The last of the old, repost episodes. Either tomorrow or the next day,
I'll post Episode 7, then the rather oversized 8, and then the Epilogue
and Authors Notes.
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.---' / /-. `-. `-' | `' (_.-. | The Nameless Sequel
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---,-'-{@ The Nameless Sequel was composed by Mike Loader. @}-'-,---
Characters and Backstory are the products and property of the illustrious
Rumiko Takahashi (as if you didn't know). Ranma=Her's, okay? Good.
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Please do not post, publish, distribute, or adapt this fic in any way
without permission from the author.
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EPISODE 5 - Everywhere You Go (You Always Take The Weather With You).
(We open on the outside of Doctor Tofu's clinic, early morning. The
sun is just beginning to rise, and pastoral music is heard in the
background.)
Tofu's Voice: (hysterical) _SHE SAID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?_
(We zoom inside the clinic, where Ranma and Akane are looking at
Tofu, who is lying on the floor in a fetal position sucking his
thumb and whimpering.)
Akane: (embarrassed) Please get up, Doctor..you'll get your clothes
dirty....
Ranma: (kneeling down) Aw, c'mon Doc. She can't really mean it.
We think it's a spell or a potion of some sort.
Tofu: (grabbing Ranma by the collar) You think? Really?
Ranma: (turning blue) Arrggghh.
Tofu: What's that supposed to mean?
Akane: I think it means that he's not getting enough oxygen.
Tofu: (peering at Ranma's face) I think you're right, Akane. He
must have something lodged in his throat.
Akane: (gently) I think it's more likely because you're cutting off
his windpipe.
Tofu: (distractedly) So I am. (he lets go, Ranma starts gasping in
air) But what fiend would drug poor, wonderful Kasumi?
Akane: (after thought) About half the people we know, if
experience is any judge.
Tofu: (intensely) You have to bring her in. If I can examine her...(he
lapses into a mild coma at this prospect)
Ranma: (still panting a little) Wonderful idea of yours, Akane. The
Doc here's gonna be of as much use as Lynn Minmei at a quantum
physicists' convention.
Akane: (annoyed) Doctor Tofu! Snap out of it!
(She slaps him across the face a few times, and he blinks.)
Tofu: ...then I might be able to find a cure. Or at the very least give
her a mild sedative until one can be found. I'll need to do a full
physical....(boom, out like a light)
Ranma: (disgusted) I've gotta get to work. If he spaces out, just
hit him. You're good at that.
Akane: (sweetly) Thank you.
(Scene changes to the front of the Tendo Dojo. A exhausted Ryoga
staggers up to the door.)
Ryoga: Finally....I finally made it....haha....
(He knocks on the door, which is answered by Kasumi.)
Kasumi: (brightly) Oh, hello Ryoga-kun!
Ryoga: (doing a deer-in-the-headlights impression) Ahhhh...arrgh..
..h-hello K-k-kasumi.....
Kasumi: Would you like something to eat? I think we still have a
ham sandwich or two left.....
Ryoga: Aggggggg.
Kasumi: (oblivious) Have you come for the wedding?
Ryoga: (snapping out of it) What? Wedding? What?
Kasumi: (smiling) Oh, it's going to be beautiful....I think they make
a wonderful couple. Akane was a little upset when Daddy set the
date, but I'm sure she'll adjust after a while....
Ryoga: (shaking with barely contained fury) Ranma....
Kasumi: Ranma? Oh, he seemed happy with the idea....
Ryoga: Where. Is. He.
Kasumi: I think he's at work....he has a job with Animal Control
now, you know....Ryoga-kun, have you been exposed to Cherenkov
Radiation? You seem to be glowing and ionizing the air next to
you....
Ryoga: (racing off) RANMA, TODAY YOU DIE FOR YOUR CRIMES!!!!!
Kasumi: (bemusedly) Oh my!
Soun: (emerging from the house) Who was that, Kasumi?
Kasumi: Ryoga-kun. He wanted to know about the wedding.
(smiles) He seemed very excited.
Soun: (smiling) I just wish Akane was as happy about it as
Ryoga...I'm afraid she's still taking it a little hard. She burned her
stepmother in effigy on the lawn this morning.
Kasumi: I understand that's a natural reaction. Why don't you ask
Dr. Hasigawa when you see him today?
Soun: (frowning) Ah yes, that's today...you know, I've been feeling
a lot better lately. I think I'll go boating with Kodachi-chan
instead.
Kasumi: Oh. I'd better get Nabiki to cancel the appointment, then.
Do you know where she is?
Soun: Up in her room, I believe. She said something about
redecorating.
(Kasumi walks inside and up to Nabiki's room. )
Kasumi: (knocking) Nabiki?
Nabiki: (from behind the door) Um. Kasumi. Come in.
(Kasumi opens the door, and stares. Blown-up photos of Akane
cover the walls, and a few cardboard figures of her are scattered
around the room. Nabiki is sitting on her bed, looking through
some photos.)
Kasumi: Daddy's not going to be going to Doctor Hasigawa's today,
Nabiki. Could you cancel the appointment?
Nabiki: Hmm? Oh, sure thing, Oneechan.
Kasumi: Okay, then...(hesitantly) Ah, Nabiki? Interesting decor....
Nabiki: (vaguely) Isn't it? You know, we've never really
appreciated what a wonderful person Akane is...
Kasumi: She's a very sweet girl, yes...
Nabiki: (musing) And really built as well....incredible legs, and as
for her hips....wow...just amazing thi....
Kasumi: She's a very sweet girl, yes...
Nabiki: (looking a bit embarrassed) Yes. Um. Well, I'll call the
doctor, then.
Kasumi: Okay!
(She leaves. Nabiki picks up the phone, and dials a number.)
Nabiki: (into phone) Yes, hello? Dr. Hasigawa? Soun Tendo won't be
coming in for his appointment, as he seems to have become a
well-adjusted and happy person overnight....hello? Are you crying,
doctor? Anyway, I'd like to know if I could substitute a patient.
Who? Me. Why? I'd rather not say over the phone. This afternoon,
then? Good. Bye now.
(She hangs up the phone, and sighs.)
Nabiki: Maybe I've just been working too hard. Falling madly in
love with younger siblings is probably a normal result of stress.
(she opens her laptop) Now, how on earth am I going to manage to
buy those photos back from Kuno....
(Scene changes to a Nerima shopping center. Shampoo and Kodachi
are browsing through a bridal store, trying to pick out a gown.)
Shampoo: So it will be a Western-style ceremony?
Kodachi: For me and Soun-sama, yes. My brother is insisting on a
traditional wedding, and his bride agreed with him. (rolling eyes)
Not that I think she'd be able to disagree with anything. They truly
are perfect for each other.
Shampoo: Your brother will be very happy.
Kodachi: (sighing) I know. Pity, that. (holds up a dress) What do
you think of this one?
Shampoo: (critically) I don't know....leek isn't really your color.
Voice: (from across the store) HE HAS TO HAVE COME HERE, IT'S
THE ONLY BRIDAL SHOP IN NERIMA!
Shampoo: Was that...?
Kodachi: Yup. Come on, we'd better stop him before he wrecks the
store.
(The walk over to where an irate Ryoga is holding the storekeeper
by his collar.)
Storekeeper: Okay! Anything in the store at only 5% over cost, and
that's cutting me own throat!
Ryoga: (frustrated) I DON'T WANT A BLOODY TUXEDO, I WANT
RANMA SAOTOME!
Shopkeeper: Sorry guvnor, fresh out of them, gotta shipment
coming in on Monday...
Ryoga: AARRGGHH!
Kodachi: (sweetly) Hello, Ryoga. Care to put down Mr. Diblah and
tell us what the problem is?
Ryoga: (setting down the shopkeeper) Oh, _you_. And you. That
fiend Ranma's marrying Akane!
Shampoo: (horrified) He is? That's horrible! When?
Ryoga: (furrowing his brow) Cybernetic android double? Evil
Possessing Ki-spirit? T-2000?
Shampoo: No. It's me. Now tell me before I kill you.
Ryoga: I'm not sure. Kasumi told me there was a wedding, and that
Akane was upset about it....
(Kodachi and Shampoo glance at each other, nod in unison, and turn
back to Ryoga.)
Kodachi: Ryoga, you brainless hulk, you've got....
Shampoo: (quickly) ...to do something about it.
(Kodachi gives Shampoo a puzzled look.)
Ryoga: I will! With my new skills, Ranma won't stand a chance!
Kodachi: (interested) New skills?
Ryoga: Yes. After I left Nerima, I wandered for many days....
(The scene ripples in a neat flashback effect, reforming to show
Ryoga walking across mighty oceans, swimming vast deserts, and
hanging around various airports.)
Ryoga's Voiceover: I wandered for untold weeks...was assailed by
perils both human and natural....went without food and water for
days....ran out of toilet paper...
Kodachi's Voiceover: Thank you so very much for sharing that. Can
we get on with the story?
Ryoga's Voiceover: (annoyed) I'm getting there. Anyway, I walked
the earth, much like Kane in "Kung Fu", getting in adventures,
helping people....
(The flashback shows Ryoga spending a lot of time being thrown
out of restaurants, being chased by people with shotguns, and
demolishing small Nevadan towns.)
Ryoga's Voiceover: ...And searching for the technique that would
allow me to defeat Ranma once and for all!
(The scene shows Ryoga standing before a man in a tweed gi.)
Sensei: Are you prepared?
Ryoga: Hai, Williams-Sensei.
(They bow to each other, and snap into a fighting stance.)
Sensei: The total output of the domestic edge of the nonfixed
working base (as modified by the Keynesian Sliding Vector of
monocapacity) may be plotted at irregular intervals by utilizing a
Production Possibility Curve on the Mandlebrot Fixed Income
Pattern, assuming that the base is to be measured in terms of M1,
M2, or liverwurst, unless the wurst is accompanied by tariff
duties of over 23% of the GNP of Outer Zibitnik, in which case the
Veblin Yoyo Model is used along with the Planck Theory of Special
Capital Disbursement in Quantum Variables, leading us, of course,
to....
(Ryoga falls to the ground, fast asleep.)
Ryoga's Voiceover: Don't mention that to Nabiki, by the way. None
of the many schools I found had anything that would defeat
Saotome. None, that is, until...
(The scene shows Ryoga struggling up a snow-covered mountain,
heavily bundled up.)
Ryoga: (teeth chattering) Must...brr...defeat Ranma....gah.....and
Kasumi...
(He crests the mountain, and blinks. Before him is an ornate
temple, the spires ending in radar dishes. Groups of robed men
move about, talking and chanting. Oddly enough, the entire temple
seems to be in the middle of summer. Ryoga gratefully moves out
of the suddenly ending blizzard into the warm gardens surrounding
the building. Seeing a robed man passing, he grabs him by the
sleeve.)
Ryoga: (politely) Excuse me. Is this the Temple of the Way of
Gratuitous Death And Grievous Bodily Harm, perched high atop the
ghoul-haunted peaks of fabled Hyperboria?
Monk: No. It's the Temple of the Chaotic Weather Monks, perched
high atop the celebrity-haunted peaks of fabled Aspen, Colorado.
Close, though.
Ryoga: Damn. Suppose I'd better be going.
Monk: (speculative look) I don't suppose you're a wandering
martial artist, traveling the globe on a noble quest for revenge,
honor, and love?
Ryoga: (amazed) Yes, actually. How'd you guess?
Monk: (shrugging) We get a lot of you, especially in the off season.
We have a Secret Ultimate Chaos Weather Finishing Technique
workshop every weeknight, if you're interested.
Ryoga: Sounds impressive. And you just teach it to anyone?
Monk: (shocked) Oh, of course not!
Ryoga: That's good...
Monk: Only to those who pay the $500 workshop fee.
Ryoga: (outraged) $500 American? For one lousy ultimate
technique?
Monk: (shrugging) What do you expect? This is Aspen. You should
see the prices for ski rentals.
Ryoga: What exactly is this place, anyway?
Monk: Come along, and I shall show you.
(He leads Ryoga through the gardens.)
Monk: We are all devoted to meditating on the world's weather
patterns, and the seemingly random actions that influence them.
One day, we hope, we will discover the Unified Pattern, and the
intentions of whatever deity you believe in will be revealed, thus
bringing enlightenment.
Ryoga: (impressed) That's very deep.
Monk: The skiing's great, also.
(He stops before a statue of a fat, smiling man, with the produce
of the world at his feet. The monk bows, and performs abeisence.)
Ryoga: Ah. You honor the Buddha.
Monk: (blinking) Hmm? No, Willard Scott.
Kodachi's Voiceover: Who?
Ryoga's Voiceover: Some gaijin weather deity, who is locked in a
never-ending struggle with the Kami Gum-Bel, Lord of the
Present.
Kodachi's Voiceover: Lord of the Present?
Ryoga's Voiceover: Something like that. The monk said he was in
charge of Today. Anyway, I stayed with the monks for a long time,
learning the mechanics of chaos, the principles behind weather
patterns, and the best slopes for snowboarding. Finally, after
many long hours practice, I was taught the secret technique of the
Chaotic Weather Monks....
(Scene changes to a ornate hall, lined with monks. Ryoga walks up
to the their leader, who wears what appears to be a cross
between monastic robes and a lab coat.)
Head Monk: You have prepared yourself mentally and morally?
Ryoga: Hai, Sensei.
Head Monk: You have cleansed your Ki and Spirit by the sacred
exercises?
Ryoga: Hai, Sensei.
Head Monk: You have the 500 bucks?
Ryoga: Hai, Sensei. Do you take Visa?
Head Monk: Of course. And now, I shall impart to you the secret
maneuver of the Chaotic Weather Monks of Aspen - The Chaos
Butterfly Weather Point!
Ryoga: Butterfly?
Head Monk: As you know, a butterfly flapping it's wings in India
can cause storms in America. Chaos Theory teaches us that small
elements introduced to a system cascade, turning into large
elements. The Weather Point is a practical application of this. If
you can see the patterns in the chaos, you can influence it.
Ryoga: (skeptically) To do what?
Head Monk: This.
(His hands stab out with blinding speed, moving in a seemingly
random pattern, sending drafts of air moving in certain
directions. Suddenly, a storm cloud gathers outside.)
Head Monk: See that bottle on the fence?
(His hands move a different way. A bolt of lightning cracks down
out of the cloud, striking the bottle and shattering it. The head
monk ceases his thrusts, and the cloud slowly dissipates.)
Ryoga: (impressed) Wow.
Head Monk: Neat, huh? Didn't you ever wonder why the snow at
Aspen was so good?
Ryoga's Voiceover: It took me many long, hard days to gain the
proper grasp of chaos and weather....
(Scene shows Ryoga throwing paint in random patterns at a
canvas, while the head monk looks on.)
Ryoga: (finishing) What do you think, Sensei?
Head Monk: Very good. You are improving.
(He snaps his fingers, and another monk comes in and removes the
canvas, walks down to the town below, and sells it to a gallery
for five grand.)
Ryoga's Voiceover: ...But at long last, I mastered it!
(Scene shows Ryoga outside, meditating. Finally, he stands, and
moves his hands in a series of blinding sweeps. A dark cloud
forms above him, and begins to rain.)
P-chan: (triumpantly) Bwee! Bwee! Bweehahaha!
(A man in a chef's hat emerges from a building, spots him, and
begins to move forward, carving knife in hand. P-chan rears back
on his hind legs, thrashes his hooves, and a hailstone the size of a
watermelon lands on the man's head.)
P-chan: Bweehahahaha!!!!
(The flashback ends. Ryoga is laughing hysterically, while Kodachi
and Shampoo eye him dubiously.)
Shampoo: Gee, he's almost as good as you, Ko-chan.
(Ryoga stops suddenly, and looks embarrassed.)
Ryoga: Um. Anyway, do you know where Ranma might be?
Shampoo: Probably at work, from what I've heard.
Ryoga: Right. Animal control. (he turns toward where he imagines
the door is) RANMA, TONIGHT YOU BURN IN HELL!!!
(He charges off, breaking through the wall on the way out. Kodachi
turn to Shampoo.)
Kodachi: (puzzled) I don't get it. Why didn't you tell him it was a
misunderstanding?
Shampoo: (shrugging) Technique or not, Ranma will still beat the
stuffing out of him, and my Airen could use the practice. If we're
very lucky, he might even put the lost idiot in the hospital.
Kodachi: Point. (she examines a dress) What do you think of this
one?
Shampoo: (impressed) Ooooh. I've never seen a wedding dress done
in acid-etched black leather before.
Kodachi: I think the spikes are a nice touch, too. Assertive, yet
feminine.
(Scene changes to Doctor Hasigawa's office. Hasigawa is staring
mournfully at his appointment calender.)
Hasigawa: (sadly) Ah, Mr. Tendo, it was very selfish to go sane
like this. My poor article, gone like that....
Intercom: Nabiki Tendo to see you, Doctor.
Hasigawa: (holding down a button) Send her in.
(After a few moments, the door opens and Nabiki walks in.)
Nabiki: Hi Doc.
Hasigawa: Ah, Miss Tendo. Please sit down. (she does) So, your
father has recovered, ja?
Nabiki: So to speak. He's getting married in a few days. I'm sorry
he couldn't come; I understand you were looking forward to
studying him.
Hasigawa: (dismissing wave) Well, Soun's just this guy, you
know?
Nabiki: Right. Anyway, (her voice becomes nervous) recently I've
been getting these, um, feelings...
Hasigawa: Feelings?
Nabiki: For my younger sister.
Hasigawa: (puzzled) Protective feelings?
Nabiki: (wretchedly) Not exactly....
Hasigawa: Hmm. I'm afraid you're going to have to be more
specific. When you think of your sister and you, what leaps to
mind?
(Scene changes to the Animal Control car park, where the Pinto is
resting. Ranma and Saburo slowly approach from opposite
directions, stopping in front of the car.)
Ranma: Morning, Saburo.
Saburo: Ranma.
(They silently regard the car for a second.)
Ranma: You ready?
Saburo: Nope. You?
Ranma: Nope. Let's go.
(They reluctantly take their seats in the car, pausing briefly to
duct tape their respective doors back on.)
Saburo: (starting the engine) Maybe yesterday was a fluke. I mean,
surely it can't be that bad every day....
Ranma: Yeah. Yesterday was just bad luck. Nerima can't be that
bad animalwise all the time. Today'll be a milk run.
Saburo: (perking up) You think so?
Ranma: No, not really.
Saburo: Me either.
(The radio begins to beep insistently. Ranma eyes it with a look
people normally reserve for the more poisonous members of the
viper family.)
Saburo: (turning left) You might as well answer. Sugita was very
clear on the "No response, no paycheck" bit.
(Ranma reluctantly picks up the handset.)
Ranma: (warily) Yeah, what is it?
Radio: Mobile 23, we have a Code 695-Delta-B on the corner of
Katai and Itai Streets.
Ranma: Roger that. (he flips through the code list) "Code 695-
Delta-B : Waterfowl with switchblade menacing citizens."
Saburo: (relieved) That doesn't sound too bad.
Ranma: (frowning) No, it doesn't. But I got a funny feeling about
this...
Saburo: Yeah? A good funny feeling or a bad one?
Ranma: In this job? Take a guess, man.
Saburo: (glumly) Right. (he sighs) Pays good, though. End of the
week, I'm history.
Ranma: (curious look) Why'd you take the job, anyway?
Saburo: (blushing) Well, there's this girl...I finally got her to go
out on a date, but I don't have any cash, so...
Ranma: (impressed) ...So you're subduing rabid bears for the
privilege of asking her out. Must be some girl.
Saburo: (fervently) Oh, she is. I can't believe she actually agreed
to go out with me...
Ranma: (snorting) You're doing _this_ for her, and you wonder
why? Whoever she is, you're too good for her.
Saburo: (turning the corner) You know her, actually. She's Uk -
Holy Shit Look At That......
Ranma: (groaning) Great. I thought this might be it.
(Scene changes back to Dr. Hasigawa's office. Hasigawa is staring
at Nabiki.)
Nabiki: (dreamily) ...while the warm water washes over our
entwined bodies. That's what springs to mind. Doctor? Hello?
Hasigawa: (staring) Um. Well, this is rather unusual...
Nabiki: Do you think it could be stress?
Hasigawa: No...no, I am not thinking this is likely. I believe it is
what we call a Sappho-behavioral Orientation With Inter-Familial
Subhormonal Altered Perception/Desire Complex.
Nabiki: And what does that mean?
Hasigawa: You're a lesbian bent on incest.
Nabiki: (indignantly) I am _not_ a lesbian!
Hasigawa: That was the impression I got from your monologue.
Ever think of selling the film rights?
Nabiki: (upset) But I like guys!
Hasigawa: You do? Well, then, it seems I was mistaken.
Nabiki: Good!
Hasigawa: You're a bisexual bent on incest.
Nabiki: NO! I'm not attracted to women, just my sister! And not
even that until yesterday!
Hasigawa: (furrowing his brow) Aha. Has there been any, ah,
dramatic change in your family or social life?
Nabiki: Well, my father's getting married to a girl younger than
me...aside from that, no.
Hasigawa: I see. Well, these two things are likely related. I think
what you are having, Fraulein Tendo, is a subconscious response
to your father's marriage. In a effort to protest and identify with
him, you too display interest in a younger woman. Might even have
a article in it, or at the very least an HBO special.
Nabiki: (concerned) Can you help?
Hasigawa: Well, they would certainly have me help as a technical
consultant, and might even have me play myself...
Nabiki: (annoyed) I mean can you cure me, you idiot.
Hasigawa: (blinking) Hmm? Oh, yes, with therapy I am thinking you
will quickly lose these impulses. Have you told your sister?
Nabiki: Hell no.
Hasigawa: I am thinking this is perhaps for the best. In my
professional opinion it might disturb her to learn that her older
sister wishes to sleep with her.
Nabiki: (sarcastically) Gee, the things they teach you in med
school.
Hasigawa: Oh yes, they are quite thorough. So, I believe I wish to
see you three times a week. With effort, I hope to see a recovery
within a month.
Nabiki: (relieved) Thank you, Doctor. (she pauses) They'd pay good
money for the story rights, eh?
Hasigawa: Oh yes. I understand there's an enormous market for
this sort of thing.
Nabiki: Would they change the names?
Hasigawa: I believe so...
Nabiki: (reflectively) Hmm.
(Scene changes to the Tendo home. Kasumi is on the phone.)
Kasumi: ...Yes, plane fare included. Why? I'm not sure, but she was
very insistent...yes, the fee's payable in advance...what? No, we
don't expect heavy fighting...last time? What last...oh, I see. Okay,
then! Bye!
(She hangs up the phone. Soun walks in.)
Kasumi: The wedding's almost all planned, daddy. I only have a few
more guests to invite.
Soun: I see. Good. And the caterers?
Kasumi: Shampoo is doing most of the food, and a firm from the
city is doing the rest. A Unryuu and Daughter. And I just got off
the phone with the band Kodachi recommended.
(Scene changes to a disreputable looking bar, where four scruffy-
looking gaijin are standing around looking puzzled.)
Gaijin 1: Cor, all the way to Tokyo? Oi never been to Japan..
Gaijin 2: Neither have I, but they're paying for the plane fare. And
our salary's obscenely large, just for one wedding.
Gaijin 3: Good gig.
(The fourth one bursts into tears.)
Gaijin 1: Aww, don't take it so hard....
Gaijin 3: Buck up.
Gaijin 4: (tearfully) 'm sorry...ah, but it's cruel hard ta be hearin'
it...
END OF EPISODE 5
EPISODE 6 - Duck and Cover.
(The scene opens on a street corner in Nerima. On it, a duck with
knives sprouting from between it's wings is fending off an
assortment of men in chef's hats. The patrol Pinto has just pulled
up.)
Saburo: (staring) Now there's something you don't see every day.
Ranma: Speak for yourself. I shoulda known this was coming.
(The two push open the doors, which obligingly fall off.)
Ranma: (getting out) We're beginning to run out of duct tape. After
we get Mousse, we'd better stop and buy some more.
Saburo: (puzzled) Moose? What moose?
Ranma: (pointing) Over there.
Saburo: (gently) Ranma, that's a duck. Moose have antlers and
hooves; big, foul-smelling gahlumphing things. Are you feeling
okay?
Ranma: No, I mean the duck's name is Mousse.
(Saburo thinks about this for a second.)
Saburo: Wouldn't it have made more sense to name it "Duck"?
Ranma: Never mind. (yelling) Mousse! Hey, Mousse! Over here!
(The duck ignores him, and goes on to take off the upper half of
one of the chefs' hat.)
Saburo: Urr. I don't know if I can hit it with the tranq gun...it's an
awfully small target...
Ranma: No sweat. I'll just charge in, hit him a bit, and that'll be
that.
Saburo: Right. The normal plan. Be careful, okay?
(Ranma walks out towards the brawl. The majority of the chefs
are fleeing in disarray.)
Ranma: (cheerfully) Yo, Mousse! You're under arrest! You gonna
come quietly? (turns to Saburo) Always wanted to say that.
(The duck stares at Ranma, snarling balefully.)
Saburo: (musing) I didn't know ducks could snarl.
(The duck leaps for Ranma, a series of razor sharp blades
sprouting from it's wings and feet.)
Ranma: (dodging) Hey, what's the big idea? I just want to help you!
C'mon, get in the car and I'll take you to the Nekohanten.
Saburo: (calling) I don't think offering to take it to a Chinese
restaurant is gonna get you in good with it, Ranma. Especially one
that makes such a good Peking Duck....
(The duck flaps into a spin, and a barrage of razor-sharp blades
and shuriken fly towards Ranma. Startled, he dodges most of
them...but a knife opens a slash on his forehead.)
Ranma: (upset) That's it, duck-boy. You're going down. (he jumps
at it) TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!
(The duck takes the ridiculous amount of punches, and keels over.
Ranma picks it up by one leg and takes it back to the car.)
Ranma: We got a pot or something? Something we can boil water
in?
Saburo: (uncertain) I can understand why you might feel
vindictive, Ranma, but I don't think we're allowed to cook animals
we catch.
Ranma: I don't want to cook him, I just want to pour hot water on
him.
Saburo: (horrified) Torture a poor, dumb animal? That's sick!
Ranma: (groaning) Not scalding water, _warm_ water. So
Mousse'll change back.
Saburo: (skeptically) Warm water turns the duck into a moose?
You'd better let me have a look at that head wound.
Ranma: Never mind! I'll take care of it later. Hand me the duct
tape, I'll secure his wings and legs.
Saburo: Ah, you mean duck tape. Here you go.
(Ranma rolls his eyes. Scene changes to the Tendo living room,
where Akane is talking on the phone.)
Akane: (into the phone) Yes, Doctor Tofu...I'll try to get her to
come in. What? No, I don't think a kidnap attempt would be a good
idea at this point. I'll keep you posted, doctor. Right. Bye.
(She hangs up the phone. The door opens, and in walks Kuno and
Nabiki.)
Nabiki: (wheedling) ....buy them back for triple what you paid.
After all, you don't need them now that you're in love with
Kasumi, right?
Kuno: I would keep them as a remembrance of what we once meant
to each other. And what is filthy money to one such as I? (notices
Akane) Ah, Akane-san!
Akane: (bracing herself) Sorry, Kuno-sempai, I have no time to
date today.
Kuno: (puzzled) I'm very sorry. But do you know where your sister
is?
(Nabiki is trying not to stare hungrily at Akane, and failing.)
Akane: I think she's up on the roof, Sempai.
Kuno: On the roof? Why is my love up there? Surely she is not
forced to mend it!
Akane: Oh no, nothing like that. She's just flashing bursts of light
at the sky in a series of timed pulses.
Kuno: (very puzzled) Whyfor does she do this?
Akane and Nabiki: (mechanically) It is a very normal thing to do
that we should take no notice of. Nor should we ask her about it.
We will go about our business.
Kuno: I see. Well, I shall ascend to the heavens to be with my lady!
Goodbye, Tendo Nabiki-san. I hope you have better luck with your
schedule, Akane-san.
(He leaves. Akane watches him go, her face grim.)
Akane: This is worse than I thought. He didn't even make a pass at
me, or recite any bad poetry. I guess he really has it bad for
Kasumi.
Nabiki: (staring at Akane) Yeah. Got it bad.
Akane: (studying Nabiki) Oneechan, I know that look. And I know
what you're thinking.
Nabiki: (horrified) Y-you do?
Akane: Of course. The word "Lust" is practically written all over
your forehead.
Nabiki: (scared) Um, er, haha.....
Akane: ...but I don't have any money at the moment, sis. So
whatever plan you just came up with to make a few quick yen off
me will have to wait.
Nabiki: (relieved) Oh. Oh yes! (slams fist into palm) Darn, and it
was such a good plan to get your bod, er, money! Yes, money!
That's what I was after! Er.
Akane: (concerned) Are you feeling okay, Nabiki?
Nabiki: Oh, um, just a bit stressed. You know stress, causes people
to act funny. Just ignore me.
Akane: (sympathetic) Poor Nabiki. This marriage hasn't been easy
on you either, has it?
Nabiki: You have no idea...
Akane: (kindly) I think I can guess.
Nabiki: (fervently) Oh, I hope not.
(Akane impulsively hugs Nabiki.)
Akane: (eyes closed) Don't worry, sis. We'll stop the marriages.
Why, Doctor Tofu told Ranma and I.....um, Oneechan?
Nabiki: (dreamily) Yes?
Akane: (eyes still closed) Why is your tongue in my ear? And what
are you doing with your hands?
Nabiki: (pulling back hastily) You must be imagining things, sis,
it's right here in my mouth, see, where it belongs, stress must be
getting to you too, better go now, bye!
(She dashes off. Akane stares after her, then shrugs and sits
down.)
Akane: Poor Nabiki. (her stomach rumbles) Hmm, almost
lunchtime.
(She walks over to a window and opens it.)
Akane: (calling) Kasumi, will you be fixing lunch today?
Kasumi's Voice: Not today, Akane-chan. The stars are not yet
right.
Akane: (calling) Okay! Um, is Kuno up there?
Kuno:'s Voice: Indeed I am. I am holding your lovely sister's
plasma tracking device in place.
Akane: (joking tone) Now now, not til after the wedding!
(Puzzled silence.)
Akane: (sighing) Never mind. (she closes the window.) Gee, maybe
they aren't such a bad match after all....ugh, what am I thinking!
Now, lunch....hmm, maybe I'll go to the Ucchan's.
(Scene changes to the patrol Pinto, as it slowly pulls up before
Ucchan's. With the inevitable clatter of the doors, bumpers, and
headlights falling off, Ranma and Saburo emerge.)
Ranma: (enthusiastically) ...one of the best restaurants in Nerima.
Well, this and the Nekohanten. But I'd have to deal with Shampoo
and her grandmother there. You ever been here?
Saburo: (nodding) Yup. Good food, better hostess.
Ranma: (cocking an eye at him) You like her, huh?
Saburo: Oh yes. (looks nervous) Um, that okay with you? I mean, I
understand you two have a history...
Ranma: (grinning) Nah, I think you two would be great together.
(frowns) Better than this guy she has a date with, anyway. I dunno
bout him...
Saburo: (gulping) Oh? What have you heard about m..., er, this guy?
Ranma: She really doesn't know much about him...he's probably
some smooth-talking womanizer out to take advantage of her. (he
scowls) If he makes her uncomfortable, or tries anything funny,
I'll shove his head up his...
Saburo: (laughing nervously) I'm sure he can't be that bad.
Ranma: Huh. (he brightens) Hey, maybe I can set her up with you,
instead! Yeah!
Saburo: (rolling his eyes) Look, Ranma, I'm the....
Ranma: (dismissive gesture) No need to thank me. Just trying to do
a favor for two friends.
(They enter the restaurant. Ukyo spots them, smiles, and hurries
over.)
Ukyo: Ranchan! Saburo! I didn't know you two knew each other.
Saburo: Yeah, we're partners in Animal Control. I drive, he
wrestles psychopathic dire wolves to the ground. Real fair
distribution of labor.
Ranma: (frowning) Now, that ain't entirely true...Saburo here has
handled some of the tougher cases. Like the one on Sakeda Street
this morning.
Saburo: Ranma, that was a housecat.
Ranma: (dramatically) Fearlessly, he approached the beast, while I
hid behind the car...
Saburo: A twenty-year-old housecat. With arthritis and no teeth.
Ranma: (oblivious) With no thought to his own safety, he grappled
the...
Saburo: It died on the way here. Heart failure.
Ranma: (finishing) The city is safe again.
Ukyo: (grinning) Very brave. So, what do you two want to eat?
Ranma: The usual.
Saburo: Um, I'll have what he's having, I suppose.
Ukyo: Right. 169 okonomiyaki, coming up.
Saburo: On second thought, I'll have 1/23th of what he's having.
Ukyo: (winking) Probably wise.
Ranma: (thoughtful look) Oh....Saburo, could you run check on
Mousse real quick? I'm not sure I used enough duck tape.
Saburo: Sure. (he starts to rise)
Ukyo: (startled) You guys caught a moose?
Saburo: (while leaving) No, a duck.
Ranma: No, Mousse.
Ukyo: (puzzled) Is it a duck or a moose?
Ranma: (sighing) Mousse. From the Nekohanten. You know, with the
Jusenkyo duck curse? Anyway, what d'ya think of Saburo?
Ukyo: He's a nice guy. You seem to approve of him, at any rate.
Ranma: Yeah, he's great. I was lucky to get him as a partner.
(winces) Now, about this date...
Ukyo: (awkward smile) Yeah. I'm sorta looking forward to it. It's a
real relief you approve of the guy taking me out.
Ranma: (frowning) I don't. I think he's wrong for you. Probably a
real jerk.
Ukyo: (startled) But you just said he was great!
Ranma: I said no such thing!
Ukyo: But you....well....so you think I should call it off?
Ranma: Yup. Find someone who isn't slime.
Saburo: (reentering from the street) The duck...uh, the moose is
fine, Ranma.
Ranma: (grinning) Thanks, buddy. Let's eat!
Ukyo: (thinking) <Buddy? I thought he said he was slime?>
(There's a temporary silence as Ranma wolfs down a ludicrous
number of okonomiyaki. Saburo polishes off his with not-quite-
equal gusto.)
Ranma: (finishing) That was great. Thanks, Ucchan. (snaps his
fingers) Say, I've got an idea. Saburo, why don't you take Ukyo out
to eat this Wednesday?
Saburo: (blinking) I was planning...
Ranma: (elbowing him) Whatever your plans were, you can put
them aside, neh?
Saburo: (puzzled) I'm going to take Ukyo out on Wednesday.
Ranma: Good!
Ukyo: (baffled) Good? But you said...
Ranma: So, you up for it Ukyo?
Ukyo: (scratching her head) Well, yes, but I thought you wanted...
Ranma: (beaming) Good! It's arranged.
Ukyo and Saburo: (exchanging what-the...? looks) Yeah, it's
arranged.
(Akane walks in the door, spots Ranma and Ukyo, and heads over.
Her expression is rather forbidding.)
Akane: (dangerously) So, Ranma. I see you're eating lunch with
Ukyo.
Ranma: (gulping) Actually, I'm eating lunch with Saburo who is
eating lunch with Ukyo. (hopeful look) Wanna join us?
Akane: (smiling sweetly) I wouldn't want to impose on them. Why
don't we move to that empty booth over there?
Ranma: But...(notes Akane's expression)...okay.
(They get up and take a seat in the booth. Ukyo and Saburo
exchange glances.)
Ukyo: Um. I don't suppose Ranchan's been acting strangely today?
Saburo: (nodding) Matter of fact, he has. He took a nasty blow to
the head bringing down that duck.
Ukyo: Mousse?
Saburo: (nodding) Yes, he thinks it's a moose.
Ukyo: (worried) And then he kept changing his mind...keep an eye on
him for me, okay?
(Meanwhile, in the booth, Akane explains the situation to Ranma.)
Akane: (muttering) Baka. Sneaking off to be with Ukyo while my
father and Kasumi are heading for a fate worse that death..
Ranma: (exasperated) I had to eat somewhere! And Ucchan's the
the best place in town that doesn't serve drugged food. Or would
you have preferred me eating at the Nekohanten?
Akane: (frowning) Don't make excuses. Anyway...Doctor Tofu says
he can come up with a cure, but he needs to examine Kasumi first.
And it would help if he had a sample of the drug or spell used.
Ranma: Okay...we'll just tell her it's for a routine check-up. No
problem.
Akane: Kuno stopped by. He was polite to me.
(Ranma stares in disbelief.)
Akane: (nodding) Yup. It was like I was someone he had just met on
the bus. Didn't try to hit on me, date me, grope me....
Ranma: (annoyed) You don't need to sound so disappointed.
Akane: He really has it bad for Kasumi. When I left they were..
..um....funny, I don't remember what they were doing. It was
something completely ordinary and unremarkable. Not at all the
kind of thing I should notify the government or media about.
Ranma: Um. Right. Well, look, I've gotta get back to work, but when
I get off we can take Kasumi down to the clinic. (he sighs) Now
we just need to find a way to keep the doc's head out of the
clouds.
Akane: (curious) Why's the other guy in the uniform eating with
Ukyo, anyway?
Ranma: Hmm? Oh, Saburo. I got her a date with him.
Akane: Didn't she already have a date?
Ranma: Yeah, but Saburo's better for her. At least I can trust him
to look after her.
Akane: Whatever. I just hope I get to order soon. I'm going to get
three specials, I think. What about you?
Ranma: (shrugging) I just ate. I might have a soda or something
before I go.
Booth Table: Sure thing. Be right back.
(The table wanders off into the kitchen. Ranma and Akane watch it
go.)
Ranma: Tsubasa's really pretty good at them disguises. The
metalshop teacher calls him "Sensei", I hear.
Akane: (wistfully) And he's got great fashion sense, too.
(Scene changes to the front door of the Tendo Dojo, where
Shampoo and Kodachi are waiting for someone to answer the
door.)
Kodachi: So remember, try to talk to him about intelligent things.
Impress on him that you aren't a gorgeous, deadly, Amazon bimbo.
Shampoo: But Ko-chan, I _am_ a gorgeo....
Kodachi: Well, yes, but you're more than that!
Shampoo: (dubiously) I am?
Kodachi: (firmly) You are. After all, you know enough about
selective bone breaking, drugging, and highly annoying hair-care
shiatzu to be the envy of any, um, psychotic barber moonlighting
as a torturer.
Shampoo: (brightening) This is true....
Kodachi: And you make a good bowl of ramen.
Shampoo: So can any college student.
Kodachi: Ah, but your Peking Duck is superb.
Shampoo: (smiling thinly) I had motivation. (glares at door) What's
taking so long?
Kodachi: Plot device. We weren't done with our conversation.
(The door opens, revealing Nabiki talking on a cell phone.)
Nabiki: (to phone) ...Yes, I think 5,000,000 yen is an acceptable
sum. Who will you cast in the starring role? Oh? Okay...and you
_will_ change the names, neh? Good. Yes, I'll notify you if there
turns out to be a (shivers) sex scene. Okay. Bye. (she hangs up, and
turns to the other two) What do you want?
Kodachi: I'm here to see Soun-sama, and Shampoo's here to see
Ranma.
Nabiki: (dripping sarcasm) How touching. Alas, neither of those
two gentlemen are in at the moment. You might as well go home
and resort to electricity.
Kodachi: (eyes narrowing) Where are they?
Nabiki: I understand you can purchase one at any good marital aids
store.
Shampoo: (impatient) Where's Ranma, she means.
Nabiki: Ranma? Soun? Gee, I don't know....
Kodachi: (scowling, rummaging around in her pocket) So, it's like
that. (she pulls out a wad of yen and hands it to Nabiki) Here you
go.
Nabiki: (innocently) For me?
Kodachi: (gritting her teeth) A gift. Now, where is Soun and
Ranma?
Nabiki: I honestly have no idea. Thanks for the yen, though. Bye!
(She shuts the door. Kodachi and Shampoo stare at the doorknob
for a second.)
Kodachi: (calmly) Tell me again why I'm not going to kill her.
Shampoo: She's the daughter of the man you're going to marry.
Kodachi: Thank you.
Shampoo: You're welcome. Tell me again why I'm not going to kill
her.
Kodachi: (puzzled) I don't think there _is_ a reason, actually.
Shampoo: (smiling broadly) Good.
(Scene changes to the patrol Pinto, parked outside the Nekohanten.
Ranma has just emerged from the restaurant, a cup of hot water
in one hand.)
Ranma: Yo, Saburo! Bring out the duck!
Saburo: The duck's sleeping...
Ranma: (grinning) Well, I guess you're just gonna havta go wake
him up, now, won't you?
(Saburo emerges from the Pinto, carrying the aforementioned
waterfowl.)
Saburo: Ah. Hot water?
Ranma: Yup. Gonna change him back. Here, watch this!
(Ranma splashes the duck.)
Saburo: (after a few seconds) Um. Amazing. With only a cup of hot
water, you've turned a perfectly normal duck into a angry, wet
duck.
Ranma: (horrified) Oh my God! He's stuck in his cursed form!
Saburo: That's bad, right?
Ranma: Right! Poor Mousse....and what if it happens to me!
Saburo: Very tragic story. Um, look, we've gotta get going...why
don't you stick the duck in the back, and we'll figure out what to
do with him later.
Ranma: (shaken) Yeah...yeah, okay...
(The two get into the car, and begin driving.)
Saburo: (turning right) I wouldn't worry too much about it. By the
way, hadn't you better see a doctor about that cut on your head?
Ranma: This? Aw, it's nothing...say, isn't that Ryoga?
Saburo: (slamming on the brakes) That we're about to hit? Yeah...
(The car screeches to a halt mere millimeters from Ryoga. The
Lost Boy doesn't seem to notice; his fighting aura is making it
difficult to look directly at him.)
Ranma: (rolling down the window) Hey, Pig-Boy! Watch where
you're going! We almost turned you to Bak-O-Bits!
Ryoga: (enraged) RANMA, TODAY YOU DIE FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE
TO AKANE!
Saburo: (scribbling rapidly on a sheet of paper) Lessee, "I, Natami
Saburo, being of sound mind and body, declare this my official
will and testament..."
Ranma: (cheerfully) A fight, eh? Okay, hold on!
(He jumps out of the car, and snaps into a fighting stance.)
Ranma: Ready when you are, P-chan.
Ryoga: DON'T CALL ME P-CHAN!
Ranma: Ready when you are, Ped Xing.
(Ryoga snarls, and begins to execute an elaborate pattern with his
hands for a few seconds.)
Ranma: (snorting) Calisthenics, Ryoga? You need to warm up
before trying to kill me?
Saburo: (looking up from his writing) That's funny...where'd those
clouds come from?
Ryoga: DIE, RANMA! CHAOS BUTTERFLY WEATHER POINT!
(A lightning bolt streaks down from the newly gathered storm
clouds. Ranma leaps out of the way just in time, as the bolt
gouges a small crater in the asphalt.)
Ranma: (amazed) What the...? Okay, Ryoga....
(Ranma charges for Ryoga, dodging the bolts that rain down.)
Ryoga: (thinking) <He's getting closer.....must time this
right...> (aloud) Ha! Akane will be mine, all mine!
Ranma: (who's almost reached Ryoga) Dream on, you walking ham!
(Ryoga suddenly makes a sweeping gesture, and a funnel cloud
forms, with him at the eye of it. Ranma, who has almost reached
him, is picked up by the edge of the cloud, swirled around at a
enormous speed, and sent flying into a wall. He hits hard, causing
cracks to appear in the brickwork. Shaking his head slowly, Ranma
stumbles to his feet.)
Ranma: (dazed) Somehow he's controlling the weather! How am I
supposed to fight that?
Ryoga: (thinking) <I'm winning! I'm actually winning!> (aloud)
Ranma, prepare to meet your end! Weather Point Finish - Northern
Lights Strike!
(He moves his arms frantically, and a aurora borealis plasma
display begins to build in the upper atmosphere.)
Saburo: This is not good. (yells) Ranma, get in!
Ranma: Um...good idea....(he leaps into the car) Hit it!
(Saburo steps on the gas. A sputtering sound is heard.)
Saburo: It won't start!
Ranma: Do something!
Saburo: Like what, use my kami-given mystic power over car
engines? Get out and push!
Ranma: That's it! (braces himself against the back of the front
seat, and points backwards) MOKO TAKABISHA!
(The recoil from the ki blast moves the car forward a few inches,
and the motor catches. Saburo guns the engine, just as a greenish
plasma discharge crackles down where they had been a second
before. The car accelerates; the expanding plasma explosion's
force pushing it even faster.)
Saburo: (glancing in the rearview mirror) Cool. Just like
"Independence Day". (notices something) Hey, Hibiki! Get out of
the *THUNKBUMPBUMP* whoops, too late. (calls back) Sorry!
Ranma: Well, I always thought this block was pretty ugly anyway.
And it'll give the construction companies work, which'll create
new jobs.
Saburo: (a bit rattled) You think we hurt him?
Ranma: (unconcerned) Ryoga? With this thing? It would take at
least a 18-wheeler to do any serious damage. (he frowns) That
was pretty odd, though.
Saburo: (maniac grin) You mean the stream of green plasma
smashing down from the sky and leveling an entire block? Yeah, I
guess that was a bit out of the ordinary.
Ranma: Naw, not that. I mean the way Ryoga nimbly leaped out of
the way of the Pinto.
Saburo: (puzzled) Ranma, he didn't nimbly leap out of the way. He
was nimbly run over.
Ranma: Exactly! A martial artist of his ability should have easily
been able to get out of the way in time.
Saburo: Maybe he has a death wish.
Ranma: (skeptically) Via a Pinto?
Saburo: Okay, a Grievious Bodily Harm Wish.
Ranma: (thoughtful) Well, that would explain why he fights me all
the time...but I think it's far more likely that it's due to some
hidden flaw in the technique, which I will go on to exploit and win
once again.
Saburo: Yeah?
Ranma: Yup. That's how it always works. You'd think Ryoga would
have learned by now...
(A ways behind them, Ryoga, a tire mark covering his face, is
struggling to his feet.)
Ryoga: (yelling after the retreating car) Ranma! Come back and
fight, you coward! (sighs) Damn. I almost had him.
(He looks around at the rubble.)
Ryoga: Whoops. Guess I shouldn't use the finish inside the city.
(A car pulls up, and two westerners in formal clothes get out; one
male, one female. They survey the scene.)
Man: They've struck again!
Woman: Nonsense. I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explaination
behind all of this.
Man: (dramatically) It's a conspiracy! Open your eyes! (turns to
Ryoga) You, with the umbrella! Which way did the aliens go?
Ryoga: (bewildered) Aliens? What are you talking about?
Woman: See? There's a perfectly logical reason for all of this.
Man: (gasps) The fiends have brainwashed him! (to Ryoga) Do you
know a "Kasumi Tendo"?
Ryoga: (turning pale) Y-yes, why? You don't want me to go near
her, do you?
Man: (triumphantly) You see? Open your eyes! The truth is out
there!
Woman: (weakly) Nonsense. I'm sure there's a rational and
scientific reason for all of this...
Man: Come! We must get permission from the local government to
shoot things!
Woman: (brightening) Okay!
(They get back in the car and drive off. Ryoga watches them go.)
Ryoga: (snorting) Americans.
(Scene changes to a street in Nerima. Akane and Soun are walking
home.)
Soun: (puzzled) So. Why did Doctor Tofu need a blood sample?
Akane: Um...it's a new procedure. You have to get a complete
physical before marriage.
Soun: I see. But why did the doctor keep screaming "How could you
permit..." and then break down in tears?
Akane: (nervously) I think he was just upset at the amount of
cholesterol you've been eating. He gets very involved with his
patients.
(Suddenly, Shampoo and Kodachi turn the corner.)
Shampoo: This new learning amazes me, Ko-chan. Explain again
how sheep's...
Kodachi: Soun-sama!
Soun: Kodachi-chan!
(As the love theme from "The Sound of Music" plays, they run into
each others arms. Soun picked Kodachi up and swings her around
joyfully.)
Akane: (disgusted) Daddy, pleas(one of Soun's wider twirls brings
Kodachi's feet in contact with her head)Urk.
Shampoo: (wincing) Ooh, and in stiletto heels, too. That's gonna
leave a mark.
(Soun and Kodachi merrily bounce off together, taking the
romantic music with them. Shampoo strolls over to Akane, who's
trying to sit up.)
Shampoo: (conversationally) Nasty crack on the head, there. Nice
weather we're having. How 'bout them Yankees? Seen Ranma?
Akane: (eyes unfocused) Oogggghtph....
Shampoo: Oh dear, you don't say?
Akane: Uhhhh....daddy no baka....
Shampoo: Quite. Now, where's Ranma?
Akane: (standing) Go chase a mouse.
Shampoo: (frowning) What's your problem, Akane? What have I
ever done to you?
Akane: (pausing) Let's see....you've drugged me, tried to kill me
more times than I can count, erased my memory....
Shampoo: (hastily) Okay, stupid question. But I haven't done any of
that lately, have I?
Akane: (scowling) Not unless you were the one who wound up
drugging or enchanting my father, my sister, and the Kunos...
Shampoo: (shocked) Someone drugged Ko-chan? When...?
Akane: A few nights ago. Love potion.
Shampoo: (reflectively) I thought the romance developed awfully
quickly...
Akane: So it wasn't you?
Shampoo: (seriously) Kodachi is my friend, Akane. There's a
difference between "cunning" and "treachery".
Akane: (suspiciously) All's fair in love and war.
Shampoo: Lovers come and go, but friendship is forever.
Akane: Love conquers all.
Shampoo: Loose lips sink ships by the horns of a sow's ear, but
you can't make a silk purse out of the hair of the dog that bit you.
Akane: (blinking) Can't argue with that, I suppose. So are you going
to help cure her?
Shampoo: Nope.
Akane: But you just said..!
Shampoo: I wouldn't drug her, true. But she's happy this way, and
it means we won't eventually have to fight to the death over
Ranma, which neither of us was looking forward to. So I'm just
going to sit this one out.
Akane: (snarling) This isn't over between us.
Shampoo: (smiling) No, I suppose it isn't. In fact, I strongly
suspect I'll wind up killing you and your sister. But not yet. See
you around, Akane.
(Shampoo strolls off. Akane glares at her as she leaves.)
Akane: (muttering) One of these days I'm gonna toss a bucket of
ice water on her, and take her to the vet's to be spayed.
(She walks home slowly, absorbed in her own thoughts.)
Akane: (thinking) Speaking of which, I wonder if I should have P-
chan fixed...that might stop him from wandering away so often.
And they say the procedure is fairly painless...
(She arrives home, and opens the door to find Kasumi waiting with
a measuring tape.)
Kasumi: (hurrying over) Ready for the big day tomorrow, Akane-
chan?
Akane: What's with the measuring tape, Oneechan? And what big
day?
Kasumi: (taking Akane's measurements) It's for your bridesmaid's
dress. The wedding's tomorrow. (pauses) Akane, dear, front doors
are expensive. Please don't knock holes in them like...oh my. Well,
I suppose we needed a new pair anyway.
END OF EPISODE 6