On Thu, 24 Apr 1997 20:32:42 -0700, Jonathan Haas <jhaas@microsoft.com>
wrote:

Okay, I've now tried sending this to the FFML twice, and it still hasn't
shown up. I'm suspect that maybe it's being rejected because it's too
long or something, so now I'm breaking it into thirds. My apologies in
advance if this comes through more than once.

It's list technical difficulties; the other two postings probably will
show up when the list is finally fixed.

wedding was to take place in just ten days. She was going to marry a
man 
who spouted nonsensical poetry, who strutted as though he were God's 
gift to the world, and who was too stupid to realize that Ranma was
his 
'osage no onna', no matter how many hints he got.

Shrugging her father's hand off her shoulder, Nabiki trudged upstairs
to 
her room. She was going to need some time to think about this one.

One of the more believable reactions that I've seen in conjunction with
the Tatewaki-Nabiki pairing.

"Great!" replied Ranma. He'd been getting a lot more cheerful
greetings 
from Akane recently. Certain events had happened which had made Ranma 
and Akane appreciate each other more, and they didn't get into fights 
quite so often as they once did. And besides, it really had been a 

How about some detail on these "certain events"?

At this, Ryoga bared his teeth, but Ranma had more to say. "I mean it,

Ryoga. Get out of this house. And never come back. I'll give you until

tomorrow at noon. If I see you here after then, I'm telling Akane who 
you really are."

This is a vary rational solution to the P-chan problem. Too bad rational
solutions *never* work in the Ranmaverse.

And during those few seconds, Ryoga had much to think about. "Oh my 
God", was something he thought several times. "What am I going to do?"

was also up there. "She's going to kill me," occupied some space in 
Ryoga's brain, and was probably fairly accurate.

Akane's thoughts similarly shifted during those few seconds. At the 
beginning of them, she was quite happy. Her day had been peaceful, she

hadn't gotten into any fights with Ranma, and now she was enjoying a 
nice relaxing warm bath, and playing with her beloved pig P-Chan. 
Perhaps a half-second after the bath water hit Ryoga, she realized 
something was wrong. And then she realized that P-Chan was
transforming. 
And then, it struck her with horror that P-Chan was really a man, a 
Jusenkyo-cursed man, who had only been *pretending* to be a pig. And 
then she remembered that she had told P-Chan all her secrets, that she

had cuddled him in her bosom, that she had *undressed* in front of
him. 
And finally, she looked down, and she recognized the person that
P-Chan 
had turned into.

No, it's safe to say that Akane wasn't nearly as happy at the end of 
those few seconds as she was at their start.

I don't know what specifically to suggest, but I think the narration in
this scene could stand to be rewritten. Maybe it's just me, but it
doesn't seem to have the impact that it should.

"Because I deserved it," Ranma repeated. "You're right. I should have 
told you about Ryoga long ago. I should have told you on that first
day. 
I had made a promise not to, but that's no excuse. He was treating you

dishonorably, and it was my duty to tell you. I'm sorry I didn't. I
want 
you to forgive me. Will you?"

Don't forget that Ranma also felt guilty because he was the one who
knocked Ryoga into the spring; another reason why he didn't tell.

She allowed her frown to relax just a bit. "Maybe," she said, in a
voice 
filled with poutiness. "Maybe? What do you mean maybe?" replied a 
confused Ranma. "I'll forgive you," she said, "if you'll let me cook 
dinner tomorrow. And you have to *eat* it before you say it's bad."

A reasonable outcome for this, but it came a little too quickly and
easily I think.

Advantages:
   o  Rich

Disadvantages:
   o  Stupid
   o  Arrogant
   o  Spouts bad poetry all the time
   o  Obsessed with Akane
   o  Obsessed with Ranma
   o  Lives in a weird house
   o  Has weird ninja servant
   o  Has insane sister
   o  Sister is also obsessed with Ranma

o Has really *really* weird father
o  I like my hair the way it is

Ukyo snorted, as she poured her batter onto the hot griddle. What does

Akane have that I don't have? She's a klutz. She's violent. She's

Violent? Pot-kettle-black, Ucchan. :-P

really your fiancee. Every chance you get, you badmouth him to anyone 
who'll listen. You call him a jerk and a pervert. You *hit* him all
the 
time. Why do you care what I give him?"

Ukyo's conveniently forgetting about the times she bashed her Ran-chan
over the head with her spatula; maybe Akane ought to remind her here.

"I'm afraid he can, Nabiki. Furthermore, he also wishes you to know
that 
if this does not persuade you, he is prepared to undertake still more 
drastic measures. He hopes he will not be required to do so."

Nabiki trembled. "This is an outrage!"

"But he says he will forget the whole thing if you manage to find a
certain specially-marked pineapple..." :-)

"You stay out of this, Ranma!" she snapped at him. "I can handle
this!"

Kodachi laughed, long and loud. "No, you cannot, Tendo Akane! Ranma-
sama! Soon you shall be mine!" And with that, she launched her attack.

Ranma ground his teeth. That *idiot!* He could tell, the minute he saw

Kodachi, that she had been training. *Really* training. Her stance,
her 
ribbon work, her confidence all spoke volumes. She'd gotten *good*. 
She'd probably been practicing for this very moment. And Akane...
she'd 
just had a tough workout. She'd pushed herself to the limit against
him, 
and she'd be worn out. This would *not* be an easy victory. And if she

lost... Ranma shuddered at the thought of a date with a Kuno. He'd
heard 
that poor Nabiki was going to be marrying the other half of the insane

brother-sister duo, and he wanted no part of that family.

[INSERT: Big Fight Scene (tm).]

I think Kodachi would try something a little more sneaky than just a
straight combat, even if she had been doing special training. Maybe
she'd make it a cooking contest! BTW, this doesn't do anything to end
Kodachi's chasing of Ranma, since the challenge was one way -- Kodachi
didn't promise to give up Ranma if she lost.

"Ranma?" Akane asked. "What are you doing up here."

Question mark.

She didn't have twenty-five million yen. *Nobody* she knew had that
kind 
of money.

What about her new beloved fiance?

please... I'll get you your money, I *promise*. It'll just take a few 
days, that's all. Don't kill me!" Tears freely streamed down her
cheeks, 
as Nabiki put on her most pathetic face. Her knee tensed, as she 
prepared to thrust it into Sekino's groin.

Sekino looked bored. "*Very* good, my dear. A bit over-theatrical, 
perhaps, but still very good. You don't really expect me to fall for 
that, do you, my dear? And if you even *try* to kick me, I will ensure

that your death is very slow and painful."

Okay, if this guy is Yakuza or something like that, as he seems to be, I
wonder why he did this. He had to know that Nabiki wouldn't have been
able to pay up. Suggestion: Maybe his purpose here was to force Nabiki
into working for the mob? If so he should give her the choice now to
join up or die.

Nabiki's eyes shone, and she suddenly felt very close to this big man 
who had saved her. She had truly feared for her life. She was
*certain* 
that she was going to die, and she certainly would have, had Kuno not 
shown up. Sekino had a gun, and Kuno risked his life to save her. The 
way he threw that knife, hitting Sekino's hand straight on... Ranma 
himself couldn't have done better.

This (along with "Long Hard Road") gets my vote as the most believable
way Nabiki could actually start to appreciate Tatewaki. OTOH, she could
still decide not to marry him if you want to do the unexpected.

Nabiki smiled and took Kuno's arm. Together, they walked to the Tendo 
dojo. A strong and handsome man walking her home, and half a million
yen 
in her pocket. All in all, Nabiki decided, it had been a pretty good 
day.

But that mobster will surely be back...

Akane waited quietly for a second, then smiled at him. "I'll walk you 
there," she said. With her right hand, she carefully took his injured 
arm. Her left arm went around his waist. Ranma didn't object.

They've still got Shampoo and Cologne to worry about...

Looks like a good story so far. There've been many great continuation
fics already written, though, and the comparison is going to be tough.

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics