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.---' / /-. `-. `-' | `' (_.-. | The Nameless Sequel
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---,-'-{@ The Nameless Sequel was composed by Mike Loader. @}-'-,---
Characters and Backstory are the products and property of the illustrious
Rumiko Takahashi (as if you didn't know). Ranma=Her's, okay? Good.
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Please do not post, publish, distribute, or adapt this fic in any way
without permission from the author.
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EPISODE 7 - Places, Everybody.....
(The scene opens on the interior of Ucchan's, late evening. Ukyo is
cleaning up the tables, her expression somewhat distracted.)
Ukyo: (to herself) I hope Ranchan's all right. Head wounds can be
nasty, and he's been acting so strangely lately. That and he's been
eating here every day... maybe he really does still care for me?
(A knock comes from the front door.)
Ukyo: (calling) We're closed!
Voice: (from the door) WHERE IS THE TENDO DOJO?
Ukyo: (sighing) Ryoga. Oh joy. (shouting) Where it normally is!
Ryoga: Ukyo? Is that you?
Ukyo: No, it's someone who sounds exactly like Ukyo who just
happens to be in her restaurant after closing hours.
Ryoga: Ah. Sarcasm.
Ukyo: Gee, you're quick.
(The door opens, and Ryoga walks in, looking annoyed.)
Ryoga: No need to be unpleasant. We're both on the same side,
remember?
Ukyo: (shrugging) The Win-My-Love-Through-Violence-And-
Trickery side? No. I quit. Ranchan knows how I feel; if he comes to
me, fine, if not, his loss.
Ryoga: (smiling nastily) That's very well-adjusted of you. I can
see you're completely over Ranma.
Ukyo: (nodding) Yup. The poor guy doesn't know what he's missing.
Ryoga: And, of course, it doesn't bother you in the least that he's
marrying Akane tomorrow.
Ukyo: Nope. Doesn't bothe... (freezes) If this is your idea of a joke,
I'm gonna make okonomiyaki out of your kidneys.
Ryoga: (glum look) I'm not. Believe me, I wish I were. Akane isn't
very happy about the idea, either.
Ukyo: (pale) Maybe whoever told you about it was lying, you know,
as a way to get at Ranchan...
Ryoga: (sarcastically) Why, of course. Why didn't I see it before? I
should have known better that to trust the word of Kasumi Tendo,
Mistress of Deceit and Treachery.
Ukyo: Damn. So what do we plan on doing about about it?
Ryoga: (raising an eyebrow) We? I thought you were completely
over Ranma.
Ukyo: I said I'm leaving it up to him. Kasumi told you Akane wasn't
happy with the marriage, right?
Ryoga: (scowling) Yes. (growls) Saotome, you cur...
(Ukyo smacks him over the head with her combat spatula.)
Ukyo: Right. Kasumi said this. The same person who thinks Akane
and Shampoo are ever such good friends. If Akane's reaction was
enough to travel from Earth to whatever world it is Kasumi
occupies, it must have been pretty severe. I bet Ranchan isn't
happy with it either, but you know him. Honorbound to go along
with it.
Ryoga: (rubbing his head) Kasumi said he seemed happy with it...
Ukyo: (sighing) Kasumi, remember? All that means is that he
didn't knock any holes in the walls.
Ryoga: Point. Akane does tend to, ah, express herself...
Ukyo: Yeah, the way nuclear missiles express themselves.
Ryoga: (scowling) Watch it. Akane isn't the one who played "Have
Spatula, Will Travel" over something a six-year-old did.
Ukyo: (annoyed) Oh, you're one to talk. I never tried to kill anyone
over rolls. School cafeteria rolls, for crying out loud! They used to
put them out to kill roaches with at my old school.
Ryoga: (hotly) That's not why! Ranma's made my life a living hell
by... (he trails off, realizing what he's about to reveal)
Ukyo: (tapping her foot) By?
Ryoga: (weakly) Nothing. Forget it.
Ukyo: Uh-huh. Tell yourself that, not me.
Ryoga: Huh.
(They glare at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Ukyo walks
over to the coatrack, and grabs her jacket. Placing it on the table,
she begins to hit it repeatedly with the combat spatula.)
Ryoga: (nervously) Ah, Ukyo? I think you've broken its spirit by
now...
Ukyo: (looking up) What? (she looks slightly embarrassed) Oh.
Tsubasa's been getting awfully clever lately. Just making sure.
Ryoga: (skeptically) Oh, come on. Trashcans and bushes I can see,
but don't you think mauling jackets is a being a bit paranoid?
Ukyo: (grimly) I thought so too, before this morning. (shudders) If
I hadn't decided to iron that pair of jeans before putting them on...
Anyway, I take it you haven't spoken to Ranma yet?
Ryoga: (squirming) Well... sort of.
Ukyo: "Sort of"?
Ryoga: Does trying to kill him count?
Ukyo: (scowling) No.
Ryoga: Then no, I haven't talked to him.
Ukyo: (sighing) Ryoga, when are you going to realize that fighting
Ranma just means you get pounded into the ground?
Ryoga: (indignantly) Hey! I was winning! It's not my fault he ran
away!
Ukyo: (blinking) Ranchan ran away.... (she snaps her fingers) New
technique, right?
Ryoga: (startled) Yeah...
Ukyo: (satisfied nod) Thought so. He'll just think up a counter to
it, or learn it and do it better than you. We've been through this
before, remember?
Ryoga: (muttering) Not this time...
Ukyo: (kindly) All you do is make him a better martial artist,
really. If you had actually tried to talk things over with him, we'd
be in a better position. Besides, what would you do if you actually
did manage to kill him?
Ryoga: (stammering) I'd...I'd revel in the glory of my victory, and
marry Akane, and...
Ukyo: (shaking her head) Nope. You'd get life imprisonment, and
Akane, Shampoo, and me would insist on your early release so we
could kill you ourselves. Reality sucks, doesn't it?
Ryoga: (scowling) I keep telling people that, yeah. Come on, let's
find where the wedding's going to be.
Ukyo: (putting on her jacket) First intelligent thing you've said
tonight. Better let me lead. We can't stop the wedding if we're in
Outer Swazili.
(They leave the restaurant. Scene changes to the Tendo living
room, where Akane and Kasumi are watching TV.)
Kasumi: (cheerfully) You should look so nice in your bridesmaid's
dress, Akane. Assuming you don't rip it to pieces like the last
two.
Akane: (wearily) I'm sorry, Oneechan. I just think you and daddy
are making a horrible mistake. Honest, I won't damage the new
dress.
Kasumi: Oh, that's good. (thoughtful) I had it made from white
kevlar, just in case you were still a bit grumpy. You don't mind, do
you?
Akane: (shrugging) The way Tendo weddings normally go, it'll
probably come in handy.
Kasumi: Oh, I'm sure everything will be just wonderful.
Akane: Right. And flower fairies live in the rosebushes.
Kasumi: (surprised) They do? Oh dear. I suppose I'd better call the
pest control people.
Akane: ....
Kasumi: (getting up) Well! I've got to go help father with the final
preparations, and begin the subatmospheric landing beacon
signals. Can you tape the rest of the show for me, Akane-chan?
Akane: (smiling) Sure. It's already recording.
(Kasumi leaves, just as Ranma enters, still in his animal control
uniform. He carries a wire cage under one arm, containing the
knife-throwing duck.)
Akane: Bringing our work home with us?
Ranma: Yeah, sorta. It's Mousse.
Akane: (shocked) Ranma! Let the poor boy out and turn him back!
Ranma: (grimly) I wish I could. He's stuck in his cursed form.
Akane: That's.... how did it happen?
Ranma: (shrugging) I have no idea. Me an Saburo got a call saying
there was some duck ripping up the place, and when I poured hot
water on him nothin' happened.
Akane: (staring at the cage) Poor Mousse....
Ranma: Yeah. And what if it happens to me? After all this is over,
I'm gonna take him down to see Cologne. (setting the cage down,
he glances at the TV) Whatcha watching?
Akane: Oh, this new miniseries. It's really good, actually.
Ranma: Yeah? What's it about?
Akane: There's this girl, Aneka, a real unreasonable jerk. And her
older sister Nakibi is in love with her.
Ranma: (making a face) Ugh. You mean, like...? Ugh.
Akane: (nodding) Weird, huh? Anyway, Aneka has also been engaged
to an aquatranssexual named Remna....
Ranma: (frowning) Huh, sounds kinda familar. Mebbe I saw a
commercial for it or somthin'.
Akane: (thoughtful) Hmm. There was something familiar about it
to me, too. Good show, though. (she thinks) Weren't we going to
take Kasumi down to the clinic?
Ranma: (nodding) Yeah. We run in, drop off Kasumi, and run like
hell before Doctor Love twists us into pretzels.
Akane: But shouldn't someone stay to make sure he doesn't... um...
hurt himself?
Ranma: Better him than me.
Akane: (irritated) But we need to get Kasumi back to normal! And
Doctor Tofu can't cure her if he's stumbling around, dancing with
skeletons like something out of a medieval woodcut.
Ranma: (sighing) Why the hell can't we have Blue Cross/Blue
Shield, like normal people?
Akane: (impatiently) Because they don't have a Cursed Ensorcelled
Martial Artist Health Plan. Come on, let's get Kasumi and go down
to the clinic.
(They exit, leaving the duck behind on the coffee table. Scene
changes to Nabiki's room, where the middle Tendo sister is typing
away at her laptop.)
Nabiki: (muttering) Net gain of 300,000 yen, miniseries
royalties.... net loss of 10,000 yen, photos of Akane... book
contract...
(The window shatters, and Shampoo vaults into the room. Nabiki,
irritated, looks up from her spreadsheet program.)
Shampoo: Nihao! Ready to die, Nabiki-san?
Nabiki: Haven't we been through this already?
Shampoo: (grinning) Yes. And this time, you aren't hopped up on
magical fighting tea. (she pulls a bonbori out of Hammerspace) I'll
send flowers to the funeral.
Nabiki: (calmly) All I have to do is scream, and Ranma and Akane...
Shampoo: (grinning broadly) ...just left, along with Kasumi. And
your father and Ko-chan are out together. Just you and me, dear.
Nabiki: (looking slightly past Shampoo's shoulder) Now, Ryouga.
(Shampoo risks a quick peek behind her, sees nothing, and whirls
back, bonbori held in a ready position.)
Shampoo: Sneaky as always. Exactly what good did you... think...
that...
(She trails off, noticing the Uzi Nabiki has taken from a bedside
drawer.)
Nabiki: (grimly) Let's talk detente, bimbo.
Shampoo: (staring at the gun) You breaking... I mean, you are
breaking several laws just by owning that thing...
Nabiki: (shrugging) Like I couldn't get off on a technicality. Now...
do you want one hole, or eight? And in the chest, or the forehead?
Shampoo: (sour look) Goodbye. We will....discuss things....some
other time.
Nabiki: (yawning) Sure. We'll do lunch. Oh, and I'll just send the
bill for the window down to the Nekohanten.
(Shampoo scowls, then jumps back out through the window, hops
on her waiting bike, and speeds away. Nabiki watches her go, then
walks over to the laptop.)
Nabiki: (typing) >Expences - One window. Bill Cologne.
(She points the Uzi at a nearby plant, and pulls the trigger. A
stream of water shoots from it, soaking the dirt in the pot.)
Nabiki: (smug) Realistic looking, and cheaper than spray bottles.
(Scene changes to the outside of the clinic. Ranma, Akane, and a
bemused looking Kasumi are waiting at the door.)
Kasumi: I thought I had a checkup just a month ago...
Akane: (smiling) You have to have one before marriage, Oneechan.
It's the law. To, um, make sure.
Kasumi: (puzzled) Make sure of what?
Akane: (thinking furiously) Ah. Well, to make sure... um, that....
well, it's to make sure you don't have any, um...
Ranma: Venereal diseases.
(Akane gapes at Ranma, who makes a "You had a better idea?"
shrug. Kasumi looks politely baffled.)
Akane: (weakly) Yeah. What he said.
Kasumi: Oh my. Is that like a cold?
Ranma: No, it's a...
Akane: (calmly) Where's that hammer...
Ranma: (smoothly) ...flu, yeah, that's it.
Kasumi: (thoughtful) I have been feeling a bit odd, lately... I
thought it was being in love, or perhaps the subatomic pile in the
hyperspace beacon (Doctor Tofu opens the door, smiling) but I
suppose I might very well have a venereal disease.
(The smile melts like a snowball in a blast furnace. Tofu's eyes,
which had begun to be obscured by fog, go as wide as saucers. Big
saucers.)
Kasumi: (blithely) After all, that sort of thing does travel... why, I
can think of at least two dozen places I could have gotten it
from...
(Doctor Tofu gives a curious, strangled shriek and passes out.)
Kasumi: (startled) Oh dear. Doctor Tofu, are you all right?
Ranma: (smirking) Maybe he caught your ven*WHAM*urk.
(Akane tucks her mallet back into hammerspace, and steps over
the newly-flattened Ranma to help Tofu.)
Akane: (slapping Tofu's face lightly) Doctor? Doctor? Wake up,
please.
Tofu: (opening his eyes) Tell me I didn't just hear what I thought I
heard.
Akane: (sighing) It was all a misunderstanding, Doctor. It's
Ranma's fault.
Tofu: (hands twisting ominously) You mean it's Ranma's fault that
Kasumi has vener...
Akane: (slapping him a tad harder than necessary) Kasumi does
_not_ have venereal disease.
Kasumi: Oh, that's good. Can I go now?
Ranma: (pulling himself up off the pavement) Owww. Doc, just see
if you can find out what's with Kasumi, okay?
Tofu: (standing up) Of course. Kasumi, if you'll come this way,
please?
Kasumi: (brightly) Hai!
(They enter the clinic, leaving Ranma and Akane outside.)
Ranma: (rubbing his head) Why'd ya hafta go and hit me for?
Akane: (scowling) You insult my older sister and the family
doctor, in their presence, and you wonder why? Do you have a
learning disability or something?
Ranma: With all these blows to the head? Probably. (looks at the
clinic door) Odd, I don't hear any screams of pain or gleeful
laughter. The shock musta knocked the doc into coherence.
Akane: Good. I am _not_ going to have Kuno as a brother-in-law.
(The door opens, and Tofu leans out.)
Tofu: The tests may take a few hours. I'll call you at the dojo
when she'll be ready to come home.
Akane: (worried) Do you think you can cure her?
Tofu: (nodding) From the bloodwork I did on your father, it seems
to be a chemical compound. I'll have to tailor-make the cure for
each person, but yes, I think I can have it done before the wedding.
(he frowns) There's just one problem.
Ranma: Yeah?
Tofu: I have a blood sample from Kodachi; she was in a week ago
about... um... well, doctor-patient confidentiality, you know.
Anyway, I had to take a large amount of blood for tests, and I can
base her cure off of it. But I don't have a blood sample from Kuno.
Ranma: (grinning) No sweat, doc. Extracting blood from Kuno is
kinda a speciality of mine. How much do you need?
Tofu: (handing him a syringe the size of a eggplant) Fill this.
Ranma: (broad smile) My pleasure.
Tofu: (speculative gaze at Ranma) Hmm.... I might have work for
you during the next blood drive, Ranma. At any rate - you get that
sample, and I'll get to work on the tests.
(He closes the door. Ranma walks off, Akane following.)
Akane: (sternly) Ranma, wipe that grin off your face.
Ranma: Yeah, yeah. I wonder where the most painful place to draw
blood from is...
(Scene changes to a street in Nerima, not far from the Tendo Dojo.
Saburo is walking home, whistling out of key.)
Saburo: (to himself) Just a few more days.... just have to stay
alive for a little bit longer... then no more dealing with killer
rabbits and pandimensional white mice...
(Shampoo zooms past on her bike, scowling and muttering.)
Shampoo: (pedaling faster) I'll get you, Akane, Nabiki - and your
little hog, too! HaHAhAHahAhaHA...*coughchokesputter*....Damn,
how does Ko-chan do it....
(She disappears into the distance. Saburo blinks, then shrugs.)
Saburo: I'm blissfully ignorant of the factors behind that.
Probably a good thing.
(He walks on, passing the Tendo Dojo, and stops to regard it for a
bit.)
Saburo: (musing) Hmm. I wonder what the enormous satellite dish
shooting timed pulses of colored light at the sky is for.
(Akane walks past, heading for the house. She notices Saburo and
stops.)
Akane: (friendly tone) Hi! You're Ranma's friend from work, right?
Saburo: (nodding) Yup. Akane Tendo, right?
Akane: (nodding) That's right. Didn't we have a class together?
Saburo: (wincing) Yes, but the leg only hurts when it rains. (he
turns his attention back to the Dojo) Um. By the way, what's that
big dish with the laser?
Akane: (vague look) Oh... I think that's the cable dish.
(The dish assembly suddenly glows a brilliant blue, and fires a
huge, continuous burst of coherent energy into the sky.)
Saburo: (staring) Damn. All that for HBO....
Akane: (monotone, mechanical voice) HBO and The Movie Channel.
With a second breeder reactor, receiving Showtime would also be
possible. There is nothing to alert planetary authorities over. Just
wholesome cable television for the entire family.
Saburo: (edging away) Um. Yeah.
Akane: (reverting to normal) So, what's animal control like?
Saburo: (thinking) Well... you know that show with the boomers
and hardsuits? The one with the silly name?
Akane: (thinking for a second) Bubblegum Crisis?
Saburo: (nodding) Yup. You know the AD Police?
Akane: The guys who act as cannon fodder?
Saburo: (nodding) Yup. It's like that. Only worse.
Akane: (startled) It can't be that bad...
Saburo: It's that bad. My life insurance rates are higher than
inmates on death row.
Akane: But the job sounds okay... catching cats...
Saburo: ...bringing down tigers who accidentally wandered into a
PCP lab....
Akane: ...helping stray dogs....
Saburo: ...don't ask me what a pack of dire wolves was doing in
Tokyo...
Akane: ...rescuing birds that have escaped from their cages...
Saburo: ..."That's nuts," I told Ranma, "there's no such thing as a
Roc, it's a mythical creature..."
Akane: (staring) That bad?
Saburo: (wearily) After this week, I'm going to transfer to a less
stressful job... like the Bomb Squad.
Akane: (pale) That baka, taking a dangerous job with no regard for
his own safety! He could be hurt!
Saburo: (shrugging) Yup.
Akane: (increasingly worried) He could be maimed!
Saburo: (nodding) Entirely possible.
Akane: (upset) He could be killed!
Saburo: Don't bet on it.
Akane: (flustered) Why not?
Saburo: Because Nabiki has it at four for one odds. You'd be
throwing your money away.
Akane: (fuming) Does she. Well. It was nice meeting you.
(She gives a polite nod and leaves, walking towards the house.
Saburo continues on his way home, occasionally glancing back at
the beam of energy lighting up the evening sky.)
Saburo: (musing) I bet they have great reception...
Voice: (yelling) Katsunishiki! Come back!
(A pig the size of a Volkswagon races by, a young woman in hot
pursuit.)
Saburo: (staring after them) Thank the kami I'm off duty.
(He walks on, whistling tunelessly, occasionally pausing to kick
at a bit of litter.)
Saburo: Just a few more days...
(Four gaijin, all carrying instrument cases, stroll by.)
Gaijin 1: Where's this place at, Mahon?
Gaijin 2: (examining a folded, stained beer mat) Our Lady of
Grievious Bodily Harm, Shinu Street.
Gaijin 3: (waving at Saburo) Oi, ya ken where Our Lady is bein' at?
Saburo: (politely) Not speak English.
Gaijin 4: That's okay, neither does he.
Gaijin 3: Saxon molester 'o turnips!
Gaijin 4: Oirish lymph infection!
Gaijin 1: (to Saburo, in halting Japanese) You know Our Lady Of
Getting ^#%$ Beat Out Of Her? Where at?
Saburo: (pointing) That way.
Gaijin 1: (short bow) Arigatou
Gaijin 3: (brightly) Mebbe we can be stoppin' by the Kuno house, ya
know, ta be payin' my respects ta the...
Gaijin 1,2 and 4: NO.
Gaijin 3: Awww...
(They walk on.)
Saburo: (puzzled) Odd, the church isn't really much of a tourist
site....
(Two familiar-looking FBI agents, a man and a woman clad in
black trenchcoats, walk past.)
Man: (to Saburo) You there! Is that Our Lady Of Grievious Bodily
Harm off in the distance?
Saburo: (smiling blandly) Yup. Sure is.
Woman: Good. Hopefully we won't have to go nuclear.
(They walk on. Saburo just shakes his head sadly.)
Gaijin 3: (in the distance) BLOODY 'ELL!
Something: BWEE! BWEE!
Voice: Katsunishiki! KATSUNISHIKI!
(The enormous pig races past from the opposite direction, with a
panic-stricken Gaijin 3 hanging on to its snout for dear life. The
other three gaijin race after it, waving their instrument cases.)
Saburo: (firmly) Yup, _really_ glad I'm not on duty.
(The young lady runs up, skidding to a stop in front of Saburo.)
Akari: (politely) Excuse me. Do you know where Our Lady of
Grievious Bodily Harm is?
Saburo: (pointing) A few blocks that way.
Akari: Thank you (running off) KATSUNISHIKI! STOP!
Saburo: (humming tunelessly) o/~ And it's just another day out in
the canyons... o/~
(With great fanfare, clashing of cymbals, trumpet blasts, and
showers of rose petals, a small horde of soldiers dressed in
ancient Chinese battle armor turn the corner. In the middle of the
mob, four burly men carry a palanquin.)
Saburo: (steadfastly ignoring them) o/~ And it's one more night in
Hollywood...o/~
(A man swathed in green robes pushes his way through the
soldiers up towards Saburo.)
Robed Guy: (imperiously) Peasant! You have the honor of giving
directions to the escort of His Dread Potentness, the Warlord of
Varaiyah!
Saburo: (examining him) Boy, what a thrill.
Robed Guy: You will direct us to the eating establishment of the
beauteous Ukyo Kuonji!
Saburo: (smiling) Sure. (points in the wrong direction) That way.
Can't miss it.
Robed Guy: And now you will direct us to Our Female Of Severe
Beatings!
Saburo: (pointing towards the distant spire of the church) Right
over there.
Robed Guy: (short bow) Your services have been moderately useful.
Go in awe over having come within mere meters of His Dread
Potentness, and tell your children about this, the most important
and meaningful day of your insignificant life.
(The procession noisily marches off.)
Saburo: Pleased to meet you, too.
Voice From On High: YOU THERE!
Saburo: (quickly kneeling) Yes, oh Kami?
Voice: HOW DID YOU KNOW? ANYWAY, WHICH WAY TO OUR LADY OF
GRIEVIOUS BODILY HARM?
(Saburo looks up, and sees that the voice is coming from a
loudspeaker mounted on the bottom of a large flying ship.)
Saburo: (calmly) See that steeple off your port bow? That's it.
Voice: THE THANKS OF THE SEVEN LUCKY GODS SCHOOL ON YOU,
KIND SIR!
Saburo: No problem.
(The ship sails off. Saburo resumes his walk, his humming taking
on a slightly maniac intensity.)
Saburo: (extremely out of tune) o/~ Every day is a winding
road...o/~
(The four gaijin race past, screaming. The giant pig gallops by in
pursuit a few seconds later, the thunderous bwees rending the
evening air.)
Akari: (running past) KATSUNISHIKI! HEEL!
Saburo: (not blinking an eye) o/~ ...I get a little bit closer...o/~
(Scene changes to another area of Nerima. Kuno is walking down
the street, a bouquet of flowers in one hand. He is Ranting.)
Kuno: (Ranting) Ah, what a fine day it is for the great Tatewaki
Kuno! My love and I <the beauteous Kasumi Tendo, paragon of
women> are to be wed <in a Christian church unfortunatly, the
others just said they "knew all about Tendo weddings", the base
but holy knaves> tomorrow! TRULY HEAVEN SMILES ON BLUE
THUNDER!
Ranma: (turning the corner) Bets?
Kuno: (contemptful tone) Saotome. What do you wish, foul
enchanter?
Ranma: About 235 centiliters of your blood, actually. Gonna give it
up peacefully?
Kuno: (shocked) You wish to drain the noble blood of Kuno?
Ranma: (shrugging) Yup.
Kuno: (aghast) I have been wrong in my estimation of your hell-
spawned nature! You are not a evil sorcerer, but a vampire!
Ranma: (rolling his eyes) Yeah, whatever. Now either roll up your
sleeve for me to puncture, or start fighting.
Kuno: (charging and waving his bokken) Have at thee, undead leech!
(Ranma casually throws Kuno to the ground, takes his bokken, and
raps him over the head with it.)
Kuno: (dazedly) Sasuke! Purchase.. holy... water...
(He slumps, out like a light. Ranma unceremoniously jabs the
needle into his arm, and waits for it to fill. As he does, Soun and
Kodachi walk by, arm in arm.)
Kodachi: (waving) Hello, Ranma-san!
Soun: (nodding) Ranma.
Kodachi: (peering over) What are you doing to Tatewaki?
(Ranma thinks for a bit, and decides to go with the truth.)
Ranma: I'm draining off a little over two liters of his blood.
Kodachi: (clapping her hands) Oh, I used to do that all the time!
Are you experimenting with airborne bio-terminator organisms
too?
Ranma: Nope. Blood drive. (fake smile) Your brother is just doing
his civic duty.
Soun: Ah, good to see my son-in-law...
Kodachi: Brother-in-law.
Soun: ...that too, yes, is not shirking his responsibility to the
community.
Ranma: Yup. Great guy, Kuno.
Kodachi: I wouldn't go that far.
Ranma: Right. (he withdraws the needle) Bye, Kuno.
(They walk off. Scene changes to the inside of the Tendo
household, where Nabiki is watching TV with great interest. The
door opens, and Akane enters, looking noticeably annoyed.)
Akane: Nabiki, what's this I hear about you placing bets on
Ranma's lifespan?
Nabiki: (turning her attention to Akane) Akane! Hi! Nice outfit!
Akane: (sternly) Don't change the subject, oneechan. Are you?
Nabiki: Well, yes? You want to put some money down? Special
rates for family....
Akane: (exasperated) Nabiki, can't you see that making money off
the possibility of someone you know _dying_ is unethical and
immoral?
(Nabiki adopts a thoughtful expression.)
Akane: Well?
Nabiki: I'm trying to see it, Akane, honest. Got a telescope?
Akane: (shaking her head) You're incorrigible. (pauses) You really
think the outfit looks good?
Nabiki: (enthusiastically) Yeah! It really shows off your legs well.
(peers) Although I wish you'd wear something showing a bit more
cleavage.
Akane: (laughing) You sound like the sister in that TV show.
Nabiki: (sly expression) I do? Hey, what did you think of that
whole relationship, anyway?
Akane: (musing) Well, on the one hand it was kinda sexy and
exotic...
Nabiki: (grinning) Sexy is good, exotic is good.....
Akane: ...on the other hand, it's perverted, disgusting, and wrong.
(laughs) If that were you or Kasumi, I'd beat the living daylights
out of you and mail the remains to Iraq.
Nabiki: Oh.
Akane: (smirking) Besides, think of what it would do to daddy.
Nabiki: (shrugging) Like he would ever be able to tell. He's so
wrapped up in the Bride of Frankenstein that there could be an
massive alien signaling device on the roof and he'd never notice.
Akane: Oh, I don't know. I think having his two youngest daughters
all over each other would get through.
(Nabiki's knees buckle and her eyes go dreamy for a second.)
Nabiki: (dazed) Good idea....
Akane: (raising an eyebrow) EXCUSE me?
Nabiki: (snapping out of it) Um... er... (inspiration hits) Why don't
we test that theory? When daddy comes home we'll pretend....
Akane: (grinning) I get it. That's a great idea, Nabiki. The look on
his face...
Nabiki: (grinning ear to ear) Yeah. The look on my...his...face...
Akane: Well, I've got some stuff to do. See you later, 'love'.
(She walks upstairs. Nabiki stares at the TV.)
Nabiki: (to herself) Not healthy, nooooo no no, not at all healthy,
want to get better, right? And caressing Akane in front of father
is NOT going to help... hell with it, what do I care?
(Her cell phone rings, and she takes it out.)
Nabiki: (businesslike voice) Tendo here.
(As she listens her face turns pale.)
Nabiki: Right. Lower the death odds. A lot. (she listens a bit more)
No, clear the area. I don't like funerals.
(She hangs up, and leans back, a worried look on her face.)
Nabiki: Some brave soul is gonna have to tell Akane, and it's not
gonna be me.
(Scene changes to Chief Matome Sugita's office in Animal Control.
Sugita is seated at his desk, reams of paperwork in front of him,
when the phone rings.)
Sugita: (picking it up) Sugita. This had better be good news.
(He listens for a few minutes.)
Sugita: (calmly) I see. Keep me posted.
(He hangs up the phone, and stares at the wall for a bit. After a
couple of minutes, he picks up the phone and dials a number.)
Sugita: (calm voice) Government House? This is Sugita, Nerima
Ward Animal Control. Get me the Prime Minister.
END OF EPISODE 7