Hi all here's the fifth instalment of my little alternate Ranma
storyline Sureal Genius. I would appreciate some commentary.
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Legal: The characters of Ranma 1/2 were created by the great Rumiko Takahashi.
I am using them without permission, hopefully for the purpose of entertaining
someone. If
anyone who has a right to sue me has that desire, I have almost no money.
C&C is appreciated, you can contact me at brenda02@sprynet.com
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A Ranma 1/2 Fanfict
Surreal Genius
By Brendan O'Donnell
Part five
Somewhere in the wilds of Japan a solitary figure in a worn and dusty
cloak was
walking. "Ranma," he whispered to himself as he continued down the road.
Hearing a rumbling
sound he looked over his shoulder. An enormous boar was charging at him. He
scowled and
turned around.
The cloaked figure drew his right hand from beneath his cloak and raised
it to about
chest level, curling the fingers into a claw. His lips curled back as he
snarled menacingly. The
boar almost fell over stopping it's charge. It looked at it's opponent a moment
before turning
and running back the way it had come as fast as it's legs could move. The globe
of black laced
blue fire in the figure's fight hand dissipated as he lowered his hand to his
side. Turned back to
the way he had been going, the figure walked on, straight past the sign saying
"Tokyo, turn right
now."
Ranma opened the closet in his new room. From the top shelf he removed
the one
suitcase he had never unpacked. Taking it down he adjusted the two combinations
and opened
it. He looked inside closed his eyes and sighed a very tired sigh. "I hope
Kasumi will help me
get this dress ironed for tomorrow, otherwise I might have to buy another one."
He looked at
the neatly packed Bra and Panty. "Or worse." He shuddered.
"Hello Ranma." Kasumi said with a smile as she turned from hanging the
laundry to dry.
"Hi Kasumi. I assume Nabiki and Akane told you about tomorrow, do you
want to
come? I'm sure Mom'd love having you."
"No, I have a few things to do. But it's sweet of you to ask." She
smiled. Then she
looked at the dress Ranma had slung over his shoulder. "What's that?"
Ranma sighed slightly. "A dress. I packed it away last month, and I
was hoping you
could help me get it looking presentable for tomorrow." *So Mom doesn't have
any excuse to
buy me a new one.*
Kasumi took the dress from Ranma. It was a blue dress, very simple
design. Looking
it over Kasumi's experienced eye deduced two facts by comparing the cut to
Ranma's form.
First, Ranma had picked this dress because it was neither tight enough to slow
her movements,
nor loose enough to become tangled when she moved fast. Secondly, "Oh my, this
will look
absolutely adorable on you."
Ranma winced, then forced himself to smile. "Mom helped me pick it out
last month.
There are a lot of dresses that you can't kick properly in you know."
Kasumi smiled and replied, "I know, Akane's complained about it to me a
few times."
"Ah, I guess she would. Um..."
"Don't worry I'll have this all ready for you tomorrow."
"Thanks. Are you sure you wouldn't come with us?"
"This is your time with your mother. I've shopped with her enough this
week, and I
really do have things to do."
"...OK, thanks again." Ranma said as he went back to his room.
Akane sat in her room looking into a mirror as she slowly put on her
makeup. Her hair
was loosely braided and hung down her back, and she was wearing a nice yellow
dress with
floral patterns.
"Akane..." Nabiki said as she walked into the room, then she trailed
off as she looked
at her sister. "Getting nice and pretty for your future fiancee and mother in
law?" she said with
a smirk.
"Nabiki!!" Akane replied, turning to look at her sister. Nabiki was
wearing a red skirt,
a blue and white striped blouse, and a light orange jacket. "I'm just making
sure I look my
best."
"Ah, you're scared that Ranko might look better than you." she
responded with a grin.
Akane looked at her sister with angry eyes. *Do you have to blurt it
out?* "Why
should I be scared by anything that fake girl does?!"
"Because he's a better martial artist than you, and you're worried he
might be better at
being a girl."
Akane glared at her sister, then she turned away with a 'Humph!"
Nabiki shut the door and walked to Ranma's room. *I shouldn't taunt
Akane like that,
but she did help Ranma with that little joke. Ok when I go in I'll say
something like 'Wow, no
wonder Kuno's so nuts about you.'* She suppressed a malicious chuckle as she
knocked at the
door to the room that was now Ranma's.
"Ranko, are you ready?"
"No!" Ranma responded in the most curt and abrupt voice Nabiki had ever
heard her
use. With a grin she opened the door.
"Do you need any help?" She looked at Ranma dressed in a gorgeous light
blue dress
her arms contorted around her back. "You need a zip right?"
Ranma ignored her a moment then brought her chopsticks bearing right
hand back in
front and said "No that should do it."
Nabiki looked at her and grinned slightly, "Creative I see."
"Is there something you want Nabiki?"
"I just want to see if your ready. My you're gonna have to beat the
guy's off with a
stick."
"A stick?" Ranma replied with a puzzled look on her face. "Anything
Goes is primarily
unarmed."
Nabiki glared at him a moment then started laughing. Ranma joined her.
"Ranko, Akane, Nabiki." Nodoka called up the stairs.
"Coming mom." Ranma replied as he stepped out of his room followed by
Nabiki.
Akane walked out of her room a second later. She stopped to look over
Ranma a
second. *He does look pretty good, but I'm not going to say anything to him
about it.*
"Wow." Ranma commented looking Akane over. "you look great."
*Well, It's better to be polite...* "You look pretty good yourself.
For a boy in a
dress."
Ranma closed her eyes a moment then said "Just for today I'm supposed to
forget about
being a boy and get in touch with my feminine side." *As if.* She opened his
eyes. "Let's go."
"Now that would look absolutely stunning on you Ranko!" Nodoka
commented as she
looked into the window of the shop.
Ranma looked. Her mother was contemplating a frilly white strapless
dress. Ranma
pictured herself in the dress for a moment. Very feminine. "It's really not
me."
"Oh but at least try it on first. You might be surprised." Nabiki
commented with a smile
on her face.
Ranma paused as she saw the boutique three stores to the right. Se
stepped up to his
mother. Nodoka glanced at her and she said "If you so much as say the word
Lingerie I'm
going to start using the house as a testing ground for chemical weapons."
Nodoka looked at Ranma, but her response was cut off.
"Pig Tailed Girl!" Screamed Kuno as he ran down the mall, arms extended
right into
Ranma's foot. He shook his head a moment than continued, "How wonderful that
fate has
brought us together this day!" He grabbed Akane's hands. "And it has also
guided the vital
huntress Akane to my side as well. If fate has decreed I shall not oppose her
generosity, I
SHALL DATE YOU BOTH!" This time he was shut up by Ranma and Akane's combined
kicks.
"Who is this boy Ranko?" Nodoka asked as she looked at Kuno's form
lying on the
ground in front of them.
"Mom, that is Tatewaki Kuno."
"Mother?" Kuno said as he rose again. "Greetings then, fair woman.
Had I not now
been told of your relationship to the fair pig-tailed girl it would have been
obvious for you share
her beauty. Indeed I am happy to finally meet the woman who shall one day
become my
mother in law." He grabbed at Nodoka's hands, which she yanked out of the way.
Looking at Kuno with a very bored expression Nodoka said. "Well Ranko,
I see you
weren't exaggerating when you said he was more arrogant than your brother."
Ranma's eye
twitched a second.
"Ranko? That is the true name of the Pig-Tailed-Girl?" He pulled out a
very old
fashioned writing set and knelt on the ground. "I must prepare the ink lest I
forget!"
Ranma looked at Kuno. She looked up and glanced at the shops. With a
grin she
stepped forward and kicked Kuno's inkstone. Kuno grabbed his other writing
supplies and ran
after it. Right into the "Sanshiro Marital Arts Boutique."
Akane commented "Ranko that's cruel!" Then started laughing.
Nabiki said "Wait here, I've got to see this." Pulling Noriko's
camcorder from her purse
she entered the store.
"Then he decided he should write a poem while he was 'inspired by your
love' and
started ranting, first he'd say something about Ranko then about Akane, and then
he was
screaming about how he loved you both." Nabiki ate the forkful of Spaghetti and
looked at the
others. "So there he was kneeling in front of that shelf of silk panties
ranting about how he
couldn't choose. He seemed so out of it that I decided to see just how much."
She took a sip
from her glass of water. "So I grabbed this black lacy panty and slipped it on
his head. He
didn't even blink!" The four women all giggled together.
"If it was anyone but Kuno I'd think you were being excessively nasty."
Ranma
commented.
Nabiki looked at her. "Say Ranko, Noriko says that computer of yours
can get
pictures from these tapes?"
"It's a simple function." Ranma replied.
"Well do you think you could make a few pictures for me? A lot of kids
at school
would love to see Kuno in that sort of position." She grinned as the thought of
the potential
profits.
"No trouble."
The party was siting in a booth at a ice-cream Parlor. Ranma was
looking her Parfait
over, tapping the glass with her spoon a few times before scooping a small
spoonful into her
mouth. "MMMM!!" she commented. "I didn't know Parfaits tasted so good." She
commented
as she popped her spoon deep into the dish, then pulled it out and scooped
another small bite.
Nodoka dropped her warning glare to comment, "You haven't' had one
before?"
"Well I only have so much time to visit shops like this, and when I'm
with dad he's
constantly going on about what Guy's should and shouldn't do." Ranma stopped
talking to
scoop herself another small spoon of ice-cream, this one catching part of the
peppermint stick in
the parfait.
"Noriko said you and your dad went on a lot of training trips." Nabiki
commented
"Yeah, I started training when I was little, and Dad always made a point
about Mom not
'coddling' me too much. Of course dad being such a moron..."
"Ranko! You know you shouldn't talk that way about your father!"
Nodoka said.
"Even if it is true," she added.
"I'm not saying anything that's not obvious." Ranma replied. Turning
to Akane she said,
"When I was about eight I took over most of the logistical work on the training
trips. Dad didn't
mind in general but ever so often he'd start ranting about how I didn't trust
him. Well I'd
generally let him plan a training trip, and every single one was totally
botched. The only reason
I'm cursed is because I decided I could trust pop to pick one item on our
Itinerary. Naturally
that was Jusenkyo. He didn't speak a word of Chinese and we all knew it, but
he'd rather go
somewhere he didn't know anything about than ask for help translating the
pamphlet."
"Wow, your father sounds really..." Akane trailed off glancing at
Nodoka.
Genma sneezed. Soun looked at him from across the Shoji board and
asked, "Are you
feeling well Saotome?"
"I'm fine Tendo." He picked up a piece and slapped it onto the board.
"You're minds
not on the game."
"Of course not!" Soun replied. "This is a perfect opportunity for us
to bring our
children together to unite our families and we're sitting here playing Shogi!
We should be
following them and helping Ranma discover how much he loves Akane! Or Nabiki!"
Genma looked at him and commented, "You've never seen my wife when she's
angry
have you." Soun looked at him with a confused expression. Genma continued,
"The master
himself was scared of her."
Soun blanched. Looking at the board he commented, "Perhaps some things
are better
left unknown." He set a piece on the board.
Genma placed another piece of his own. "Check."
"Wait let's start over."
"You know what I don't understand is how you managed to do so well in
school despite
all those training trips." Nabiki said.
"Well..." Ranma commented thinking to herself. "Actually when I
started Kindergarten
I did really bad. C's and D's pretty much. Dad alternated between being mad
about the grades
and loudly declaring how much more important the Art was. Mom was just
supportive.
Anyway I decided to approach the situation like any Martial arts problem, and
take a step back
to examine it."
"You looked at school as a martial arts problem." Nabiki stated looking
at her half
lidded.
"You know, you beat an opponent by understanding the opponent. Anyway I
decided
to visit the library to try to get some outside perspective on the subject. I
identified the subjects
I was having trouble with and checked out every book on those subjects and read
them cover
to cover twice each. By third grade I was getting straight A's and skipped
straight to fifth."
Ranma scooped the last of his parfait into her mouth. "Ok, How about
the chocolate
one next?"
"Girls have to watch their figure's Ranko. Still you haven't had
parfaits before and you
are very active." Nodoka said smiling.
"Arigato Mom." Ranma responded, before glancing at the TV set by the
counter. "Hey
isn't that?"
"I do believe it is, Ranma." Nodoka responded. "I wonder how your
friends are?"
"Well I sent them a letter after I got back but I haven't gotten a reply
yet. You know
how it is with snail mail."
Nodoka suppressed her confused look and replied. "Uh, yes..." She
blinked a moment,
looking past Ranma toward the door to the restaurant.
Ranma was turning her head to see what she was looking at when a pair of
arms
grabbed him from behind. She caught a glimpse of purple hair as a voice she
hadn't heard in
months proclaimed "Nihau Ranma!"
"Shampoo!"
"It good to see Ranma again!" Shampoo released Ranma and looked her
over. Her
happy expression turned puzzled. "Why Ranma wearing dress?"
"Could you call me Ranko for today." Ranma responded rubbing her
forehead with her
right hand. She dropped the hand and looked straight at Shampoo. In the
dialect of
Shampoo's prefecture she said, ">Mom decide I spend a day every month pretend to
by my
twin sister Ranko. Get in touch with feminine side and that.<"
"Ah, Shampoo understand. And Ranko talk Japanese. Shampoo need
practice to
speak better."
"So who's your friend?" Akane asked in a neutral voice.
"Oh sorry. Akane, Nabiki, this is Shampoo of Joketsuke. Rightful heir
of 3000 years
of Marital arts mastery. Shampoo, these are Akane and Nabiki Tendo, Akane is
the heir of the
Tendo school of Anything Goes Martial arts."
"Tendo school not Saotome School, yes?"
Nodoka responded, "Genma and Soun both studied under the same sensei.
After
they... left him their schools can be considered to have diverged."
"Ah, Shampoo understand. Shampoo happy to meet Ranko's friends Akane
and
Nabiki!"
"We're pleased to meet you, Shampoo." Nabiki said calmly, Akane nodding
her
agreement.
"So what are you doing here anyway?" Ranma asked.
"Obaba decided that Shampoo should learn ways outside village. Shampoo
is enrolled
in Furinkan starting this week!"
Ranma blinked. His expression showed confusion for a second then he
sighed and
looked resigned. "She's still trying for that engagement."
"Engagement?" Asked Nabiki.
Nodoka responded, "Shampoo's great grandmother thought that Ranma and
Shampoo
made a good match and was very... determined to make them agree with her."
"She couldn't accept that I don't intend to throw away everything I've
done with my life
up to now and move to the Chinese countryside to become part of an old Eugenics
program."
Ranma said. He glanced at the Tendo Sisters. "Maybe I should start at the
beginning."
Flashback:
The Saotome family is trudging through China behind the guide. Ranma
and Genma are
both in their cursed forms, and all four of them are looking tired.
"I'm hungry," Noriko commented.
"So am I," Ranma responded.
"Don't worry, we can restock in the next village." Nodoka replied
"Oh sirs, here we come to Amazon village, we lucky yearly tournament is
in progress."
Ranma stepped forward looking at the fight raging on a suspended log in
the middle of
the village. Banishing her thoughts of hunger she examined the style of the two
combatants.
One, a very large incredibly masculine looking woman was using a large spiked
polearm to
attack her opponent. Her opponent, a rather attractive purple haired girl, was
countering with a
pair of ornate Bonbori maces. As she watched the purple haired girl used one
mace to knock
the polearm aside while stepping in to thrust the other into her opponent who
was knocked high
into the air by the force of the blow.
"Serious power," Ranma said to herself. Her sister handed her a bun and
she popped it
into her mouth and continued contemplating the contest. Then she saw everyone
in the village
was looking at her. Glancing back she saw Noriko and Genma eating items picked
up from the
table with the sign before it saying First Prize. "Hold it you two." She was
interrupted by a
Bonbori landing right in front of her sister.
The winner of the contest followed her weapon. ">Who are you and why
are you
stealing my prize?<" She asked in an angry voice.
Ranma looked at Noriko who had stepped back with an expression of well
hidden fear
and stepped forward. In a very cold voice she said, ">Girl is my sister.
Doesn't read Chinese
well enough to read sign.<"
">Who are you?<"
">Ranma Saotome, someone who doesn't enjoy attacking children.<"
She fixed her with a very dangerous look. ">My name is Shampoo. Every
year there is
a contest. I won this year, so that is my prize she was eating. It's for the
winner not weaklings
like yourself.<"
">Confident I see,<" Ranma replied.
">Get on the tree. If you can give me a decent fight I'll only have you
and yours thrown
out of the village.<"
">Be careful what you ask for,<" Ranma responded as she walked over to
the tree and
hoisted herself up. Shampoo jumped onto the tree easily and looked her over
with disdain.
*That's right, think she's no threat.* Ranma stood casually, her arms folded
across her chest.
Shampoo charged across the log. Just before reaching her opponent she
saw a subtle
shift in her weight. She shifted her own weight, and thus was only sent
stumbling back by
Ranma's kick instead of being knocked off the log.
Shampoo narrowed her eyes and shifted into a more defensive stance and
approached
Ranma.
Ranma stepped back into a defensive stance of his own and watched
Shampoo
carefully.
Shampoo stepped foreword, thrusting straight at Ranma with one Bonbori.
Ranma
ducked under it, then stepped back to avoid her follow up kick. Shampoo span
from her
roundhouse into a back spin kick which caught Ranma in the side. Shampoo looked
at Ranma,
raised a bonbori for a downward slash, while dropping the other to block the
kick she clearly
read as targeting her hip area. She staggered back as the kick smashed into her
right shoulder,
throwing her back.
End flashback
"We kept fighting for almost half an hour. It was one of the hardest
fights I've had in a
while." Ranma said. "I had to dip into every dirty trick and cheap shot Dad
ever taught me,
and Shampoo still beat me."
"Shampoo was just lucky. She never fight any opponent as good as
Ranma."
"Your being modest, you did have me outclassed in speed and strength."
"That only reason Shampoo not lose. Shampoo thought she good fighter,
but Ranmas
moves either unreadable till they hit you, or they read as one attack while they
actually
something else."
"Ahem, Anyway when Shampoo won she made this big announcement about me
being
a friend and publicly offered to share her prize with me and my family. She
also apologized to
Noriko for scaring her."
"So where does this Fiancee thing fit in?" Nabiki asked.
"Well that was when we met her great grandmother Cologne, and she
learned about the
curse. Like I said they've been trying to maintain this sort of crude Eugenics
program.
Whenever an Amazon gets beaten by an outsider, if the outsider's a woman she has
to be killed,
and if it's a man, the Amazon has to marry him."
"So if you had beaten her..." Akane mused.
Shampoo sighed and looked a little sad. "If Ranma win whole village
would seen
Shampoo loose to outside woman. Shampoo glad Ranma not beat Shampoo, and
happier that
Ranma not truly woman so Kiss of death never needed."
"Shampoo's great grandmother Cologne showed up the next day. I had
explained
about Jusenkyo the previous night, and Shampoo had told me about the
Marriage/kill law.
Anyway Cologne offered to train me, and since we didn't need to get back for
about two
months I accepted."
Shampoo added, "Great Grandmother try to make Ranma fight Shampoo when
she
think he good enough to win, but Ranma sister realize and warn Ranma. Ranma
talk with me
and decide that he was not going to live in village no matter what great
grandmother do. So
Ranma and Shampoo work out ways to keep law of marriage from being invoked."
Ranma shrugged, "A month and a half later we left the village. Cologne
was furious
about Shampoo not becoming engaged with me, but with a little help from Noriko
Shampoo
and I had made sure she couldn't do anything about it."
Shampoo added, "Shampoo not mind marrying Ranma, but he strongly planned
his life
outside Village so marriage not good idea. Shampoo glad to have Ranma for
friend."
Ranma grinned. "It's good to have you as a friend too Shampoo."
"PIGTAILED GIRL!!"
As Ranma heard the cry from the entrance to the shop he closed his eyes
a moment.
"It has been too long since I so foolishly allowed the crowds to
separate us. But now
they have parted as before the radiant light of true love." Ranma glanced at
Kuno, who was
advancing across the restaurant, the black panty still covering the top of his
head. "Come let us
commence on our double date."
Kuno's speech was interrupted when Akane stood, pulled a 1.5 ton hammer
out of
nowhere, and knocked Kuno through the ceiling with a quick underhanded swing.
"That felt
good." Akane commented as she sat and grinned at Shampoo.