Here comes C&C! After a grueling round of tuition payment, it's time for a
break!

At 06:58 PM 6/20/97 +0800, you wrote:

[snip]

But of course, after hours of budgeting her ‘earnings,’ she finally had all
of that taken care of. 

*sigh* I get tired, sometimes, of hearing about Nabiki and her earnings.
It's not that I don't like Nabiki. Nothing could be further from the truth.
It's just that, well... It's so cliche now, you know, about how Nabiki's
this cold calculating... *ahem* Fortunately, this fic changes course later.

She also felt a headache coming on. Good thing Ranma and Akane were not
exceptionally loud tonight  or the headache would have come while she was
still doing her accounting. 

*sigh*

The sound of whining voices coming from the direction of the laundry porch
suddenly caught her attention. Her head shot up, ignoring the insistent
throb inside it that was fast beginning to escalate into a blacksmiths’
convention. 

Nice metaphor.

[snip]

"Now, father, you know the reason why I don’t want you to go up there is
because I do want something to happen tonight." 

Whoa! Go Kasumi! She's making sense!

By the way. Never in the manga has Nodoka ever been shown with any skill at
all with the katana, but just for creative license, we'll let that pass.

[snip]

For the first time in years, she was looking a midnight-blue sky ablaze with
thousands of stars. Its beauty caused her chest to tighten in unbidden
emotion, and suddenly, she forgot her headache as stared.

Wow. Nabiki being... sentimental. I know it's regarded as OOC, but I feel
that this is a pleasant change of pace.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Nabiki?" Kasumi asked, sitting down on the
laundry porch and inviting her sister to do the same by patting the spot
beside her. 

"It’s been such a long time since I’ve done this," Nabiki said gingerly,
kneeling beside Kasumi, not taking her eyes off the sky, fascinated. 

"I know. Among the three of us, you loved them most of all, didn’t you?"
Kasumi said, smiling and looking up at the stars herself. "Funny, I haven’t
seen you stargazing since… oh well." She suddenly reached up, took off her
hair ribbon, shook her hair out, and held a brush towards Nabiki.  "Could
you please brush out my hair?  I miss having someone do that for me."

Nabiki stared at the brush suspiciously, then shook herself. "Okay,
Oneechan," she said, moving behind Kasumi then gently brushing the long
brown tresses in slow strokes. They sat in companionable silence, letting
the sounds of the night wash over them both.

*	*	*	*

"Mommy?" little Nabiki had said in a sleepy voice.

"Sssshh," she had said smiling and  holding a finger to her lips. "The stars
are out tonight, Nabiki-chan. I thought you might like to watch them with me."

"Yes, yes, yes!" Nabiki had exclaimed, sitting up abruptly and raising her
arms to be carried. Her mother had picked her up and carried her out to the
laundry porch. 

"You’re getting too big to be carried around like this, Nabiki-chan," her
mother had chuckled softly. "Soon enough, you will be joining Kasumi and me
in the kitchen, learning how to cook for the family." She had put Nabiki
down on the floor and sat beside her.

"It’s so beautiful," Nabiki had gasped. "Can I count them, Mommy?"

Her mother had laughed and hugged Nabiki to her. "I have a better idea – why
don’t we both wait for a falling star to come along and make a wish together?"

Just a few minutes later, a shooting star streaked through the sky.

"Look, a shooting star!" Nabiki had pointed. She shut her eyes tight and
made a wish. When she opened them again, the shooting star was gone. "Know
what I wished for, Mommy?"

"What, Nabiki-chan?"

Nabiki had turned and hugged her mother very tight. "I wished that you would
stay with me, Kasumi, and Akane forever."

Be careful what you wish for...

[snip]

"Well… everything important, anyway," Nabiki quipped, trying hard to sound
more convincing. She changed the subject. "It’s a miracle Akane hasn’t
booted Ranma off the roof yet – they’ve been there for quite a while," she
said, continuing to brush Kasumi’s hair. "Why can’t the two of them hurry up
and get it over with? They’re both so stupid not to see something that’s
right before their noses."

Not to add to the cold calculating extortionist image, but... wouldn't that
cramp her extortion racket with Ranma?

[snip]

"What about me?" Nabiki asked flippantly, now feeling even more
uncomfortable. She picked up Kasumi’s hair ribbon and twiddled it through
her fingers in a nervous gesture. She hated being asked to confront her
feelings, but this was Kasumi, and she couldn’t just walk away from her
older sister. "I’m this close to college and making all of my dreams come
true, the family’s still afloat financially, Ranma and Akane and the other
finacees haven’t demolished the house nor the dojo in weeks – nothing could
be better."

'still afloat financially'. Probably because of Nabiki.

[sigh]

"Someday, you’ll find people who’ll love you  just as you are, just like we
do – I’m sure of it," Kasumi replied touching Nabiki’s hand comfortingly and
breaking into one of her ‘all’s right with the world’ smiles. "You just have
to show them what you really are inside."

Yeah! You tell her, Kasumi!

All of a sudden, Nabiki felt close to tears. "I don’t need anyone else! I
don’t want to learn to depend on someone who’ll just go away eventually,"
Nabiki snapped, losing control – something she rarely did.  She stood up and
slammed the ribbon down on the table. "I’d rather depend on myself than on
anyone at all."

Excerpt from a future Gratuitous Self:

        "Don't ever get too close to me, Takezo," Nabiki said softly. "Or I
might run you through."

Yes, I agree, I just think Nabiki's too afraid of letting anyone close. I
wonder why? I think I'm covering that base in a future story, tentatively
titled 'Himawari'.

[snip]

"Oneechan – are you actually going to leave me here unguarded?" Nabiki
quipped, pushing back her emotion and trying to sound like her old self
again. "Aren’t you afraid I’ll go up on the roof and take pictures of Ranma
and Akane to sell to Kuno?"

Kasumi smiled, this time one of her wise smiles. "I don’t think so," she
said. "You know why I know?"

Nabiki bit her lip. She really didn’t want to hear this, did she? But, as
usual, her natural curiosity won out. "Why?"

"Because you have a good heart," Kasumi said with conviction. "Good night,
Nabiki."   

Oooooh... I never thought I'd hear anyone say that. I've always wanted to,
but it'd risk going against canon... Thank you.
	
[snip]

She shook her head. What was with her tonight? "If I don’t watch myself,
I’ll probably end up talking to myself," she muttered, then began to laugh
at what she just did. She should cut her losses and turn in while she was
still sane. 

Okay. Critical Writer mode on.
The last sentence is awkward. It'd would probably be better if written as if
she was thinking it, rather than making it a third prseon view.

To illustrate:

        She shook her head. What was with her tonight? "If I don’t watch myself,
I’ll probably end up talking to myself," she muttered, then began to laugh
at what she just did. "I think I should cut my losses and turn in while I'm
still sane," she chuckled.

-or, if third person really important-

        She shook her head. What was with her tonight? "If I don’t watch myself,
I’ll probably end up talking to myself," she muttered, then began to laugh
at what she just did. She felt that she should've cut her losses and turn in
while she was still sane.

Just my writer side nitpicking.

Just as she stood up, the meteor shower began and she the sight rooted her
to the spot.

It rained silver against a backdrop of midnight blue – hundreds and hundreds
of them. Nabiki was stunned by the wonder of it. Mommy, you would have loved
to see this, she thought, as the last few meteors streaked through the sky
and dwindled away into nothingness.

Now would be a good time to put in something like:

And then, she heard a voice... not aloud, but within her, and for the first
time, she knew that the wish she had made so long ago had come true...

It is beautiful and I love it. But not as much as I love you, Nabiki-chan.

I love you, too, Mom. I’ll always remember.

Even in the chill breeze, a warmth suffused Nabiki as she realized that
after all these years, tonight the stars had given her back her mother.
Smiling gently, she took one last wistful look at the stars, closed her eyes
to make a wish, and headed back inside the darkened house, placing the
half-filled teacup on top of the table.

FIN

People, once again, are going to go after you for portraying Nabiki against
canon. They're going to tell you how Nabiki should be cold and detached and
how she's motivated by money and only that...

But not me. Instead, I thank you. Thank you for portraying the side of my
favortie Ranma character we could only see in daydreams and musings...

Keep the faith...

TimeRunner

=====

"Put your money where your foot is!"

TimeRunner's Fics can be found at:

TimeRunner Central
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482