Jjz_Ranma@Hotmail.com
(Jesus "Jesse" Zamora)

If you have trouble with this address, try the others below.  If
you do so, please say that the message is for me.

Saint@shadow.net
(Henry "Ho-Sung Pak" Lee)

Dyluc@aol.com
(Andre the Giant)

     <> Character thoughts
     [] Special Notes

_________________________________________________________________

                              U K K Y O
                                 I N
                                T H E
                                B O X

           A short Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Jesus "Jesse" Zamora.
  Inspired by "Jack in the Box," a skit on a local radio program.

Open on the inside of the Ucchan on a sunny afternoon.  Ukkyo is
waiting at the counter for the next customer, looking out at the
tables, which are full of people eagerly eating okonomiyaki.

UKKYO:<Ah, what a nice day; lots of customers, an all-A report
card, and not a cloud in the sky.  The only thing that could make
this day better were if Ranma were to walk through the door, get
on one knee and propose to me!>

A young woman in a blue dress walks through the door, adjusting
the ribbon on her long, blond hair.  She walks up to the counter. 
Ukkyo bows respectfully.

UKKYO[perky]:Welcome to Ucchan's, how can I help you today!?

WOMAN[sounding dimwitted]:Well, uh, I'd like an apple-cinnamon
okonomiyaki, a large coke, and a large order of fries, please.

UKKYO[apologetic]:Gomen!  There's a small problem with the grease
frier today, so I can't get you any fries.  How about something
else?

WOMAN:Okay.  I'll just have a small order of fries, then.

Ukkyo looks at the women, baffled.

UKKYO:Maybe you didn't hear me?  We don't have any french fries
today.

The woman nods her head, a peculiar-looking smile on her face.

WOMAN:Okay, I'll just have some fries.

Ukkyo's hands begin to tremble on the counter, wanting so bad to
hit the buffoon in front of her.

UKKYO:Hey, genius!  I have NO fires today!  Do you understand!?

The woman nods.

WOMAN:How about a some fries, then?

UKKYO[annoyed]:Answer me something, lady - who put the "straw" in
"strawberry?"

WOMAN:Uh... Nature did.

UKKYO[nodding]:That's right, nature did.  Who put the "ape" in
"apricot?"

WOMAN:Uh... Nature did.

UKKYO[nodding]:That's right, nature did.  [driving her words in]
Now listen CAREFULLY - who put the "FUCK" in "french fries?"

The woman looks up at the ceiling, a befuddled look on her face.

WOMAN:Uh... [scratches her head]... Uh... [Looks at Ukkyo].  Hey,
there ain't no "fuck" in "french fries!"

Ukkyo grabs the woman by the collar and pulls her face over to
her own.

UKKYO[teeth clenched, voice seething with primal rage]:That's
what I've been tryin' to TELL you, cum-breath, there ain't no
FUCKIN' fries!!  [in a deep, malicious growl]  Now get outta my
restaurant before I shove your teeth so far down your God damn
throat, you'll have to sit on an okonomiyaki to EAT it!!!!

Pushes the woman away from her and instantly recomposes herself.

UKKYO[perky, like none of that happened]:Oh, and have a nice day. 
[Bows respectfully].

Fade to black.

C&C is welcome at my address.  Thanks go out to those who deserve it.

I'm fittin' to get the fuck out!



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