Subject: <FFML><C&C><three ranma stories>
From: Matt Posner
Date: 5/9/1997, 5:29 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com
Reply-to:
mposner@herald.infi.net

I'm backlogged on C&C, typical of the list. Right now I'm therefore
restricting C&C to stuff that I can read from the beginning. Note the
absence of C&C doesn't mean the absence of reading -- it means the
absence of a useful comment.

"Kasumi's Secret Life"
There isn't much here yet. Please continue; the story hasn't yet taken
shape, but it could certainly turn out well. The basic idea is usable,
but I think you will need some additional plot material besides Kasumi
teaching Tai Chi to Ranma. Here are the issues I can see in the current
text:
1) I find the Ranma & Akane fight kind of pointless and repetitive. Is
it necessary to have this here to get the story started? Maybe Tai Chi
is supposed to help with these fights somehow, but as written now, this
stuff doesn't contribute much.
2) How did Kasumi learn Tai Chi? Her father doesn't appear to know it.
maybe Dr. Tofu knows it, but since whenever he's with her, he turns into
a babbling imbecile, how could he have taught her?
3) Is it really likely that Ranma, who has done so much travelling, has
NEVER seen or heard of Tai Chi?

"The Togetherness Factor"
I'd like to see an additional plot, probably involving more characters,
be interwoven with this one, but everything here is successfully done.
Write on. You'll need to account for who the old woman is, and give more
justification for Kasumi using such a Shampoo-style method of problem
solving, when she has relied upon gentility (no, I don't mean
gentleness, though that too) until now.

"X-Change Students"  I don't remember if C&C was requested on this, and
I don't know how old it is. If nothing is wanted, please ignore all that
follows. The story is interesting and smoothly-written enough that my
ignorance of all the younger X's doesn't seem to interfere, and I'll
read the rest when it appears.
1) Kuno being so class-conscious in this piece is very funny. I didn't
like it at first, and wouldn't imitate it myself, but on its own terms
it works pretty well.
2) In chapter three this piece, Akane has the power to make mallets out
of thin air and then dissolve them. Did you make this up, or is it from
some of the infinitely many manga I haven't read?

Keep it up, y'all.