuxedo:(Tears start jetting out of his eyes as he bows lower) THANK
YOU MASTER! OH THANK YOU!
(Neither of the two perverts have noticed that the Senshi and
Director have gathered around them. They all look rather MAD.)
Director&Senshi: RIDER KICK!
(You can guess what happens next, can't you?)
[Next]
(Usagi and Mamoru stare into each others eyes for what seem like a
timeless moment. The setting sun highlights them and their faces
move closer... and closer... and closer...)
Director: CUT!
Mamoru:(Obviously disappointed) Huh? What's wrong?
Director:(Walks close to Usagi) Your drooling Mamoru. (Whispers to
Usagi as Mamoru wipes his mouth) Are you SURE you want to do this? I
mean after what happened before....
Usagi:(Sighs) Yes, I am certain. Though it is quite repulsive to me.
I must partake in this display of false affection for the camera.
As I believe you are quoted to have said, "no kiss, no paycheck".
Director:(Places a hand on Usagi's shoulder and looks at Mamoru
warily) Your a far braver person then I Usagi, a far braver person
then I.
(Walks off)
(Mamoru finishes wiping his mouth and stands in the ready position.
Usagi also takes her place and the two of them get ready.)
Director: ACTION!
(They move in and kiss tenderly. A slight wind picks up and gently
blows Usagis ponytails slowly back and forth. It's a very touching
scene. [Or it's a diabetics nightmare.] )
Director: CUT!
(The two separate and look at each other.)
Usagi: There. It was not THAT hard to control your hormonal
imbalance now was (is caught off guard as Mamoru snaps, grabs her and
initiates a full blown lip lock) MMMPH!
(Usagi tries, unsucesfuly, to break away. She starts by simply
pulling herself back.... she doesn't budge an inch. She tries adding
her legs into the push for leverage.... she doesn't budge an inch.
She pulls out a crowbar and tries to pry herself away from Mamoru's
lips.... she doesn't budge an inch. She holds up a sign as she
starts to turn blue.)
Sign:<HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!>
Director:(Walks on) Let me handle this. RIDER KICK!
(The Director's feet go over Usagis head by an inch and slam into
Mamorus face. [It's obvious that he's more agile then he looks.]
Mamoru falls to the ground and Usagi gasps for breath.)
Usagi: You (pant, pant) have my (gasp) gratitude.
Director: Don't mention it.
[Next]
(Sailor Mars stands with her hands in the ready position for the
Burning Mandella. She seems rather nervous for some reason.)
Mars:(Gulping) Your SURE about this? I mean... after what happened
to Makoto....
FX Man:(Checking something on Mars's gloves) Yes, I'm sure it's safe.
We've taken away the directors trigger. He won't be able to do THAT
again.
Director: FX Man get out of the shot. (FX Man walks off.) ACTION!
Mars: BURNING MANDELLA!
(The Director grins and reaches to his left, pulling on a giant lever.
)
FX Man:(Slaps his forehead) DO'H! I forgot about that!
(A big burst of flame belches out of Mars's gloves and unfortunately
backfires, turning Mars into a supernova.)
Mars:(As she burns) ARRRRGH! I'M MELTING, MELTING! WHAT A WORLD!
WHAT A WORLD!
(Everyone stares in shock at the small pile of ashes that was once
Sailor Mars.)
FX Man:(Looking at the Director with wide eyes) You.... you... KILLED
Sailor Mars!
Director:(Shrugs) Oh well. I never liked her that much anyway.
FX Man: But... but... how are we going to finish filming? We're
going to be ruined.
Director: Why should I care? My reputation isn't going to be ruined
if this bombs any.....
(NAOKO TAKEUCHI runs onto the scene and....)
Naoko: RIDER KICK!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++
Heh. Well, there you have it. If those were the out takes then the
stuff they left in must be pure gold. See ya around.
THE END