Sailor Moon vs. Ranma 1/2 "New Edition" 
Skimpy Skirts And Cross Dresser's
Chapter 5: No Offense, But Throwing Flowers Are Kinda Gay

	Akane slowly opened her eyes.  The blast had knocked her down, and she could
feel soot all over her.  Her vision slowly came back to focus and her first
sight was Ranma's face grimacing in pain on top of her.  As she wrapped her
arms around Ranma, she could feel the blistered flesh of his back.
	"Ahhh," Ranma winced, as he began to push himself off her.
	"Ranma!  You're hurt bad!" she worriedly said as she slid herself from under
him.  "We gotta get you to Dr. Tofu."
	Ranma, obviously still weak, pointed behind her.  In her concern for Ranma,
she didn't even notice that energy was still swirling around the area like a
weak tornado.  She turned around to see that the source of it was a few yards
away by Sailor Moon.  It looked like the person with Happosai was saying
something to her while he was laughing.  All of a sudden, Happosai raised his
hand, which glowed with energy.  He was about to kill her!
	"Get the hell away from her!" screamed Sailor Jupiter as she began running
to Sailor Moon's aid.  She jumped into the air and cried, "Jupiter Thunder
Crash," and unleashed a bolt of lighting straight for Happosai.
	With incredible speed, Happosai leapt into the air as the ground beneath him
exploded.  He pointed the palm of his hand at Jupiter while airborne, and
unleashed a negaforce blast at her.  Jupiter screamed as the force of the
blow sent slammed her against the wall.  She limply fell off the wall.
	"I don't know what's going on, but even Happosai couldn't do that," remarked
Ranma with concern as he flew towards Happosai with his fist extend.  "We had
a problem with possession before, but a good punch ought to take care of
that!"
	With a casual grace, Happosai struck Ranma's wrist with his smoking pipe,
throwing him into the pond.  Ranma was thrown with such force, he continued
propelling until he impacted against the bottom of the pond.
	Seeing Ranma hurt, Shampoo rushed Happosai.  "You better not hurt Shampoo
husband!"
	Ukyou then shoved her way ahead of Shampoo and cried "Stay out of this, I'll
avenge Ranchan!"
	Mousse ran after Shampoo screaming "But Shampoo, I'm right here and I'm not
hurt!"  He continued to chase Shampoo.
	"The bittersweet taste of vengeance is a delight Tatewaki Kuno shall not
lose," said Kuno as he drew out his bokken and began to run at Happosai.  "To
be denied that which I apparently awaited is an offense not to be taken
lightly!"
	Before Happosai had a chance to react, all four of them had pounced on him
and began trashing him.  Shampoo and Ukyou were stepping on him due to their
defense of Ranma.  Mousse was doing it because Shampoo was.  And Kuno...,
well, who understands anything Kuno does.
	"Saotome, is that not the master they are stomping into the ground?" asked
Soun, observing the melee from the porch.
	"Uh-huh," grunted the Panda form of Genma.
	"Shouldn't we be doing something about this then Genma?"
	"Uh-huh."
	Genma and Soun were quickly also at the cloud of dust the others were at,
all too eager to join in the stomping of the master.  To their surprise, they
could actually feel his wrinkled little body being stomped under their feet!
 He usually had pulled his disappearing trick by now.
	Happosai's body should have been mangled by now, but this was no longer
Happosai.  While they had been thinking they were finishing him off, he had
amusedly drawn them all in close and allowed himself the time to replenish
some of his energy.  atomic explosions could take the wind out of someone.
 With a burst of energy mixed with his enhanced strength, he threw them off
him by brute force as much as by an energy blast.  Everyone flew off him in
every direction, landing and smacking into things hard.
	"Alright scouts," commanded Mars, "let's keep those creeps from Sailor
Moon."  The remaining scouts began to run at Happosai.
	Sailor Moon herself was still trying to regain consciousness.  Right next to
her, Malachite was too busy observing Happosai's fury to finish her off.
	"Mars Fire..."
	"Venus Crescent Beam..."
	"Mercury Bubble..."
	None of them got to finish their special attack as winds begin swirling
around Happosai, who then pounded his hands into the ground crying "School of
Anything Goes Martial Arts Final Attack Bean Jam Blowout!"
	With that said, a twister spun towards the scouts and engulfed them.  It
mercilessly twisted them up in the air as it lifted them higher into the sky.
 The twister then dissipated, leaving the scouts crashing back down to the
earth in a crumpled stack. 
	"I guess that takes care of that," a smug Malachite remarks.  "Only one
loose end left," he says as he turns to Sailor Moon.  "I don't even know why
I'm bothering with you, you are obviously no threat to me now.  In fact, it's
almost shameful to think that my dear Zoicite had to die because of a
insignificance like you.  Consider this payback.  Happosai, kill her slowly."
	Sailor Moon had struggled onto one knee, but still couldn't get her
bearings.  She hears the death order, but was in no condition to react.
	"Stop!" protested Akane as she stepped in to block Happosai.  "You still
have to get through me first."  Akane then attempted a kick at Happosai who
easily dodged, and her following punch proved as ineffective.
	Happosai began to try a new trick.  Energy flared around him, but soon began
to take shape.  His battle aura took his shape around him, and with the
outstretched arm of his aura self, grabbed Akane by the throat, lifting her
off the ground.
	Akane tried to draw in air, but nothing was coming in.  She tried to twist
the wrist but it was too strong.  She kicked wildly, but couldn't hit
anything.  The world started to turn dark.
	"Hey you old letch!" cried a new female voice.  Happosai casually turned his
head, still holding Akane.
	Ranma had reverted back to girl type, and began pulling a bra from her
chest.  "I got something to show you," teased Ranma.
	"Although I would find a strip show slightly amusing, I have more important
business to attend to," calmly stated the new Happosai.
	"There isn't a trace of Happosai left in there," thinks Ranma.  "He would
have been at me before I blinked."
	Before Ranma could do anything, Happosai had flung Akane straight at him.
 "Akane!" Ranma cried as he jumped at her, hoping to catch her.  He catches
her, but the force of the throw sends him flying back into the house,
crashing through walls.  He puts his back into everything trying to protect
Akane.
	"Moon Tiara..." Sailor Moon begins, but a backhand by Malachite throws her
back to the ground again.  She begins trembling with fury, fright, and shame.
 Here she was, the moon princess, and she was completely helpless.  Tears
begin forming again, but she tries to hold it in.  With a trembling voice,
she says "Do what you will with me, but leave my friends alone."
	"You are in no position to request anything Sailor Moon.  In fact, you'll be
in no position period soon enough.  Happosai, for the last time, do it!"
	But again, Happosai is suddenly attacked.  Two small blurs begin streaking
left and right.  As they dash across Happosai, they leave scratches all over
his frame.
	"What is this?" he cries as he tries to get the black and white blurs, but
they were too small, fast, and agile.
	"Artemis, I can't keep this up much longer," moans Luna.
	"We have to Luna, if we slow down, he'll finish us," replies Artemis.
	"Enough of this ludicrousness, I'll finish her off myself," roared
Malachite.  He began forming a huge energy ball.
	"Moon Tiara Magic!" cried Sailor Moon as the tiara flew at Malachite.
 Caught by surprise, Malachite releases his energy ball at the tiara.  They
both negate each other's force, and the tiara falls spinning to the ground.
	"Nice try, but no more second chances," smirked Malachite.  He pointed his
open palm at Sailor Moon ready to blast off her head.  "Say hi to Neflite for
me..."
	Suddenly, a swirl of energy formed behind Malachite, and a figure appeared
out of it, landing on Malachite's back with a strong jump kick.  
	Malachite stumbled forward, but was able to hover in the air before
regaining his footing.  "Who dares!' he hissed.
	"Your orders were specific Malachite.  Gain possession of Happosai and
return with him to Queen Beryl.  What part of that did you not understand,"
chaffed a Tuxedo clad man with a top hat and cane.
	"You!  I should finish you off here and now, but I don't have the time for
this.  It doesn't matter really, because you have all become of no
consequence to me," grinned Malachite as he began to disappear.  "But just to
be safe, I'll take myself a hostage," he laughs as he reappears on the porch
next to Akane, who boy type Ranma was leaning on for support.
	"Oh no!, Never again!" roars Akane as she grabs Malachite's arm, and with a
sudden surge of strength, heaves him back outside.  He shifts his direction
and flies straight for the still unconscious Ukyou.  "Any old hostage will
do," he gloats as he grabs her and teleports away.  "Come after me, and it'll
be the last you see of her!  Let's go Happosai!"
	Finally getting the hang of his new powers, Happosai formed a force shield
around him.  Luna and Artemis bounce of this hard.  He then disappears in a
flash of light.
	"Damn!  He got away," cursed Tuxedo Mask.
	"Ukyou, come back here with her!" screamed Ranma as he leapt to where
Malachite had disappeared.  "Why don't you take Kuno instead!"
	Sailor Moon had managed to stand up, but was still only shoulder level to
Tuxedo Mask.  "Tuxedo Mask," muttered Sailor Moon weakly.  "Are you back on
our side?  Have you finally remembered our past?"
	Tuxedo Mask turned around and stared at her coldly.  Then, with an evil
smile, he said, "I assure you, I'm not going back empty handed.  Either hand
me the moon crystal or prepare to meet your maker.  Either way, I win."
	Sailor Moon broke down into tears.  Not her usual wails, but a genuine
broken heart.  She almost wanted to give him the wand and be done with it.
 But she held on, and implored, "I can't give you the crystal.  I'll restore
your memories no matter what it takes.  Maybe then, we could finally be
together."
	"With a meatball head like you?  You must be joking," laughed Tuxedo Mask.
 "Meatball head?" he wonders.  "Just give me the crystal and then everything
will be fine."
	"NO!  Get away from me," Sailor Moon cried as she began to scramble away
from him.  "You're not the real Tuxedo Mask!"
	"I see you're not going to listen to reason," he remarks as he moves his
cane out from under his cape.  "Maybe you'll listen to this."
	"Stop!" bellowed Ranma in a tired voice.  "I don't exactly know what's going
on around here, but I get the feeling she's the key to everything.  So back
off now.  Or else."
	Tuxedo Mask quickly throws a rose at Ranma's head.  Ranma easily grabs it
with his hand and crushes it.  "Man, I've seen some pretty lame special
attacks in my time, but throwing roses?  That has got to be the gayest thing
I've ever seen."
	"Then perhaps you'd like to test your manhood in a real fight little boy?
 Or are you just a scared little girl," taunted Tuxedo Mask.
	"I'm not a girl!" screamed Ranma as he leapt at Tuxedo Mask.
	"Ranma wait!" Akane yelled after him.  "You're in no shape to fight him!
 You're too weak and banged up!"
	"Stay out of this Akane, I've got something to prove."
	Before he knew it, Tuxedo Mask had struck him in the stomach with his cane.
 Ranma quickly twists in the air so he catches the back of Tuxedo's head with
his elbow. Ranma hit the ground hand's first and flipped to his feet.  Tux
hit the ground face first.
	Tux quickly pushed himself off the ground, and growled at Ranma.  "Not bad
boy, perhaps you'll prove amusing after all."
	"The only thing funny after this will be your face."
	"Ranma, don't hurt him, he doesn't know what he's doing," pleaded a sobbing
Sailor Moon.
	"That won't be a problem," bragged Tux as he launched a hail of flowers at
Ranma.  
	Ranma just smirked.  Ranma's fingers flew like lightning, as he swatted down
every single rose like they were moving in slow motion.
	"What the," uttered a shocked Tux.
	Ranma took advantage of Tux's hesitance and barreled down at him landing a
kick onto his face.  Still reeling, Ranma uppercutted him, and followed it
with a spinning roundhouse that sent Tux flying into the wall of the Tendo
house.  Ranma then rushed at him again.
	Tux held his head as if it would stop the throbbing pain, and grumbled, "You
hit like a girl."
	"I'll show you how hard a girl can hit," snapped back Ranma as he prepared
to slug Tux again.
	Tux pointed his hand at Ranma and suddenly a blast of energy shot out.
 Ranma crashed into it like a freight train, and flew backwards like Mugsy
Bogues off Shaq.  Ranma fell crippled to the ground.  "Guess I was
exhausted," Ranma realized.
	Tux, seeing his opponent down, quickly kicked Ranma in the gut, then slammed
his cane into Ranma's back.  Ranma fell to the ground loosely.  "Heh, nice
fight, but now you die," mumbled Tux through clenched teeth.  He picked out a
rose, ready to lodge it into Ranma's head.
	"No, wait!" cried Akane as she began to run to Ranma's side.  Acting on
instinct, Tuxedo tossed the rose at Akane.  If she were as slow as Ranma
always said she was, the rose would have struck her heart.  Instead, she was
able to move so it only slashed her left arm.  "Ungh," winced Akane.
	"Akane!  Nobody touches my fiancee!" screamed Ranma as he threw a foot at
Tux's chin.  He quickly pulled himself up to his feet and cried "Tencho
Amagureken!" as he began to drive his fist into Tuxedo's gut a few hundred
times in a matter of seconds.  Ranma fell to the ground exhausted while
Tuxedo fell to the ground clutching his stomach, trying to breathe again.
 The cracked ribs weren't helping.
	Coughing out blood, Tuxedo also coughed out "I'm... not through yet... fight
until my... last breathe."
	"To your... last breathe... it is then," rebutted Ranma.  He took a look at
Akane to make sure she was alright, and after he realized Akane was only
scratched, stared back at Tux.  "Come on Prom Man, get up..."
	Sailor Moon, realizing that both of them meant what they said, quickly pulls
out her moon wand.  "I hope this to works on Tux again," she thinks.  "Moon
Healing Activation!" she chants as she forms a circle around her with the
moon wand.
	A bathe of light showered Tux, as he began to tremble in midair.  He gets
out a low howl before falling back to the ground.  "Don't know... what you
tried to do... but it didn't work."
	A defeated Sailor Moon fell to the ground.  "I didn't get his memory back.
 I... I don't know what to do," she cried.
	"Memory?  He lost his memory," thinks Akane.  Akane quickly runs over to
Shampoo who was finally beginning to awaken.  "Shampoo wake up!  It's
important!  Ranma's life may be at stake, wake up!"
	Hearing Ranma's name, Shampoo quickly regained her composure.  "What wrong
with Ranma?  Shampoo help him fight," she said as she readies to attack Tux.
	"No Shampoo," Akane said as she tried to hold her back.  "What we need is
the Xiang High Fiatsu attack and formula 109.  You've got to use it on the
guy in the Tux!"
Akane looked at Ranma and Tux who had both begun to get to their feet.
 Someone could get seriously hurt this time.  "You've got to hurry Shampoo,"
pleaded Akane nervously.
	"Die!" the two combatants screamed at each other as they both moved in for a
final blow, but Ranma quickly stopped as he saw a blur leap onto Tux's back.
	With amazing speed, Shampoo trims Tux's hair, shampoos it, combs it, and
blow dries it all in a matter of seconds.  Tux fell to the ground as Shampoo
leapt off his back.
	"Tuxedo Mask," yelled Sailor Moon as she rushed to his side.  She rolled him
over onto his back, and propped his head up.  "Please be okay, Tux, please...
say something."  The tears had begun to flow, and her cries turned into sobs.
 "It's me, meatball head, wake up and make fun of me.  Please, just wake up."
	"You and your meatballs are definitely not the first things I'd like to see
when I wake up," joked a still very groggy Tux.  He's surprised by the sudden
hug from Sailor Moon, who was sobbing uncontrollably into his chest.  He
winced in pain.   "What's wrong with her," wondered Tux.  He slowly began to
push her away.  "Your friends are all waking up and my ribs still hurt," he
gently murmured.
	Sailor Moon, trying to regain control of herself, regained her composure,
wipes the tears away, and teased, "it's about time you woke up, Mars.  And
here, I had to get back Tuxedo Mask all by my little self."
	"Hey, I did most of the work..." Ranma tried to say before Akane put her
hand over his mouth.
	"Darian is back?" wondered Mars.  She couldn't believe it.  Just like that,
a chance encounter here in Nerima, and some shampoo had brought him back to
her?  Who cared about Happosai, Darian was back!
	"Is it true Tuxedo Mask, are you really back on our side?" asked an eager
Mars.
	"If you people are willing to take me back..."
	"Of course!" Mars happily exclaimed as she moved to hug him.  Darian waited
for her with open arms.
	Out of nowhere, Sailor Moon shoved her away.  "How could we survive without
you," she said as she hugged him herself.
	Tux looked down on her in confusion.  "What's wrong with Serena?  She's
acting as if she has some sort of crush on me," he pondered.
	Meanwhile, Rei was just sitting there on the ground where Serena had pushed
her.  She should've been in Serena's face by now, reprimanding her for
pushing her, and hogging Darian for herself but...  Of all people, Rei
supposed she had the right to hog Darian for herself.  "Darian was Serena's,
not..., mine," Rei solemnly told herself.  She thought she had come to terms
with Darian being Serena's but...  That time she slapped Serena back in the
cave, she knew why she did it now.  Darian couldn't be hers, but god damnit,
the current Serena didn't deserve him either.  Maybe Princess Serentiy did,
but not Serena.  Just because of what happened a hundred years ago...  She
wasn't sure what to make of what she was telling herself, but then she looked
at Serena hugging Darian ruthlessly and let out a sigh as she got up.
 "There's hardly anything I could do about this anyways," Rei grimly told
herself.
	"Sailor Moon, even with Tuxedo Mask back on our side, I still don't know if
we have enough firepower to take out Malachite, Happosai, and Queen Beryl,"
observed Luna.  "With Happosai on their side, the negaverse may be
unstoppable!"
	Tuxedo Mask looked at all the familiar yet not familiar faces.  He remembers
seeing these other martial artists, but at the same time, doesn't remember
how he could've met them.  It was like waking up from a dream and finding the
dream still happening.  And then there was everything that had happened to
him and the scouts.  What he did...  It seemed impossible to him that he did
such things.  In fact, he was debating in his mind whether or not it really
was a dream.  But his problems were secondary now.  Everyone else was a
disoriented mess, and something needed to be done. It was the last thing he
wanted to face now.  He turned to look at Rei who seemed to be purposely
ignoring him.  "And what's wrong with her, I figured she'd be happiest to
have me back," he thought.  "Maybe she doesn't know I know all their secret
identities yet," he told himself, obviously trying to make excuses for her
apathy.  He tried to distract himself from all the personal problems he'd
have to deal with after becoming a brainwashed pawn of the negaverse and
turned to the other's.
	"We have to go to the negaverse," stated Tux.  "I'm assuming the five of you
can teleport there with me along."
	"You ain't going nowhere without me.  That creeps got Ukyou, and I'm going
to get her back," declared Ranma.
	"I'm going too.  Ukyou is a friend of mine as well."  Akane paused after she
said this.  A thought had crossed her mind, "Ranma's so worried about her,
maybe she's the one he actually lo...," she shakes the thought off, worrying
she was actually about to get jealous of the insensitive creep.  "Ukyou is my
friend, and alot nicer that Shampoo or Kodachi," she told herself.
	"Shampoo no see why Ranma so worried about stupid spatula girl, but Shampoo
go where husband go."
	At the moment Kuno regained consciousness, he had quickly run over and swept
Mercury off her feet.  "The devil himself has tried to prevent the advance of
our desire, but even he dare not perturbed the blue thunder, Tatewaki Kuno.
 Now my blue hared beauty, let the glow of the blue thunder smother you," he
poets as he moves in to kiss her.
	"Snap out of it Romeo, she didn't get hit that hard," reprimands Lita as she
lifts him by the hair and then smashes his face to the ground.
	"Wow, that's some chick," remarked Ranma. 
	"Ranma, no Baka!" yelled Akane as she knocked him upside the head.
	"Let's stick with English," a sign Genma held up read.
	By then, Mousse had awaken and was talking about the names he wanted to give
his first son /or daughter to a stone fountain.
	"By the way pops," questioned Ranma, "you coming along too?"
	"Yeah dad," Akane also asked.
	Genma held up a sign reading, "Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked
witch, the wicked witch...," while Soun started singing the same tune.  Genma
grumbled to the tune as well.
	"You know, if you thought Happosai was bad before, what do you think it'll
be like once he starts to rule the world?" taunted Ranma.
	Genma and Soun both fell down in a weird pose that only Japanese people find
amusing.  Genma held up a sign reading, "I need to pack my toothbrush."
	"Okay then, it's set, we're all going to save Ukyou and get Happosai back to
normal."  Ranma shuddered as the thought that the old Happy was actually
preferable.
	"I don't know if we have enough power, but I guess we'll have to try.
 Everybody, hold hands," ordered Luna.
	As they all held hands in a circle, a bright glow began to surround
everyone.  "Kuno, you're squeezing the blood out of my hand," pleaded
Mercury.  
	"Shampoo, you're hand is so... hairy," remarked a bewildered Mousse holding
Genma's hand.  
	"Rei, we need to talk about... us," silently whispered Tux to Mars.
	"Us?" replied Rei.
	"Ranma..."  Akane whispered.  
	"Akane..." Ranma said at the same time.
	"Bye, bye everyone.  Have a nice trip.  Mr. Saotome, you forgot your
toothbrush..."  Before Kasumi can give it to him, a bright beam of light shot
upward from inside the circle.  "Sailor Teleport!" the scouts shouted and
they all disappeared with the light, leaving only a few chunks of dirt
falling back to the earth.
	"Oh my, I do hope they all take care of themselves."
	Luna walked beside Artemis.  "Do you think they're ready for this Artemis?"
	"I would have liked to have held this off at least another week, but I guess
it really is a moot point.  They're the only ones that can do it now."
	"Hmmm," grumbled Nabiki.
	"Is something the matter Nabiki?" Kasumi asks.
	"It's just that I feel like I could've made a fortune off that ditzy blond
girl.  Now she's gone, and so is my best customer Kuno.  Not only that, but
Ranma and Akane basically generate in one way or another all my business.
 They'd better all make it back or I might have to adjust my spending."
 Inside, Nabiki thought to herself "Guys, you have to all make it back
safely."

	In a flash of light, Tux and Sailor Moon reappeared and fell onto the
ground.  Nobody else followed them.

*New Notes: Next chapter, all the new stuff begins.  I've atually had to make
about 2 additional chapters to fit everything together.  So if you've thought
the "New Edition" has been somewhat disappointing so far, trust me, the next
part has ALL the new stuff.  Some quick notes about this last chapter.  This,
for all intents and purposes, was the "bridge" between the goofy have them
beat each other up part of the story with the REAL story that starts next
chapter.  I'm not sure real is the best way to describe it, but there's a
more focues direction and a definite antagonist in the story.  And while I'm
at it, I'm going to plug my final fanfic, Ranma: Four Fiance's And A Funeral
now... ^_^  And e-mail ALL comments to chihokodan@aol.com.  Jya Ne!