[Spamfic] [UY] "Selected Champion"

By Henry J. Cobb

$Id: selected_champion.txt,v 1.2 1997/06/19 04:52:30 hcobb Exp $



The Urusei Yatsura characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko

Takahashi.  No infringement of her copyrights is intended.



This is a Spamfic, even though I'm going to reuse some of these elements

into Ambassador Lum, it won't be in this way. (It'd become Emperor

Ataru, now wouldn't it?)



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"Lum."  Ataru Moroboshi said to the alien girl whose lap his head rested

in, under a cherry tree on a bright spring morning.



"Yes Darling?"  She replied, while running her hands through his hair.



"Can I tell you a secret?"



"Anything Darling."



"Lum -- I love only you, with all of me."



"And the other girls Darling?"



"I'll give up the looking and the chasing.  Even, even Sakura and Shinobu."



"Will you love me forever Darling?"



"Yes."



"Will you come with me?"



"Yes."



"Will you follow me though the blackness of space and into fire and battle?"



"Yes."



"Then I can tell you my deepest, darkest secret.  Do you promise not to

ever tell anybody else, no matter what?"



"I promise."



"The computer that selected you as Earth's champion wasn't random.  I

told it what kind of man I wanted."



"What?"



"That's why there was never any real rival for my affections.  I'm a bit

stubborn, and I chose you before we even met.  That final delay before

you saw me for the first time, was my thinking about what I'd say."



"W-why me?"  Ataru turned around and sat up to grab Lum's hands and

stare into her eyes.  "I'm a nothing!  People say ``Poor Lum, what does

she see in that idiot Ataru?''  I could maybe see it, if you'd met me

first and then somehow fell in love.  But, what could you program into a

computer?"



"What do you think of my father Darling?"



"Mr Invader looks mean, but he's a nice regular guy.  He's always been

very honest and dependable, but he seems to lose a lot of fights to your

mom.  I'm surprised he'd rig the game like that."



"He didn't.  He doesn't know about my hacking.  And we're going to keep

it that way.  Remember your promise Darling.  What would you say if I

told you that he's the second best leader we Oni have?"



"Well, I've seen him order his forces around with style, but I'd think

you'd have much better generals and stuff."



"No Darling.  He's a masterful politician, the freely elected prime

minister of our multi-racial planet.  Really, he's the best we've got."



"You said he's number two.  Is your mom the best leader?"



"No, she's really not in his league.  She's very powerful in our upper

house, as head of one of the oldest and strongest clans.  They met while

arguing about the bill to extend the vote on Uru to non-Oni and they've

never really stopped arguing since.  She even got wheeled into parliament

days before I was born to cast a losing vote against it."



Lum shifted her hands down to hold Ataru's arms then continued, "Nowadays

about half the members of Daddy's party are non-Oni, including Ran's

mom.  I think he prefers to have a minority government.  Then he's free

to cut deals with everybody."



"How did Ran stay over at your house so often, if your mother doesn't

like non-Oni?"



"Mother has nothing against people personally.  She's not bigoted.  It's

just that she thinks it's best for Oni to stay apart.  Even though she

likes you personally, she refuses to learn Japanese on principle."



"She's old fashioned, kinda like Mrs Mendo then?"



"It scares me sometimes, how much alike they are.  Can't you just see

those two mothers in law sitting down for dinner at the same table?

It's a good thing that Shutaro wasn't as suitable as you Darling."



"You still haven't told me what it was about me that you were looking

for."



"What do you think about Rei, Darling?"



"He's very handsome, when he's humanoid.  The strong, silent type.  He's

every girl's dreamboat.  Why didn't you stick with him?"



"And he's a great hero, one of our best warriors."



"He must speak Oni a heck of a lot better than Japanese then."



"No, not really."



"Then how does he coordinate on the battlefield?"



"He doesn't.  He flies out to wreak havoc on the enemy and demonstrate

his personal courage."



"That's stupid.  He'll get himself killed, for no good reason."



"So in the end, he doesn't really add up to much, right Darling?"



"Yeah, zero.  Why not Shutaro then?  You said yourself that he's just as

big of an idiot as I am."



"Where does he spend his vacations Darling?"



"Anywhere he wants to.  He can rent any island in the world."



"But Darling, why is it always to the beach or mountain that you

select?"



"Well, I tell you where I'm going and you insist on tagging along and I

call Shutaro and tell him you're going and then I call Shinobu and tell

her that he's going, just to try and make you jealous.  I'm kinda

ashamed about that."



"I don't mind Darling.  Shinobu's my best Earth friend."



"Why not Sakura?  You two get along great."



"Sakura is a teacher.  It puts some distance between us.  But Darling,

isn't Shutaro a great leader?"



"He orders the Mendo family army around OK.  And he's better looking

than me and a more polished speaker.  He says he's smarter than me and

he's got the grades to prove it."



"Yet he goes where you say to go.  Why is that Darling?"



"Well, I've got the one thing his money can't buy."  Ataru shifted

around to sit back against the tree and then turned Lum around to sit in

his lap.  "I've got a Lum."



"And you use that one advantage over him masterfully Darling."  Lum

leaned back Ataru as he wrapped his arms around her waist.



"What else could I do?"  Ataru leaned his head over Lum's shoulder to

look at her.



"And not just him Darling."  Lum placed a hand on Ataru's cheek to draw

him closer.  "You force everybody to follow along.  You're unreasonable

Darling, you force the world to conform.  You remind me of somebody."



"This greatest leader of the Oni?"



"Yes, you know this Oni well.  You've been living under the same roof

for a while."



"Jariten?  He's this great leader?  I always thought he'd be more of an

artist."



"He will be a great artist and dreamer someday Darling, but I doubt

he'll be much of a leader.  No, the greatest leader of the Oni decides

on what she wants and goes after it until she gets it."



"You?"



"Yes Darling.  I've been carefully building my position, establishing

personal ties with the people who will be important on other planets and

now I have you."



"So, you've trapped me with a scheme, not for love."



"Oh no Darling!  I do love you!  At first I wasn't sure I could do it,

but then I fell for those things about you that I selected you for in

the first place."



"OK, I surrender.  You're the greatest schemer the Oni have ever known.

What do you need me for?"



"I'm not enough and you're better.  Together we can do it.  Let's say I

married Rei.  How much independent action could I trust him with?"



"Not much."



"And what happens when Shutaro runs into alien weirdness?"



"He panics."



"And if I stayed single there would be constant plots to land me as I

moved up.  But, now with you at my side Darling, I'm covered on three

fronts.  The other clans must respect the position I'll inherit from my

mother, Dad's party will like the political correctness of my marrying a

non-Oni and other worlds will appreciate an offer of alliance with

leadership drawn from multiple worlds, even at the top."



"You've got the future all planned out.  What's next?"



"You need to become a hero Darling.  It's just the way Oni society

works.  It shouldn't be too hard, we're constantly challenged on the

border."  Lum stood and offered her hand down to Ataru and he accepted

it.



	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb